Saturday, July 31, 2010

Keeping the Faith

Erich bought me a camaro for losing half of myself/my one-year, post-op anniversary. I decided to give myself a present and last week, I collected. My friend Randi and I headed to Toronto to see a Bon Jovi/Kid Rock double bill at the Rogers Centre (previously the Skydome).

When the tickets went on sale, I thought the timing was great. A little gift to myself for all my hard work! Plus, Bon Jovi is my favorite band. Kid Rock is a close second. I kept telling people the only thing that would make the show more perfect is if Bo was the third act!

I have a serious history with Bon Jovi, though. The first concert I ever attended was to see them and Cinderella in Huntington, West Virginia back in 1987. It was a general admission show and I missed two days of school: One to stand in line and one to recover from the experience. LOL! My parents were tolerant, bless 'em. That concert made me fall in love with live music and I've been going to all the shows I can every since. I was never a huge JON Bon Jovi fan, though. The band's lead guitarist, Richie Sambora, was my first love. Oh yeah! GUITAR PLAYERS baby! My Bo before Bo, if you will. And lemme tell ya, when he and Bo teamed up for Vehicle, I was in heaven. Heh.

I had been given the ok to intake caffeine again by my surgeon, so before we left town we went to Starbucks for iced coffees. I'd never had one before but it was pretty damn good! I got sugar-free caramel syrup in mine. I recommend it for sure. However, I have perfected the homemade, sugar-free, caffeine-free (if you so desire) iced cappuccino. I'l put the recipe at the bottom of the blog.

There is a lot of walking in Toronto. LOL! Randi and I drove to a mall on the outskirts of town and took the subway downtown to the Rogers Centre because well, you don't really want to be driving in Toronto if you can help it. Think driving in downtown Manhattan. Not a good idea. As we went through the turnstile to get on, I was reminded of the subway back in Washington, D.C. that I'd been on a few years ago and how that turnstile stopped me cold at the time. I was already quite upset (long story) and when I saw that narrow turnstile, I thought 'my god, what if I can't get through that?' I had to turn sideways and get on my tiptoes so it was my thighs going through it and not my midsection. I made it. But this time, I walked through it normally, no need to even turn sideways.

So we got off at Union Station and hoofed it the rest of the way. We were both kinda giggling at how pre-op, this would've been so hard for both of us. We picked up our super-cool tickets (7th row behind the pit, ya'll!) and hoofed it some more so we could eat before the show. We walked all the way to King Street's entertainment district and got some grub at Dunn's Deli then walked back to the venue. Soooo much walking. Absolutely no problem though. That was pretty awesome.

As soon as we got inside, we headed to the merch table. I have never in my life gone to a concert and been able to buy a t-shirt. I did finally get a Bo shirt at the fan club party last month and that one was my first. But as many times as I've seen Bon Jovi (maybe...7 or 8? not sure), I do not own a Bon Jovi tour t-shirt. Or any other band's tour t-shirt. Well, I do now! I told Erich before I left, "I may spend $100. I want both shirts." One for Bon Jovi and one for Kid Rock. He was fine with that. Unlike Bo's $20 shirts, I knew these would be $40 or $50 each. The women's shirts were those ridiculous babydoll-sized ones where the XL is more like a small or medium. So I got a man's XL Bon Jovi and a large Kid Rock. They didn't have an XL Kid Rock shirt and I was a little worried about that but when I tried them both on later at home....well, I should've got the large Bon Jovi! The XL was a bit too big. Crazy, crazy stuff.

I also bought a Bon Jovi program because I have one from each tour of theirs I've attended since that concert in '87. I always bought programs because I couldn't buy wear the shirts. And since I had such a collection already, I bit the bullet and got another one.

When we got to our seats, they were those little folding chairs tied together, the things of my nightmares pre-op. LOL! But we sat down and had no problems. The funny thing is, the guy beside me apologized for crowding me. Can you even imagine? I've had people ask to move rather than sit beside me at a concert. Actually got up, went to the usher and pointed over to me shaking their head. And now someone is feeling badly for crowding me and spilling over into my area. It really makes my head spin. Of course I told him he was fine. And he was - he was more worried about it than the reality of the problem, I think. Which is typical. I was the same way. I mean, he wasn't huge, he was just a big guy. Those seats in venues like that are ridiculous. But even if he was taking up his seat and half of mine I would've just sucked it up.

