Monday, November 30, 2009

Randomness

Some things on my mind this morning include:

- I notice as I'm Christmas shopping that for the first time, it's very hard not to shop for myself! I can wear clothes in just about any store at this point so inevitably I find myself wandering over to the plus size dept. and finding some cute top or something. This has never been a problem in the past and it's becoming a problem. LOL!

- Why is that when you call a corporate customer service line, the person you speak to never speaks proper English? I can barely understand most of them. They should have a choice like 'press 5 for someone who speaks English'. This is annoying to me. I don't think I'm alone.

- As I've told you guys, I got my ears pierced last month. Well, as expected, they aren't healing properly. The right one especially. What the hell is that all about? Every other female on earth has pierced ears but I guess some 'god of piercing' has decided that I can't. It's frustrating. And it's gotten so bad that I was watching a commercial this morning featuring one of those starving children in Africa and the child had gold hoops in her ears....I'm thinking 'Come on. In all that filth and her ears healed just fine? WTF?'

- I'm starting to get noticed by guys. This is odd. In the past, if someone hit on me it made me wonder what was wrong with them. But now I'm starting to think maybe some guy is smiling at me because maybe I'm looking ok? I dunno. It's a weird thing that I've only experienced for a few short months when I was 'normal' in my late teens. Just the other day I was out and some guy stood near me and didn't move till I looked at him then he smiled and said 'Hi'. Ummmm....hi. I got the fuck outta there. Scared the shit outta me. I'm glad I'm not single so I don't have to navigate this particular minefield. LOL!

- It takes me so long to get dressed in the morning. I pull things out of my closet that I could wear a couple of months ago and they have passed me by - hanging on me and looking like crap. This is a good thing but it's frustrating. All the neckholes in my shirts are too big. What's up with that? If I can find a shirt in the morning that doesn't gap at the top & show my bra then it's a good day. *eyeroll*

- My body is soooo different now. I have protruding shoulder blades, collar bones and hipbones. I am sometimes fascinated by my bones. LOL! I run my hand over my shoulder and am just like 'wow....cool'.

- I have this weird red splotch on my neck that looks like King Kong has given me a hickey. It itches and hurts and looks like I've let Erich play True Blood with me. Embarrassing! Don't know what the hell that's all about.

- I have to get on a plane in two weeks' time. I'm going to Nashville for Bo's fan club Christmas party and two shows. Thank god for air miles and good friends or my ass would be planted in Canada! But I'm concerned about the seat. I only bought one instead of my usual two and I'm still nervous about fitting into it. Erich insists that I'm insane but I can't help it. I'm also worried about the tray not going down in front of me. It never has before. I know...I'm 153 lbs. lighter. But my ass and stomach are still right there, pretty damn big. I may need a valium before I board.

- I think there should be a security guard at the gym to make sure people wipe the machines down after they use them. Ladies, this is disgusting. Your mama brought you up better than that, I know it. Ugh. I've seen people just moving from one machine to the next, no wiping it down. Now I wipe down before and after I use the equipment. Again, ugh.

I'm sure I'll think of more stuff later but I gotta get to work! My strange brain....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Time to make the donuts

I had said last weekend that I was going to try a few recipes from The World According to Eggface blog (see link at left) because I FINALLY found some key ingredients when I went to upstate NY to visit friends recently. Well, I made several of them over the past week with pretty good results.

First up - sugar-free fudge! I was anxious to try this; I used my chocolate peanut butter protein powder instead of the mint chocolate she used. It was good but not sweet. Like, who wants fudge that isn't sweet? At all? It just tasted like it was missing sugar (duh). So I tried it again and added 1/4 cup of Splenda and another tablespoon of the Torani syrup. Ahhhh...sweet, chocolate-y goodness! The texture isn't quite the same as "regular" fudge, but it's a good substitute when you can't have the real thing. Recipe: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2009/11/fabulous-fudge.html

