Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Too little, too late!

When I got to work yesterday, I had three people rushing to tell me about this article:

http://news.therecord.com/article/493038

Basically, the Canadian government has finally realized that it costs much more to send its citizens (or permanent residents, like me) to the U.S. for a surgery that can be performed in Ontario. DUH! BIG RED TRUCK! So over the next two years, the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP) will open 4 bariatric clinics across the province and increase surgeries performed in Ontario by 500%. One clinic will be about 30 mins. from me, another about an hour. JOY! Does me no friggin' good whatsoever. *sigh* That sucks for me (and the hospitals in Detroit and Buffalo catering to Ontario bariatric patients), but on the other hand I'm very happy for the people who will benefit from this. It's about time!

I hopped on the scale this morning for my regular Tuesday weigh-in and I'm up a little over a pound. Hm. I don't really know why - yes, I did eat at a Chinese restaurant on Saturday - BUT - I did mostly veggies, chicken, grilled steak and fruit. I was in line with my calorie, fat, carb & protein intake that day. I did SO much better than I normally do. I was proud! So I'm not sure why I gained but I'm trying not to let it get me down too much and just keep on doing what I'm doing.

I need to thank all of you guys for reading. The hits to this blog far exceed anything I could've hoped for and the comments mean the world to me! And we're just getting started!

I've had people ask me what I'm doing to lose this weight. Well, I'm just trying to make smarter choices, eat more vegetables and move more. That's about it. Instead of a double with cheese & bacon with a large fries, I'll get a grilled chicken sandwich and small chili. Stuff like that. I joined Sparkpeople and it is so great. They told us about it at the surgery seminar in Detroit. The link is at the end of the page with my other links. I plugged in my goal - "lose 45 pounds by April 24" and it tells me exactly how many calories, carbs, protein and fat I need to eat and how much exercise I need to do each day to reach that goal. I don't always get the exercise in (I'm doing what I can), but I hit the nutritional requirements every day. It's a great service and it's free. I highly recommend it.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The chase for choices


Erich and I saw this commercial the other night and burst out laughing because this is so me. I'm just not really into the veggies, especially V8 juice. YUCK. I did buy a bottle of the V8 Fusion and drink a small serving of it in the morning instead of my regular OJ to get some veg in any way I can. It does have loads of sugar, but alas, the V8 Fusion Lite isn't available in Canada, so I make do. It's a problem.

Oh! Erich hopped on the scale last night just for kicks (he's down a few pounds!) so I did, too, even though I'm supposed to wait till Tuesday. I said at the beginning of this I wasn't going to become obsessed with the scale and only get on it once a week. But guess what? 4.4 more pounds lost. Since Tuesday! I'm feeling pretty good about it and I'm counting every single "point-whatever". LOL! I actually got on the thing three times to make sure it was accurate because I really couldn't believe it. There were tears. Yes, I'm a sap. That's 9.6 pounds in about 12 days. Not too bad.

But getting back to choices. I'm frustrated with the lack of availability of low-sugar, low-carb, diet options here in Ontario. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised in a country where I never see people who look like me. I used to say 'there are no fat people in Canada'. There are, but not like at home and not like me. Clothes are also nearly impossible to find. There are two plus-size department store chains here; in one, forget it. In the other it's really tough, but if it's "made big" and I can find one in the biggest size the store carries, then MAYBE it'll fit. Thank god for ebay and my mother-in-law, who, as a former seamstress, has made clothes for me almost since the day I set foot on Canadian soil.

When I was first diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, I expected to go to the grocery store and load up on everything I needed. Not so much. I guess this country hasn't rocketed to the obesity/diabetes/early death epidemic that the States has because there is very, very little to buy in the way of sugar-free and low-carb. And believe me, I've looked.

On the other hand, it's very easy to find a nice variety of good produce here. Where I come from, the produce section is what most people stroll through in a hurry to get to the meats, the chips and the donuts in the bakery section. It's a small corner of the store. Which is probably one reason I ended up this way! On our visits to Ohio, Erich has expressed his dismay at the fantastic array of....ah....apples and bananas? But when we move down, we'll work it out.

