Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Baby, it's cold outside!

Ok, the winter thing is slightly out of hand. I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that.

I've always been a "hot-natured" person. In my case, this is a politically correct term for "too much insulation" which is in turn another euphemism for "fat". I wore t-shirts year round. I kept a fan on my desk - and used it - even in January. The main reason I stopped wearing bangs is because I would sweat from any and all movement - in any weather - so my hair would be plastered against my forehead. Not a good look.

Last year that changed somewhat. I had lost a good 125 pounds by the time winter rolled around and I definitely could feel the chill more than before. It was an effort to remind myself that I would be cold. Shopping for a new "light coat" before a trip to Nashville last December, I ended up with what was no more than a sweater with a faux-fur lined hood. It was really nice and I was thrilled that I could wear it. But...I was wishing for something heavier while I was there! It continued like that all winter. Cindy - you will be cold, so plan accordingly. A whole new concept, you see.

But this year? I've lost another 125 pounds and well, it feels like friggin' Siberia outside my home in Southern Ontario. Now, for any Americans reading this...it is NOT *that* cold here. Right now it's 22 degrees Fahrenheit outside, with a wind chill of 10. Yeah, that's cold but seriously. It ain't that bad. There are plenty of places in the U.S. where that's not an unreasonable temperature. And I should be used to it. But I'm freezing my ass off!

Erich laughs at me all the time because I used to yearn to be "cold-natured". "It would be much easier to cover up and be comfortable rather than sit and swelter all the time," I reasoned. And I still stand by this even though BOY, did I ever get my wish.

I'm building a wardrobe of sweaters. So, this year, I will actually have a winter and summer wardrobe above the waist. Pre-op, all I had to do was switch out the capris and long, black pants. I shop for long sleeves, warm, fuzzy socks and race to get home so I can turn on the fireplace. I drink hot chocolate (sugar free) nearly every morning because it warms me up when I get to work! (I don't like coffee.) I've turned off the ceiling fan in the bedroom - it used to run year around. I want some warm slippers and long underwear! I use throws and Snuggies. These are all things I've never done in my life.

A dear friend of mine, also a gastric bypass patient, is going through her first winter after losing weight. She said to me recently, "I can't believe how cold it is out there." I had to laugh and agree. It's not colder than normal but to *us* it feels like we've moved to the damn north pole! Hey Santa! Put some tickets to Cuba in the stocking, will ya??

A long time ago, a friend of my mother's said she went to the tanning bed in winter so she could warm up. She was one of those lucky "cold-natured" people - and quite overweight, I might add. So that's not always a barometer to use. However, even though I don't tan (I burn) and have never regularly used tanning beds in my life (even when my parents owned about 10 of them), I briefly considered this option.

I feel like I'm going nuts! LOL!

Another big change I see this winter is in the way I navigate slippery sidewalks and parking lots. When you weigh 450 pounds, you tread carefully. Literally taking baby steps across the wet and ice, you are very aware that if you fall, the results could be disastrous. Will you be able to hoist yourself back up? How badly will you hurt your back or your knees? Imagine 450 pounds crashing down on one knee or straight down on your back. These are the thoughts that run through a super-obese person's head. At least they ran through mine. I also had very little balance and was wobbly on my feet even in the best of circumstances. Even if I didn't fall, the act of simply trying to right myself if I slipped a tiny bit might be enough to send me to the chiropractor and possibly a day off work.

Last winter, I still walked around this way - probably out of habit. But now I notice myself moving with more confidence; an ingrained assurance that I won't fall. And if I do, I can simply pick myself back up and move on. Or, at the very least, the odds are with me. I noticed it for the first time just days ago. I was walking in a Walmart parking lot. I had on boots with a fairly slippery bottom, yet I was moving quickly and with long strides.

It's more than a physical knowledge, this thing of realizing you won't fall. Of not even considering the notion. Of just moving around and about, not even thinking about it. That certainty does something to your mind as well. It changes you in a way that is hard to describe unless you've been there. A word comes to mind that I use over and over again...freedom.

To end things on a light note (and it'll warm you up if you're cold, I promise), let's take a look at the video that inspired the title of this blog. Keep a fan nearby....

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Santa-time snacking

How is everyone doing with the holiday-eating thing? Me, it's going ok. I'm striving for balance and it seems to be working thus far.

