Awakening in the Woods, part two

So I left off with the hike. It feels odd that I am writing about hiking. Or running. Or whatever it is that I'm doing these days.

As I said in my last installment, I've heard about Ravine Creek Trail ever since I've known Erich. Not that it's such a fantastic trail or anything, but he has been on it so many times that it pops up in stories he's told me of past adventures in camping. So I was a bit excited that I would be able to hike it with him this time.

After our trip into town and the climb up the lighthouse, we went back to camp and had lunch then took off for the trail. Generous amounts of bug spray were applied and since the beach is at the end of the trek, we took a beach bag with blanket, sunscreen, water, etc. Erich carried that, thank god. LOL!

There are steps at the entrance leading down into the woods. I stopped and said "It's at this point where I would've said 'yeah so why are we doing this again? we're not driving to the beach why?'" We both had a laugh then I took off down the steps (click all pics to enlarge).



Ravine Creek is just a few steps from the entrance and there's a wooden bridge to cross. Erich was in front of me and trotted over to the bridge. I got down the steps, came to a dead stop, looked around and just...lost it. I don't know what came over me. I started to speak and all I got out was "It's been so long..." before I bent at the waist and started to sob. Erich came back to comfort me. I swear, something just *POW* hit me like a ton of bricks. One second I was laughing and excited, then I felt like I was going to fall over from some sort of emotion that just overwhelmed me.

"Wow, I don't know where that came from," I said. And I didn't. It shook me up for a while. The more I think about it I guess it was just that I was there. I looked up and around all those trees and the creek and it took me back to my childhood exploring the woods on my family's property. I suppose in my subconscious mind, I never thought I'd see anything like that again because I'd never be able to physically get to a location such as that. Maybe the realization hit me that I can now do anything I want. I am free to do anything, go anywhere.

I never realized what I was missing out on when I was a prisoner in my own body. Over time I just accepted my limitations and pushed them out of my head. It would never occur to me to move. I mean...it just didn't, because I couldn't. And I got so used to believing - knowing - I couldn't that I never tried. I wasn't living my life. Now I'm going to live out loud, baby. Full speed ahead.

I brought the camera with me that day but was so messed up that I only took a few pictures further up the trail. We went back the next day so I could snap a few pictures of the scenes that caused me so much emotion. Not pain, but really a kind of relief and joy. I didn't realize it then but that's what it was. I wasn't hurting, I was having an out-of-heart experience on a level that's hard to explain.

Pictures from the scene of the awakening:



I decided after this trip that perhaps I need to go buy some shorts that fit. LOL! And no, I didn't hike with flip-flops on, this was the next day.

It was a pretty long hike over some hilly, rocky terrain. Not horrible, but my knees were kinda tapping on my shoulder after a while saying "Um, are we there yet?" I wasn't hot, tired or out of breath, but the knees were starting to cringe by the time we got to the beach. And the bugs! Lorda mercy. They feasted on me, that's for sure. I did apply bug spray but much like sunscreen, maybe it doesn't work too well for me!

We decided to walk on the road back to camp and man...I think all in all I did more walking that day than I've ever done in my life. But I felt good at the end of the night and was ready for bear the next morning. Even if I didn't get much sleep because the twenty-something guys camped next to us kept me awake with such lively conversations as 'who's the oldest chick you'd do it with?' 'what's the weirdest sexual position you've ever done'? and more lewd topics which I won't go into. Suffice it to say they sounded like they were right outside the tent and if I'd had children with me, I would've been throwing raccoons at them. The coons. Ah yes. Brave little suckers that crept around camp all weekend. They got my protein bars, the little asses!! *grumble*

It was a wonderful weekend that I'll remember forever. We decided we're going to try and go back before it gets cold. I told Erich I wasn't so sure about that trail because of the knee factor and he said "Yeah, but at least you can say you did it." He's right. I did it!

I've lost four pounds since I last reported my weight. I'm at 226. Four more and I will have officially gone from 444 to 222, losing 50% of my total body weight. Makes me feel like I'm on The Biggest Loser or something! LOL! That'll be a cool milestone when I hit it.

A side note: This is my 100th blog since I began it in February of 2009. I owe each and every one of my readers a HUGE thank you. This blog keeps me straight, keeps me sane, and I appreciate all the feedback you give me! Here's to 100 more!

Awakening in the woods, part one

Erich and I celebrated our ninth anniversary by going camping in our favorite provincial park in the small town of Port Burwell, Ontario, on the northern shore of Lake Erie.

The last time we went, in May of 2007, was like a lifetime ago. We almost cancelled the whole thing because my knees were really starting to give me trouble and I was hobbling around with a cane. Earlier in the month, we had attended a Bo Bice concert in Buffalo at which I fainted from dehydration - a word to diabetics...do not forget to drink and eat when you're excited. I damn near missed Bo's show due to my own stupidity. I thought I'd injured my knee at that time because I really just went down with a *thud*, but come to find out there was very little cartilage to speak of - meaning, at age 37, I had what the doctors called "severe degenerative arthritis". They would look at my x-rays and cringe. That can never be a good thing.

Here's a picture of Erich and me at the Buffalo show where I fainted. I was not well and am now shocked at the way I look. I felt about the way I look, too. Tired, old, sick. (click to enlarge for all pics).



My poor husband had to do EVERYTHING during that first camping trip. He set up the tent by himself, unpacked the van by himself, collected water, cooked, did the dishes - all by himself. I could do very, very little. I remember him looking at me at one point and saying "You're miserable, aren't you?" Yes, I was. I felt old, fat, useless, guilty and not at all in the mood for a romantic weekend in the woods. It poured rain, too, which only further dampened my mood.