I've had several people ask if I'm growing more fond of veggies. In a word, no. But the ones I've found that I do enjoy, I'm eating the heck out of them and really trying to step out of the comfort zone a bit and try things I always said I didn't like. I bit into a cucumber the other day. Meh. Kinda like an apple or something but not sweet. No taste. That's the difficulty with veggies, they have no taste. Or at least I don't think they do. And I also don't like the mayonnaise-y, vinagar-y dips and dressings people use to give them taste. Sigh.

Just thought I'd give an update since it's been a few days since I posted. I love ya'll for reading! *hugs*

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Point 2 is important. It is!

Well, I first weighed myself a week ago today and I'm down 5.2 pounds. And hell yes I'm counting the point 2. I CELEBRATE the point 2! *woot*

This is good - almost better than I had hoped for. I know my metabolism is seriously screwed up and I'm almost 40, so I figured my days of losing 5 pounds in one week were long gone. Maybe not. I won't expect it every week but there it is this week and I'm a pretty happy camper.

I sort of went on a tensy little bender over the weekend. I was famished all the time and pretty stressed out. I had some chocolate a couple times and peanut butter sandwich on *gasp* "real" bread. So yeah. Still not as bad as Erich and me sucking down 2 extra large pizzas over the course of two days. Yep, we've done that. Ordering those pizzas on Friday night and having polishing them off by Sunday morning wasn't unusual at all. No more.

Let me tell you a little about my husband. He is wonderful. I gush about him a lot but he deserves it. He ticked me off BADLY on Saturday but soon redeemed himself, as usual. I think I put him on too high a pedestal and when he inevitably reminds me of his mortal, just-a-man status, it shatters me. Mostly my fault, not his.

Anyway, he is cutting back, too. He kinda has to! LOL! But he needs to, before he gets some random ailment from the few extra pounds he's carrying (again, mostly my fault, not his). His strong, quiet support means the world to me. He bought me a special scale that would hold all my pounds and didn't bat an eyelash when the actual number appeared on the dial. He has called me before to ask if I've eaten fruit today (I need a banana every day for my high blood pressure) and has gone out and bought me some when we've ran out. He spent a whole day interviewing companies before we got my CPAP machine (my breathing machine for sleep apnea) and knows far more about the different models and the disease than I do. He sat through a six-hour seminar on nutrition and gastric bypass surgery with me.

He buys me books on writing and clipped out the ad when our local newspaper was looking for a new columnist. He drives around my car that has the Bo Bice bumper magnet on it; he drives said car all hundreds of miles and goes to concerts with me. All this plus he fixes stuff and he's damn cute!

In short, he loves me. That means a lot, even when he pisses me off on Valentine's Day. Without him, I don't know if I could face this surgery.

The CPAP machine and I aren't friends yet. I hate that blasted thing. ARGH! I really hate it. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night and yank it off. But I lost 5.2 pounds this week, so I feel like being good to myself. I promise to wear the damn thing tonight. Or at least try harder.

FIVE POINT TWO, PEOPLE. Onward and upward.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Beware the slimy turkey

I came home sick from work today. I felt nauseous this morning, but was sure it would pass. Not so much. Kept getting worse and worse till I finally had to make a run to the bathroom. I kept wondering why I was feeling this way and I think I figured it out. I bought some roasted turkey deli meat on Sunday. I ate 2 pieces of it yesterday - one right after work and one right after my swim at the pool. About 12 hours later just like clockwork - blech. You know, stuff that's not full of preservatives doesn't keep very long.

It felt a bit "clammy", but I figured it was still ok for another day. Guess not. Lesson learned.

Did you notice I mentioned my "swim at the pool"? See how nonchalant that was? Heh. Yeah, I got my butt back in last night. My ever-patient brother-in-law Rob went with me even though he'd just had an hour-long workout at the gym. Yeah, he actually belongs to a gym. Me, I'm not there yet. Baby steps.

