At some point, everyone needs to stretch themselves out of their comfort zone. Challenging yourself is important, especially when it comes to either achieving or maintaining weight-loss goals. If you get a little too comfy you can get bored and then it's just a hop, skip and a jump back to old habits....funny how I never got bored with sitting around on the sofa all night eating chips, huh?
I quit my women's-only Goodlife gym a couple of months ago. Work was a little nuts in that my hours were cut back severely and I was feeling the pinch of paying the monthly fee. There were times I thought "well...do I want groceries or a gym membership?" Something had to give. Erich was getting mega overtime at his job but he was trying to save up for our 10th-anniversary trip. The weather was warming up and I knew from my experience last spring that I cut my hours back a lot at the gym and just went outside for exercise. So, I quit.
But I didn't go outside much.
I got lazy. I got comfortable. I walked every now and then but did no DVDs or anything inside the house. Bad, bad, bad. Looking back, it's really something how easy it is to get out of the habit and routine of regularly working out. I gained about 5 pounds so that's not so horrible but I knew I had to change something and fast.
I don't know if any of you subscribe to WagJag, but it totally rocks. I'm not even sure if it's available in the States. Basically, you buy coupons worth TONS off goods and services. A coupon came up for a local co-ed health club called World Gym. For $30, you got a 30-day membership, 3 personal training sessions and unlimited tanning (LOL). Sign me up.
The intent was to start the package one month before we left for the Dominican so I could take advantage of the tanning right up until we left. But psycho-cycle had other plans and screwed up the timing. The week I'd planned to join, I was pretty incapacitated and in no mood, you know what I mean? I didn't want to lose the week we'd be gone, so I waited till we came back.
On Thursday, I started with Rebecca at World Gym. What is it about female personal trainers? More often than not, they're about 5 feet tall and 100 pounds soaking wet. LOL! She's a tiny little thing but STRONG LIKE BULL (obscure Bo Bice reference). I was supposed to start on Wednesday but I went in and they had totally screwed up my appointment, so I ended up with Rebecca on Thursday. Good choice. The first slot was supposed to be with a guy. I was a little apprehensive about that.
Rebecca is awesome. She showed me new things that I hadn't tried at Goodlife. Super cool.
The funniest thing happened shortly after I arrived. First of all, there were no women there besides 2 girls working the front desk, Rebecca and me. All guys. Young, hot, muscular guys. Now this isn't as great as it sounds. If you've followed this blog at all, you know somewhat how my brain works and can appreciate how intimidating this situation was for me. The good news was the place wasn't crowded. This is a very busy gym and I came at 8 pm for a reason. Score.
So Rebecca and I are walking toward a weight machine and there's one of the said young, hot, muscular guys trying to balance himself face down on a huge exercise ball. Suddenly, he slipped off and did a faceplant - he went forward and the ball went backward, slamming into the wall. Rebecca stopped and asked, "Where are you going??" Obviously she knew the guy. By this time, he'd rolled over onto his back and was laughing at himself. Rebecca and I giggled and continued on our way.
Here's the lesson, kiddies: Everyone does a faceplant now and then. Even a guy who is obviously very at home in any gym, very coordinated and looks physically "perfect". But no one is really perfect and we all need to just freakin' relax. If dude can laugh at himself, then I should be able to as well.
The session on Thursday went great and I saw her again today with the same results. I like the machines they have and the array of classes offered. I may try spin or zumba just because. The classes are intimidating to me because I am NOT coordinated at all (I used to be; something has happened to me since I got old!) and fear making an idiot out of myself. But I WILL try it because I need to prove to myself that I can do it and it'll be fine.
At first, I thought there were no private change rooms in the locker room but I was wrong; there is one. Score again. I refused to get naked in my grade school locker room and I still won't do it.
Thursday was like being the new kid at school. I wasn't too sure about the place, but today was better. And I know it'll just get easier. Really, it's not a big deal. I never thought I'd say that, but I think a co-ed gym will be just what I need to transcend from fat girl to normal in my own head. No one gives a rat's ass what I'm doing two treadmills down from them and honestly, no one probably ever would have. Truth is, it's all ME. It's all about how I perceive myself and that's improving exponentially every day.
