Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

The title of this blog comes from the theme song to the show The Biggest Loser, which is now in its 3rd week on NBC. I encourage anyone reading this blog to tune into that show. Last season was the first time I'd ever watched it and it helped me, motivated me, soooo much pre-op when I was losing the 40 lbs. Dr. Genaw asked of me. I jogged (a few feet!) because I saw people on there nearly as big as I was doing it. It's very cool.

There's a guy, Daniel, on this season who was there last season, too. He's lost well over 100 lbs., but got cut early last time. His partner just wasn't serious, in my opinion, and Daniel suffered as a result. He's only 19 and last season, he weighed in at 454 lbs. Very close to my 444. This season, he started at 312 - and I'm at 313! So I identify a lot with Daniel. I see his struggles and support him 100% - along with all the other contestants of course. If you tune in, keep a box of tissues handy. Just sayin'.

I weighed myself on Sunday and saw a loss of three. At 313, I've lost 131 lbs. total. Now, I've weighed myself early in the week before, only to see a lb. or two come back on by Friday, so we'll see how that goes! Plus I will weigh in at Henry Ford tomorrow.

I head to Detroit tomorrow for my next post-op follow up with Dr. Genaw. I got a copy of my most recent bloodwork today and everything looks pretty tickety-boo. There are a few things that tested higher than normal and after some research on Google, I learned they have to do with my liver. Hm. Not sure what's up but I guess we'll see tomorrow. My family doctor wasn't concerned with anything on those test results, so that's good news.

My trainer, Jennifer, and I have FINALLY connected and I start my sessions with her on Friday after work. It was a crazy, drawn-out process but she called me Monday at work and we scheduled all 12 of my sessions. Yes, I went ahead and got the 12 instead of the 6. I figure I'll never see these prices again so I went for it. I know this will be one of the hardest things I've ever done but I'm so ready to get started! I'm anxious to do this and see some results.

I'm starting to have issues with my new body - I'm a little concerned that I'll actually look worse when all this is over than I did before! Wrinkles and sagging are appearing. Not fun and not attractive. My health is much better but I'm not so sure I look better naked! LOL! I'm hoping the gym will help. Now all I need is a winning lottery ticket for plastic surgery at the end of the road. Anybody have one they'd like to give me??? ;) Vanity also isn't attractive so this is something I'm struggling with.

So what have you done today to make you feel proud? Me, well, I walked for 30 mins. tonight after work. I got in all my vitamins, supplements and protein. I've done 2 loads of laundry! I've made a list of everything I need for Detroit (passport included!!). I made a big pot of my good friend Lisa's potato cheese soup (delish). Not too bad for today.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Safe vs. Getting real

Busy, busy week! As I'd mentioned before, work is really hectic for me right now. Even more so this past week since one of my co-workers was on vacation. Basically, when I got home I just sorta zonked out, not in the mood to write or anything. I did well to exercise a few times and that was it.

I did an aquafit class this past Thursday night. The last time I tried that, my knee completely gave out on me and I couldn't finish the class. That's why I've been swimming laps - much easier on the joints. But since I've lost some weight now, I thought I'd give it a try. It went pretty well all things considered. I felt a stabbing pain in my left knee a couple times during the class and afterwards, both knees were aching. I was a little afraid of what they might feel like Friday morning! But no worries; they were perfectly normal all day. I was really glad I at least finished that class, even though I am so horribly uncoordinated I resembled a true fish out of water doing some of those fancy moves! LOL!

Last weekend, I went gym shopping. I want an all-female atmosphere, so I'm limited to a couple of choices: Curves and Goodlife Fitness (they have female and co-ed gyms). Curves was up first. GREAT, welcoming place and very friendly staff. No mirrors on the wall, several private changing areas. The women who were there working out looked 'normal'...not a size zero in the place. Next up was Goodlife. Wow, what a difference!! Heavy-duty, serious gym equipment at every turn, a lot of Barbie-doll lookalikes running around in cute little outfits, their perky ponytails bobbing up and down. Mirrors everywhere - is it a gym or some sort of voyeur/sex thing?? Only one private changing area and the sales rep was very proud of the sauna. Sauna? I have no desire to sit around and sweat. I found her approach a little pushy, too. When I hesitated at signing right away, she goes 'What's stopping you? You said this was important to you.' Um, yes...however, the first words out of my mouth were also that I wasn't signing anything today and just wanted to see what you had to offer.

So initially, I'm thinking the clear winner here is Curves. Maybe I need to start slowly and work my way up to Barbie-dom. Right? Well...maybe not.