The concert was FABULOUS!! From the first note of Kid Rock to the last of Bon Jovi, we were both up pretty much all the time. Dancing, singing and carrying on. We had a complete blast. I've never been able to be up like that for that long. And despite the puddle of beer I had to stand in - with my flip-flops - from the first song on, it was a great night. Seriously, the alcohol always finds me. Even when I used to go to bars to hear my friends' bands play, if there was a drink spilled it went all over ME. ME, who doesn't drink. Never failed. Sigh.

Bobby doing what he does best. Seriously. OMG. *fans self* I know every single word to this song - well, to all his songs. I love him. LOL!



Bo has said before that he would like to work with Kid Rock. I really don't know if I could handle that. Too much!! Of course, I did live through Bo and Richie so maybe it'd be ok. LOL!!

I never realize how much I miss seeing Bon Jovi, and Richie in particular, till they hit the stage. Wow. If only had the money to go see them like I do Bo! Amazing. These are videos I took. I was watching for the video police and strayed a couple times during the first one. And you can tell where my heart lies by who I follow with the camera. LOL!



Jon does a fantastic rendition of Hallelujah. I had to get it. Sorry the sound isn't better. It should've been fine.



I didn't get home till almost 2 a.m. but it was worth it. A fine re-birthday present to myself, I think. Thank you, Randi! For EVERYTHING!!

A few pictures I took.

Kid Rock:







Bon Jovi:







Homemade Sugar-Free, Caffeine-Free Iced Cappuccino

2 oz. boiling water
1 tablespoon instant coffee
3 packets of Splenda
8 ice cubes
1/3 cup skim milk
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free chocolate syrup
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free caramel syrup

Mix first three ingredients together to make a syrup and put into a blender. Add ice cubes and blend till slushy. Add milk and blend till frothy.

I used Maxwell House caffeine-free coffee; you can use more if you want a stronger coffee taste, too. This is pretty damn good. I found a recipe online and tweaked it quite a bit till I got this. This suits my tastes pretty well but you can play around with it till you get what you like.

I'm heading home to Ohio for the week and it will be good to see my family. Most I haven't seen since last summer. Then next weekend, before we come back to Ontario, there are two Bo shows to look forward to. A very busy week ahead of me! The good thing is, I know I have the energy now to do it all and more.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Baby but I are, I'm a star

I didn't sleep very well at all last Tuesday night. I was too busy losing weight. By the time I got to Dr. Genaw's office on Wednesday, the whole three pounds I'd gained last week were gone.

I was up three times during the night to go to the freakin' bathroom. I never do that. Ever. I finally got up for good around 6 a.m. and watched the media discuss the implosion that has become Mel Gibson. Two more trips to the bathroom. Seriously, WTF?

Erich and I had our leftover dinner for breakfast then we took a few pictures before checking out of the room.

My favorite shirt used to be a bohemian-looking, very thin pink thingy my mother-in-law made for me. I absolutely love it. I wore it all the time, and happened to have it on for my first visit to Henry Ford back in Feb. 2009. Erich snapped a picture of me on the balcony of our room that day. I brought the shirt back with me when I came for my surgery in July 2009, and we took another pic. And last week, I brought it again. That shirt has been altered a LOT but I still had to gather it in the back and tuck it into my pants so it wouldn't look quite so baggy. Here are the results of 16 months' worth of hard work (click to enlarge):



I think I look much thinner, but about 15 years older. People keep telling me I look younger. OMG, I don't see that at all. All I see are bags, sags and wrinkles that I never had before. But it's ok. I'm healthy, that's what's important.

I was in a celebratory mood leftover from the previous evening. Ole!



