Losing 200 pounds makes all kinds of weird stuff appear out of nowhere on your body. Most people, the layperson, would call these things bones. There's also a thing called a neck. Rounded protrusions referred to as knees, ankles and wrists. I have a chin now.
But ribs...my ribs are kinda freaking me out. I noticed it about a month or so ago and they're getting worse. Or better, depending on your point of view. It's not the ribs themselves, it's the position of them.
I told Erich I had weird ribs. He laughed. "You're supposed to have ribs," he assured me. "No...they're WEIRD." Again he laughed. I told him to wait till we were lying down in bed and I'd show him. The weirdness is more pronounced then.
So I pulled up my shirt and said "See?" He looked. His brow furrowed a bit, then his eyes widened. "Feel them," I challenged him. So he did. He bit his bottom lip and said "Hm." I smiled in victory. "I told you they were weird."
They protrude oddly; like, waaaayyyy out. It feels and looks like a deformity of some sort. I asked my strangely intelligent husband, who is also known as MacGyver in our circle of family and friends because he really can take a matchstick and a few rocks and build you a house or something, what he thought the problem was. He said maybe my internal organs, the liver in particular, were so enlarged that over time, my ribs had pushed themselves out to accommodate them. Now it was my turn to say "Hm."
Could be, I suppose. Dr. Genaw did tell me that mine was one of the largest livers he'd ever encountered and was very glad I'd lost all that weight pre-op, as he would've hated to have seen it beforehand. I've been doing some poking around online about this but haven't found anything relating losing a lot weight with strangely protruding ribs. I'm going to email Dr. Genaw about it. They don't hurt, but they're just, well, weird.
I really cleaned out my closet Sunday night, getting rid of two huge boxfuls of stuff. I tried on most things and if it was baggy and made me look pregnant, it was outta there. I find I really want well-fitting clothes now whereas I used to want everything baggy. I have a waist now and want to define it, not hide it. So I put these clothes up for sale on Kijiji and it appears my worst fears have been realized and I am, indeed, the fattest chick in Canada. (just kidding) Seriously, no bites. At all. I thought those clothes would be long gone by now. I know I would've snapped them up in a minute a couple years ago! Oh well. I'll leave the ad up for a week and if I still don't get a single response, I guess I'll donate them. I was hoping to make a little bit of cash, damnit.
My friend Lisa passed on a cheesecake cobbler recipe a couple weeks ago and OH MY!! I tweaked it a bit for dieters/gastric bypass patients, adding some stuff and substituting Splenda for sugar. She has graciously allowed me to re-post my concoction here for ya'll:
Cheesecake Cobbler
1 8oz pkg cream cheese (room temp)
1 egg
1 C. Splenda
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tube of refrigerated crescent rolls
Two tablespoons sugar-free strawberry jam
A few chopped fresh strawberries
Mix together first 4 ingredients with electric mixer and pour into a casserole dish.
Tear apart crescent rolls and place on top of the cheesecake mixture.
Bake according to directions on crescent roll package, plus a few mins. Check it and when it's golden brown it's done.
When I made this, I didn't use all the crescent rolls in the tube. Also, I think the cream cheese could easily be doubled. In fact, I intend to make this for Easter and will do just that. My whole family loved it, dieters or not!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Ghosts of diets past
I was reading about Zulekah Haywood, the daughter of supermodel Iman, in this month's Glamour magazine. Despite genetics that most of us would kill for - her father is NBA legend Spencer Haywood - she found herself at 330 pounds by age 31. Then she had gastric bypass surgery. Her story is here.
In the article, she talks about a lot of things that I totally identify with such as not being able to comfortably get out of bed in the morning serving as a major trigger that 'hello, something drastic needs to happen'. She also discusses how her famous parents tried unsuccessfully to help her with her lifetime weight problems.
My parents did, too, in their own way. One of my first childhood memories is of stepping on a scale, my mother standing over me. I remember that I was under 70 pounds and my mom seemed pleased about that. I can't remember if I'd been trying to lose weight or what, but I remember getting on that scale.
