Thirteen days post-op! No way am I ready to do cartwheels, but things are definitely chugging along.
Both drains came out this past week - two days apart - and GOOD LORD!! Those things were really long. I had no idea I had that much room left in my abdomen. LOL! It didn't hurt at all. Like, not even a little bit. You know what was painful? Getting the tape off my pubic hair. Yes. I would have to say that so far, that is the most painful thing I've had to go through.
And some people PAY someone to do that to them *shudder*
I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to blood and guts, so I don't look at myself that much. I can't bear to see the Bride of Frankenstein look. Seriously, I look horrid! I know the scars will flatten and fade over time, it's just difficult for me to look at them. I've said it before. I'm a wuss. Sue me.
Also, I still feel like I'm going to break. If I remove my binder to take a shower, it kinda stresses me out. Raising my arms makes me feel like I might rip open or something. I'm starting to walk more normally, though.
There seems to be a bit of an issue with low blood pressure but I'm sure that will pass, too. I have been told that is fairly common after the tummy tuck. Removing 13 pounds of skin and tissue is very trying on the body, I would imagine. Just trying to watch myself when I get up so I don't get too light headed and dizzy.
I have completely stopped the Percocets and am taking Tylenol 2-3 times a day. Nerves seem to be waking up; I'm having a little more pain now. Fleeting sharp pains nowhere near any incisions. The incisions themselves ache somewhat but not badly. However, my hips are still totally numb.
A big complaint right now? I am so tired of sleeping on my back. In fact, I think it's interfering with my sleep patterns. I sleep for about five hours and wake up with a backache. Then I get up for about an hour, then, still exhausted, go back to bed for another 4-5 hours. I long for the day I can sleep on my side or stomach. Ugh.
Last year, I bought a cotton maxi dress at Old Navy. It was about $10 and very casual - I even thought I might wear it as a bathing suit cover-up. The only one in a pattern I liked was a size large but I tried it on anyway...and it fit! I was really stoked to have a size large in my closet! LOL! Yesterday, I pulled that dress out of the closet because I wanted something other than my nightgown to wear. Underwear rubs against my scars causing discomfort and I can't bend over well to get pants on so, nightgowns have been my outfit of choice for the most part. Anyway...I pulled out this dress and slipped it over my head. It's baggy! I was pretty surprised. I know there is a big chunk of my stomach gone but it's still kind of jarring. It will be interesting to see how my jeans fit me.
What a long, strange trip the past four years has been. So many new and exciting adventures so far and more to come!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Flat
It's been eight days since my tummy tuck and I have to say this isn't as hard as I feared it might be.
I still have two drains in my abdomen, dressings and a ACE bandage-like binder to contend with, but the pain isn't so bad. The recommended dosage for my percocets is 1-2 every 6 hours. I never had to take two and am now taking one about every eight hours. We keep stretching the time between doses and I think very soon, I will not need them at all. I don't have PAIN, per se, as much as a pulling sensation and occasional burning at the site of my left drain incision. There are pins & needles sometimes, that feeling you get when your foot is asleep then you step on it. However, I am heeding the warning of not doing too much too soon. Just because I'm not doubled over in pain doesn't mean I should go out and do another half marathon next week.
The procedure itself went very well. My PS requested that I bring before-and-after photos with me, so I did. He showed them to the whole surgical team.It only took 3-1/2 hours and my PS said he took off 13 pounds. I guess he knew what he was talking about when he was estimating! Erich was told the amount in kilograms and miscalculated so I announced 14 pounds on Facebook, but that isn't technically correct. One pound difference, splitting hairs - right? That's a pretty amazing amount. At my first check-up, my PS said a little 100-pound Filipino nurse had to lug that 13-pound thing off the table and was having trouble! LOL!
After they took me to my room (of which I have no memory) I slept most of the day and night. I remember telling Erich to go around 9:00 pm, that he needed to eat something and get some rest because all I was doing was sleeping anyway. Or at least, I was trying to. I had a semi-private room and of course, I drew the roommate from hell. Five or six people with her all the time, making tons of noise. Another fuzzy memory from last Monday was angrily saying "Shhhh!!" at them so I could get some friggin' rest. I'd drift off then her daughter's cell phone would ring. The woman acted like she was DYING - the grunting, moaning and groaning...YIKES! - except when her family was there, then she was loud, animated and chatty. They shrieked at each other in Arabic, I think. Yeah, it was not good. Ah well. I spent about 24 hours there, then we were off to the hotel.