I've spent about a year reveling in being "normal". Well, as my two-year post-op anniversary approaches, it's time for a new purpose. I explained to Rebecca today that my goal is no longer weight loss, it's strength. Value. Physical strength leading to mental strength. Weight loss will follow that mindset. It just will.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Dominican a-ha moments
Erich and I recently went on a vacation that was 10 years overdue. For our 10th anniversary, we went to the Dominican Republic.
Since we've been married, we take our time off work to go to Ohio. Twice a year, a week each time. At my job I don't have a lot of days off so after the Ohio trips are done, I'm past done with vacation time. Erich does have more, but usually stays home when he takes it...because I can't take any more time off. I sometimes take an unpaid day or two here and there and we travel somewhere to see Bo and all our friends. So that's been the extent of our vacations. Forever.
This year we decided to buck the trend.
I'm not going to bore you with a long, winding blog about the minute details of the trip. Let me just say that I had a-ha moments every day.
Day One: Even getting on a plane nowadays is extraordinary. I zipped down the aisle to my seat (lots of room) and clipped my seat belt together for the first time without an extender. The last time I flew - in December 2009 - I was happy to fit into one seat but still required an extender. This time I had at least 6 inches of belt leftover. And yes, we took a picture (as always, click to enlarge):
I used an airplane bathroom for the very first time. I was always too afraid of not being able to fit and being embarrassed so I learned to hold it, even on longer flights. And there were the logistics of getting up, (yes, simply "getting up" in such a small place), inconveniencing my row-mates, not fitting down the aisle properly, etc., etc. This time I decided to try it and of course it was fine. See? Ordinary things become extraordinary.
Day Two: I am sitting on a white-sand beach, looking out over a crystal blue sea. I have on a swimsuit with no towel or store-bought piece of fabric to cover my body. My husband smiles at me and grabs the camera to take my photograph and I don't object. No one is staring, I don't feel self-conscious. A total first on a beach.
Day Three: Excursion to a national park and the El Limon waterfall. There will be hiking and horseback riding involved. Old thoughts creeping up on me as we wait for our horses to be chosen by local guides. Oh, I need a BIG, STRONG HORSE! God, what kind of Clydesdale will they select for me? I'm going to break the horse. They place the horses in front of stairs so we can climb up on them better. I'm starting to panic. Everyone is going to watch me climb on this horse?? Of course everything is fine. My horse is normal and seems to have no problem carting me up the huge hill. We have to hike to the bottom of the waterfall and there are more stairs. My arthritic knees are such that going down stairs is an issue. Going UP is no problem. The clouds burst open and a warm, hard rain begins to fall. Erich had to help me going down but he has problems going back up, while I trot right past him in the pouring rain. He tells me to go ahead but I wait for him at two points, then worry when I get to the top and he doesn't appear right away. Our roles are reversed in some ways now, especially when his asthma acts up.
As I'm riding back to camp in the rain on this horse, tears come to my eyes. I never would've entertained the notion of doing something like this two years ago. It would've been impossible. And look what I would've missed. Look at the life I was missing out on. It's crazy and makes me emotional.
Day Four: We go on a shopping trip with two other couples to the capital of the province, Samana. On the way to town, talk eventually turns to my weight loss. "Did you do it naturally or with surgery?" a woman asks. I loathe this question. I guess I will hear it for the rest of my life. I need to make some kind of peace with it, I suppose. "Surgery," I answer. "But I still worked my ass off." This is my go-to answer as I always feel the need to dispel the myth that you have bariatric surgery and the weight magically falls away. She nods and asks me if I have any regrets. "Not a single one," I reply. "Best thing I ever did in my life."
We explore the town. I can walk all day long and feel nothing. NOTHING! It's amazing stuff. We go to a little shop to buy something to drink. They have peanut butter!!!! I am missing my peanut butter already! LOL! Five US dollars for a tiny jar, though. I leave it. Ahhhhhhh peanut butter. We sit outside on the patio of a little cafe and hydrate. In chairs I never would've attempted to sit in two years ago. The small things are fantastic, you know?