Another very early childhood memory: Coming indoors after running around playing and my father telling me that the racing feeling in my chest, the 'burn', as I would later recognize it, should be something I strive for all the time. In other words, I needed to exercise more.
My parents never overtly hassled me about my weight. I've been fat my whole life but they never put me down for it and never made me feel less than worthy. Small, quiet encouragement, yes. But not 'put the fork down you fat pig'. I know others were not as lucky as me and I'm forever grateful to my parents for that.
When I was growing up, my dad was one of those naturally thin people who seemed like he could eat whatever he wanted and never gain weight. Most of the men in my family, on both sides, were very tall and thin. The women, though, always seemed to struggle with weight. My mom was no exception.
My mom lived on a crash diet. Not a healthy-eating plan, but a crash diet. All the time. She was always tall, thin and pretty with an enviable hourglass shape. But she just about killed herself to get there. She would make us spaghetti for dinner and have a small bowl of brussel sprouts for herself. She always ate with us at the table but rarely enjoyed the same food we did. I'm not entirely sure but I think this planted the seed inside me somewhere that good food was something forbidden and bad; therefore, when I got some, I ate more than I should because we usually want more of what we think we're not supposed to have, right?
But I never went on a major diet PLAN till my senior year in high school. By then I was 297 pounds. I tried to lose weight before then, but the Atkins-like, low-carb, high-protein plan I went on when I was 18 was the first organized diet for me. And I lost about 80 pounds in three months. It was pretty awesome! Gained it all back in a year or two's time, though - plus more. And it's like a drug. After that, for the next 10-12 years, I was chasing the year or so I had where I was normal. Gotta get a hit of normal! I need it! I want it!
Zulekah talks about all the different plans she went on before resorting to gastric bypass. Again, I know exactly what she's talking about. In fact, Henry Ford Hospital makes you list all the plans you've tried in their pre-surgical evaluation. Here are mine:
- Atkins-like, physician-supervised: Worked like a freakin' charm! No carbs except fruit, all the protein you could eat, a B-12 shot once a week and a diet pill plus a diuretic daily. My mom made entire turkeys for me and I ate all I wanted while losing HUGE amounts of weight. Then I started eating bread again. FAIL.
- Weight Watchers: Didn't work at all. I maybe lost 15 pounds the whole time. I'm not a 'meeting', 'let's share' type of person. I hated the public weigh-ins the most. I gain weight every month when I'm on my period, like most women do. I remember the old guy supervising the weigh-ins being shocked once that I put on 3 lbs. in one week. He shrieked "THREE POUNDS!?! YOU GAINED THREE POUNDS?!?!" I was like "Do you have a uterus? No? Then shut the hell up." I received a smattering of applause for that.
- Jenny Craig: Horrid food. I never had a salt habit till Jenny Craig and I still blame that shitty bland food for it. And it was incredibly expensive. Worked about as well as Weight Watchers.
- Umm....can't remember. Maybe Physician's Weight Loss: It was Jenny-Craig LIKE in that you had to go to a place and talk to someone all the time. There was 'weight-loss jello' involved and food diaries. I remember it cost about $600 to join up. I can't even remember if I lost any weight at all on that plan.
- Phen/Fen, physician-supervised: We traveled to some weight-loss clinic in Kentucky ran by a complete asshole. He told me that to be at the weight I was at I had to be consuming about 10,000 calories a day. I seriously told him he was nuts. And he was. I have never been one of those obese people shoving three Big Macs at a time down my throat. I ate too much of the wrong things, yes. But never 10,000 calories a day. Kiss my ass, man. Phen/fen actually worked quite well at first but then we heard about side effects so stopped taking it. If you don't know about that whole controversy, you can read about it here.
- Slim Fast: I tried to drink one shake and threw it back up it was so disgusting. That was the end of that.
- Over-the-counter diet pills. Dexatrim, Xenadrine, strange things traveling salesmen brought to my parents' video stores.
- I had lots of those 'diets' where you say "Tomorrow, I'm going to eat better." And it lasts a few days. You know what I mean. I tried to do it on my own a lot, in addition to all these organized plans.