Erich and I had some time to kill before my appointment so we drove around a bit and found a couple clothing stores not far from the hospital. One in particular was totally awesome! CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! I think Erich gets a kick out of seeing me shop. I swear, he encourages me. He looks for things for me, follows me around a store with a smile, holding stuff for me. He waits patiently as I try things on. In case I don't say it enough, my husband rocks. I get an armload of stuff and he tells me he just noticed a sign that their debit and credit was down. WHAT?!?!?! OMG! I almost started to cry. We don't carry much cash, either when we're home or in the States. DAMN! We bought what little we could and left.

When I checked in at Dr. Genaw's office, the lady who pulled up my file must've been able to see my before weight. She gasped. "Oh! You've done well, haven't you?" I told her yes, and showed her my before picture. She, and a guy sitting beside her, were very nice and congratulatory. They kept 'wow-ing' and giving me a thumbs up. It's nice to hear.

Again, Erich and I sat in the waiting room till we saw someone stumbling over a name. A young man came to the entrance with a file, looked at it with a puzzled expression then started to leave...then came back...then left again. "We're up," I told Erich, who laughed. The kid came back and said "Cynthia..." I stood up and said "Schiketantz." Really. No one even needs to say our name anymore. LOL!

I stepped on the scale and BOOM...219. So odd. I don't know what that three pounds was about and why I lost it all in one night of peeing my brains out, but I'll take it. Does stress bring on water weight gain? Maybe. I sure was freaked out by that speech. I guess when it was all over, the stress left me. By Friday, another pound had come off so I'm now at 218.

Dr. Genaw came in and looked over my blood tests. Everything was normal. Still no diabetes or anything. He asked me a bunch of questions about my health, what I was eating, and how I planned to keep the weight off. I told him I was gonna keep on doing what I'm doing. I can't imagine going through all this only to gain it back. However, I'm sure everyone who's gained it back has also said that to themselves at one time. I'm not about to get cocky. I know what a hold food has over me; it will have me forever and my hope is that I can keep it at bay MOST of the time. It's a constant battle, one I can't ever let myself think I've totally won. Dr. Genaw told me the failure rate is 1/3. So 1/3 of people gain it back after surgery. So really, the odds are with me. LOL! A majority are successful. I plan to be in that group.

He told me he couldn't believe I ever weighed 444 pounds. I said "Oh, I did. I have the picture to prove it." He shook his head at that photograph. I also showed him the tattoo on my back and explained the hearts, how there's one for every 50 pounds. He seemed so impressed with me and it makes me want to keep succeeding. Before he left, he told me "You're fantastic. You're a star. Keep it up." It's good to hear that. I thanked him again, for everything.

In the lobby of the hospital, we passed an ATM and Erich stopped to get cash so we could go back to that clothing store and get the stuff we had to put back. "My star needs clothes," he said. Have I mentioned that my husband rocks? After we got all the stuff I wanted, he led me across the street to another clothing store. Then asked if I wanted to go to a shoe store a few doors down. I kissed him and declined. "We've spent enough money," I said. "Let's go home." I'm telling you, he encourages me.

Did I mention my husband rocks?

Oh, and did I mention the freakin' CAMARO he bought for me?



I saw it on one of my wogs (walk/jogs) and fell in love at first sight. Three days later, I came home from work and it was in my parking spot. I couldn't believe he bought it for me! He said I deserved a reward for losing, literally, half of myself. The first thing I did when I started to get into the car was pull the seat all the way back. It looked pretty small in there. Erich said "It's already all the way back." I was like "Oh. Well...we'll see." I could feel him rolling his eyes. "Get in the car," he said. LOL! Of course I had tons of room between me and the steering wheel. My brain isn't caught up yet. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will be!

Speaking of wogs. Man, I don't know about jogging. I can do sprints ok but whenever I try to really train and increase my time, my knees just tear me up. I should be grateful that I'm able to be as mobile as I am and just do what I can do, I guess. I damn near ruined my body for 40 years. There still isn't any cartilage there! It sure feels a lot better than it did but maybe I won't ever be able to run the way I want to. If I can't, then that's ok. I can live with it.