The more I thought about it, the more I came to the following conclusion: Curves is what's safe; Goodlife is probably what I need. And here's why. At Goodlife, I can get personal training sessions that will no doubt help me tremendously. Here's the thing - before last Saturday, I'd never even been in a gym in my life. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing. I could hurt myself or spend 6 months doing something that isn't working me to my maximum potential or yielding maximum results. The variety of equipment available at Goodlife is also appealing to me. They have classes, too. I'm not big on classes yet but we'll see.

The personal training sessions are 40% off right now, but they're still pretty expensive to me. They sell them in 6 or 12 increments. I think I'm going for the 6 now. So I go in tomorrow to sign up. Lord help me, but I'm gonna do it. I'm stronger than I think I am, right? Me, scared of Barbies? Pfffft.

I went to see my family doctor on Monday. She was very pleased with my weight loss and agreed that right now, she sees no need to continue my diabetes or high blood pressure medicine. I had some bloodwork done and we'll see how that comes back, but I think it's ok. I go back to Detroit to see Dr. Genaw on the 30th. Only thing I'm worried about there is my protein levels. Sometimes, I just can't get the protein drinks down. I try my best but I ain't perfect.

I only lost two pounds last week, so I'm at 320 - 124 lbs. total lost. Hopefully I do better next week. I didn't have a great week, food-wise. I notice that when I'm feeling good and things are going down well, I lose weight. When I feel nauseous and odd, I don't lose as much. However, I have no control over that, which is frustrating. Sometimes it doesn't matter what I do, I don't feel well. I suppose stress exacerbates the problem and I have been stressed this past week. Everything stayed down, but my stomach felt a little weird a lot of the time and my pills weren't going down very well. It is what it is and I'm still newly post-op so I just have to be patient.

It has been FREEZING in the mornings and nights here. I have no freakin' jackets to wear so I confiscated Erich's that he got from work. It's a 2x. Heh. Fits pretty well. I put on some sweats last night (I get cold easily anymore) and they were so big, Erich and I cracked up. He insisted I try on a pair of his - size XL. So I did and they were tight, but they went on. Unbelievable. Every day is a new discovery and a new milestone.

Sorry about the length of this one. I'll try not to let this much time pass again!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Little victories

I am sitting here writing this wrapped up in a towel from my morning shower. Why in the world am I troubling you with such a visual? Well, I've never been able to get a towel around me in my life that I can remember. I don't think I've even tried to wrap a towel around my body since maybe elementary school. LOL! I'm gonna sit in it for a while, just because.

Down 7 lbs. this week! 322 and counting down. 122 total lost.

Busy week at work! Since we're down one person in my dept., I have to pick up a lot of the slack. In a way it's ok because it makes the day go faster.

Once a month, the people in my dept. are responsible for cleaning the plate machine - we send images from our computers, this machine generates a plate which is then put on a press and printed. We do this on a rotating schedule and Wednesday it was my turn at bat along with my co-worker Rafal. I have always hated, hated cleaning that damn thing. It has to be taken apart and it takes a while to do. It has always been physically taxing for me to stand over a sink washing components of the machine. My back is in such awful shape that I don't even do dishes at my home; I've had a dishwasher for more than a decade after I started having to sit on a chair to wash them.

In the past, I would bring an old shirt with me (since the apron doesn't fit) and a little washcloth to wipe my brow as I worked. Sweat would pour off me and my back would ache all day long afterwards. I would have to stop several times and stretch backwards, trying to ease the pain. It was really tough.

So Wednesday, I slipped the shirt on, put the washcloth in my pocket and went to the back to clean the thing. It was unusually dirty and I was back there at the sink for at least 30 mins. I was about 25 mins. into the job when I noticed that: 1) I was not in any pain at all 2) I hadn't even broken a sweat and 3) I forgot I even had the washcloth in my pocket. I forgot I had the damn washcloth.

I was telling Erich about this last night over the phone and started to cry. I surprised myself with the emotion. I apologized to him and he said it was ok and that he was proud of me. It's those little things that I notice and realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm turning into a normal person. Things that "normal" people take for granted (like wrapping a towel around themselves), I'm going to record. It goes in my brain and in this blog so years from now, I can read about it and smile again - and never forget what it was like to be so morbidly obese in the hopes that I can prevent myself from becoming that way ever again. I strive to celebrate each tiny milestone.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Truth time

Beach was a bust - evidently it takes a man two days of planning to go and since it was crappy weather Saturday, he didn't plan. So we didn't go Sunday - even though it was beautiful out. Yeah, I'm confused by that, too. Such is the enigma that is Erich. LOL!

I found a new sweater at Walmart! Store of the gods! And for $18, not $50. It's a really fantastic feeling to be able to go into a store and pick something up off the rack and know you can wear it.