Now I know some of those plans I talked about above have worked great for other people. I also know some of them have changed a lot since I was on them. But at the time, they didn't work for me.
Then I gave up. I really did. I was tired. I mean, you try something over and over with the same results and after a while it just gets demoralizing. There comes a time when your body mass index is nothing compared to the crushing weight of your own failure. Around age 29, I went on the 'divorce diet' which coincided with the 'discovery of the Internet' diet and lost about 30 pounds without really trying. Then I moved to Canada and gained it all back plus a LOT more.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I tried this revolutionary thing - eating less and moving more. It worked because I stuck to it, mostly out of fear. I was scared because I was sick. I lost about 50 pounds. Then I started working again and fell back into old habits. Gained it all back plus more.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I ended up at 444 pounds. At that point, I couldn't bear to think about another diet. Just couldn't. But I knew I had to do something and fast. So I opted for gastric bypass. Best decision I've ever made in my life.
This time, I'm determined not to fail. I have a lot going for me this time around. I have the fantastic tool my surgeon gave me. I have motivation because of the drastic step I took - I'm not going through all of this for nothing. No more diets. Just common sense and a certainty that what I'm doing will prolong my life. How does it get any better than that?
I lost three more pounds last week which put me over the top and means I've officially lost 200 pounds - 202 to be exact. Current weight: 242 - 48 more pounds to goal.
In the article, she talks about a lot of things that I totally identify with such as not being able to comfortably get out of bed in the morning serving as a major trigger that 'hello, something drastic needs to happen'. She also discusses how her famous parents tried unsuccessfully to help her with her lifetime weight problems.
My parents did, too, in their own way. One of my first childhood memories is of stepping on a scale, my mother standing over me. I remember that I was under 70 pounds and my mom seemed pleased about that. I can't remember if I'd been trying to lose weight or what, but I remember getting on that scale.
Another very early childhood memory: Coming indoors after running around playing and my father telling me that the racing feeling in my chest, the 'burn', as I would later recognize it, should be something I strive for all the time. In other words, I needed to exercise more.
My parents never overtly hassled me about my weight. I've been fat my whole life but they never put me down for it and never made me feel less than worthy. Small, quiet encouragement, yes. But not 'put the fork down you fat pig'. I know others were not as lucky as me and I'm forever grateful to my parents for that.
When I was growing up, my dad was one of those naturally thin people who seemed like he could eat whatever he wanted and never gain weight. Most of the men in my family, on both sides, were very tall and thin. The women, though, always seemed to struggle with weight. My mom was no exception.
My mom lived on a crash diet. Not a healthy-eating plan, but a crash diet. All the time. She was always tall, thin and pretty with an enviable hourglass shape. But she just about killed herself to get there. She would make us spaghetti for dinner and have a small bowl of brussel sprouts for herself. She always ate with us at the table but rarely enjoyed the same food we did. I'm not entirely sure but I think this planted the seed inside me somewhere that good food was something forbidden and bad; therefore, when I got some, I ate more than I should because we usually want more of what we think we're not supposed to have, right?
But I never went on a major diet PLAN till my senior year in high school. By then I was 297 pounds. I tried to lose weight before then, but the Atkins-like, low-carb, high-protein plan I went on when I was 18 was the first organized diet for me. And I lost about 80 pounds in three months. It was pretty awesome! Gained it all back in a year or two's time, though - plus more. And it's like a drug. After that, for the next 10-12 years, I was chasing the year or so I had where I was normal. Gotta get a hit of normal! I need it! I want it!
Zulekah talks about all the different plans she went on before resorting to gastric bypass. Again, I know exactly what she's talking about. In fact, Henry Ford Hospital makes you list all the plans you've tried in their pre-surgical evaluation. Here are mine:
- Atkins-like, physician-supervised: Worked like a freakin' charm! No carbs except fruit, all the protein you could eat, a B-12 shot once a week and a diet pill plus a diuretic daily. My mom made entire turkeys for me and I ate all I wanted while losing HUGE amounts of weight. Then I started eating bread again. FAIL.
