Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Journey

On this Easter Sunday I am feeling nostalgic, looking back on what I see as my own journey to resurrection.

Recently I was reminded of a poem I hadn't read for years by Pulitzer Prize winner Mary Oliver called The Journey . Mary was interviewed in last month's edition of O Magazine by Maria Shriver. Yes, I often draw inspiration from Oprah Winfrey. If that makes some people roll their eyes, well ok.

In the poem, she talks about an epiphany and taking steps to save "the only life you could save" - your own. The journey of self-exploration and personal growth; it can apply to many things, but it makes me think of how far I've come, what I've done and how much there is left to do. Because the journey is never finished. It continues on and on.

So much parallel in that poem to the weight-loss journey, surgical or not. Doesn't everyone want to give you free advice? Telling you no, you could do it better this way or that. My sister's husband's cousin lost weight doing it this way. You shouldn't eat this or that. Oh, avoid doing this or that at all costs! At some point you have to tune all that out and focus on YOU. What you want. What you need. Do what's right for you. Eventually, the "stars" of truth will "burn through the sheets of clouds" and you will "slowly recognize" your own voice coming through. Listen to you.

I love that on the tribute page I linked to above, there is an image of a woman walking alone on a beach at sunset. She is a shadow. Not a mere shadow of herself but powerful and fearless in her solitude, even though darkness is coming - as it always does. She's continuing to walk, to journey. No successful journey is without speed bumps. As you face the darkness, the trick is knowing the sun will rise tomorrow.

So thank you, Mary Oliver, for giving me a great gift this Easter. I haven't read a lot of poetry since college - where I learned to analyze it ad nauseum - but re-reading this treasure makes me want to revisit the sonnets, Lord Byron and even Walt Whitman. Journey, reflection and resurrection of the spirit. Happy Easter, indeed.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sweet thing

I know in the weight-loss-surgery world, sugar is a four-letter word. If we listened to some folks out there, you should avoid it - forever - at all costs. Well, I have a little secret to tell you. *whispering* That's not entirely/exactly true for everyone.

In the first stages post-op, it definitely is important to cut out sugar as much as possible. Everyone's tolerance level is different, but for the most part, sugar=bad. We do not want to dump. No. And I absolutely avoided sugar like the plague at first. Some patients will have trouble with sugar indefinitely; some have trouble with sugar substitutes - indefinitely. But for most of us, the return to "normal" eating brings sugar along with it.

This all goes back to moderation. Time and time again, I've stated that I eat pretty much anything and everything, just not all at once and not every day. You have to change your brain or bariatric surgery will not work long-term. No matter that I simply can't physically sit down and eat 4 or 5 doughnuts anymore, I just don't want to. It's bad for me and I don't want to do that to myself.

But do I occasionally have a doughnut, a piece of chocolate or a slice of cake? Sure I do! If I'm out to dinner on the weekend, having a meal on a holiday or someone brings something into the office - then yeah, I will indulge a tiny bit.

I pick my battles, though. I won't drink my sugar. I see no point in drinking sugar. Really, I'd rather eat it! And if I can go sugar-free, I will. For example: I spend more money on Russell Stover's SF chocolate during psycho-cycle time; eat only SF yogurt, jam, maple syrup, low-sugar oatmeal packets and Splenda in my cereal; and will have SF ice cream or frozen yogurt if I can get it. Anything with sugar is limited in quantity and preferably after a meal, when I have something in my stomach. Sugar on an empty pouch can set it to rumbling. Too much sugar on a full pouch can do the same thing. It's a balance, just like any other kind of eating.

I sill am considered a diabetic though it is controlled by my diet and I require no medication for it now. So I am aware that I need to be vigilant. And I am. Much more so now than I was pre-op, when I really was on 1000mg of Metformin every day for my diabetes.

Reading labels is so important. For example, granola - which sounds healthy and all - is loaded with sugar. Honey Bunches of Oats cereal - which sounds like it would be full of sugar - is a great choice. 150 calories with 6 grams of sugar. Sign me up. I try to keep things I eat daily under 10 grams of sugar per serving. Again, it's a BALANCE. I eat well the majority of the time so when I have the doughnut at the office once every other week or something, I don't feel guilty about it. At all.

Check out this link.for some understanding of the sugar that might be hidden in things that sound healthy.

And no, I don't worry about eating artificial sugar. I'm not eating the stuff by the pound and I'm just not concerned. If you are, that's ok - eat what you like.