Got one of the new protein shots - 3 oz., 42 grams of protein. SCHWING! Dymatize Nutrition Elite Liquid Protein (click to enlarge):



I got it at Sports Nutrition Depot (a.k.a. Mecca) on Fairway Road in Kitchener, in the Kelsey's plaza. The salesgirl said they go quickly. Now, if you use these protein shots, please keep in mind your body can only absorb 30 grams of protein at once so it's wise not to drink the whole 3 oz. in one gulp. I did 1.5 oz. twice and there you go. That plus my food intake more than exceeds the 60-80 grams of protein we require a day. I still have my powdered protein but I intend to use the shots a bit, too.

The shots are quite expensive ($3.99 for one (!!)) and have the consistency of melted Jell-O. The taste isn't bad, but I added a bit of Splenda to more please the palate.

I have looked everywhere for Da Vinci or Toriani sugar-free syrups. I read on an online message board in response to another Canadian looking aimlessly for them that sometimes HomeSense has them. Hm. I looked in every HomeSense in the area and found some sugar-free syrups at the one on Fairway Road, beside the Kelsey plaza. Evidently the world revolves around the Kelsey plaza....anyway....they weren't Da Vinci or Toriani, but they were there. Chocolate raspberry and pomegranate. Meh. I left them. The search continues.

My girl Ruby was in People magazine last week showing off her 328-lb. bod in a pair of jeans. First jeans she's had on since childhood. And once again, Ruby and I are totally on the same page. I weigh one pound more than she does (329). Yep. Now you know! I figure what the hell? It's starting to feel crazy to hide my weight, so there it is. I've lost 115 - so if you're good at math, you can figure out that pre-op, in February, I started this whole thing at 444 lbs. I was only going to share that figure when I reached my goal but screw it.

Personally, I think I look damn good for 329 lbs. LMAO!

My goal is 200. Lemme tell you what, I will look GOOD at 200 lbs. I will feel good. I will be alllll good. I don't need to weigh 135 lbs. or anything. I'm 5'10" and, ah, "big-boned". So that's the goal.

Right now, I can't see past 300. I was 19 or 20 the last time I was under 300 lbs. I will do the happy Bo dance of glee when I get under that!

Gleeeeee!!!!

OH! And I made the Eggface Taco Bites over the weekend and they were awesome. I put the batch in the fridge and eat a couple at a time along with some fruit or something. They go down well and are easy to make: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2009/01/super-bites.html

Saturday, September 5, 2009

What a week

Sorry I haven't posted this week but at this point I feel lucky that I'm even still coherent. It was a helluva week at work. The economy finally caught up with us and man...it wasn't pleasant. I was really sad to see a couple co-workers go but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was grateful to be spared. None of us went completely unscathed but it is what it is and I need to focus on one day at a time. Just putting one foot in front of the other was tough this week. No pool, no walking. I did NOTHING. I have to get back into my routine for my own health and sanity.

Eating was tough, too. A lot of stuff came back up this week that should not have and it left me feeling sick and tired. Exhausted, but not able to sleep! Not a good combo. Stress has always affected me in a very physical way. My stomach felt like it was literally churning a lot of the time, I had headaches and my 'glowing' skin now looks like complete and total crap. Sigh.

But!! It's the long weekend! Huzzah!! Erich and I plan on going to see District 9 this afternoon then to the beach tomorrow. We always go down to Port Burwell on the northern shore of Lake Erie. It's a very quiet beach with few people, clean sand and warmer water than the more popular beach towns up north. We love it. We haven't had much of a summer up here, so it will be our first (and likely last) visit of the season.

The beach should be interesting. As I've said many times, I love to swim. Getting into a bathing suit isn't the most pleasant thing, but I will suffer the stares and giggles to get in that water. Going down there has always been a slight ordeal for me, physically. There's a walk over a hill to get to the beach that has challenged me in the past. Erich always goes for a long walk along the shore and I have never, ever gone with him. We'll see what happens tomorrow, but I expect to be pleasantly surprised by what I'm physically capable of.

Despite all the stress this past week, somehow I managed to lose 4 lbs., which is the best result I've had for a couple weeks now. I was really happy about that! I'm down 115 total. I realized, looking at the calendar I used to keep track of my weight, that I wasn't keeping very good track of it. And I weighed myself too much, maybe thinking it had been longer between weigh-ins than it really was. I need to stick to the Friday weigh-ins and quit making myself crazy. No slave to the numbers. Must remember that.

Random strange thing about losing weight: it takes less time to do the laundry. Cuz the clothes are smaller, which means you can get more clothes in each load. Odd! I was folding laundry last week and each time I picked up something of mine, I had this feeling like 'Is that mine? It's too small, it can't be mine.' Feeling and seeing my clothes like that hammers home that I really am shrinking! Too funny.