Then I tried her tortilla pizza on low-carb wraps. Pretty standard stuff, just sugar-free marinara sauce (I used Classico), a few pepperoni slices and some cheese. Yummy. I sprayed a cookie sheet with Pam and baked for about 10 mins. Freakin' AWESOME. Recipe: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2008/12/its-pizza-porn-time.html

I also made the cottage cheese pancakes. Yes, cottage cheese. I didn't do the caramel apple ones shown on the link. I just made plain pancakes - that is, I left out the apple and used vanilla pudding mix instead of butterscotch. These are so great. But they are VERY tender, so you have to make them small if you try it. I just topped a couple with sugar-free maple syrup and it was divine. Recipe: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2008/04/caramel-apple-pancakes.html

And finally - the DONUTS I owe this recipe to Bill, because he pointed me in the direction of a mini donut pan after I looked forever for one! Again, there is no sugar and no sugar substitute in her recipe. I'm scratching my head over this but hey....I played it safe this time and just added a 1/4 cup Splenda to the mix right away. I glazed them with sugar-free Hershey's chocolate bars and Smucker's sugar-free caramel ice cream topping (both available in Canada) plus some crushed peanuts and unsweetened coconut. These are REALLY good. I highly recommend them! Thank you Eggface ;-) Recipe: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2009/06/its-national-donut-day.html

I hit a new milestone on Friday with a loss of 5 lbs. to bring my total to 153 gone so far. I've lost over 150 pounds...that's a little bit surreal. The most I'd ever lost before in all my years of dieting was about 80 pounds. Of course, I gained all that back plus a lot more. I got my hair cut as my reward, complete with bangs. My hair is so thin now since it's been falling out so I figured it was a good time to go shorter. The hair loss is slowing down now, I might point out. Pre-ops, don't freak out about that - it's a temporary thing. I'm now getting about half the amount of hair in my brush every day that I used to get (which was handfuls of the stuff).

My stepdaughter Ericha is a hair stylist, so I had her come over and do the cut. She was hesitant about giving me bangs because she knows me. LOL! I do not like to mess with my hair. I don't own a curling iron or straightener and I don't know how to "roll brush"....she had to explain to me what that term even means, ok? I'm just not into the whole 'I'm a girl' primping routine. I never have been. Since my hair is wavy, I do like to use a diffuser while I'm blow drying (sometimes), but that's the extent of Cindy's hair knowledge. She even asked me right before she cut them 'So we're doing the bangs?' just to make sure. LOL! I told her to go ahead. Not sure that was a good idea.

To me, they look awful. I don't know what to do with them, so I'm pulling them back for now. I do like the shorter cut, though. Going shorter always just makes my hair curlier, meaning it looks good with even less effort. Score. The bangs I'll have to feel out.

Current weight: 291. 280s, here I come. :)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

A day in the life

I've had people ask me what I eat, what supplements I take, how much I drink, exercise, etc., etc. So here are the fascinating details of a typical day in Cindyland.

I get up at 7:30 and have a glass of water. Since I don't have to be at work till 10:00, I normally like to start eating by at least 8:30. Gastric bypass patients are supposed to wait 30 mins. before and after eating to drink - we want our pouch filled with food (i.e., nutrition) and not water. Most mornings, I have one scrambled egg and a slice of bacon. Sometimes I'll throw in half an English muffin smeared with some sugar-free jam but not often. I have to eat slowly, trying to wait about two minutes between each bite. This is why it takes me about a half hour to eat. But if I'm done by 9, then by 9:30, when I have to leave for work, I can take my liquid calcium and liquid glucosamine before I leave then tote the supplements I take in pill form with me.

When I get to my desk at work, I start drinking water and taking my supplements. A multivitamin, ursodiol, maybe my biotin tablet. All spaced at least five minutes apart to avoid nausea. (I'll explain all these supplements at the end.) These days, I get hungry more often and will sometimes have a handful of nuts around 11 or 11:30 - I keep a small container of them at my desk. I go to lunch at 1 p.m.