Tomorrow night, I'm going to see Bon Jovi and Kid Rock (yes, together!) in Toronto with my girl Randi! Randi is having one helluva summer herself and well, we are awesomeness. She's lost 100 pounds and I've lost over 200. We totally rock, ya'll. LOL! We're gonna sit in those little seats just 'cause we can, but mostly we'll be dancing and head-bangin' ourselves silly. No pain. No stress. No self-consciousness. I can't wait!

By the way, this blog's title comes from a Prince song. It popped into my head when Dr. Genaw called me a star. LOL! Here it is, in case you're not familiar. I've added it to my cardio tunage.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Shouldn't I have two of these?

I didn't really sleep too well in the couple of days preceding my trip back to Detroit for the Centurion Club ceremony and my one-year checkup. The speech had me pretty nervous. I didn't have any idea what to expect, I suppose. I was picturing a similar set-up to the seminar Erich and I attended before my surgery: Small room with about 25 people. Um, I was not correct.

Weighing myself Tuesday morning, that damn number staring back at me was like a slap in the face. Gained three pounds? Whaaaa? Seriously? I'd never gained more than one pound - one time - since my surgery. And I would be expected to give my present weight at the door when I went into the ceremony. Hm. Well that sucks. But I could still claim 50% of my total body weight gone, which still sounded good.

When we got to the residency on campus and checked in, I changed clothes and went over my speech. As I mentioned in my last blog, I wrote out what I wanted to say. I didn't want to take it up to the podium with me though. Past experience has taught me that I would simply either read it word for word or look back and forth from the paper to the audience enough times to get whiplash.

The first person on staff I saw was Wanda. As they said when they introduced her, she's kinda like Cher or Madonna in that she needs only one name. She is the patient coordinator for the program and helps Canadian patients in particular with all the government red tape we have to navigate to get approved for the surgery outside the country. She once faxed me 36 pages of documents to my office in Ontario to read and fill out. And she went the other way, too; I was in her office in Detroit post-op when she filled out and faxed off to Ontario the forms required by my Canadian insurance company so I could get the paid extended medical leave I needed. I didn't have to do it; she did it all for me. Her job is to get people in there so their lives can be saved. Her no-nonsense, sarcastic personality immediately resonated with me. I feel like she, along with Dr. Genaw, is a big part of my success story.

She didn't recognize me at first. I had to show her my before picture. "NOW I know you!" she yelled. "OH MY GOD!!" Then she gave me a big hug and said "Did you ever think? I mean, really. Did you ever think?" No, I told her. I don't think I did. Here's me outside the ceremony room and with Wanda. As always, click to enlarge:



We walked into a quite large room and by the time it filled up, there were at least 150 people there. Gulp. The stories were beyond inspiring and the things everyone was saying...well, it's like you're home. You're with people who 'get it'. Most everyone was near their goal. You wouldn't be able to tell the person next to you had lost 110 pounds because he or she looked completely normal.

This was a big deal to me. I won't ever look at a 'normal' person the same way, with the same judgment. Or that is, always automatically assuming they are judging ME and have no idea what I went through, what I put up with on a daily basis. I always had it in my head that most thin people looked at me and were disgusted. It made me put up defensive barriers with people right away. I know - that's awful, but it's true. But you never know the story people carry with them. I understand that now. Just as I didn't like it when people judged my book by its cover, I won't ever do the same to others again (in reverse).

On the other hand, I could also pick out a lot of the patients. So many of us, especially the women, had that same sagging neck and pear-shaped body that I know all too well comes from excess skin around the stomach. I truly believe it's a damn shame insurance companies don't pay to have this taken care of. It's part of aftercare and essential to the patient's emotional well-being, in my opinion. They pay for the surgery; they should pay to finish the job. I hear story after story of OHIP (the Ontario Health Insurance Plan) paying for some procedures and not paying for others. Then you hear of 2-year waiting lists. Then you hear NO, they pay for nothing. Or they pay for nothing unless you've lost 300 pounds. Then the next day you'll hear about someone who had a tummy tuck and boob job, all on the government's dime. I don't really know what to believe anymore.

