So a couple of cool things have happened this week.
First, I got my invitation to join the Centurion Society at Henry Ford Hospital. This is a club for patients who have lost 100 pounds or more. My surgeon, Dr. Genaw, mentioned this to me the last time I saw him several months ago because even then, I was pretty close to that milestone. I thought it might be a little much to go all the way to Detroit for a little ceremony but Erich insisted at the time that we would go back for it, no matter what. Well, the time has come! We will leave the afternoon of Tuesday, July 13, for the 6 p.m. ceremony then stay overnight at the apartments on Henry Ford campus for my one-year assessment with Dr. Genaw the next day. Two birds with one stone.
My letter/invitation says they want us to give a short speech about "what you can do now that you couldn't do before and what you are doing to maintain your weight loss". Um. Yeah. Public speaking and Cindy do not mix. I freakin' HATE it. Writing, no problem. Can't I just write them a letter??? LOL! So I'm kinda nervous about that aspect of the ceremony.
The last time I spoke to Dr. Genaw, via email about 2 weeks ago, I told him I'd lost over 200 pounds by now. He was very excited and I'm looking forward to seeing him again and thanking him for helping me lose weight and gain my life. He is a very important part of my story and I am forever grateful to him.
The other thing is, I formally registered for my walking 5K this week. It's on June 23 - a Wednesday! 6:30 p.m. That kind of sucks since I'll have to rush to get out of work, run home and change and rush again to the starting point. This event is sponsored by Weight Watchers and is, I was told, "strictly for fun". I thought it sounded like an ideal first 5K.
The 5K in June is a walking challenge but I'm still training to run. I can run farther now than ever so it's going well I suppose. I got sick shortly after I started training but I'm back into it now. Yesterday, I walked a 5K on the treadmill at the gym just to make sure I could do it, since I have registered for one already! LOL! I did it in about an hour. Not bad but I plan to keep doing that distance at the gym so I'm really ready to walk it at the challenge.
I have a reader/fellow gastric bypass patient who said she might be willing to do this with me. I think it would be wonderful to experience this with someone who has undergone the same kind of journey that I have. I've asked a couple other people and received grumbles for responses. Hopefully I won't be out there by myself but I guess we'll have to see.
The season finale of The Biggest Loser is on Tuesday and my man Michael made the final two. I'm friends with him on Facebook and he put up a picture not long ago that made me go "WOW!" I think it's fairly recent because he looks smaller than he did on the show last week. He looks AMAZING. I can't wait for Tuesday. I will be surprised if he wins because he just had SO much to lose but I'll still be rooting for him. The other finalist, Ashley, is way cool as well and I'll be ok if she wins. There will be a 3rd finalist chosen by America's votes. I do hope it's Daris. I love that kid. I'll be watching TBL and DVR-ing the American Idol finale. Go Lee!!! :)))
And the Celebrity Apprentice finale is on tonight. Ohhhhh Bret. I am rooting for you but the word-that-rhymes-with-witch Holly will be tough to beat. I was a teenage girl in the mid to late '80s so the guys in the hair bands tend to have my vote pretty much no matter what. LOL!
I didn't lose any weight this week but that's ok. I'm starting to become a little more zen about the scale not moving. I think I just got so used to losing huge amounts of weight each and every week that it's what I came to expect. And yes, when you have this surgery you expect it to come off quickly. And it does at first. Well, maybe I'm now at a weight where that might not happen so much anymore. It's weird but I seem to stay the same for a couple weeks then I get a big drop - like 5 to 7 pounds - in one week. I don't know what's up with that but as long as I'm still losing something, even if it's slow going, I have to be ok with that.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Gratitude
I've been having trouble recently coming to terms with my new self. I look at pictures and don't see me. The contours of my body don't feel familiar. It's a really strange thing and at times, believe it or not, I can get a bit depressed about it. As odd as it might seem, I sometimes miss the old Cindy.
