Saturday, May 30, 2009

I'm baaaack!

Greetings and salutations. I'm back in the Great White North and feeling sorta human again. I have a little cold that's much better today and my psycho cycle has cranked it into high gear yet again, but I'm doing ok. Considering! LOL!

I got back from Ohio on Wednesday morning about 4 a.m. after being down there for 8 days. My beloved 93-year-old grandmother passed away; my mother called last Monday and was worried I wouldn't make it down there before she went. Well, she hung on, bless her heart, till Sat. morning around 12:30 a.m. It's hard to wait for someone you love to die. You know it's the right thing, that it's time and she needs to go, but it's still so difficult to bear. She was the grande dame of our entire extended family. She will be missed. http://www.boyerfuneral.com/ (click on Hazel A. Brannan)

I tried my best to stick to the healthy eating thing while I was there but it was hard. My parents own a restaurant and we ate there every day instead of my mom having to cook. I made pretty good choices most of the time and I did exercise a couple times. All told, I was still prepared for a nasty number on the scale. Not too bad...I only gained a pound. I'll take it, believe me. *whew*

I have read many articles about the need for weight-loss patients, or anyone losing a great deal of weight, to make a list of things they want to do when they reach their goal weight. Things we can't do now because of our size or health problems or whatever. The other day, I even heard The Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels on Oprah talking about the importance of such a list. So I'm going to do that - here are a few things I've thought of and I'll add to the list every week:

- Walk or stand for long periods of time. By that I mean walk a couple miles or stand for more than a few minutes (you know, like several hours at a Bo Bice concert).

- Buy cute clothes! I don't know what it's like to go into a store and be able to actually wear stuff. And have room to go up a size or two! That'll be nice.

- Sit in a booth at a restaurant.

- Cross my legs!

- Look at chairs or seats in movie theaters or stadiums or on patios and wonder if they're strong and/or wide enough.

- Energy. I need me some of that.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Reward system

Well, I lost the 4 lbs. I gained last week, but I'm still frustrated. I realized I'm only down 4 lbs. since I saw Dr. Genaw on April 24th. That ain't good enough. I'm doing what I always have - maybe a slight plateau is setting in? Sigh. This week I plan to concentrate on moving more. Exercise, exercise, exercise. That scale needs to show me something good next Friday.

I decided I'm going to institute a reward system for myself. I've read about lots of people doing this so I'm gonna give it a go. I deserve that, I think. Losing weight is hard and it's good to have a treat to look forward to. So here's what I came up with so far.

50 lbs. = pedicure. I've never had a professional pedicure in my life. I just do it myself. I have a thing about people messing with my feet. In short, I hate it. But I do see the need for pedicures and have always wanted to get one done by a pro. So I'll bite the bullet and overcome a fear while treating myself nicely.

100 lbs. = peep tattoo. Ok, I got a tat back in 2006 on the Bo trip to Texas with my fellow staffers at The Bice Effect. Most of you know the story: We all went to Texas for 2 shows and were together all in the same place for the first time. To commemorate the occasion, we all got tats (yes, even Lecia). Mine is a dark green, circular Celtic knot on the inside of my right lower calf. I love it! I've wanted another one ever since but as I've mentioned before, I'm a wuss when it comes to pain. That tat freakin' HURT. It hurt more than I thought it would, even! But I really want a few more, especially something to honor this experience of being a Bo Bice fan. It's about so much more than him at this point. Being a Bo Peep is a lifetime gig, as one fan put it. I'd like to get a little yellow chick somewhere. Again, it's about accomplishments and overcoming fear. I'll sit in the chair again for the peep. ;-)

Beyond that, I don't know. Every 50 lbs. seems a good system. I'll have to think of something big for the 150-lb. mark. Yes, I want to lose that much and more. Hmm. By that point, maybe it'll be something to do with being smaller - like doing something I've never been able to do since I'm so big. Riding a roller coaster maybe.

Just a final FYI - if you subscribed to this blog in the beginning and don't get notifications, I encourage you to re-subscribe via email. My feed wasn't working properly when I began this thing (totally my fault) but it seems ok now because I know some people do get notifications. Peace! And thanks for reading.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Motivational song of the day

Can't get this song outta my head. Really awesome, even if it is Hannah Montana. Click on the link so you can see/hear it. I couldn't get the damn thing to embed for some reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaken
But I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facin'
The chances I'm takin'
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breakin'

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby

It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

I really love this song - it's so true. It's all about the climb, right? Keep going, that's what it's all about - never stop, one day at a time.

Three of the four pounds I gained last week are gone. Must've been water weight, I dunno. Keep going!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Cleaning out my closet

First of all, I'm neglecting this blog and I need to get with the program. I need it to keep me honest so I'm going to really try and post more. I think of things to say but then I'm too lazy to post! Nutty. I love to write, it's just about my favorite thing to do in the world. So do it, right? Write. Right.

I'm not happy with the numbers on the scale this week. On Friday, they said I'd gained 4 lbs. This morning, it changed to 2. *major eye roll* It's that lovely time of the month (my cycle is all over the place) so I expected a gain of one or two, but it seems my friend the scale is a tad schizo. I don't really know what to think about it. I guess I'll just get back on the horse and hope for the best next week.

