Habits of highly successful people

In the past year or so, I've let old habits creep back into my life and I have the regain to show for it. These past couple of weeks, my focus hasn't been on weight loss specifically, but to break those habits once again.

I had started doing sabotaging things like bringing unhealthy food into the house, regretting it, then rationalizing "Well, it's here, I'll eat it but won't buy any more." It sounds so ridiculous coming from someone who worked so hard to lose 250 pounds, but that's what I was doing. Sometimes I'd pick up a candy bar at the checkout. The vending machine at work, where I work ALONE at night, I might add, was a major draw. So I'm trying to break those habits once again and succeeding very well, I think. Down seven pounds, I'm pretty happy with the results so far, both on the scale and in my brain.

A return to common sense is what's needed here. That's all, nothing more. I do hate it when weight-loss gurus and internet "experts" who comment on weight-loss stories say in frustration, "Just eat less, move more and don't eat junk. It's simple!" It's NOT simple. If it was, no one would have a weight problem. So while it is a matter of common sense, it's not that easy. But I do believe in setting up your surroundings for success. It's not a matter of "just because it's there doesn't mean you have to eat it." People who have a healthy relationship with food say shit like that. For the rest of us, we have to create common sense mindfully. We have to work at it.

I'm no longer sure I'll ever have a normal, healthy relationship with food. When I started this journey, I said all I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to not have to think about food all the fucking time. I mean, think about that; to ensure success, we have to put a lot of thought into it. No other addiction is like that in the way it is with food. We have to constantly think about and carefully plan how much of our crack we can have. Over the years, we can hope to develop good habits and I think most of us do, but it's soooooo easy to fall off that wagon. The world around us is set up for us to fail. We must be mindful at all times. That kinda sucks, but that's just the way it is. Try to find out what triggers you and avoid it as much as you can. I read on bariatric websites and Facebook pages where patients say things like "I now eat because I have to, not because I want to." Lemme tell ya something - that will never be me! LOL! I still love to eat. I will have to be very careful for the rest of my life. And I wonder if people who say things like that ever had an actual food addiction or maybe they've had severe complications with their surgery and it hinders their ability to eat. I dunno. All I know is I find that VERY strange to hear from our community. Kudos to them, but that's not me.

So...breaking bad habits. Yes, that's working. Cross your fingers for me.

Erich and I are moving in late June and over Canada Day weekend. We found a sweet little house with three bedrooms. The basement is rented out, but we will have two floors and full use of the garage, as many as three cars in the driveway and the backyard. I have wanted out of this apartment for YEARS! Yay! We're excited but stressed out about the move, mainly because we can't find many people available to help us over the long weekend. Erich and I are not overflowing with friends - we're both introverts and don't let people in easily - and family is fairly nonexistent so...it's a problem. Add in the fact that my lifting ability is hindered because I'm STILL recovering from this damn tummy tuck and we're starting to feel the stress. I told him I'll put on two binders (LOL) and we'll just do it. No matter what. And no stress eating for me!

My other mission this summer is to attempt to make peace with my batwings. That's the extra skin hanging off my upper arms, for those not familiar with the term. Unless there's a winning lottery ticket somewhere, that skin is staying put. Last weekend, I wore a sleeveless top - without a shrug or sweater! - out in public for the first time since my weight loss. It didn't kill me. People didn't stare, throw stones or chase me down the street with torches and pitchforks. I'm going to do my best to wear them more and more this summer. Swimsuits, however....no, I'm not there yet. The excess skin on my upper thighs is BAD. No, it's really bad. No one needs to see that! I will wear board shorts or something (it needs to be knee length).

But sleeveless, I'm going to try.

Back up the mountain

It's time to get real.

By spending the last nine months sitting on my ass recovering from tummy tuck surgery, recurring sinus infections and a knee injury, I have found myself in a dreaded situation.

"Re-gain" is a term easily found on bariatric message boards and in support groups. Some people try their best to hide it, some ignore it, some justify it, some tackle it head on and get back to the basics of the program to lose it. Weight loss surgery will not make you thin forever; you have to eat well and exercise. There are NO long-term shortcuts.