I hate to keep going back to Michael Ventrella from The Biggest Loser, but his journey so resonates with me. Mike had a meltdown last week when Bob (the trainer) started telling him how well he's doing, what an inspiration he is to others, etc., etc. Michael gets down on himself sometimes because he feels like he still has such a long way to go. He's lost over 200 pounds on campus, in 10 WEEKS, but still weighs 322 pounds. This is the weight a lot of people start at on the show. It gets to him. He has trouble seeing the big picture of how far he's already come. "This isn't easy and it isn't fun" Michael yelled as Bob tried to talk to him.
In short, his head is having trouble catching up with his body. The man has lost 200 pounds in 10 weeks, ya'll. I did it in a year and it has been a soul-shifting experience for me so I can't imagine what it would be like to go through that kind of transformation in only 10 weeks. You have good days and bad days. And sometimes it's not what you expected it to me.
Michael's right: It isn't easy and it isn't fun. Not the dieting part; of course that isn't fun or easy. The transformation part. This becoming a new person is frightening and sometimes a dark, lonely experience.
So in order to 'see the light' (Bo Bice reference there...LOL), I decided to pointedly keep track of the things I'm grateful for. Not just about the weight loss but about life in general. Here's a sample from this past week:
Sunday: I'm grateful for flowers. For my husband, my stepdaughter and family. For recognition. For my new Bon Jovi t-shirt that I never got to have before now. For my mother and for love.
Monday: I'm grateful that I can comfortably get out of bed. For my new haircut. For my co-workers who make me laugh and make going to work a little easier. For Zyrtec and lotion-infused tisses. For sleep.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for sugar-free dark chocolate and strawberries. That I have no idea where my seat belt extender is anymore. For earrings. For collarbones. For The Biggest Loser and the inspiration it gives me. For feeling better today.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for Crystal Light iced tea. For movement, for freedom. For sunglasses (that I need to get adjusted smaller). Again, for co-workers. For someone knowing who Bo Bice is and telling me 'he rocked it. he should've won that thing.' Hah! For not being tired when I get home from work like I used to be. For Happy Town and Glee.
Thursday: I'm grateful for Facebook that keeps me in touch with family and friends far away. For new friends, new subscribers/Facebook friends. For new music. I'm grateful that I can move around better and rarely get tired. For being limber and strong. For talking to my husband on the phone before bed.
Friday: I'm grateful that it's Friday! For losing five pounds and realizing I'm 36 away from my goal. For my belt being on the next-to-last hole. For too-big clothes that I'm not tired of wearing yet. For baby pictures. For my husband waiting for me when I get home. For movement without thought. For tax refunds!
Saturday: I'm grateful for my busy life and that I have the strength, the energy and stamina to do everything I want and need to do. For the smell of fabric softener. For the size-large shrugs I bought for $6 each. For a lasting pedicure. For spending precious time with my husband on weekends.
Sunday: And today, I'm grateful for sunshine and warmth (finally). For a new Bon Jovi DVD! I'm grateful that since my clothes are smaller, I now do less loads of laundry. For the long weekend coming up and the anticipation of a summer packed with activities that I couldn't do a year ago.
So yeah, I have A LOT to be grateful for. Life is good and we all need to remember that from time to time. Dwelling on the negative does no one any favors.
Just for those keeping track:
Starting weight: 444
Current weight: 230
Goal weight: 194
I hate to keep going back to Michael Ventrella from The Biggest Loser, but his journey so resonates with me. Mike had a meltdown last week when Bob (the trainer) started telling him how well he's doing, what an inspiration he is to others, etc., etc. Michael gets down on himself sometimes because he feels like he still has such a long way to go. He's lost over 200 pounds on campus, in 10 WEEKS, but still weighs 322 pounds. This is the weight a lot of people start at on the show. It gets to him. He has trouble seeing the big picture of how far he's already come. "This isn't easy and it isn't fun" Michael yelled as Bob tried to talk to him.