For me, the bottom line is that I'm not willing to live totally without sugar. There are some who will tell you that you should never eat sugar again. Well, that's bullshit. Unless there is a physical reason that it bothers you in particular, then yes - you can. I know I'm like beating a dead horse here but THERE ARE NO BAD FOODS. Anything and everything can be enjoyed in moderation as long as you can physically tolerate it post-op.

And now, let's enjoy a little "Sweet Thing" shall we? ;-)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

On my own

This will be short.

Can we please dispense with this notion that people who lose weight somehow don't do it on their own? I've talked about this subject before, but I keep getting agitated by ads on tv with people who bemoan that they "couldn't do it on their own" so they needed the help of some program or the other. This morning, the commercial I saw was for a very popular program in Canada called Herbal Magic. I know part of this is just advertisers hoping to sell a product by belittling people's efforts and should be ignored, but it settles into the general public's psyche and a cycle of "I can't do it" is born. This is a problem.

Of course, most often that phrase is associated with those of us who have had a bariatric procedure of some sort. I actually did do this on my own. The support of people around me was invaluable, the knowledge of my surgeon unquestionable, but guess whose ass is on the treadmill? Mine. Guess who makes the choices that have kept me in Maintenance Land since October? Me. Allll me. I don't even give my surgeon all the credit; he didn't save me. He provided me with the tool - literally, the tool - that enabled me to make the changes I needed. I went home and did the work, not him.

It's very important to own your power. Take credit for what you've achieved and don't let anyone tell you differently. Having the confidence to continue on your journey - whether you're still losing or are in Maintenance Land - is crucial. Get through every day knowing you can do it because you already are! You are doing it right now, this minute!

Just taking the initiative to admit you have a problem is earth shattering enough to change your life. And you did that. No one else. It doesn't matter if you accept help from Herbal Magic, Sparkpeople or a bariatric surgeon. We all do it on our own. Your power, your belief in yourself, will save you. I know it to be true.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Be your own friend

It's not rocket science: The better you treat yourself, the happier and healthier you are. And it doesn't take much get the feeling back that maybe you deserve that little extra sumpin' sumpin' to push through to your goals, whatever they may be.

We tell ourselves things that we would never say to another person because well, we wouldn't want to be rude or hurt his or her feelings! Why act any differently towards yourself? Treat yourself with at least as much respect and TLC as you would your family and friends - or a stranger, even!

Rituals are big with me. I need things on my schedule that make me happy, whether it's putting on makeup every morning, having an after-lunch, sugar-free piece of chocoate, or taking a few minutes to pet my cats when I get home at night. Putting on lip gloss in the morning makes me feel pretty and alive. I know that might sound weird, but it works for me. And that feeling makes me want to take care of myself in other ways throughout the day.

I've been working on stress relievers since my job is such hell right now and I feel myself slipping back into old habits occasionally. Treating myself - being good to myself - helps out a lot. I might see a movie in an actual theatre (remember those? that's where people went before downloading and pay-per-view), or go to bed early with my Kobo (Hunger Games Trilogy=awesomeness). Both improve my mood and remind me to...wait for it...take care of myself in other ways.

Those "other ways" can be whatever you decide. For me (and a lot of people reading this), it's either weight loss or weight maintenance. Staying in shape is all about doing the work required to keep yourself there. And you have to give a shit about yourself in order to give a shit about doing the work.

Like I said, it's not rocket science.

So tomorrow, start making a conscious effort to be your own friend. What would your best friend do or say to put you in a good mood? What can you do - the little things - for yourself today? You will feel better, smile more and I bet you'll be more apt to put down the second cupcake and hit the gym.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

What makes a reward?

Let's talk about rewards this morning. What exactly do you deserve? Think about that for a moment.

On this past Tuesday's episode of The Biggest Loser, trainer Jillian Michaels confronted contestant - and Olympic gold medalist - Rulon Gardner over video footage from his room in which he is seen eating things that could sabotage his weight loss. Chips, bags of candy, fast food. Jillian is known for her take-no-prisoners approach so I'm sure Rulon thought he was in for a flogging. Not so much. She calmly went to him to discuss in private why he felt the need to overindulge when his clear purpose for being at the ranch is to lose weight.

Rulon explained his view that he thought he deserved it. He was working hard, losing a ton of weight (well over 100 pounds so far) and figured he could afford to reward himself with a few of his favorite foods. To his credit, he was very honest and forthright about it.