Lunch often involves leftovers from the night before. Now, sometimes I eat what I cook for Erich and sometimes I can't (steak or chicken breast doesn't agree with me very well). I'm not going to deprive him of the things I can't eat so I will often make two dinners, one for me and one for him. But things like meatloaf, Hamburger Helper (don't judge), bbq chicken thighs - yes, I'll take those with me. Protein-dense soups like Chunky beef or sirloin also work. I might eat 1/2 cup of that plus a few crackers and a wedge of cheese. A couple times I've hit the drive thru at Wendy's for a jr. cheeseburger - I take the bun off the bottom because too much bread makes me feel heavy and nauseous. It's ok - we don't have to eat like nuns for the rest of our lives. Compared to what I used to eat at Wendy's (a double with bacon & cheese, large fries, maybe a "side" order of chicken nuggets plus a large diet Coke - I did this a few times a week maybe) this is progress. I don't feel guilty. And that single little cheeseburger fills me up for the rest of the day.

After lunch, I wait 30 mins. and start drinking again. At that time, I will take my iron tablet and B-12 (I take B-12 every other day since my levels are quite high). We are told to wait two hours between calcium and iron supplements, so that's why I wait till lunch to take the iron. Lots of clock watching.

When I get home from work, sometimes I'm a little hungry again. Physical hunger is slowly returning to me as the months go by. I understand this is normal and everything but it's a little scary. I think all gastric bypass patients are terrified of hunger, of returning to their old way of eating. But the thing is, even if I'm starving I can't eat very much. My pouch won't let me. I get full and satisfied with very little. My brain tells me I need to eat 3 plates of food, out of habit, but my body will put the brakes on at about 3/4 to one cup. So when I get home I will have a half an apple with a bit of peanut butter or something. Maybe a protein shake if I'm going to the gym. I'm really working on the protein since my hair is in sad, dire shape.

If it's a gym day - Monday, Wednesday, Friday - I go and do 30 mins. on the treadmill and 20 mins. of strength training. I also try to hit the gym at least one weekend day. I skip the strength training then but up the cardio to 45 minutes - typically a mile on the treadmill and 3 on the stationary bike. I've tried the elliptical. Evil. Bad.

Dinner is like I described above. I try to make things we can both eat but sometimes I can't. I'll make him a big steak and myself a fish fillet then a side dish we can both enjoy like mashed potatoes or something. I sneak in a veggie when I can (Erich is not a fan, either). I can eat potatoes in pretty much any form but rice and pasta give me trouble sometimes. When I was in NY last weekend, I ate spaghetti for the first time in a few months. I was a little scared because the last time I tried it, it came back up but ahhhhhhhh......not this time!! And I do love my Italian food. And again, after dinner I wait 30 mins. then start drinking. At that time I will take my 2nd multivitamin, calcium and ursodiol doses of the day.

If I'm having a rough day and things aren't going down well (i.e., I have to throw up) then I drink some Eater's Digest tea and it settles my stomach. When I feel a bit better I go back to my old standby - whole wheat crackers and peanut butter or cheese - just to get some calories/nutrients down. I keep the tea at work and always have some on hand at home. I don't have problems like this as often as I used to, though.

So there you have it! That's what a typical day for me is like. I have to put thought into everything I put in my mouth. It's becoming second nature at this point though, especially all the clock watching. The main thing I still have trouble with is chewing things into oblivion. I have to really pay attention to that or the pouch will get pissed off.

I lost two lbs. last week - 295. One pound away from 150 lbs. total lost. I think I will get a haircut for my reward. Still looking for boots. Sigh. I have a feeling I won't be able to find any until I reach my goal weight.

I'm going to see New Moon in a few hours! EEEEEE!!!! Plus I'm going shopping for a few ingredients I need to try out some Eggface recipes, now that I found some stuff missing in Canada when I was in NY. I intend to try her protein-packed, sugar-free fudge, donuts, pancakes and tortilla pizzas. I'll let you know how it goes.

