The Year of Living...

Exactly one year ago tonight, to the hour, I was sitting in my 'hotel' room on the Detroit campus of Henry Ford hospital, trying to record my feelings on videotape. I was scheduled for gastric bypass surgery the next morning.

Erich had gone out for dinner. He didn't want to eat in front of me since I had been on a liquids-only diet for the past week. I set up our camera on the dinette table in front of me and started talking. Note that this is a preview of my terror of public speaking. *and there's no one else in the room with me*



When I blogged about that day, I told everyone that I had made the video but said it felt too personal to share. It still does in a way. I say I'm not nervous but I clearly am; probably more of talking on camera than the surgery, though! My mind was racing. I remember that. I got my starting weight wrong! And I almost started to cry at the end but kept it together.

I was totally ready to change my life. At that moment, I had every hope that by the next morning, I would be well on my way to wellness. To happiness and health. And it worked!

By this time - July 2010 - I had expected to be at my goal weight. I'm not quite there but 25 pounds will come off by fall (I hope) and I will strive to continue this lifestyle forever. It's like any addiction. I'm never cured but remain in recovery. One meal at a time. One forkful at a time if necessary.

Just to recap:
Starting weight - 444
Present weight - 219
Goal weight - 194

My way of doing that is to follow one basic rule: All things in moderation. I'm not about to become a health food nut or an exercise junkie. I have other, more important things to do - like lie in bed on Sundays with my husband, attend concerts, watch scary movies, WRITE, and so on. I intend to have fun. If that means an occasional slice of pizza or skipping a workout here and there then so be it. I have to find a way to balance the things I love with my desire for health. I firmly believe one goes hand in hand with the other. And I believe we really can have it all so long as we understand we can't have it all at ONCE. The 80/20 rule is important. You can be (slightly) bad 20% of the time as long as you're good the other 80.

I complain sometimes about not being able to eat a Kit Kat Chunky, my sagging skin or whatever but my god. I would do July 7, 2009 over in a fucking heartbeat. I consider that my rebirth - another birthday of sorts. I was very lucky in that I had no serious complications beyond nausea and slight depression and I'm terribly grateful for that. So maybe it's easier for me to tout the rewards of gastric bypass than others not so fortunate as me. But when I think about what this weight loss has done for my life I can get a bit overwhelmed with emotion. It was worth every single thing I had to go through.

Many thanks go out to all of my family and friends for their unwavering support, even when I was being a whiny brat. I love you all so much! Starting this blog was the best idea I could've had because it's kept me in touch with all of you and has allowed me to vent and/or celebrate with a few keystrokes, thereby allowing me to get my emotions under control and gain renewed perspective. You have all helped me immeasurably with those endeavors. Again, thanks is not enough.

I've done things this past year that I have only dreamed about and I still have lots more to experience. This has been my year of living well. Of living out loud! Of living to celebrate and not merely existing in this world. For most of my life, I was living in black and white but now it's allll glorious Technicolor.

By and large, I think I have succeeded in meeting my goals. Here's to many more years of living.