I had a jogging episode last week. I call it an episode 'cause I'm not really sure what it was. LOL! Some of you already know this because I posted it on Facebook. I went out for a walk and came to a large, long apartment building in our neighborhood on a corner. I stopped and said to myself "Self, can you run to the end of the street?" I looked around, making sure no one was watching my fat ass jiggle and carry on, then went for it. And I made it! Erich told me that's about 40 feet. Not far, but hey. I haven't run anywhere on purpose for about 23 years, maybe? I stopped taking gym when I was a sophomore. ;)

I spent part of today shopping in my own closet. I needed to try things on and see what I had in there I could wear since I'm feeling my weight loss in my clothes now. There are maybe 6-10 tops that I wear on a rotating basis, though I have tons more in my closet. I'm sure every woman can relate to that, no matter her weight. Those tops are comfy and they hide things. You know. But they're getting majorly loose on me, so I wanted to see what was what in there. Things got shoved to the back that were too tight or, a more pressing problem for me, too short. I swear, I have a whole new wardrobe. LOL! At least 10-15 tops that were iffy before now fit me well. There were some that aren't quite there yet but that's ok. It'll come. I'm looking forward to wearing my "new" clothes!

I got some new shoes last week; my old ones were too loose as they were wide widths and stretched out more with wear. Plus, I wear the soles of my shoes out quickly due to my weight. But I replaced my favorite pair with an exact replica - same size, but regular width. They fit perfectly.

It feels good to shrink out of your clothes, dude. That rocks.

I also finally retired my college class ring till further notice. I've been wearing it on my middle finger almost since I got it. They made me try on one of those ring sizers and for some reason, the one that fit me best was a size 10. Dude, size 10?? No way. But they insisted I get a size 10. Well, it's always been too big. I can get the thing on my thumb at this point. It's been sliding around my middle finger, especially in the pool. So I'm giving it up till I hit goal, then I'll get it resized. Odd because I've worn that ring every day of my life since 1994. I had my wedding set resized a few years ago to a size 7-1/2 and now it's too big as well, but not enough to get it resized again yet.

Good stuff happening! I'm happy and excited, even with the gain this week. I know the scale will move down next week. I just know it will. So it's all good.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Back on track

First of all, thanks so much again for the comments you guys leave. Ya'll are the best.

What a week! I had a bad weekend (last weekend) and totally overdid it, felt sick all day Sunday. So I had guilt about that for a while. I swear I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I KNOW BETTER!! I was so mad at myself. But I really tried to just move on and get back on my program, and I think I was successful at that. A lady at work has been SO sick, hacking all over the place, and I kept thinking "If she gets me sick, esp. with a cough like that, before this surgery, I might kill her". Because when I get shit like that, I keep it forever like a lock of Bo's hair. Speaking of...another crapper of the week is logging onto Facebook and reading that he'd CUT HIS HAIR. I swear there were vapors. But it's still past his shoulders so it's all good. *whew* Then Adam landed in the bottom 3 on Idol. WTF??? Then Danny had his worst week yet on Hell's Kitchen. WTF?? I was holding my breath during eliminations on both shows. And there was more drama with the kid, which I won't go into except to shake my head and say "Sigh."

I decided to plug my new goal weight into Sparkpeople. By July 6, when I weigh in before my surgery, I'd like to lose another 30 pounds. I kinda think I might be lowballing myself, but I also know that as you lose weight, i.e., the less you weigh, the slower it comes off. The program cut my daily caloric goal back a little bit but that's ok because I rarely met my previous intake anyway. So, off we go to the new goal!

Things started off with a bang, lemme tell ya. LOL! I hopped on the scale Friday morning and let out a very loud "WHAT??" I thought for sure I woke Erich up. I'd lost 6 pounds! I was just hoping to break even, to undo the damage I did when I fell head first off the wagon last weekend. Isn't the human body odd? I can do so well with my eating and exercise and lose nothing, or I can mess around for a couple days and lose 6. It's weird. I hope I don't pay for that big loss next week. We'll see.

I've passed a milestone this week - I'm under "a certain weight" for the first time I can remember since perhaps college (I graduated in 1994). Back when I was first diagnosed with diabetes in 2005, I lost quite a bit of weight. Around 50 lbs., maybe. I don't know exactly because we didn't have a scale that would weigh me then and neither did my dr. So I might be around that weight again now. However, the last time I know I stepped on a scale and saw these numbers, I was in college. I'd lose a bunch of weight on phen-fen, the crazy diet drug combo that was eventually banned by the FDA because it could cause serious heart problems. I've been worried about my heart ever since then - that's one reason I was so glad when all my tests that I had for the surgery came back normal. But I digress. Anyway....it feels great to see these numbers on my scale again!

Next week I hope to hit another milestone. I'm two pounds away from having lost 50 lbs. I'm grinning like an idiot as I type that. LOL! So cross your fingers for me that I hit that next Friday!