Erich and I sat, enthralled, for a good hour till the speaker stumbled over a name. "Forgive me if I mispronounce your names..." she began. I started to get up. DING!! I knew it was me. "Cynthia...." she said. I said "Schiketantz" and started walking to the podium. We always know when people pause or something that they're attempting to say our name and it's our turn!

Then she said something different that she only said when I approached the podium. "Cynthia, we have you down for 151 pounds but is that right?" I stopped walking and said "Well, if you're counting from just the surgery date, that's about right." Then she asked me what my weight loss really was. "All together 222 pounds," I said and everyone burst into loud applause. I still don't know why she asked me for a corrected number. They didn't do that for anyone else. In fact, others were correcting it themselves when they'd speak. They really should include the pre-op number; it's all part of our journey.

My 151 number was one of the biggest of the night (only a few men had lost that much) but I didn't hear anyone saying they'd lost anything near 222 pounds. Believe me, I paid attention. LOL! If that sounds like bragging then ok. I'm bragging. I worked my ass off for those numbers and I'm proud of them.

I got up there and tried to implement a trick my English professor in college told me: Look over people's heads. If you get nervous looking at their faces, look just over their heads. It will look like you're making eye contact but you're not. That worked. I didn't hyperventilate or anything.

I started off my saying that when I arrived at Henry Ford, I weighed 444 pounds and was about to turn 40. I talked about how I was taking a fistful of pills every day, had severe degenerative arthritis in both knees, diabetes, high blood pressure, wearing the Darth Vader mask every night (Dr. Genaw loved the 'Darth Vader' comment - he even mentioned it to me the next day) and how I didn't think this could be 40. I was too young to be so disabled and sick.

I talked about my changed life. Ziplining, canoeing, running. How I'd lost 50% of my body weight and my husband bought me a Camaro! *cue wild applause and woots* I was interrupted a few times with either applause or laughter. I wanted to be funny because it makes me less nervous. LOL! I looked back to Erich a couple times and he was cracking up so I knew I was successful. I thanked my supportive friends and family, Erich in particular. I thanked Dr. Genaw for helping me to save my life. This is an important distinction, I believe. So many people thanked their surgeon for 'saving my life'. Dr. Genaw didn't save my life; he provided me with the tool so I could take matters into my own hands. That's how I see it. He helped me and I'm forever grateful to him. But he didn't do it alone - most of this was allll me. I feel it's important for patients to own their power. YOU did this. Bask in the glory.

I forgot a few things I wanted to talk about, including this blog. Can you believe I forgot to talk about the one thing I think has helped me more than anything? Yep, I did. I also wanted to show my heart tattoo and forgot that. Ah well. I'm just happy I didn't pass out or anything. And I didn't cry! I was sure I would but I held it together.

After the speech, I walked over to Dr. Genaw, who pinned the Centurion pin on my shirt. He whispered "Man...a car and everything huh? You've done so well. Fantastic. Congratulations." Then we posed for a picture. I look like I'm cracking up and I think it must've been because he pulled me to him so tightly. I've talked before about his bone-crushing handshake and it was the same way when he pulled me to him for this picture. I thought it was funny, I guess!



The other speakers were so inspiring. A lot said very little beyond 'thank you' but some were wonderful. One man in particular brought the house down. They hand you a rose when your name is called. He took it, strolled to the podium and said "I feel like I'm on The Bachelorette...hell yes, I'll accept this rose." LMAO!

There was a lot of laughter, tears and head-nodding going on all evening. We all understand each other. It was a very powerful night.



And shouldn't I get two pins since I've lost over 200 pounds? I'm just sayin'. :))

Erich and I hung around afterwards and talked to a few other patients. I saw one of my FB friends but lost track of her in the crowd after the ceremony was over! Sorry Joanna! We've since connected and she said the same thing; she wanted to come over to me but lost me afterwards. There were a lot of people milling around.

The photographer took a group picture and I can't wait to get a copy of that. My people! Awesome.