This struck a chord with me big time. I am guilty of thinking this way occasionally. I've lost 250 pounds...I *deserve* to have a bag of chips. I've worked hard and deserve to reward myself. But, as Jillian pointed out, what do you think you deserve?

We deserve to be healthy and live longer. We deserve to be proud of ourselves every day for the choices we make.

Jillian discussed with Rulon the theory that people sometimes have an all-or-nothing approach to food. If you start eliminating foods, it only leads to deprivation and binging when you do succumb to the temptation. Then guilt lingers, you feel like a failure and turn to even more bad choices in an attempt to console yourself. And the cycle goes on and on. Because some foods feel forbidden, we tend to think of them as rewards. Food should never be used in this way. As a society, food often surrounds celebratory events. And that's fine: But the type of food and the amount of it are extremely important. We need to make the celebration about people, not a double-chocolate layer cake.

I have stated many times in the past that I don't believe in bad food. An eating plan that directs you to eliminate any food - whether it's a Snicker's bar or homemade bread - gives me reason to pause. Nothing is totally off limits but of course a clear head and moderation must prevail or you will end up right back where you started and all your hard work will be lost. Do I struggle with the balance? Every single frickin' day! I am guilty of backsliding just like anyone else.

"I ate one piece of pizza, so I blew it and might as well have five pieces." Or maybe you blow one meal and it ruins the whole day for you. Try not to get caught up in that mentality. Even if you have the five pieces, when it's over stop for a second. Think about what just happened. Can you change it? No. Can you move on and make a better choice at the next meal? Sure. You're in control. Even when you screw up, how you deal with it is up to you. Still in control.

Jillian explained that she wasn't telling Rulon to stop eating certain things, just wanted him and the other contestants to try to think about food in a different way since when they leave the ranch, they will deal with choices like this more often, every day. Eat one burger, not three. We all know this stuff - I've blogged about it many times - but it's harder to put into practice. It's not easy, but if you succeed even 80% of the time, then you're ok.

Food isn't a reward in and of itself. Good health is, though. Let's all try to remember that when reaching for the third doughnut of the week at work. I will if you will.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dr. Oz talks Lap-Bands

On Monday, Dr. Oz's show topic was on bariatric surgery, the gastric lap-band procedure specifically. Lap-bands are extremely popular. According to figures on the show, there were 200,000 bariatric procedures performed in the U.S. last year and half of them were lap-band placements.

The lap-band has made big headlines recently because the FDA has lowered the recommended BMI requirement from 40 to 30, plus at least one co-morbidity such as high blood pressure or diabetes. To put that into perspective, the average American woman who is 5'4" tall would only have to weigh 178 pounds now in order to be considered a candidate for surgery. Previously, she would've had to weigh 230 pounds. So the point of Dr. Oz's show was: Should people who are only 30 pounds overweight be having surgery to lose it?

There were two women in the audience, both about 50 pounds overweight, who said they were considering the surgery. They wouldn't have been candidates before the new recommended guidelines. Dr. Oz featured two lap-band patients - one 6 months out and one 6 years out - to give some perspective on life post-op.

This is the typical diet of the patient who was six months out, or so she said (note my sarcasm - click to enlarge):


Five spoonfuls of yogurt; 1 cup of broth; 4 spoonfuls of pudding.

Ladies & gentlemen, I call bullshit. I call bullshit allll day long. No freakin' way that is the diet of someone who is six months post-op. If it is, then she has a real problem either physically, emotionally or both. That's the diet of someone who is SIX DAYS post-op, perhaps, but not six months. Nuh-uh.

When I was six months out in January 2010, I was talking about sugar-free recipes I'd tried and the occasional SF treats I allowed myself. I wasn't eating six spoonfuls of yogurt at breakfast - I was having one egg on a whole-wheat wrap with a slice of cheese. A couple hours later I'd eat a banana, and so on. It's not that I was anything special, either. The bariatric blogosphere is buzzing about this woman's presentation of what she eats every day. Not many people buy/understand it.

The woman who was six years out explained that she was able to eat a bit more than the other lady (ya think?). Still, her menu wasn't much better - though they did show it very quickly and you really couldn't tell exactly what she was eating. One thing was obvious was the tiny portion sizes. A little too tiny, really.