Day Five: A free day. I wander around the resort taking pictures. We go back to the beach and head to dinner early. I bought five new dresses before I went on this trip. Dresses. ME!! I brought four with me and hey - they're comfy and I actually think I look ok in them. We have a drink in the poolside bar and the waitress keeps refreshing them for us. "Uno mas?" (one more?) she'll say while sitting new drinks in front of us. I've never drank as much alcohol in my life as I have this week. I was worried about that, being post-op. Always having been a cheap drunk, it's even worse now with my new plumbing system. And these drinks are STRONG. I'm not drunk but am having trouble maintaining my balance. LOL! Drinks, sun, a dress, a little tan - is this me? Wow.
Day Six: The day of our 10th anniversary and we're heading out on an ATV excursion. Yes, we're riding an ATV. One. With me on the back. As I climb behind Erich and wrap my arms around him, I am aware that this is a big first. I tell him "We have to get a motorcycle now." It's a messy, muddy day but so much fun. We're zipping along backroads in the Dominican countryside waving to local children and again I think how impossible this would've been pre-op. And the JOY, the LIFE, the fantastic moments I would've missed out on spending one more day trapped inside my body.
Day Seven: Another free day. We laze around the beach, the patio. A resort photographer offers to take some pictures of us. He takes a couple of me by myself with his pet iguana draped around my shoulders. He asks me to put my hands on my hips. I do and think the following: This is going to be a good picture. I feel my waist dip in where I put my hands. My body is so different now, huh? When we go look at the finished pictures later on, I can hardly believe that normal-sized, confident-looking woman is me. My mother-in-law looks at it when we get back home and nods her head in admiration. "Wow," she says then looks at me. "Congratulations, darling. Congratulations." Indeed.
It sure was a trip to remember, that's for sure. Full of WHOA moments. I hope I never take the normal, little things in life for granted just because I'm now at a size that allows me to do so. If I forget, I feel like I could easily go back to pre-op behaviors. And that's a slippery slope to walk, lemme tell ya. Falling into the abyss is only a few bad decisions away and I want to continue to live this wonderful life I've only recently discovered.
Since we've been married, we take our time off work to go to Ohio. Twice a year, a week each time. At my job I don't have a lot of days off so after the Ohio trips are done, I'm past done with vacation time. Erich does have more, but usually stays home when he takes it...because I can't take any more time off. I sometimes take an unpaid day or two here and there and we travel somewhere to see Bo and all our friends. So that's been the extent of our vacations. Forever.
This year we decided to buck the trend.
I'm not going to bore you with a long, winding blog about the minute details of the trip. Let me just say that I had a-ha moments every day.
Day One: Even getting on a plane nowadays is extraordinary. I zipped down the aisle to my seat (lots of room) and clipped my seat belt together for the first time without an extender. The last time I flew - in December 2009 - I was happy to fit into one seat but still required an extender. This time I had at least 6 inches of belt leftover. And yes, we took a picture (as always, click to enlarge):
I used an airplane bathroom for the very first time. I was always too afraid of not being able to fit and being embarrassed so I learned to hold it, even on longer flights. And there were the logistics of getting up, (yes, simply "getting up" in such a small place), inconveniencing my row-mates, not fitting down the aisle properly, etc., etc. This time I decided to try it and of course it was fine. See? Ordinary things become extraordinary.
Day Two: I am sitting on a white-sand beach, looking out over a crystal blue sea. I have on a swimsuit with no towel or store-bought piece of fabric to cover my body. My husband smiles at me and grabs the camera to take my photograph and I don't object. No one is staring, I don't feel self-conscious. A total first on a beach.