Some of the Canadian patients were discussing how OHIP is now denying coverage for the surgery in the States since more doctors are performing it here. My own family doctor has tried to send two people to Henry Ford since me and both were denied. I got in just under the wire, dude. It's a good thing that the surgery is being done more in Ontario now but I'm already hearing the wait lists are getting longer and longer. Some of us and Wanda were discussing the wildly different approach to patient care in Ontario versus Henry Ford. Wanda wisely said very little. I joked "Look at her, she's over there deep breathing." LOL!

This is me with my before picture I took to Detroit:

Erich and I went out to eat then back to our room and fell asleep quickly. I was completely exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I'd lived through that speech and felt a weight come off my shoulders. I didn't realize at the time the weight would be literal. More about that and my visit with Dr. Genaw in my next blog!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Zipping through life

I should be speech-writing, packing, doing a number of other things but blogging. But whatever. I'll sleep when I'm dead (as the song says).

On Saturday, I put another check mark on the list of things to do in the Summer of Cindy. Ziplining.

I should start by saying I have a terrible fear of heights. The other phobia that would prevent a sane person from doing this is my fear of breaking things. I've always been very careful not to test things that might not bear my weight. I still have that going on in my head to a great extent, needing to remind myself of my 225-pound weight loss.

Erich, my brother-in-law Robert and I headed to the local ski hill, Chicopee, to get this thing done. I went online to find out information about the zipline and discovered there was a 275-pound weight limit. Definitely something I wouldn't have been able to do pre-op.

When we got there, they strapped us in our harnesses right away and off we went to the top of the hill. There are people movers, like you find in airports, for a lot of the trip but it's still a fair hike, especially at the very top when you have to climb several flights of stairs. I was breathing a bit hard but not overwhelmed or anything. I recovered in a few seconds. I consider myself to be in pretty good shape at this point.

They position you in front of two gates. Two people can go down the hill at once. Erich videotaped while Rob and I went first. I have to tell you I was ok till I got up there and looked down over the valley. Whoa. Then the guy opened the gate for me. There are four steps that lead to nowhere. Literally.

I had to laugh. I mean...there was nothing else to do! What the hell was I doing?? It was just funny to me that I was even considering doing this. The guy told us it was sometimes better if you sit down on the next to last step and scoot off rather than just jump into nothingness. So Rob and I elected to sit. Rob has height issues, too, so he was conquering a phobia himself. We sat down and Rob started counting "Ok, Cindy! Here we go! One...two..."

I yelled "WAIT! NO NO WAIT!" LMAO! Not quite ready. We sat there a few more seconds and Rob just pushed off. So I followed him. I hurt my throat screaming on the way down. I'm just saying. That feeling of 'Ok, I'm jumping off a cliff and trusting this wire to keep me from hurling towards the earth to certain severe injury if not death.' Again, I have major issues with worrying about things bearing my weight.

At the bottom of the hill is a huge spring that stops you. OMG, that is a shock! If you're little it's probably not so bad but man, I crashed into that thing full boar and it took my breath away.

Erich has no height issues or weight-bearing fears so he just jumped full speed ahead. On our second jump, I videotaped him and you can hear him screaming "YEEE-HAAA!!!" He had a blast.

Here we are. Watch it and have a laugh. When I'm videotaping Erich, there were three teenage girls in line behind me and they were starting to freak out a bit. It's them you hear chattering when he's getting ready to jump.



My second jump was much less traumatic and I was able to enjoy it more. Talk about a feeling of weightlessness! It was pretty cool. I would definitely do it again!

Tomorrow Erich and I travel to Detroit for my induction into the Centurion Club, where I'll have to give a short speech. We're supposed to say a few words about how the surgery has changed our lives and talk about how we plan to keep the weight off. I dreamed about my speech the other night so I woke up and wrote it out in about 10 minutes. I'll tweak it tonight and we'll see how it goes! Wish me luck! Public speaking is right up there in my top five nightmare-inducing things to do. So if I pull this off without making a total idiot of myself, that'll be another thing to check off the list that I didn't think I could do pre-op. Then on Wednesday I have my one-year check-up with Dr. Genaw.