- Weight Watchers: Didn't work at all. I maybe lost 15 pounds the whole time. I'm not a 'meeting', 'let's share' type of person. I hated the public weigh-ins the most. I gain weight every month when I'm on my period, like most women do. I remember the old guy supervising the weigh-ins being shocked once that I put on 3 lbs. in one week. He shrieked "THREE POUNDS!?! YOU GAINED THREE POUNDS?!?!" I was like "Do you have a uterus? No? Then shut the hell up." I received a smattering of applause for that.
- Jenny Craig: Horrid food. I never had a salt habit till Jenny Craig and I still blame that shitty bland food for it. And it was incredibly expensive. Worked about as well as Weight Watchers.
- Umm....can't remember. Maybe Physician's Weight Loss: It was Jenny-Craig LIKE in that you had to go to a place and talk to someone all the time. There was 'weight-loss jello' involved and food diaries. I remember it cost about $600 to join up. I can't even remember if I lost any weight at all on that plan.
- Phen/Fen, physician-supervised: We traveled to some weight-loss clinic in Kentucky ran by a complete asshole. He told me that to be at the weight I was at I had to be consuming about 10,000 calories a day. I seriously told him he was nuts. And he was. I have never been one of those obese people shoving three Big Macs at a time down my throat. I ate too much of the wrong things, yes. But never 10,000 calories a day. Kiss my ass, man. Phen/fen actually worked quite well at first but then we heard about side effects so stopped taking it. If you don't know about that whole controversy, you can read about it here.
- Slim Fast: I tried to drink one shake and threw it back up it was so disgusting. That was the end of that.
- Over-the-counter diet pills. Dexatrim, Xenadrine, strange things traveling salesmen brought to my parents' video stores.
- I had lots of those 'diets' where you say "Tomorrow, I'm going to eat better." And it lasts a few days. You know what I mean. I tried to do it on my own a lot, in addition to all these organized plans.
Now I know some of those plans I talked about above have worked great for other people. I also know some of them have changed a lot since I was on them. But at the time, they didn't work for me.
Then I gave up. I really did. I was tired. I mean, you try something over and over with the same results and after a while it just gets demoralizing. There comes a time when your body mass index is nothing compared to the crushing weight of your own failure. Around age 29, I went on the 'divorce diet' which coincided with the 'discovery of the Internet' diet and lost about 30 pounds without really trying. Then I moved to Canada and gained it all back plus a LOT more.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I tried this revolutionary thing - eating less and moving more. It worked because I stuck to it, mostly out of fear. I was scared because I was sick. I lost about 50 pounds. Then I started working again and fell back into old habits. Gained it all back plus more.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I ended up at 444 pounds. At that point, I couldn't bear to think about another diet. Just couldn't. But I knew I had to do something and fast. So I opted for gastric bypass. Best decision I've ever made in my life.
This time, I'm determined not to fail. I have a lot going for me this time around. I have the fantastic tool my surgeon gave me. I have motivation because of the drastic step I took - I'm not going through all of this for nothing. No more diets. Just common sense and a certainty that what I'm doing will prolong my life. How does it get any better than that?
I lost three more pounds last week which put me over the top and means I've officially lost 200 pounds - 202 to be exact. Current weight: 242 - 48 more pounds to goal.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Inked
I got my tattoo last Saturday! And I didn't even pass out or anything. Actually, it wasn't that bad. It hurt, but not as badly as I remember my first tattoo bothering me.
Erich found a very cool design online so I went with that. When I sat down to begin the tattoo, I tried not to focus on the pain and just remember what this really meant. It's an indelible reminder of all I've been through the past year. Of all I've accomplished. Of a place I never want to go back to.
I will get the final tattoo when I lose the final 50 pounds, at the top of the 'tower'. It will be the biggest heart, of course.
Some of those pictures were freaky to me when I first saw them. Not so much the tattooing, but the way I look in them. Especially the one in the top row, on the right. Is that me?? I don't think that looks anything like me. That looks like someone who is normal, thin even. I look at that picture and don't see a fat girl. LOL! It's just weird to me when I see pics of myself and I don't recognize me.