In short, his head is having trouble catching up with his body. The man has lost 200 pounds in 10 weeks, ya'll. I did it in a year and it has been a soul-shifting experience for me so I can't imagine what it would be like to go through that kind of transformation in only 10 weeks. You have good days and bad days. And sometimes it's not what you expected it to me.
Michael's right: It isn't easy and it isn't fun. Not the dieting part; of course that isn't fun or easy. The transformation part. This becoming a new person is frightening and sometimes a dark, lonely experience.
So in order to 'see the light' (Bo Bice reference there...LOL), I decided to pointedly keep track of the things I'm grateful for. Not just about the weight loss but about life in general. Here's a sample from this past week:
Sunday: I'm grateful for flowers. For my husband, my stepdaughter and family. For recognition. For my new Bon Jovi t-shirt that I never got to have before now. For my mother and for love.
Monday: I'm grateful that I can comfortably get out of bed. For my new haircut. For my co-workers who make me laugh and make going to work a little easier. For Zyrtec and lotion-infused tisses. For sleep.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for sugar-free dark chocolate and strawberries. That I have no idea where my seat belt extender is anymore. For earrings. For collarbones. For The Biggest Loser and the inspiration it gives me. For feeling better today.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for Crystal Light iced tea. For movement, for freedom. For sunglasses (that I need to get adjusted smaller). Again, for co-workers. For someone knowing who Bo Bice is and telling me 'he rocked it. he should've won that thing.' Hah! For not being tired when I get home from work like I used to be. For Happy Town and Glee.
Thursday: I'm grateful for Facebook that keeps me in touch with family and friends far away. For new friends, new subscribers/Facebook friends. For new music. I'm grateful that I can move around better and rarely get tired. For being limber and strong. For talking to my husband on the phone before bed.
Friday: I'm grateful that it's Friday! For losing five pounds and realizing I'm 36 away from my goal. For my belt being on the next-to-last hole. For too-big clothes that I'm not tired of wearing yet. For baby pictures. For my husband waiting for me when I get home. For movement without thought. For tax refunds!
Saturday: I'm grateful for my busy life and that I have the strength, the energy and stamina to do everything I want and need to do. For the smell of fabric softener. For the size-large shrugs I bought for $6 each. For a lasting pedicure. For spending precious time with my husband on weekends.
Sunday: And today, I'm grateful for sunshine and warmth (finally). For a new Bon Jovi DVD! I'm grateful that since my clothes are smaller, I now do less loads of laundry. For the long weekend coming up and the anticipation of a summer packed with activities that I couldn't do a year ago.
So yeah, I have A LOT to be grateful for. Life is good and we all need to remember that from time to time. Dwelling on the negative does no one any favors.
Just for those keeping track:
Starting weight: 444
Current weight: 230
Goal weight: 194
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Change is good
Finally, the scale has moved!
I've lost a total of seven pounds since last Friday. I can't tell you how relieved that makes me! I was beginning to wonder what the hell was going on because in the previous four weeks, I'd only lost two. TWO.
But I've come to the conclusion that much like my brain, my body gets bored easily. If I do the same kind of workouts week after week, that number on the scale just shrugs at me. It's taken me a couple of plateaus to figure this out but I think I have it now. I just need to switch it up more often.
So my current weight is 233 - 39 pounds to my goal of 194.
For example, the last plateau I had was broken by my getting outside and walking as opposed to going to the gym all the time. This plateau was broken by...going back to the gym instead of walking outside all the time. LOL! I guess I need change more often. So that will be the goal from now on. I can't allow myself to get stuck in an exercise rut.
I admit as well that I let Sparkpeople slide, too. I mean...when you're only able to eat about 700-900 calories a day, why the hell would you keep track of that? It seemed silly to me. So I slacked off. But now that I can eat more, I need to get back on top of it. I was searching for answers as to why I wasn't losing weight so I went back to really tracking my meals, like I did pre-op. I found that I'm eating an average of 1100-1300 calories a day. Which is pretty much perfect so....good on me! I was told at my last check up at Henry Ford that I wasn't eating enough and needed to work up to 1200 a day. Done.