I vaguely remember the nurse asking me if it was ok that Erich see the surgical site. She needed to pull up my gown. Of course it was ok with me. What I DO remember is the look on his face the first time he saw my flat stomach. "It looks GOOD," he told me. I took his word for it and went back to sleep.
They did the usual "you must pee to be discharged" thing and that was my first A-HA moment. For as long as I can remember, I've had to lift up my stomach to wipe after I urinate. Now I don't have to do that. Again...the little things most people take for granted.
In the van on the way to our hotel, I looked down and could see the tops of my thighs for the first time. I kept staring down. Crazy. The shirt I had on was much baggier than when I arrived.
At some point that day, Erich was helping me to the bathroom at the hotel room and we passed the full-length mirror. I was naked except for my binder and Erich stopped me so I could look at my profile. Ok, lemme say this: I didn't know I had an ass. Like, my stomach is flat and my ass jutts out. You know, the way it's supposed to? My boobs jutt out in front, my stomach is flat and my ass jutts out in back. Like a normal woman. "Oh my god! Is that me??" I was seriously stunned. I stared at myself for a little bit, amusing my husband. I now have to move my boobs out of the way to see my torso. I used to have to move my stomach out of the way to see my feet. At the beginning of all this, I bought a talking scale because I COULDN'T SEE IT TO READ IT. Craaaaazy stuff.
It's still too soon to feel the full impact of the change, of course. I haven't even really had clothes on yet. I'm pretty much living in my nightgown except when the home nurses come, then I pull on panties, pj pants and an old shirt.
I've been very happy with my PS during all of this until last Monday. On at least three different occasions during the day, I was asked if someone had come with me to the hospital and of course I always said yes. However, Erich waited and waited for my PS to come speak to him after my procedure and he didn't come. Finally, Erich saw on the electronic board the hospital has in the waiting room that my surgery was over, so he went up to my room (they already told us what room I'd be in). Eventually, we had my PS paged and he spoke to Erich on the phone. He apologized and said he didn't know I had anyone with me, that I didn't mention it. HELLO?? This made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't know it was my job to tell him, "Hey, my husband's in the waiting room," before they put me under in the OR. I'd told others. He said he didn't see it in my file. I don't know if I believe that - several people would've had to have been out to lunch that day, not doing their jobs. And even if they had...still doesn't excuse it, in my opinion. This was the first blip I had with him personally and not his assistant. Then...he never came to see ME, the patient. Didn't come that day or the next. Tuesday morning, another doctor doing rounds came in and said my PS called to check on my chart and said I could go home. Um, what? This was at like 7:30 am. His office and clinic are in the hospital. He couldn't come to see me, to talk to me himself? Really? I never saw him or talked to him until my appointment on Thursday. BIG BLIP. I wasn't impressed by this example of bedside manner at all. It seemed so different from what I know him to be like in his office. His assistant called and checked on me when we were in the hotel, but still. I wasn't impressed.
In any event, all is going well at least in the physical sense. I am not used to sitting around so much and it's starting to get on my nerves. But I have lots of things on the DVR to watch and I'm reading a book called "Heft" by Liz Moore. Check out the link - great story.
I still have two drains in my abdomen, dressings and a ACE bandage-like binder to contend with, but the pain isn't so bad. The recommended dosage for my percocets is 1-2 every 6 hours. I never had to take two and am now taking one about every eight hours. We keep stretching the time between doses and I think very soon, I will not need them at all. I don't have PAIN, per se, as much as a pulling sensation and occasional burning at the site of my left drain incision. There are pins & needles sometimes, that feeling you get when your foot is asleep then you step on it. However, I am heeding the warning of not doing too much too soon. Just because I'm not doubled over in pain doesn't mean I should go out and do another half marathon next week.
The procedure itself went very well. My PS requested that I bring before-and-after photos with me, so I did. He showed them to the whole surgical team.It only took 3-1/2 hours and my PS said he took off 13 pounds. I guess he knew what he was talking about when he was estimating! Erich was told the amount in kilograms and miscalculated so I announced 14 pounds on Facebook, but that isn't technically correct. One pound difference, splitting hairs - right? That's a pretty amazing amount. At my first check-up, my PS said a little 100-pound Filipino nurse had to lug that 13-pound thing off the table and was having trouble! LOL!