At this point, at 17 months post-op, I can eat almost anything. I'm lucky in that I haven't had any real serious issues with food consumption since my surgery. There were things that bothered my pouch in the beginning – bread, poultry, sugar – but now I'm in pretty good shape. The 'normal-ness' returned slowly but surely and now I can and do eat just about anything I want. Smoked sausage still bothers me, as does rice. I can have a tiny bit of rice but then my pouch says 'whoa!' You know the thing of not throwing rice at weddings now because the birds eat it and it swells their stomachs? Yeah. That's what happens to me. No idea why the smoked sausage is a problem. Sugar is ok now in small quantities but I still need to take it easy on an empty stomach. I found that out the hard way; I still never have had a dumping episode, though. I'm very proud of that!

I'm upping the exercise intensity at the gym, doing up to a 15 incline on the treadmill and pushing myself to go farther, faster. It’s a trade off, right? If you’re going to indulge a bit then you have to work it off.

Especially now with Christmas approaching, there is ample opportunity to go completely off the rails. I don't have to tell you it's not always easy to stay on track. There will always be a part of me, inside, that desperately wants to eat, eat, eat. I call her Zelda. Why? I dunno, I just do. Zelda usually comes out to play when I'm bored or tired. She wants snacks. Snacking is a big thing with me – I'd rather snack all day and night than eat meals. I'm also a person who would rather have 10 little things with $100 than one quality item. I want variety! I sometimes have trouble making up my mind, I guess. Zelda likes fries and Tim Hortons Timbits. Now some of that is ok. I truly believe you never have to give up all things that are “bad” for you. But sometimes Zelda has to be squashed or I'd end up right back where I started.

I think about food a lot. That's the thing, right? If you want to eat well, you kinda have to put a lot of thought into what you're eating which can be a problem. If you have an addiction to something, it’s tough to have to constantly think about it. Sometimes the healthy eating is automatic but most of the time, it's a CHOICE and something that I have to be conscious of doing. My hope is that one day it will be automatic. I'm still in the learning stages of this stuff and I don't mind telling you it's a struggle sometimes. I swear it'd be easier to quit crack. At least you don't have to weigh and measure your acceptable daily crack dose and have the strength to turn away another hit. You just stop smoking crack. Period.

I have the energy to cook and bake now and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to do it just because it'd be a sin to have treats in the house. I made them. They're here. And I do eat them sometimes. Like I said – up the workout, shoot for better eating at mealtime. So far it hasn't shown up on the scale too much at all so I must be doing something right. Water is so important, too. Drink, drink, drink.

Some of you may remember that I put my wedding set away almost a year and a half ago when it nearly fell off my finger while I was swimming laps in the pool. Well, since I reached my goal, I recently got them re-sized and can you believe I have size 6 fingers? I sure as hell can't! I was probably 6 years old the last time I had size 6 fingers. When Erich bought my engagement ring in 2001, he simply tried it on himself to see whether or not I could wear it. It was a size 11. How does a person lose 5 sizes in their damn FINGERS? It blew me away.

Another funny story: I wanted to wear a nice watch to Erich's company Christmas party. My regular Italian-charm Bo Bice watch didn't seem quite right. LOL! So I dug around in my jewelry box and I don't have a single watch that I can wear. Nada. I spent so much time searching and so much money paying extra for bigger things and now I have no use for them. It makes me kinda sad in a way. All this stuff that I can't wear anymore. All my rings, bracelets, watches - even my necklaces are too long. So I bought a cute watch from Avon thinking I could wear it. Uh, wrong. Even it was too big! So I have to take it to a jewelry store and get links taken out. Gah. Nice thing to complain about, I suppose!

I wore a dress for the party. Yes, Cindy put on a dress. I do not do dresses. Erich said “Oh! I see a little leg!” LMAO!! Plus I wore the hooker boots he bought me that I can actually walk in now. We clean up pretty well, although that dress didn't look the way I thought it would on me for some reason. I did try it on, but I dunno. I was a little disappointed. Here's a pic:



I have an appointment on the 18th to get my goal tattoo. It took me a while to make up my mind about exactly what I wanted. It will be a heart like the others, but with butterfly wings. I think it'll turn out great.

One last thing: I am freezing to death. Seriously. Layers, fireplace on, dryer running – I’m comfortable now. Erich will come home and feel like he’s in a sauna.