I decided to get another small tatt just for the hell of it. It's my maiden name on my wrist. I've always wanted to do something with my name and it took about 15 minutes. Still hurt, though!
I lost 7 pounds last week which put me at 245 - 199 pounds total lost. I was thrilled, but man! One more pound to 200! Still, it was good to sit for my heart tatt and know I really had lost 200 pounds. Well, almost.
We had beautiful weather all last week, so I was outside every day after work walking, jogging and hiking. It made me wonder if it would be better for me to exercise on my own rather than at the gym. I think I will keep my membership for rainy days this spring and summer. Or for smog alert days - yes, we get those here. But I find I so enjoyed being outside. I can't see driving to the gym to walk on a treadmill when I can be outside in the fresh air. Makes no sense to me. And I haven't lost seven pounds in one week since...well, since before I joined the gym. I was walking outside the last time that happened. Things that make you go hmmm...
I bought a belt over the weekend! I honestly don't remember the last time I owned a belt. No idea. But I need one now for those jeans I bought a few weeks back; the size 22-jeans that I was sure I couldn't fit into. Well, they're too big in the waist already. I could probably do with a 20. Go figure. I must stop buying clothes because my sizes will change so much more rapidly now.
Another thing that happened over the weekend was I finally changed out my earrings - which means my ears are totally healed! Woot! I can wear earrings! I'm very easily amused. LOL!
I'm now 51 pounds away from my goal of 194 pounds (amended from my previous goal of 200 pounds even). Fifty-one ain't that much, ya'll. I'd love to be there by my one-year surgical anniversary. But if that doesn't happen, it's ok. I've accomplished a lot and it will come off eventually. I have faith in that.
Erich found a very cool design online so I went with that. When I sat down to begin the tattoo, I tried not to focus on the pain and just remember what this really meant. It's an indelible reminder of all I've been through the past year. Of all I've accomplished. Of a place I never want to go back to.
I will get the final tattoo when I lose the final 50 pounds, at the top of the 'tower'. It will be the biggest heart, of course.
Some of those pictures were freaky to me when I first saw them. Not so much the tattooing, but the way I look in them. Especially the one in the top row, on the right. Is that me?? I don't think that looks anything like me. That looks like someone who is normal, thin even. I look at that picture and don't see a fat girl. LOL! It's just weird to me when I see pics of myself and I don't recognize me.
I decided to get another small tatt just for the hell of it. It's my maiden name on my wrist. I've always wanted to do something with my name and it took about 15 minutes. Still hurt, though!
I lost 7 pounds last week which put me at 245 - 199 pounds total lost. I was thrilled, but man! One more pound to 200! Still, it was good to sit for my heart tatt and know I really had lost 200 pounds. Well, almost.
We had beautiful weather all last week, so I was outside every day after work walking, jogging and hiking. It made me wonder if it would be better for me to exercise on my own rather than at the gym. I think I will keep my membership for rainy days this spring and summer. Or for smog alert days - yes, we get those here. But I find I so enjoyed being outside. I can't see driving to the gym to walk on a treadmill when I can be outside in the fresh air. Makes no sense to me. And I haven't lost seven pounds in one week since...well, since before I joined the gym. I was walking outside the last time that happened. Things that make you go hmmm...
I bought a belt over the weekend! I honestly don't remember the last time I owned a belt. No idea. But I need one now for those jeans I bought a few weeks back; the size 22-jeans that I was sure I couldn't fit into. Well, they're too big in the waist already. I could probably do with a 20. Go figure. I must stop buying clothes because my sizes will change so much more rapidly now.
Another thing that happened over the weekend was I finally changed out my earrings - which means my ears are totally healed! Woot! I can wear earrings! I'm very easily amused. LOL!
I'm now 51 pounds away from my goal of 194 pounds (amended from my previous goal of 200 pounds even). Fifty-one ain't that much, ya'll. I'd love to be there by my one-year surgical anniversary. But if that doesn't happen, it's ok. I've accomplished a lot and it will come off eventually. I have faith in that.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
A matter of movement
I lost 5 pounds this week. Here's the odd thing - on Friday, I stepped on the scale and was at minus three; I got back on Saturday just for the heck of it and was down two more. So my friend and I are on speaking terms again. LOL!
