Saturday, July 16, 2011

Weren't you here a few years ago?

Warning: Female blog ahead. Just an FYI to my male readers!

Maybe you remember me talking about a gynecologist who was very rude to me a few years ago. I have persistent issues with my psycho-cycle and my family doctor referred me to him for a regular pap smear. She usually does that in her office, but opted to send me to a specialist because of my size. In Canada, a gynecologist is considered a "specialist" and you must have a referral from your regular doctor.

When I saw him before, he did the test and had me wait in his office. He then came in and lectured me for at least five minutes on why he would not be able to help me and basically, I needed to either lose weight or suck it up. When I tried to explain to him that I was considering gastric bypass - and would possibly lose some weight - he rudely interrupted me before I could get my sentence out. When discussing treatment options (and why they wouldn't work for me), including surgery, he gestured to my stomach and said "What am I supposed to do with that?"

Then he gave me a prescription which did help my severe cramps somewhat. Why he decided to humiliate me first and not just go right to the treatment is beyond me. The whole experience upset me so much that I sat in his parking lot in my car and cried for a while before getting it together enough to head back to work.

So you can imagine how I felt when, after tests revealed I have a uterine cyst, my family doctor again referred me to the same guy. Now, I was tempted to demand another doctor but I stopped myself....no. I wanted to go back and see how he treated me now that I've lost 250 pounds. A little social experiment.

I spoke with friends about this doctor and everyone seemed to love him. They were shocked to learn the way he had treated me. Said it didn't sound like him. All these women were thin, I might add.

I had my appointment recently. This time I went straight into his office. There wasn't any need for an exam as I was simply being referred to him for surgery to remove the cyst.

He was affable, charming. Smiled broadly at me and explained everything in great detail with patience. He does have a sarcastic wit, but that's fine. So do I! In short, it was a different visit. Near the end, he was looking through my file and said:

"You were here a few years ago, yes?"

I nod at him. "Yes."

*shuffling paperwork* "You...you've lost quite a bit of weight, haven't you?"

Picture me trying to stifle a grin. "Yes."

"How much?"

Pause. "250 pounds."

He shook his head and said, "Wow! That's fantastic! Amazing!"

"Thank you." I think I actually crossed my arms in front of me at this point and smiled with satisfaction. LOL!

Then he launched into a bunch of questions about where I had it done, what my life is like now, do I still take any prescription medication, etc., etc. He told me he was very happy for me and "You see things like this on tv, but wow, here it is! Amazing."

Mm-hm.

Did I mention that the surgery I'm scheduled for is not invasive? They will go right in through the vagina, no cutting required. So his whole argument of "what am I supposed to do with that"? goes right out the fucking window. I'm just sayin'.

My family doctor told me I had "mild" endometriosis, but he wasn't prepared to make that diagnosis. Basically, he said, you can't say for sure that someone has endometriosis without removing the uterus to examine it. Diagnostic tests are not advanced enough to be so definitive. Which makes me think if MEN had to put up with psycho-cycles, I bet science would have a cure for the shit by now, let alone have proper testing in place. But I digress. So to treat said psycho-cycle, he will insert an IUD at the time of the surgery. Since I've never had kids my uterus is very small (HEY! at least something is!) and insertion will be painful if it's done in an office visit, which is the norm. So since I'll be knocked out for the cyst removal anyway, he'll do it then.

Now listen. I don't know for sure why none of this stuff was addressed till I lost weight. Perhaps testing was more difficult on a 450-pound woman. I totally get that. But honestly....couldn't something have been done to ease the suffering I have to endure every month?? Obviously, my weight was not the issue since the problem is still there now that I'm thinner. So...what? If you're fat, too damn bad? That's not acceptable. It's especially not acceptable to make obese patients feel like their ailments are entirely their own fault when it's not necessarily true. Doctors are supposed to help ALL patients. A doctor throwing up his or her hands because it's more difficult to diagnose or treat an obese patient is shameful.

Surgery date is September 9. Here's hoping I get some relief.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Today I'm two

Today is the second anniversary of my re-birth.

It’s funny that I had the surgery on the 7th day of the 7th month because my actual birthday is also on the 7th. My stepdaughter’s birthday is also on the 7th; seven has been good to me. The number seems to seek me out in a lot of ways. It’s a stereotypical lucky number but for me it’s really true. July, as well as February, has been good for me in the past as well.

So it was perhaps fated that my life changed so drastically on the 7th day of July in 2009.

In the past year, I have reached my goal weight yet had many struggles. It never ends, this addiction. The pull towards old habits is still intoxicating to me, I will admit. Fighting it every day, sometimes minute by minute, is something I will endure forever. But I have to realize that maintenance is something fought for and really, aren’t all things in life worth having?

Once upon a time I figured I would be “normal” someday and everything would be perfect. That is not to be and it’s ok. You take yourself with you wherever you go and simply changing the exterior does nothing to change YOU.

The two-year, post-op mark is a crucial time for gastric bypass patients. Some have started the regain by this time as the so-called “honeymoon phase” is over. If you haven’t learned how to deal with food, you will find yourself in the same position you were in pre-op. Can’t just change your stomach; you have to change your brain.

Also, studies show that within two years, 80% of gastric bypass patients who were in a relationship prior to the surgery are now single. That might be shocking to some of you but probably not to most WLS patients. Everything changes. If you don’t have a partner who is willing to roll with you, you’re in trouble. As I’ve said many times before, I’m an extremely lucky woman. I don’t see a divorce happening with Erich & myself, thank goodness. I know two post-ops whose relationships are experiencing major turmoil right now. Pretty much right on schedule, too.

By this time, studies also show that well over half of post-ops will change careers and/or jobs. Here’s the thing – both in relationships and jobs – what might have worked before may not now. Sometimes pre-ops settled for less than they should have thinking they could do no better or they didn’t have the energy to strive for more. Sometimes your ambitions simply shift; partners and offices sometimes just don’t fit anymore. Losing 100 or 200 pounds alters everything about you.

Tonight I’m going to celebrate my re-birthday by having dinner with my good friend Randi; then we’re coming back to my place to wallow in Bo Bice videos, pictures and stories. Can’t think of a better party!! Of course the real party will be this Saturday when Bo plays his first solo Canadian gig in Burlington, Ontario – about 45 minutes away from me. I met Bo Bice for the first time on July 8, 2006 (see…almost the 7th…LOL). The Burlington show will be my 25th. So you see, I have a lot to celebrate in the next few days. WHOO-HOO!! Bo is a critical piece of my journey. I give him, the whole experience of being his fan, some credit for helping me see there was more to life than sitting on my sofa eating pizza. If that sounds freaky to you, well I’m sorry. He and the people I’ve met because of him are very, VERY important to me.

This time last year, I blogged and shared a video taken the night before my surgery. I watched it again just now and that woman sitting on the sofa feels further and further away from me which is a little sad. I don’t want to lose her completely. I liked her! She still is me in some ways but in many other ways, she isn’t anymore. That woman sacrificed herself so I could live. She did the right thing and I am grateful to her for making such a brave, inspired decision.

I feel like that woman is counting on me to succeed. And because I care about her, I don’t want to let her down. It’s my job to continue the work she started and that’s my ultimate goal. Here’s to many more years of freedom!

Then and now (click to enlarge):