Information on supplements:
Equate (Walmart brand) Century Plus multivitamin (2/day)
Ursodiol - prescription med meant to calm the gallbladder - stopped 6 mo. post op. (2/day)
Life (Shopper's Drug Mart brand) Liquid Calcium (1000 mg. - 2 doses/day)
Swiss Natural Sources B-12 (1 every other day)
Nature's Bounty Gentle Iron (28 mg. - 1/day)
Bio-Tech Pharmical Vitamin D (50,000IU - 1/week) https://secure.bio-tech-pharm.com/detail.aspx?product_id=20&cat_id=2&subcat_id=0

Stuff I take that's not required:
Swiss Natural Sources Biotin (300 mcg - 1/day)
Jamieson Natural Sources Liquid Glucosamine (1500 mg - 1 dose/day)

Eater's Digest Tea: http://www.amazon.com/Traditional-Medicinals-Eaters-16-Count-Wrapped/dp/B0009F3PIA Canadians, we can find this pretty much anywhere - Zehr's, Shopper's, Walmart. I'm not sure where it's available in the States, though. I'd never heard of it till recently but then I never had a need for it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A much-needed breather

First of all, my Cincinnati Bengals are first in the AFC north! WOOT! Secondly, I lost a pound last week, putting me at 297. I am celebrating the pound! Thirdly, New Moon opens this Friday! I'm not as bad as some other people I know (heh) but I did enjoy the book series and gladly partake in the pop-culture phenomenon that is Twilight. But I am ashamed of the cougar thoughts that run through my head when looking at Taylor Lautner...he's younger than my KID. Must not look. *turning away now* At least Robert Pattinson's not jailbait....

Erich and I went down to upstate New York last weekend to see some friends of ours. It was a great, relaxing time that we both really needed. Good times, good friends, Bo videos....what more could anyone want?? My friend Paris and I have the best husbands in the world, lemme tell ya. We actually kicked them out of the living room at one point. They are both awesome. Everyone should have their own private "Paris Hilton" to get away to every now and then! Nancy, Jackie, Beth, Paris and John - thank you for being in my life.

This was the first time they had seen me since I started my journey here - Paris and Nancy cracked me the hell up the way they were looking at me when I first arrived. The shock and awe face is what I call it. LOL! Everyone always tells me the pictures are quite different from the real thing. Paris was like "I can't believe how tiny you are!" I've never heard that before in my life. LOL! We were at a store and she told me she didn't recognize me from a distance. It's really cool to hear things like that. I saw my profile in a recent photograph and didn't even recognize myself!

The transformation is odd. In some ways, I feel more like myself than I have in 20 years. And in other ways, I don't know me. I don't know this woman in pictures. This woman with cheekbones and narrow shoulders. Is that me? What does she think about or dream about? What does she want now that one of her most sacred and far-fetched dreams is coming true? Where does she go from here? I have so many other dreams and I kinda feel like I can accomplish pretty much anything now. It's liberating and scary at the same time. I have spent most of my life being the 'fat chick' and all the negative emotions/connotations that go along with it. In some ways, being that 'fat chick' has made me stronger. Maybe too strong at time (read: bitch). But in most ways, it's a cumbersome existence and I know I wrapped that label around myself like a heavy suit of armor. I need to carve out a new identity for myself; I feel like I'm up for the challenge.

While in the States, we went to Walmart. It's Mecca. I'm serious. OMG, I found everything I've been searching for for months in about an hour. Sugar-free flavored Torani syrup; sugar-free Jello pudding powder; low-carb tortilla wraps; sugar-free fudge grahams (!!!); sugar-free hot chocolate and Splenda French Vanilla coffee sticks. It is sooooo hard to find low-carb and sugar-free food in Canada. I'm thrilled that I can finally try some of the recipes in the Eggface blog (see link at left) that I have not been able to in the past. I'll let you all know how the cooking goes!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Going it alone

My sessions with Jennifer ended on Wednesday. I only bought 12 at a new-member price, plus a 40% off sale was going on at the time so...12 was pushing it financially even at those prices but I bit the bullet because I knew I needed the instruction. All good things must come to an end! She tried to convince me to continue with her, saying she was "afraid to send me out there on my own" - LOL! I agree but there was just no way I could afford it.