Both women said they'd do the surgery over again, no question. Dr. Oz was surprised by this and asked the women who were considering the surgery: "Doesn't this scare you?" He almost seemed to be trying to scare them. Then he backpedaled and conceded that he "gets" both sides of the surgery argument and it can be effective. But he also pointed out that it doesn't cure the emotions behind why a person overeats. Fair enough and very, very true. Surgery isn't a magic bullet that makes everything better and people really need to be aware of that.

Case in point, the woman who was six years post-op. When asked about the one thing she wasn't prepared for involving the surgery, she said "the effort" you must put into losing the weight. Okaaaayyyy....again, this is either complete bullshit or her pre-op medical team didn't do its job by informing her the way it should have.

But she did say another thing that struck me as very wise: Oftentimes, surgery is seen as a weakness. Another thing of "Why can't you do this on your own?" She said there was strength in admitting your weakness against food addiction and reaching out a hand for help in conquering it. I believe this completely although she did use the dreaded phrase "on your own". Which conveys a magic wand, in my opinion - that somehow, bariatric patients aren't losing weigh 'on their own'. And again, I call bullshit.

While it's a good thing to see bariatric procedures discussed as a viable option for weight loss in the mainstream media at all, there is still a long way to go in terms of education and attitude. I feel sorry for anyone considering surgery and watched this show thinking: 'OMG...that's how I'm going to have to eat??' I'm sure it scared some folks right into the McDonald's drive-thru and away from something that could save their lives. I find that very sad. Not a total thumbs-down, but really - Dr. Oz could've done a lot better.

If you missed it and you're interested in watching, here are some links. They're in a weird order on the site, so these will make your life a little easier:

Are you a candidate for weight-loss surgery: Parts ONE, TWO and THREE.

Life After Lap-Band Surgery: Parts ONE and TWO.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Amish chic

So Erich and I have booked the 10th anniversary trip to the Dominican Republic which of course means I'll have to get a swimsuit. Oy.

Now I understand that swimsuit shopping is traditionally akin to a root canal procedure for most women but I just lost 250 pounds and it should be an exciting experience for me. Not so much. I do look like a shar-pei puppy now, so the look I'm going for would be....Amish-chic, I suppose.

I got a new suit last summer that is now, of course, too big for me and wasn't suitable in the first place. My Amish-chic suit would include 3/4-length sleeves, full support/coverage up top and knee-length inseams. Such things are available if you're willing to take out a second mortgage on your house or sell a kidney or something. Over $100 for a swimsuit is a bit much, in my opinion.

There's this little number, which is just ok. It does fit what I want but I dunno. Maybe I'm wrong about what I want!

This one is more "swimsuit-like" and price-friendly - desirable - but noticeably less coverage on top. The skin on my upper arms could have its own area code but honestly, I'm more concerned about the thighs. Hm.

A friend directed me to Land's End and I did find some board shorts there that I like quite a bit.

The sizing confuses me somewhat. Evidently, a size 42 is equal to a 16. The second choice above says it's a size 34 or "girls size 16". What the hell does that mean? I wonder if there's a language barrier of some sort and the ad means to say "woman's" size 16; "girls" to me means child. I may have to send the seller a question on that one. I tried a size 38 on in a store over the weekend (supposedly equivalent to size 14 - again, confusing) and it fit ok.

Again, oy.

I was never much concerned with myself in a swimsuit at 444 pounds. Not like I am now. That might sound odd but it's true. Honestly, parts of my body looked better to me when it was filled in.

I'm really excited for the trip to the Dominican, though! We're going to the Grand Paradise Samana on the northeast coast of the island. This is another thing I wouldn't have been able to do pre-op because: I'd need two seats on the plane so it would cost too much. The heat would've been too oppressive for me and I wouldn't have had the energy, stamina or desire to do any activities once I got there so what would've been the point? Now I want to hike, swim, bike, go horseback riding and possibly zipling. We have to see what's available for us, but I want to do as much as we can afford.

Sometimes I get mixed feelings thinking about the trip, though. There's a weird sense that it's something I don't deserve or shouldn't attempt. The pre-op part of my brain, the part that sent signals for almost 40 years telling me not to do this or that because either I couldn't physically or I'd embarrass myself trying - that's the part that's holding me back from truly embracing the anticipation of this trip. Every now and then I have to stop myself and remember there's nothing I can't - or shouldn't - do now. Including wearing a swimsuit, right? Right.

Sweeping on.

You might notice a new badge on the left. I've created a Sweeping Cindy Facebook page, like I talked about about before. C'mon, don't you like me??