I have to say, it was soooo good to get back in the pool. I used to take water aerobics there until my knee started bothering me right after the Bo concert in Buffalo almost two years ago. I fainted right before the show as a result of dehydration and overheating. I thought I injured my knee that night, but I guess it was my arthritis finally showing its ugly face. I tried to get back in the water after a healing period but wasn't able to finish a class. My knee buckled and killed me for days after.

I have always loved to swim and loved the water. Makes sense - I'm nearly weightless, I can move around much more freely and plus it just feels refreshing and great. I didn't take a class last night, but just treaded water in the deep end and did laps at my own pace. I certainly felt the pain in my knee, but it wasn't too bad. I was worried I might feel it more today but no. It's ok.

The pool is good for me because it's low impact, too. I can exercise a lot longer in the water than I can on dry land. The other morning, I tried to do a 10-minute aerobic video and made it about 5 before I had to call it quits. I can do about a 10-minute walk before I'm panting and clutching my aching back. I swam last night for almost an hour, not hard but at my own pace. I think that's better than doing nothing! Again, baby steps.

Oh, I ran out of vegetables! Had to go buy more last night. This has never happened in my life that I know of. LOL!

OH! And we have grass in Ontario! We've had kind of a winter thaw and I can see grass! In February! Amazing stuff.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You Were Always On My Mind

Ever notice how when you go on a diet, you start thinking about food constantly? Like an old boyfriend you didn't think you liked that much but now that he's not around making you nuts, you sorta miss him?

Before this, I didn't think about food a lot. Honestly. I know you're supposed to put a lot of thought into what you stuff in your mouth, but I'm now considering every. single. calorie. It kinda borders on the obsessive, in my opinion. It makes me want food more!

Like yesterday on the way home from work, I'm craving popcorn and thinking about how I have movie-theater-butter Orville Reden-what's-his-name in my cupboard. Now, that popcorn is there all the time. It's a staple in the house. But it usually takes me months to eat one boxful (it holds 6 packs). I rarely eat it. But yesterday, I wanted it. I'm convinced this was all in my head, some cruel side effect from taking inventory of everything in my kitchen and thinking about food all the time!

It's crazy the stuff I think about now that I didn't before. And I'm positive it's affecting my brain because I woke up this morning to find that I'd left my socks on the kitchen counter last night after I took them off in the living room, then went into the kitchen to turn off the light before bed. My poor husband had to have come home at 3 a.m., went in for his dinner and there's his wife's dirty socks on the counter. WTF?? He didn't touch them, bless his heart.

Yeah. I'm thinking that's not normal.

Ah well. I suppose it'll pass!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Cindy vs. Timmy

So it was my birthday on Saturday and, following some inane tradition no doubt thought up by someone who has the metabolism of Kate Moss, I brought in 2 dozen Tim Horton doughnuts to work today. Tim Hortons is to Canada what Dunkin Donuts is to the U.S.

First off, I need to get on a schedule. I thought I WAS on a schedule, but I need a new one now. I left this morning in a rush and nothing for breakfast. *light bulb* Heyyyy....I'm stopping at Timmy's, I'll grab a breakfast sandwich. Just this one time. Yeah, I know. So I did that but vowed not to eat a single donut all day. You have to understand that previously, I probably would've chowed down 2 or three in the course of a day.

All day long, those damn things were like beacons of sugar-encrusted happiness calling my name from the lunch room. People eating them all around me. It was tough. I sucked on my sugar-free peppermints and guzzled water. Timmy had already gotten me once today, I'll be damned if I was gonna succumb twice.

And I did it! Not a one passed my lips. Yay me. I know I had the damn sandwich first thing this morning, but I did better the whole day after that. In the past, I've fallen prey to that way of thinking that's like "Well, I screwed up and ate the pie, might as well have the pizza....and the cheeseburger...and the chips..." You get the idea. In my quest to make lemonade out of lemons, I can say that today I turned it around. Moving on. Next!

I also took a walk when I got home. Any physical activity at all is a triumph for me. So that was good.

And I'm getting ready to eat salmon and veggies for dinner. So there.