I was making myself crazy weighing in every day for a time during this last plateau. You get to a point where you want to see something different on the scale so badly that you almost convince yourself something is wrong with the scale itself and you keep checking it over and over. LOL! I finally put it out of my sight because that is nuts. I don't want to get psychotic over this crap. It was hard not to get discouraged but I kept focusing on all the good things happening to me now due to all the weight I've already lost. Just keep on keepin' on as the saying goes.
And sometimes I wonder if this last 50 pounds, for me, is like the last 10 for someone else. It's just really hard to get it off, like I've heard people say the 'last 10 pounds' is for them; people who have lost say, 50, and are trying to work off the last 10. Percentage wise, I sometimes think my LAST 50 is like that. I dunno, I'm probably just trying to make myself feel better. LOL!
Erich has also mentioned that I'm no doubt closer to my goal than I think I am due to all the excess skin I'm still carrying around. Yep. That's true. I know I'll never be able to afford to get rid of it so I guess I need to make friends with it. It's there and there's nothing I can do about it. I'd say it's a good 10-15 pounds worth so far and it'll only get worse.
My girl Ruby was on Oprah a while back discussing her decision to have plastic surgery to remove some of the skin. She was blinking back tears as she explained, "I'm exchanging fat for skin and skin for scars. I feel like I'm being punished for the rest of my life for what I did to my body. And it sucks." OMG, do I know how she feels!! Even when we lose the weight, it's not like we can celebrate with some slinky, skin-baring dress or whatever. Nope. If anything, I want to cover up more NOW than at 444 pounds. To me, the sag looks worse than the fat. MUCH worse. Someone said to me recently that they imagined I couldn't wait for swimsuit season. Well, it's not really like that. I always wanted to cover my thighs when I was in a bathing suit before; now I want to do that plus pull on a t-shirt. Imagine losing 211 pounds and thinking that, in some ways, you looked better before. That's totally where I'm at.
Not that I wouldn't love to exchange my skin for scars. LOL! That would be great. But Ruby is correct - we're never gonna look like the 'normal' people.
I try to keep telling myself that at least I'm healthy. The turkey neck, belly overhang and sagging skin on my legs and arms are the price I pay for that. I'm healthy and strong. So it's all good.
I scored some new clothes from a friend yesterday! She is a reader of this blog and lives in my town. We've become friends and I have to say I am sooo grateful to have met her. We're so much alike it's truly scary sometimes. LOL! She had her surgery in February but her old clothes are a lot of what I can wear now. But...about half were too big, I'm happy to say! We seem to have the same taste in clothes and her stuff was really awesome so I'm a happy camper! Those capris I have on in the pics below were hers. Heh.
I cut all my hair off Thursday night. It had the texture of cotton candy, so it had to go. Hair thinning and loss is a side effect of any drastic weight loss, but it's also a side effect of the gastric bypass surgery itself. Some people have no trouble with that but I haven't been so lucky. So I decided to just hack it off and start over. Supposedly, things start to return to normal about 12-18 months post-op. Everyone who's seen it loves it but Erich. He really, really doesn't like it. I'm hoping he'll get used to it!
What do you think? Not too bad. I like it more than I thought I would, actually!
I've lost a total of seven pounds since last Friday. I can't tell you how relieved that makes me! I was beginning to wonder what the hell was going on because in the previous four weeks, I'd only lost two. TWO.
But I've come to the conclusion that much like my brain, my body gets bored easily. If I do the same kind of workouts week after week, that number on the scale just shrugs at me. It's taken me a couple of plateaus to figure this out but I think I have it now. I just need to switch it up more often.
So my current weight is 233 - 39 pounds to my goal of 194.
