Birthdays=beginnings, don't they?

So I'm 39 today. As I got up this morning, I was struck by how I felt physically, being 39.

- Every bone in my body ached. A result of my arthritic knees and bad back.

- I had a horrible headache. A result of lack of oxygen to my brain, so I'm told. Sleep apnea. My Darth Vader/Hannibal Lector mask is on its way.

- I was exhausted, despite a good 9 hours of sleep. Well, not good (see sleep apnea thing above).

And I won't even mention my diabetes and high blood pressure (ok, so I just did). 39? I'm too young for this crap.

I sighed and hobbled to the bathroom, as usual. It takes my body a while to catch up in the mornings, perhaps not unusual but the fact that I can barely move these days, especially in the mornings when I should be well rested, has not escaped my attention, believe me.

But next year, this time, it will be different.

I expect to awaken on my 40th birthday and lift my lighter body more easily out of bed, walk to the bathroom and look at my reflection with a satisfied smile. No, I don't intend to go on yet another diet that will sap my will, my strength and my confidence. This time, it's personal.

Last weekend, my husband Erich and I went to Detroit, Michigan, to confer with Dr. Genaw, a bariatric specialist at Henry Ford Hospital. He was a young, very congenial, funny guy with a bone-crushing handshake and a receding hairline. I'm gonna put my life partly in those unusually strong hands and I'm seriously ok with that.

I've been wrapped up in red tape the past several months applying to have gastric bypass surgery. I live in Ontario; that's in Canada, for the geographically challenged. As Forrest Gump would say, "It's this whole other country." To have the surgery performed at Henry Ford, I had to apply with the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP) so they would pay for it. There are no surgeons in Ontario who are both performing the surgery and accepting patients. Trust me, I looked. That kinda sucks, but it is what it is. My family doctor filled out the paperwork and I was approved. I will go into all that later, but for right now it's more important to know that I'm having this done and I'm excited about it.

Dr. Genaw would like me to lose 40 pounds before I go see him again on April 27. That's 11 weeks, 2 days. There needs to be a demonstration of commitment to a lifestyle change - even if I don't lose all 40 pounds, he wants to see the scale move. I also have to keep a food & exercise diary. I haven't had good experiences with those in the past, but I'm willing to try (tm Bo Bice).

So today, on my 39th birthday, I'm starting this blog to chronicle my journey. Let me tell you: I can be a bitch. I will not go through this like a trooper, I'm afraid. I am outspoken, sarcastic and whiny to a certain degree. Be forewarned. I am ready, willing and able, but I know there will be days when I just want a mother-humpin' PIZZA for god's sake!! It has taken me 39 years to get into this predicament and I can't change overnight. I'm hoping this blog will serve as my outlet while holding me accountable.

So, here we go. I'm gonna dive in head first and try to remain optimistic. I am the world's worst procrastinator and pessimist, so that will be a challenge. Sweeping Cindy - out with the old and in with the new....me.