Baby steps. I don't think I can go from where I was to immediately eating 1200 calories and working out for an hour every day. It's too much. I ain't on The Biggest Loser. But in the end, I'm hoping it'll count for something!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The grocery bill just went up

I went grocery shopping today for healthier food so I can start my new eating/exercise plan. I have one question: Why is it so expensive to eat well? I swear I just spent about $50 more than I normally would have. It's crazy. Processed food by its very nature and label should be more expensive since it's, um, processed. It takes human intervention to make Velveeta cheese last a year unrefrigerated, right? So why are the whole, more natural foods so pricier? It's frustrating.

I have to say that I don't like vegetables. I bought some different kinds today, to try out and see what might be more palatable to me nowadays. Taste buds change and all. At least that's what I'm hoping for. *crossing fingers* Fruit, on the other hand...*weeeeeeeeeee* Love it! I need to learn my veggies, though. Vegetable soup is cool, and SOME cooked veggies. It's the raw I don't like. Salad. Yuck.

Any advice for veggie haters? And tips on keeping the grocery bill at a more sane level?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Birthdays=beginnings, don't they?

So I'm 39 today. As I got up this morning, I was struck by how I felt physically, being 39.

- Every bone in my body ached. A result of my arthritic knees and bad back.

- I had a horrible headache. A result of lack of oxygen to my brain, so I'm told. Sleep apnea. My Darth Vader/Hannibal Lector mask is on its way.

- I was exhausted, despite a good 9 hours of sleep. Well, not good (see sleep apnea thing above).

And I won't even mention my diabetes and high blood pressure (ok, so I just did). 39? I'm too young for this crap.

I sighed and hobbled to the bathroom, as usual. It takes my body a while to catch up in the mornings, perhaps not unusual but the fact that I can barely move these days, especially in the mornings when I should be well rested, has not escaped my attention, believe me.

But next year, this time, it will be different.

I expect to awaken on my 40th birthday and lift my lighter body more easily out of bed, walk to the bathroom and look at my reflection with a satisfied smile. No, I don't intend to go on yet another diet that will sap my will, my strength and my confidence. This time, it's personal.

Last weekend, my husband Erich and I went to Detroit, Michigan, to confer with Dr. Genaw, a bariatric specialist at Henry Ford Hospital. He was a young, very congenial, funny guy with a bone-crushing handshake and a receding hairline. I'm gonna put my life partly in those unusually strong hands and I'm seriously ok with that.

I've been wrapped up in red tape the past several months applying to have gastric bypass surgery. I live in Ontario; that's in Canada, for the geographically challenged. As Forrest Gump would say, "It's this whole other country." To have the surgery performed at Henry Ford, I had to apply with the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP) so they would pay for it. There are no surgeons in Ontario who are both performing the surgery and accepting patients. Trust me, I looked. That kinda sucks, but it is what it is. My family doctor filled out the paperwork and I was approved. I will go into all that later, but for right now it's more important to know that I'm having this done and I'm excited about it.

Dr. Genaw would like me to lose 40 pounds before I go see him again on April 27. That's 11 weeks, 2 days. There needs to be a demonstration of commitment to a lifestyle change - even if I don't lose all 40 pounds, he wants to see the scale move. I also have to keep a food & exercise diary. I haven't had good experiences with those in the past, but I'm willing to try (tm Bo Bice).

So today, on my 39th birthday, I'm starting this blog to chronicle my journey. Let me tell you: I can be a bitch. I will not go through this like a trooper, I'm afraid. I am outspoken, sarcastic and whiny to a certain degree. Be forewarned. I am ready, willing and able, but I know there will be days when I just want a mother-humpin' PIZZA for god's sake!! It has taken me 39 years to get into this predicament and I can't change overnight. I'm hoping this blog will serve as my outlet while holding me accountable.

So, here we go. I'm gonna dive in head first and try to remain optimistic. I am the world's worst procrastinator and pessimist, so that will be a challenge. Sweeping Cindy - out with the old and in with the new....me.