For example, the last plateau I had was broken by my getting outside and walking as opposed to going to the gym all the time. This plateau was broken by...going back to the gym instead of walking outside all the time. LOL! I guess I need change more often. So that will be the goal from now on. I can't allow myself to get stuck in an exercise rut.
I admit as well that I let Sparkpeople slide, too. I mean...when you're only able to eat about 700-900 calories a day, why the hell would you keep track of that? It seemed silly to me. So I slacked off. But now that I can eat more, I need to get back on top of it. I was searching for answers as to why I wasn't losing weight so I went back to really tracking my meals, like I did pre-op. I found that I'm eating an average of 1100-1300 calories a day. Which is pretty much perfect so....good on me! I was told at my last check up at Henry Ford that I wasn't eating enough and needed to work up to 1200 a day. Done.
I was making myself crazy weighing in every day for a time during this last plateau. You get to a point where you want to see something different on the scale so badly that you almost convince yourself something is wrong with the scale itself and you keep checking it over and over. LOL! I finally put it out of my sight because that is nuts. I don't want to get psychotic over this crap. It was hard not to get discouraged but I kept focusing on all the good things happening to me now due to all the weight I've already lost. Just keep on keepin' on as the saying goes.
And sometimes I wonder if this last 50 pounds, for me, is like the last 10 for someone else. It's just really hard to get it off, like I've heard people say the 'last 10 pounds' is for them; people who have lost say, 50, and are trying to work off the last 10. Percentage wise, I sometimes think my LAST 50 is like that. I dunno, I'm probably just trying to make myself feel better. LOL!
Erich has also mentioned that I'm no doubt closer to my goal than I think I am due to all the excess skin I'm still carrying around. Yep. That's true. I know I'll never be able to afford to get rid of it so I guess I need to make friends with it. It's there and there's nothing I can do about it. I'd say it's a good 10-15 pounds worth so far and it'll only get worse.
My girl Ruby was on Oprah a while back discussing her decision to have plastic surgery to remove some of the skin. She was blinking back tears as she explained, "I'm exchanging fat for skin and skin for scars. I feel like I'm being punished for the rest of my life for what I did to my body. And it sucks." OMG, do I know how she feels!! Even when we lose the weight, it's not like we can celebrate with some slinky, skin-baring dress or whatever. Nope. If anything, I want to cover up more NOW than at 444 pounds. To me, the sag looks worse than the fat. MUCH worse. Someone said to me recently that they imagined I couldn't wait for swimsuit season. Well, it's not really like that. I always wanted to cover my thighs when I was in a bathing suit before; now I want to do that plus pull on a t-shirt. Imagine losing 211 pounds and thinking that, in some ways, you looked better before. That's totally where I'm at.
Not that I wouldn't love to exchange my skin for scars. LOL! That would be great. But Ruby is correct - we're never gonna look like the 'normal' people.
I try to keep telling myself that at least I'm healthy. The turkey neck, belly overhang and sagging skin on my legs and arms are the price I pay for that. I'm healthy and strong. So it's all good.
I scored some new clothes from a friend yesterday! She is a reader of this blog and lives in my town. We've become friends and I have to say I am sooo grateful to have met her. We're so much alike it's truly scary sometimes. LOL! She had her surgery in February but her old clothes are a lot of what I can wear now. But...about half were too big, I'm happy to say! We seem to have the same taste in clothes and her stuff was really awesome so I'm a happy camper! Those capris I have on in the pics below were hers. Heh.
I cut all my hair off Thursday night. It had the texture of cotton candy, so it had to go. Hair thinning and loss is a side effect of any drastic weight loss, but it's also a side effect of the gastric bypass surgery itself. Some people have no trouble with that but I haven't been so lucky. So I decided to just hack it off and start over. Supposedly, things start to return to normal about 12-18 months post-op. Everyone who's seen it loves it but Erich. He really, really doesn't like it. I'm hoping he'll get used to it!
What do you think? Not too bad. I like it more than I thought I would, actually!
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