After they took me to my room (of which I have no memory) I slept most of the day and night. I remember telling Erich to go around 9:00 pm, that he needed to eat something and get some rest because all I was doing was sleeping anyway. Or at least, I was trying to. I had a semi-private room and of course, I drew the roommate from hell. Five or six people with her all the time, making tons of noise. Another fuzzy memory from last Monday was angrily saying "Shhhh!!" at them so I could get some friggin' rest. I'd drift off then her daughter's cell phone would ring. The woman acted like she was DYING - the grunting, moaning and groaning...YIKES! - except when her family was there, then she was loud, animated and chatty. They shrieked at each other in Arabic, I think. Yeah, it was not good. Ah well. I spent about 24 hours there, then we were off to the hotel.
I vaguely remember the nurse asking me if it was ok that Erich see the surgical site. She needed to pull up my gown. Of course it was ok with me. What I DO remember is the look on his face the first time he saw my flat stomach. "It looks GOOD," he told me. I took his word for it and went back to sleep.
They did the usual "you must pee to be discharged" thing and that was my first A-HA moment. For as long as I can remember, I've had to lift up my stomach to wipe after I urinate. Now I don't have to do that. Again...the little things most people take for granted.
In the van on the way to our hotel, I looked down and could see the tops of my thighs for the first time. I kept staring down. Crazy. The shirt I had on was much baggier than when I arrived.
At some point that day, Erich was helping me to the bathroom at the hotel room and we passed the full-length mirror. I was naked except for my binder and Erich stopped me so I could look at my profile. Ok, lemme say this: I didn't know I had an ass. Like, my stomach is flat and my ass jutts out. You know, the way it's supposed to? My boobs jutt out in front, my stomach is flat and my ass jutts out in back. Like a normal woman. "Oh my god! Is that me??" I was seriously stunned. I stared at myself for a little bit, amusing my husband. I now have to move my boobs out of the way to see my torso. I used to have to move my stomach out of the way to see my feet. At the beginning of all this, I bought a talking scale because I COULDN'T SEE IT TO READ IT. Craaaaazy stuff.
It's still too soon to feel the full impact of the change, of course. I haven't even really had clothes on yet. I'm pretty much living in my nightgown except when the home nurses come, then I pull on panties, pj pants and an old shirt.
I've been very happy with my PS during all of this until last Monday. On at least three different occasions during the day, I was asked if someone had come with me to the hospital and of course I always said yes. However, Erich waited and waited for my PS to come speak to him after my procedure and he didn't come. Finally, Erich saw on the electronic board the hospital has in the waiting room that my surgery was over, so he went up to my room (they already told us what room I'd be in). Eventually, we had my PS paged and he spoke to Erich on the phone. He apologized and said he didn't know I had anyone with me, that I didn't mention it. HELLO?? This made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't know it was my job to tell him, "Hey, my husband's in the waiting room," before they put me under in the OR. I'd told others. He said he didn't see it in my file. I don't know if I believe that - several people would've had to have been out to lunch that day, not doing their jobs. And even if they had...still doesn't excuse it, in my opinion. This was the first blip I had with him personally and not his assistant. Then...he never came to see ME, the patient. Didn't come that day or the next. Tuesday morning, another doctor doing rounds came in and said my PS called to check on my chart and said I could go home. Um, what? This was at like 7:30 am. His office and clinic are in the hospital. He couldn't come to see me, to talk to me himself? Really? I never saw him or talked to him until my appointment on Thursday. BIG BLIP. I wasn't impressed by this example of bedside manner at all. It seemed so different from what I know him to be like in his office. His assistant called and checked on me when we were in the hotel, but still. I wasn't impressed.
In any event, all is going well at least in the physical sense. I am not used to sitting around so much and it's starting to get on my nerves. But I have lots of things on the DVR to watch and I'm reading a book called "Heft" by Liz Moore. Check out the link - great story.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
In the morning
Tomorrow I will get up at the butt crack of dawn and head to Scarborough, on the east end of Toronto, to once again pay a surgeon to cut me open and try to repair some of the self-inflicted damage I have done to myself over the course of my life.
It's hard not to feel some guilt about the whole thing. It's my fault, after all! But I continue to attempt to forgive myself and learn from the mistakes of my past. A friend told me recently, "You know better now. You didn't then. Remember, you are worth it." This is good advice in theory, and I love her for saying it, but I dunno...intellectually, I absolutely knew what to do to achieve and maintain a healthy weight. I had followed so many diet programs that I knew a LOT about nutrition and exercise. I really did. I just chose not to follow it. I suppose we're all that way...we know what to do but for some reason we don't think we deserve it, so we sabotage ourselves. Why do we punish ourselves so much? That's the million-dollar question. If we could all come to terms with that and move past it, we'd all be fabulous and there'd be no reason for most forms of self-medication - from heroin and vodka to Prozac and Pop Tarts. There are biological and behavioral reasons for what we do; it's a struggle every day to overcome the demons we all face.