Seriously, it's a matter of movement. If you want to lose weight, you. have. to. move. I actually made it to the gym three times in the past week, plus I've been doing my calisthenics and some cardio here at home on the 'off' days. Yes I'm tired, no I don't feel like it sometimes, but if I just push my ass off the couch I feel so much better physically and emotionally afterwards. It's worth the effort; and it shows on the scale.
It's getting a bit warmer these days so I can't wait to get outside for some exercise. I got so tired of walking last year but now I'm anxious to take a power walk, or even a jog, around my neighborhood. I mentioned a long time ago that I wanted to be one of those women running on the sidewalk, ponytail bobbing up and down, looking like she had her shit together. Well, that might be me by the end of the summer this year.
I don't know why I want to run so badly. It bothers my knees, for sure. But I feel like I need to for some reason. Maybe I see the ability to jog as proof positive of a certain level of fitness.
When I was in elementary school, we had a 'jogging drive' for charity. You had people sponsor you and we all ran laps around the gym. There were HUGE white sheets of paper on the walls telling everyone who ran the farthest. There were sheets for 1/4 mile, 1/2 mile, etc., on up to I think four miles. I remember looking at those sheets and being flabbergasted that someone could run four miles! I also remember running laps and people literally 'running laps' around me. One girl, as she passed me, pulled my sweatpants down; see, everyone else had cool shorts on but I wouldn't wear shorts in gym so I had on sweatpants. Nice. I felt fat, defeated and ashamed. Yeah, I was the fat girl even back then. I've been the fat girl all my life, really. So maybe it goes back to that day. I want to run to prove I can, I suppose. And I do jog sprints on the treadmill at the gym. It makes me feel almost superhuman when I do that!
So I'm at 252 now with a total loss of 192 lbs. I will soon be at my next 50-lb. goal of 200 total!
I've been talking about a tattoo forever. So long that ya'll are probably tired of hearing me. But I have an appointment next Saturday the 20th to get my weight-loss tattoo. I've decided on a heart for every 50 pounds, going from just below my neck down the center of my back. Five hearts in all. I'll get four on Saturday since I'm so close to 200 lost at this point. The final heart will be at the top and I want to make it stand out in some way which I haven't figured out yet. I like the idea of hearts to symbolize love...my love of myself. I'm losing this weight for me and see the hearts as a expression of how I care about myself, my body, my life.
I also have Tim (the tattoo guy) working on another design for me. Something very special that may require me going under general anesthesia to withstand as I'm a total wuss when it comes to pain. However, we'll see how it goes. More about that when the time comes.
I'm really behind on my rewards. I'm just so busy during the week then on weekends, I spend one day running errands and one day resting, normally. But my rewards are important and these two tattoos are a step in the right direction. :)
Seriously, it's a matter of movement. If you want to lose weight, you. have. to. move. I actually made it to the gym three times in the past week, plus I've been doing my calisthenics and some cardio here at home on the 'off' days. Yes I'm tired, no I don't feel like it sometimes, but if I just push my ass off the couch I feel so much better physically and emotionally afterwards. It's worth the effort; and it shows on the scale.
It's getting a bit warmer these days so I can't wait to get outside for some exercise. I got so tired of walking last year but now I'm anxious to take a power walk, or even a jog, around my neighborhood. I mentioned a long time ago that I wanted to be one of those women running on the sidewalk, ponytail bobbing up and down, looking like she had her shit together. Well, that might be me by the end of the summer this year.
I don't know why I want to run so badly. It bothers my knees, for sure. But I feel like I need to for some reason. Maybe I see the ability to jog as proof positive of a certain level of fitness.