Of course, this time was different. I helped him unload everything and was so anxious to help him with the tent that I kept asking "Tell me what you want me to do", prompting him to hold up his hand and say "Give me a minute." LOL! But we got the tent and camp set up in a jiffy because I could help him. I felt really good about that, I must say.

The first thing I got excited about was my Normal Chair! Years ago, not long after we got married, Erich and I bought a couple collapsible chairs - one Canadian themed and one with a USA motif. Not thinking about weight limits at the time...I have never been able to sit in my USA chair. Till now. We scoured the Internet and stores in two countries to find me portable chairs to sit in when I weighed over 400 pounds. Most of the time, at first, I simply had to plop on a blanket. Here's a pic showing the two chairs behind me on a blanket at the beach:



And here's a pic of one of the chairs we finally found - this is a picture of my friends Paris and Nancy with me as we sat waiting for Lynyrd Skynyrd to start playing at an outdoor show in upstate NY. Slogging up that hill and barely making it was one of the several catalysts/light-bulb moments in 2008 that led me to have gastric bypass. Look at the supports on their chairs versus mine. Mine is industrial strength, baby!



And here's a pic of me last weekend finally sitting in the chair my husband bought for me about seven years ago.



We slept on an air mattress instead of the bed in the back of our conversion van just because well, I can! I can get up and down now without a problem. I froze to death, though - that was new. I was glad I brought sweats and a new sweatshirt I bought a couple months back. I had never owned things like sweatshirts and sweaters - I was never, ever cold before.

On Saturday we decided to explore the village a bit, visting the local maritime museum and historic lighthouse. I looovvee lighthouses, dude. I always wondered what it would be like to be at the top of one. Now, the one in Port Burwell isn't too terribly tall but I certainly never would've considered climbing it a year ago. Today, I couldn't wait to get up there! I took off up the stairs and giggled as the staircase got more and more narrow until we were basically crawling up a ladder. My god. I wouldn't have FIT up there before, if I had hoisted myself up the stairs to begin with. Erich took some snapshots, starting with me in front of the lighthouse:





When I got up there, I wasn't out of breath, wasn't sweating. It felt so good, I fumble for the words to describe it. Power and pride. That's all I can think of.

It was shaping up to be a great weekend already. Nearly every moment of the day I was consistently reminded of the new person I am. When I would walk to get fresh water. When I walked to go to the bathroom. When we walked around the village. When I sat in that chair. When I climbed that lighthouse, then wanted to do it again.

Next up was hiking. Lemme just tell you, Cindy has never "hiked" in her life. Like...why the hell would I do that? Seriously, that was the way I thought in the past. Why walk when I could drive?? DUH! Big red truck!! I mean, it was just obvious to me then and so sad to me now.

For years, I've heard Erich talk about a trail in Port Burwell that goes from the campgrounds to the beach. Literally, ever since I've known him. This is something I wanted to share with him. I hadn't been in the woods since I was a child, puttering around the seemingly endless "backyard" that surrounded my family's acreage in Southern Ohio. I just never had the energy, so I guess I faked the disinterest. I love nature, I do. But to get up from an easy chair and move my ass to see it? Nah, I'll pass. At least, I would've a year ago. Not today.

Something happened to me, emotionally, near the entrance of Ravine Creek Trail that I'll carry with me forever. It so startled me with its suddenness and intensity that it shook me up for a good long while afterwards. I'll save that story for my next blog.

What a week

Sorry I haven't posted this week but at this point I feel lucky that I'm even still coherent. It was a helluva week at work. The economy finally caught up with us and man...it wasn't pleasant. I was really sad to see a couple co-workers go but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was grateful to be spared. None of us went completely unscathed but it is what it is and I need to focus on one day at a time. Just putting one foot in front of the other was tough this week. No pool, no walking. I did NOTHING. I have to get back into my routine for my own health and sanity.

Eating was tough, too. A lot of stuff came back up this week that should not have and it left me feeling sick and tired. Exhausted, but not able to sleep! Not a good combo. Stress has always affected me in a very physical way. My stomach felt like it was literally churning a lot of the time, I had headaches and my 'glowing' skin now looks like complete and total crap. Sigh.

But!! It's the long weekend! Huzzah!! Erich and I plan on going to see District 9 this afternoon then to the beach tomorrow. We always go down to Port Burwell on the northern shore of Lake Erie. It's a very quiet beach with few people, clean sand and warmer water than the more popular beach towns up north. We love it. We haven't had much of a summer up here, so it will be our first (and likely last) visit of the season.

The beach should be interesting. As I've said many times, I love to swim. Getting into a bathing suit isn't the most pleasant thing, but I will suffer the stares and giggles to get in that water. Going down there has always been a slight ordeal for me, physically. There's a walk over a hill to get to the beach that has challenged me in the past. Erich always goes for a long walk along the shore and I have never, ever gone with him. We'll see what happens tomorrow, but I expect to be pleasantly surprised by what I'm physically capable of.

Despite all the stress this past week, somehow I managed to lose 4 lbs., which is the best result I've had for a couple weeks now. I was really happy about that! I'm down 115 total. I realized, looking at the calendar I used to keep track of my weight, that I wasn't keeping very good track of it. And I weighed myself too much, maybe thinking it had been longer between weigh-ins than it really was. I need to stick to the Friday weigh-ins and quit making myself crazy. No slave to the numbers. Must remember that.

Random strange thing about losing weight: it takes less time to do the laundry. Cuz the clothes are smaller, which means you can get more clothes in each load. Odd! I was folding laundry last week and each time I picked up something of mine, I had this feeling like 'Is that mine? It's too small, it can't be mine.' Feeling and seeing my clothes like that hammers home that I really am shrinking! Too funny.