It seems like this is all happening very fast. My first visit with my plastic surgeon (PS) was in April! But honestly, I should've had this tummy tuck about 2 years ago. So I AM READY. Bring on the flat stomach. That concept is sort of unimaginable to me. Unlike some people who lose weight later in life, I do not remember myself thin. I have no point of reference. So this will be a whole new ball game for me once again. I had to get used to my new body when I lost weight and will have to do it again.
I was in Ohio recently visiting family and passed a display of various types of belts in a department store. I normally ignore such displays...though I did have to buy a (plain black) belt to hold up my jeans after I lost weight. In order to slip the jeans over the excess skin on my lower abdomen, the waist gaps quite a bit so I must wear a belt. However, I have never been able to tuck my shirt into my jeans, so pretty belts were not on my radar. When I passed the display, I said to Erich, "Hey...after the tummy tuck, maybe I can buy one of these snazzy belts because MAYBE I can tuck my shirt into my jeans so you'll be able to see it!" Seriously, this is a big deal. LOL!
It's the little things that so many people take for granted.
Also...I am losing patience with my Spanx. I have to wear it every day to keep my lower abdomen somewhat stable, i.e., so it doesn't shift around and give me a rash. I hate it and hope I won't have to wear it much - maybe on special occasions - after the surgery. Of course, I'll probably need a smaller size! I expect to have to buy new panties and maybe jeans. I think I might go down a size.
Ruby Gettinger once said of plastic surgery, "I'm trading fat for skin, skin for scars. The scars are a reminder of what I did to myself, and that's hard." It's clearly difficult to come to terms with the fact that you'll never look the way you're "supposed" to. But hey...all we can do is be the best we can be. Block out the bullshit and just soldier on. As for me, I'm happy I had the strength to save myself. Putting that knowledge up against the guilt helps. I'm alive! And I look pretty damn good. Tomorrow, I'll look even better!
My weight has been stabilized for well over a year now. It's higher than I'd like, but I have pretty much determined that I just need to come to terms with it and move on. My BMI is too high, but I firmly believe BMI charts are complete bullshit. Plus, I'm not one of those people who will track every single calorie, stop eating carbs and get up at 5am to go to my first of three spin classes a day. It's not happening. Maybe I'm just lazy, but I don't want to work that hard! I enjoy being active, though. And I no longer eat crap for crap's sake all the time. So if I can be healthy and active, then I'm good. I wanted to lose 10 pounds before this surgery, and I did that. But then I went to Ohio and because I wasn't a food/exercise Nazi, gained a few pounds back. Oh well. It seems like my body just wants to be at this weight. It is what it is! I was worried that my PS would ask me to lose weight before my surgery, but he said: "You are a big girl, very tall and sturdy (LOL), and you carry this weight very well. I am not going to require you to lose any weight. We will go ahead." Ok then! Good, because I'm done!
My surgery will take place at The Scarborough Hospital at 12:30pm; we have to be there at 10am. The surgery is supposed to take 4.5-5 hours. I will spend one night in the hospital and one night at a nearby hotel. My PS tells me I will have about 200 stitches and possibly a few staples. I will have drains in my abdomen for about 10 days; a home health care worker will come to the house to check on me after I go home. I'll be off work for 6 weeks. I work at a printing company in the art department but I don't sit at a desk all night. I am all over that plant doing several different things - I carry boxes of stock from the warehouse to the front, I load said stock into printers, etc. Sometimes I am working in four different rooms at once. It's a night shift thing. They have about a half dozen of us doing what 15-20 people do during the day. My job requires such activity that I've said many times I would not have been able to perform my duties at my former weight. So, since I can't lift or bend for a while, my PS recommends 6 weeks of leave. I'm kind of hoping I can get back before that, just to have the full paycheck!
Here we go! Yet another life change. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm nervous as well. Send good vibes for good drugs and a speedy recovery! I'll update when I can. Thanks to everyone who has followed me on this journey so far. We ain't done yet!