When I was in elementary school, we had a 'jogging drive' for charity. You had people sponsor you and we all ran laps around the gym. There were HUGE white sheets of paper on the walls telling everyone who ran the farthest. There were sheets for 1/4 mile, 1/2 mile, etc., on up to I think four miles. I remember looking at those sheets and being flabbergasted that someone could run four miles! I also remember running laps and people literally 'running laps' around me. One girl, as she passed me, pulled my sweatpants down; see, everyone else had cool shorts on but I wouldn't wear shorts in gym so I had on sweatpants. Nice. I felt fat, defeated and ashamed. Yeah, I was the fat girl even back then. I've been the fat girl all my life, really. So maybe it goes back to that day. I want to run to prove I can, I suppose. And I do jog sprints on the treadmill at the gym. It makes me feel almost superhuman when I do that!
So I'm at 252 now with a total loss of 192 lbs. I will soon be at my next 50-lb. goal of 200 total!
I've been talking about a tattoo forever. So long that ya'll are probably tired of hearing me. But I have an appointment next Saturday the 20th to get my weight-loss tattoo. I've decided on a heart for every 50 pounds, going from just below my neck down the center of my back. Five hearts in all. I'll get four on Saturday since I'm so close to 200 lost at this point. The final heart will be at the top and I want to make it stand out in some way which I haven't figured out yet. I like the idea of hearts to symbolize love...my love of myself. I'm losing this weight for me and see the hearts as a expression of how I care about myself, my body, my life.
I also have Tim (the tattoo guy) working on another design for me. Something very special that may require me going under general anesthesia to withstand as I'm a total wuss when it comes to pain. However, we'll see how it goes. More about that when the time comes.
I'm really behind on my rewards. I'm just so busy during the week then on weekends, I spend one day running errands and one day resting, normally. But my rewards are important and these two tattoos are a step in the right direction. :)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Still a struggle
I had my first gain since my surgery this week. I weigh myself on Fridays. One pound up. And the scale didn't move much in February, either. Now, I weighed myself this morning and that pound is gone. So who the hell knows? All I know is I need to refocus because my friend is trying to tell me that something I'm doing isn't working.
I have been crazy busy at work since the first of the year. It's a challenge to find time to get to the gym, even more of a challenge to find the energy to even want to. Who wants to go work out after putting in a 10-hr. day? Not me! But I suppose the definition of discipline is doing something even when you don't feel like it. Plus I had a horrible 'time of the month' week before last and going to the gym was not on the effin' radar. No way.
This past week I've come home and did my cardio DVD a couple times plus some training with dumbbells and stuff but I do need to make myself go to the gym. Even if I'm exhausted, even if it means I'll get home past 8 p.m. I hate days like that. Seems all I get done is get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, go to work. BLAH.
I've encountered people who, when they find out I've lost over 150 lbs., will ask me how I did it. That's always the first thing everyone wants to know, right? A few times, when I've said that I had gastric bypass, they seem almost disappointed. They'll say "ohhhh, ok" and nod their head. Hello? Like I went under the knife and came out 187 lbs. lighter with no effort involved at all. I think that's the biggest misconception about the surgery. It's not a magic wand. It will certainly HELP you lose weight but you still have to commit to a drastic lifestyle change.
Today is my 8-month post-op anniversary. Eight months post-op is so terribly different from, say, four months post-op. I can eat a lot more food, for one thing - volume wise. I get hungry more often. I'm becoming somewhat normal again and that's all part of the recovery. I had been warned by the Henry Ford staff as well as in all the books on gastric bypass that I've read to not freak out when this happens, to not think the surgery is failing me or something. It really IS quite a shock when it first starts. We have to rein it in or it can be so easy to fall back into old habits.
I'm starting learn that potato chips are my new weakness. LOL! I can't have sweets, but I can eat potato chips! As soon as I recognized that I was eating them too often, I stopped buying them for the house. Funny, because I never used to eat them that much. Now I could walk down the chip aisle the way I used to browse around the bakery - with stars in my eyes. I also recognize this craving for chips is most likely stress related. As I said, work has been nuts. And I'm definitely an emotional eater.
My eating habits are still good, though. The pouch, the "tool", gives you lots of practice on portion control and good nutrition before it expands as it's supposed to. I just need to find time and energy to move more.