Day Three: Excursion to a national park and the El Limon waterfall. There will be hiking and horseback riding involved. Old thoughts creeping up on me as we wait for our horses to be chosen by local guides. Oh, I need a BIG, STRONG HORSE! God, what kind of Clydesdale will they select for me? I'm going to break the horse. They place the horses in front of stairs so we can climb up on them better. I'm starting to panic. Everyone is going to watch me climb on this horse?? Of course everything is fine. My horse is normal and seems to have no problem carting me up the huge hill. We have to hike to the bottom of the waterfall and there are more stairs. My arthritic knees are such that going down stairs is an issue. Going UP is no problem. The clouds burst open and a warm, hard rain begins to fall. Erich had to help me going down but he has problems going back up, while I trot right past him in the pouring rain. He tells me to go ahead but I wait for him at two points, then worry when I get to the top and he doesn't appear right away. Our roles are reversed in some ways now, especially when his asthma acts up.
As I'm riding back to camp in the rain on this horse, tears come to my eyes. I never would've entertained the notion of doing something like this two years ago. It would've been impossible. And look what I would've missed. Look at the life I was missing out on. It's crazy and makes me emotional.
Day Four: We go on a shopping trip with two other couples to the capital of the province, Samana. On the way to town, talk eventually turns to my weight loss. "Did you do it naturally or with surgery?" a woman asks. I loathe this question. I guess I will hear it for the rest of my life. I need to make some kind of peace with it, I suppose. "Surgery," I answer. "But I still worked my ass off." This is my go-to answer as I always feel the need to dispel the myth that you have bariatric surgery and the weight magically falls away. She nods and asks me if I have any regrets. "Not a single one," I reply. "Best thing I ever did in my life."
We explore the town. I can walk all day long and feel nothing. NOTHING! It's amazing stuff. We go to a little shop to buy something to drink. They have peanut butter!!!! I am missing my peanut butter already! LOL! Five US dollars for a tiny jar, though. I leave it. Ahhhhhhh peanut butter. We sit outside on the patio of a little cafe and hydrate. In chairs I never would've attempted to sit in two years ago. The small things are fantastic, you know?
Day Five: A free day. I wander around the resort taking pictures. We go back to the beach and head to dinner early. I bought five new dresses before I went on this trip. Dresses. ME!! I brought four with me and hey - they're comfy and I actually think I look ok in them. We have a drink in the poolside bar and the waitress keeps refreshing them for us. "Uno mas?" (one more?) she'll say while sitting new drinks in front of us. I've never drank as much alcohol in my life as I have this week. I was worried about that, being post-op. Always having been a cheap drunk, it's even worse now with my new plumbing system. And these drinks are STRONG. I'm not drunk but am having trouble maintaining my balance. LOL! Drinks, sun, a dress, a little tan - is this me? Wow.
Day Six: The day of our 10th anniversary and we're heading out on an ATV excursion. Yes, we're riding an ATV. One. With me on the back. As I climb behind Erich and wrap my arms around him, I am aware that this is a big first. I tell him "We have to get a motorcycle now." It's a messy, muddy day but so much fun. We're zipping along backroads in the Dominican countryside waving to local children and again I think how impossible this would've been pre-op. And the JOY, the LIFE, the fantastic moments I would've missed out on spending one more day trapped inside my body.
Day Seven: Another free day. We laze around the beach, the patio. A resort photographer offers to take some pictures of us. He takes a couple of me by myself with his pet iguana draped around my shoulders. He asks me to put my hands on my hips. I do and think the following: This is going to be a good picture. I feel my waist dip in where I put my hands. My body is so different now, huh? When we go look at the finished pictures later on, I can hardly believe that normal-sized, confident-looking woman is me. My mother-in-law looks at it when we get back home and nods her head in admiration. "Wow," she says then looks at me. "Congratulations, darling. Congratulations." Indeed.
It sure was a trip to remember, that's for sure. Full of WHOA moments. I hope I never take the normal, little things in life for granted just because I'm now at a size that allows me to do so. If I forget, I feel like I could easily go back to pre-op behaviors. And that's a slippery slope to walk, lemme tell ya. Falling into the abyss is only a few bad decisions away and I want to continue to live this wonderful life I've only recently discovered.
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