It's hard not to feel some guilt about the whole thing. It's my fault, after all! But I continue to attempt to forgive myself and learn from the mistakes of my past. A friend told me recently, "You know better now. You didn't then. Remember, you are worth it." This is good advice in theory, and I love her for saying it, but I dunno...intellectually, I absolutely knew what to do to achieve and maintain a healthy weight. I had followed so many diet programs that I knew a LOT about nutrition and exercise. I really did. I just chose not to follow it. I suppose we're all that way...we know what to do but for some reason we don't think we deserve it, so we sabotage ourselves. Why do we punish ourselves so much? That's the million-dollar question. If we could all come to terms with that and move past it, we'd all be fabulous and there'd be no reason for most forms of self-medication - from heroin and vodka to Prozac and Pop Tarts. There are biological and behavioral reasons for what we do; it's a struggle every day to overcome the demons we all face.
It seems like this is all happening very fast. My first visit with my plastic surgeon (PS) was in April! But honestly, I should've had this tummy tuck about 2 years ago. So I AM READY. Bring on the flat stomach. That concept is sort of unimaginable to me. Unlike some people who lose weight later in life, I do not remember myself thin. I have no point of reference. So this will be a whole new ball game for me once again. I had to get used to my new body when I lost weight and will have to do it again.
I was in Ohio recently visiting family and passed a display of various types of belts in a department store. I normally ignore such displays...though I did have to buy a (plain black) belt to hold up my jeans after I lost weight. In order to slip the jeans over the excess skin on my lower abdomen, the waist gaps quite a bit so I must wear a belt. However, I have never been able to tuck my shirt into my jeans, so pretty belts were not on my radar. When I passed the display, I said to Erich, "Hey...after the tummy tuck, maybe I can buy one of these snazzy belts because MAYBE I can tuck my shirt into my jeans so you'll be able to see it!" Seriously, this is a big deal. LOL!
It's the little things that so many people take for granted.
Also...I am losing patience with my Spanx. I have to wear it every day to keep my lower abdomen somewhat stable, i.e., so it doesn't shift around and give me a rash. I hate it and hope I won't have to wear it much - maybe on special occasions - after the surgery. Of course, I'll probably need a smaller size! I expect to have to buy new panties and maybe jeans. I think I might go down a size.
Ruby Gettinger once said of plastic surgery, "I'm trading fat for skin, skin for scars. The scars are a reminder of what I did to myself, and that's hard." It's clearly difficult to come to terms with the fact that you'll never look the way you're "supposed" to. But hey...all we can do is be the best we can be. Block out the bullshit and just soldier on. As for me, I'm happy I had the strength to save myself. Putting that knowledge up against the guilt helps. I'm alive! And I look pretty damn good. Tomorrow, I'll look even better!
My weight has been stabilized for well over a year now. It's higher than I'd like, but I have pretty much determined that I just need to come to terms with it and move on. My BMI is too high, but I firmly believe BMI charts are complete bullshit. Plus, I'm not one of those people who will track every single calorie, stop eating carbs and get up at 5am to go to my first of three spin classes a day. It's not happening. Maybe I'm just lazy, but I don't want to work that hard! I enjoy being active, though. And I no longer eat crap for crap's sake all the time. So if I can be healthy and active, then I'm good. I wanted to lose 10 pounds before this surgery, and I did that. But then I went to Ohio and because I wasn't a food/exercise Nazi, gained a few pounds back. Oh well. It seems like my body just wants to be at this weight. It is what it is! I was worried that my PS would ask me to lose weight before my surgery, but he said: "You are a big girl, very tall and sturdy (LOL), and you carry this weight very well. I am not going to require you to lose any weight. We will go ahead." Ok then! Good, because I'm done!
My surgery will take place at The Scarborough Hospital at 12:30pm; we have to be there at 10am. The surgery is supposed to take 4.5-5 hours. I will spend one night in the hospital and one night at a nearby hotel. My PS tells me I will have about 200 stitches and possibly a few staples. I will have drains in my abdomen for about 10 days; a home health care worker will come to the house to check on me after I go home. I'll be off work for 6 weeks. I work at a printing company in the art department but I don't sit at a desk all night. I am all over that plant doing several different things - I carry boxes of stock from the warehouse to the front, I load said stock into printers, etc. Sometimes I am working in four different rooms at once. It's a night shift thing. They have about a half dozen of us doing what 15-20 people do during the day. My job requires such activity that I've said many times I would not have been able to perform my duties at my former weight. So, since I can't lift or bend for a while, my PS recommends 6 weeks of leave. I'm kind of hoping I can get back before that, just to have the full paycheck!
Here we go! Yet another life change. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm nervous as well. Send good vibes for good drugs and a speedy recovery! I'll update when I can. Thanks to everyone who has followed me on this journey so far. We ain't done yet!
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