We had our weigh-in and measuring after we finished working out and I've lost inches everywhere since we started, so that was encouraging! I like their scale at the gym, too, it always says I weigh less than my scale. I had told her I really wanted to be under 300 so when I stepped on the scale and it said 296, she started jumping up and down. I really like her - no Jillian tendencies at all! LOL! We also sat down and worked out a schedule (strength training Monday, Wednesday & Friday as usual, plus more scheduled cardio those days and on the weekends...Tuesdays and Thursdays off) and set up an appointment in a month's time to see where I'm at.

So what's the first thing I do? Miss my Friday workout. *sigh* I have to tell you that I have been so tired lately and feeling achy and odd. I have a day like that then I feel good the next day. Just when I think I'm getting sick, I seem to snap out of it. Friday was one of those crappy days. Plus, I knew it would be busy at the gym and while the Barbies don't freak me out the way they used to, I didn't want to go in there fumbling around the weight machines with 100 people standing there waiting for me to get my fat ass out of the way. I wanted the first time I did this to be audience-free. That will probably come back to bite me in said fat ass because I'm sure Jennifer was there going 'Where the hell is she??'

So I went Saturday morning. First, I did 45 mins. of cardio on the treadmill. Have I told you all that I am now running on the frakkin' treadmill?? Oh yes. Short sprints, then slowing it back to a fast walk. It does bother my knees some but not to the extent I thought it would.

After the cardio, I got my 'green form' from my file, which Jennifer wrote in each session, recording the weight I lifted, the settings on the machines, etc. I took a second and looked at my progress. On the low-back extension machine, for example, she started me off at 40 lbs. - by last Wednesday at our last session, I was pumping 145 lbs. Not bad! Maybe that's why my back feels better than it has in 25 years. There were maybe four people in the whole gym so I felt comfortable taking my time and doing everything the way I hoped would make Jennifer proud. I could still see her in front of me saying 'Shoulders down!' 'Don't arch that back!' 'Breeeeathe through it!' Without her introductory course, I would be so lost. I'm grateful to her.

Going to that gym makes me feel so good. I sometimes have to drag myself in there but when I get done - that feeling of accomplishment is awesome. Doing the weights by myself wasn't so bad. I was nervous but again, once I got in there and started doing it...no problem.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Another milestone!

I'd mentioned on Facebook the other day that I needed to lose one more lb. to reach a big milestone. Well, I did it! Actually, I lost two. :)

I've been cheating by getting on the scale a few times this week and seeing how I'm doing because I've been so anxious all month to bust through this milestone. I was frustrated being so close then losing like one lb. or two lbs. - but this week, I lost five in total and that puts me at 298 lbs.

I am in the 200s. Not 400s; not 300s - 200s. I am crying as I type that. It's an incredible feeling. I had sorta given up hope that I would ever weigh under 300 lbs. again. It seemed such an unreachable goal for so many years. I know......Cindy, you're still 298 lbs. Which is true and I still have a long way to go. But it still feels overwhelmingly amazing!

This week on The Biggest Loser, my girl Shay finally dipped under 400 lbs. She cried and was completely thrilled. I know how she feels. When I went under 400 I was still hiding my weight from you and the world. But Erich was with me and I collapsed into tears. He told me he was proud of me and I started to feel like maybe I could really do this. Now, I feel that even more. I'm gonna DO this, ya'll.....I'm really gonna lose all this weight. And I will keep it off. I'm starting to wrap my head around that and not doubt myself in any way. It'll happen. It really will!

I feel like I'm accomplishing the impossible and there are no words to describe how that affects your soul. It is changing everything about me, inside and out.

It's been a while since I've blogged and I have so much to say but I have to get my ass in gear and get to work (*groan*). I have lost 146 lbs. in total so far.

I sorta rock. Ha!