The past year has just been incredible. I'm not finished yet. :)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Year of Living...

Exactly one year ago tonight, to the hour, I was sitting in my 'hotel' room on the Detroit campus of Henry Ford hospital, trying to record my feelings on videotape. I was scheduled for gastric bypass surgery the next morning.

Erich had gone out for dinner. He didn't want to eat in front of me since I had been on a liquids-only diet for the past week. I set up our camera on the dinette table in front of me and started talking. Note that this is a preview of my terror of public speaking. *and there's no one else in the room with me*



When I blogged about that day, I told everyone that I had made the video but said it felt too personal to share. It still does in a way. I say I'm not nervous but I clearly am; probably more of talking on camera than the surgery, though! My mind was racing. I remember that. I got my starting weight wrong! And I almost started to cry at the end but kept it together.

I was totally ready to change my life. At that moment, I had every hope that by the next morning, I would be well on my way to wellness. To happiness and health. And it worked!

By this time - July 2010 - I had expected to be at my goal weight. I'm not quite there but 25 pounds will come off by fall (I hope) and I will strive to continue this lifestyle forever. It's like any addiction. I'm never cured but remain in recovery. One meal at a time. One forkful at a time if necessary.

Just to recap:
Starting weight - 444
Present weight - 219
Goal weight - 194

My way of doing that is to follow one basic rule: All things in moderation. I'm not about to become a health food nut or an exercise junkie. I have other, more important things to do - like lie in bed on Sundays with my husband, attend concerts, watch scary movies, WRITE, and so on. I intend to have fun. If that means an occasional slice of pizza or skipping a workout here and there then so be it. I have to find a way to balance the things I love with my desire for health. I firmly believe one goes hand in hand with the other. And I believe we really can have it all so long as we understand we can't have it all at ONCE. The 80/20 rule is important. You can be (slightly) bad 20% of the time as long as you're good the other 80.

I complain sometimes about not being able to eat a Kit Kat Chunky, my sagging skin or whatever but my god. I would do July 7, 2009 over in a fucking heartbeat. I consider that my rebirth - another birthday of sorts. I was very lucky in that I had no serious complications beyond nausea and slight depression and I'm terribly grateful for that. So maybe it's easier for me to tout the rewards of gastric bypass than others not so fortunate as me. But when I think about what this weight loss has done for my life I can get a bit overwhelmed with emotion. It was worth every single thing I had to go through.

Many thanks go out to all of my family and friends for their unwavering support, even when I was being a whiny brat. I love you all so much! Starting this blog was the best idea I could've had because it's kept me in touch with all of you and has allowed me to vent and/or celebrate with a few keystrokes, thereby allowing me to get my emotions under control and gain renewed perspective. You have all helped me immeasurably with those endeavors. Again, thanks is not enough.

I've done things this past year that I have only dreamed about and I still have lots more to experience. This has been my year of living well. Of living out loud! Of living to celebrate and not merely existing in this world. For most of my life, I was living in black and white but now it's allll glorious Technicolor.

By and large, I think I have succeeded in meeting my goals. Here's to many more years of living.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Milestones, canoes and clothes!

Erich and I had made up our minds not to travel to upstate New York the weekend after CMA Fest for yet another Bo show. We told everyone we weren't going.

Well, a mere five days after arriving home from Nashville, we were on the road again. It turned out to be one of the best, if not the best, live show I've ever seen Bo do so I'm really glad we went. As I've said before, my recovery time is pretty much nil these days. I'm glad Erich is willing to indulge me in this Summer of Cindy I'm having!

My friend Paris snapped this picture of Erich and me before showtime (click to enlarge):


I was pretty stoked that the man remembered me. Yes, I'm 40. And?? ;-) I stood up the entire time and didn't feel a thing. That's a first for a Bo show. I was even up for a while before he came out and didn't need to be since I had a seat. Sweet. I'm pretty sure general admission shows, which I had totally ruled out pre-op, will be ok now. AND...I caught another pic! Dunno what's up with that. That's the third one in a row. I'm pretty sure he tossed it right to me, too. Heh.