Gastric bypass is no different than any other "diet" in that you have to keep at it. You have to use the tool given to you to stay on course for the rest of your life. People DO gain all the weight back that they've lost with gastric bypass. If any of you watch The Biggest Loser, you might remember Ron from two seasons ago. He had the exact same procedure I did and ended up on campus weighing over 400 pounds again. I just can't even imagine what he went through or how that made him feel.
I going to make a vow to myself, and to all of you, right now that I won't let that happen to me. I've come too far and been through too much, worked too hard to backslide now. Maybe that pound was water weight or whatever but it was a wake-up call. Make time for the gym. NOW!
It's a beautiful day outside and I think I'll do something I haven't done in a long time - go for a walk, outside in the sunshine. Then I'll get my ass to the gym before joining my brother-in-law to watch the Oscars! Go Precious and its cast!
Something I tried last night as a snack that I thought I'd share - one coarsely chopped apple sprinkled with cinnamon, microwaved one minute then drizzled with sugar-free caramel sauce. It tasted like caramel apple pie, I'm telling you. Awesome!
I have been crazy busy at work since the first of the year. It's a challenge to find time to get to the gym, even more of a challenge to find the energy to even want to. Who wants to go work out after putting in a 10-hr. day? Not me! But I suppose the definition of discipline is doing something even when you don't feel like it. Plus I had a horrible 'time of the month' week before last and going to the gym was not on the effin' radar. No way.
This past week I've come home and did my cardio DVD a couple times plus some training with dumbbells and stuff but I do need to make myself go to the gym. Even if I'm exhausted, even if it means I'll get home past 8 p.m. I hate days like that. Seems all I get done is get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, go to work. BLAH.
I've encountered people who, when they find out I've lost over 150 lbs., will ask me how I did it. That's always the first thing everyone wants to know, right? A few times, when I've said that I had gastric bypass, they seem almost disappointed. They'll say "ohhhh, ok" and nod their head. Hello? Like I went under the knife and came out 187 lbs. lighter with no effort involved at all. I think that's the biggest misconception about the surgery. It's not a magic wand. It will certainly HELP you lose weight but you still have to commit to a drastic lifestyle change.
Today is my 8-month post-op anniversary. Eight months post-op is so terribly different from, say, four months post-op. I can eat a lot more food, for one thing - volume wise. I get hungry more often. I'm becoming somewhat normal again and that's all part of the recovery. I had been warned by the Henry Ford staff as well as in all the books on gastric bypass that I've read to not freak out when this happens, to not think the surgery is failing me or something. It really IS quite a shock when it first starts. We have to rein it in or it can be so easy to fall back into old habits.
I'm starting learn that potato chips are my new weakness. LOL! I can't have sweets, but I can eat potato chips! As soon as I recognized that I was eating them too often, I stopped buying them for the house. Funny, because I never used to eat them that much. Now I could walk down the chip aisle the way I used to browse around the bakery - with stars in my eyes. I also recognize this craving for chips is most likely stress related. As I said, work has been nuts. And I'm definitely an emotional eater.
My eating habits are still good, though. The pouch, the "tool", gives you lots of practice on portion control and good nutrition before it expands as it's supposed to. I just need to find time and energy to move more.
Gastric bypass is no different than any other "diet" in that you have to keep at it. You have to use the tool given to you to stay on course for the rest of your life. People DO gain all the weight back that they've lost with gastric bypass. If any of you watch The Biggest Loser, you might remember Ron from two seasons ago. He had the exact same procedure I did and ended up on campus weighing over 400 pounds again. I just can't even imagine what he went through or how that made him feel.
I going to make a vow to myself, and to all of you, right now that I won't let that happen to me. I've come too far and been through too much, worked too hard to backslide now. Maybe that pound was water weight or whatever but it was a wake-up call. Make time for the gym. NOW!
It's a beautiful day outside and I think I'll do something I haven't done in a long time - go for a walk, outside in the sunshine. Then I'll get my ass to the gym before joining my brother-in-law to watch the Oscars! Go Precious and its cast!
Something I tried last night as a snack that I thought I'd share - one coarsely chopped apple sprinkled with cinnamon, microwaved one minute then drizzled with sugar-free caramel sauce. It tasted like caramel apple pie, I'm telling you. Awesome!
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