I've been carrying around 10-15 "extra" pounds for a few years now, but my weight was stabilized so that was ok with me. No, it really was. A lot of times, people who experience massive weight loss will indeed gain a few pounds after reaching their goal weight - the term I've heard for this is "bounceback". Take Biggest Loser winner Rachel Frederickson, who recently made headlines for appearing shockingly thin on the show's finale. Rachel has since gained 20 pounds. I knew that would happen to her and I wasn't surprised at all when it did. When it happened to me - though I was by no means underweight when I reached my goal - I didn't let it worry me too much. Honestly, I thought I looked very drawn and a little strange at my goal weight. I have been ok with my weight for a long time.

But the past year has been tough. Not long before my tummy tuck, I started a new job working afternoon shift and that lifestyle change has been an adjustment. I don't cope well with change; it's an issue for me. And I have a terrible habit of sticking my head in the sand and procrastinating solving problems instead of, you know, actually solving them. Very Scarlett O'Hara: "I won't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow."

Do I sound like I'm making excuses? I guess I am. I'm also a defensive person. Basically, I'm a mess! But that has to change. *I* have to change.

The scale was going up. I could see that, I knew it. A few cycles of the trusty 5 Day Pouch Test definitely worked, but it doesn't work if you go right back to eating crap again. It's always been very clear to me that I need to exercise to maintain my weight because I'm not good at abstaining from every single food that's bad for me. I will eat pizza, I will have an occasional sliver of pie. And that's fine - moderation - but I must keep moving to even things out. And I haven't really been doing that for almost a year now. Can you say horribly out of shape?

So the scale was going up but I didn't see it yet. Not in the mirror, not in my clothes. "I'll think about that tomorrow." Well, baby, tomorrow is NOW. All of the sudden, my jeans got tighter. I didn't like pictures of myself anymore.

This past weekend, I participated in a race with a bunch of friends. We have an exercise group called Badbass Babes. We have our own logo, our own t-shirts. We're pretty badass! Professional photographers were along the route and when the photos came out, I couldn't believe the woman in those shots was me. There it was. RE-GAIN. I posted one of the photos a full THREE TIMES on Facebook and deleted it each time because I think I look so large in it.



I'm wearing a few layers, my legs & neck desperately need skin-removal plastics but...that's all me. I can't deny it anymore. About 30 pounds needs to come off. Face it, Scarlett.

Changes have already been made. I was starting to eat more often and badly - grabbing junk out of a vending machine or checkout line, bringing baked goods into the house, etc. Why was I doing that? Maybe to soothe myself because I physically felt so bad all the time. I'm not sure. But that's stopped already, even before I saw these pictures. However, I bought a few things over the weekend in the States that I justified by saying that I don't get to have them often. They're in the garbage now. It's over. I have to get serious about this again. I worked way too hard to get this weight off to allow it to creep back on.

It's so easy to get complacent and let old habits back in, especially as the years tick by. A crack addict can avoid crack. Crack addicts don't have to pass 10 fast-crack establishments on every street and crack isn't readily available in every store. Crack isn't advertised on tv and in magazines. People aren't smoking crack on every street corner. You can avoid friends who smoke crack; you never have to be around it again. This isn't the case with food. Moderation is a slippery slope. I did it for four years, though, and it worked for me. But it has to be a more EXTREME moderation, at least for now. I have been letting foods back into my diet with an ever-increasing laissez faire attitude. It's too dangerous.

I'm doing well in physiotherapy for my knees and seem to be back on track for regular exercise again. So it's time to get serious!

A good friend of mine has been posting in our support group about her re-gain and she may not realize how she has inspired me to come out about my own issues. I've been struggling with it for a few months now - whether to blog about it, how to say that I feel badly for letting this happen, for disappointing both myself and people who care about me. She has spurred me to be open about it. No journey is without speedbumps, miraculous hills as well as deep, dark valleys. No one is alone here. It's time to start climbing back up to the mountaintop. One step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other.