This time I came home sick, though. And I'm still sick. I'm not sure if it's allergies or what. I know I used to get sick pretty much every time I went to see Bo. The lack of sleep and everything that goes with traveling always took its toll on my body. But I'm ok - I went through a phase of feeling badly but now the congestion is more annoying than anything else.

My cold/whatever plus unforeseen circumstances at work kept me from doing my 5K on June 23. That's ok. There will always be another race...on the weekend! I'll never sign up for another one during the week. I got up the next morning to an email telling me I could still pick up my t-shirt I ordered for race participants. Hell, I already paid for it so ok. I'll wear it around the house or to the gym or something.

I weighed myself that Wed. morning instead of waiting till Friday because at the time, I was still thinking I might attend the walk if I could get out of work in time. I thought it would be cool if I reached my 50% milestone on the same day as the 5K. And I did! I had lost 222 pounds; and my weight was 222 pounds. I'd officially lost half of myself. Excited, I posted the news on my Facebook page then came in to this when I got to the office:



My co-worker read my Facebook status and decided to do something special for me. Thank you, Tammy! You're a good friend and I appreciate your support. It's nice to come to work and get applause - literally. LOL!

And this week I'm down another three pounds - 219 present weight; 225 lost; 25 to go to goal. It doesn't seem possible that this long journey to LOSE the weight is winding down. Of course a new journey begins; the really difficult one, the one of maintenance.

I'm seeing more of a difference sooner these days. I just took two big garbage bags full of clothes to the Salvation Army yesterday. These are clothes that I have had for a year or less. There's just no hope for them. LOL! I'm not going to alter most things; it's just not worth the trouble. Thank goodness for thrift stores. It's time to start building another new wardrobe, with size 18 jeans, 10 shoes and XL to 1X shirts. Whoa. And I have reached single-digit sizes....in underwear! LMAO!! I swear to god my underwear is the funniest thing ever. The before and after, well, it's hysterical. That's all I'm gonna say about that (you're welcome).

I had a funny experience shopping before I left for Nashville. My friend Randi and I were trying on things and the pink empire-waisted shirt that I had fallen in love with was too big. It was a 1X. We went back out to try and find something smaller. Didya hear that? SMALLER. Well, 1X was the smallest they had. I had to laugh. I have spent my life not being able to wear the biggest sizes in even the plus-size stores and here I was, not able to find a size small enough. It's enough to make your head spin.

On Friday, Erich, my brother-in-law Robert and myself went canoeing on the Grand River here in town. Rob has done this lots of times but of course, a 444-lb. woman in a canoe is a skit on Saturday Night Live, not a reality. But I'm all about stretching my comfort level these days and jumping in head first to do things I never would've considered before.

I was seriously nervous because I still was holding onto that mentality that I couldn't do this. That I'd sink the canoe when I tried to get into it or people would laugh at the notion of ME in a canoe. I also wasn't prepared for the hoard of people also doing this trip. An audience wasn't cool. So I do what I do when I get uncomfortable - I get irritable, snippy. It's an impulse I'm still working on controlling. I do feel like I'm getting better at that but it's a work in progress. Comfort, in general, is a work in progress. I still have doubts about my abilities.

The lack of instruction from the company renting these canoes is pretty amazing. You are told NOTHING. At all. I guess they assume everyone knows what to do. I didn't. Luckily, Erich and Rob did. Getting in the canoe wasn't nearly as traumatic as I feared, and after we got going I was ok. I started to breathe and enjoy the scenery. I wasn't going to sink the boat or fall in. It was a gorgeous day and we had a good time. It's definitely something I would do again!





The Summer of Cindy is just getting started! July is going to be one busy month: A two-day trip to Detroit and my speech to the Centurion Club; Bon Jovi/Kid Rock concert in Toronto; ziplining at Chicopee Tube Park; another trip which will be discussed later - all this stuff and still August to go! I'm ready; bring it on.