A few days ago, I saw a plastic surgeon in Toronto to see if I can finally move on a little from the brain-numbing excess skin situation.
I've written extensively and openly about my issues with my excess skin. It bothers me in a way I wasn't really expecting. I knew it would be there, of course, but the way it messes with my brain was surprising. Not everyone is affected this way. There are some who say "Screw it," and live with it. But as for me, I find it very difficult to literally carry around flesh-and-blood reminders of what I did to my body and why I'll never look normal through my own efforts. It is my fault and no matter how much I work out or what I do, they are there. Like Guilt Tumors or something. I struggle with that. And in that struggle, I sometimes seek comfort in my old friend, food. This, and the stress I endured last year over my employment situation, definitely caused me to regain some of the weight I initially lost. It's coming back off slowly. I hope the good news I received on Wednesday will help me get my head straight and continue on my current path.
I've turned into one of those women constantly saying "If I could only lose 15 pounds..." Well, I might think it; I'd never say it in certain company. I used to hate those women, bitching about 15 pounds when I had over 250 to lose! And they are not even remotely similar situations, so please don't bitch about 15 pounds in the presence of a 500-pound person. You might get punched in the neck. I know I held myself back several times...
I had a really bad experience a couple of years ago with a plastic surgeon (PS) in London. She came recommended by a friend who had bariatric surgery and had her panniculectomy covered by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP), through this surgeon. It was a nightmare and kinda put me off seeing another PS. When I asked my family doctor for another referral, her first response was "But you already saw one and they said the panniculectomy wouldn't be covered." I had to talk her into giving me another referral. Nothing is easy, right?
But through some friends I've made in my support group, I heard about a new PS in east Toronto - actually, Scarborough. Everyone has been so sure he would work with me, so sure that I should get the panniculectomy covered, that I decided to give it another shot.
So on Wednesday, I set out to drive to Scarborough - by myself. In the rain. This is already a laughable situation, as I loathe driving in big cities and can't see my hand in front of my face when driving in the rain. Erich taking the evening off work to accompany me wasn't really an option; that would mean losing a lot of money in overtime because of the way his company calculates hours. And, well, the tummy tuck "upgrade" I want ain't gonna pay for itself.
The drive wasn't too bad, save the accident I nearly got into at an intersection 5 miles from my destination when two cars in front of me wrecked (thank you, Good Brakes) - but as I sat in the waiting room, I listened to another patient speaking to the PS's assistant. They were having a "discussion" about pricing. This woman was also a bariatric patient looking to have a tummy tuck upgrade after an OHIP-approved panniculectomy. As I listened to this exchange, I got more and more nervous. Erich and I don't have a lot of money. We get by, but don't have large amounts of cash sitting in the bank. My husband has been working his fingers to the bone, accepting overtime whenever it is offered in order to sock away some money to get me as much surgery as possible. I need *A LOT* of skin removal, but the panniculectomy and tummy tuck upgrade are foremost on my mind. Listening to these people argue over price and money made me uneasy because the figures his assistant was tossing around weren't the ones I had in mind. I started feeling a little sick.
My nervousness quickly subsided when I got in to see the PS, though. I really liked him. We talked about my weight loss a bit and he took some measurements. According to him, there was "no way" I wouldn't be approved by OHIP for the panniculectomy. He seemed very certain of this. It should be noted that 90% of his patients are folks like me, bariatric patients. So I trust his judgement. This was a great relief! I told him about my earlier experience in London and he was genuinely puzzled by that surgeon's lack of empathy, her unwillingness to submit paperwork on my behalf, to even try for me. "If you don't get approved, I will go and beat them up," he joked in his slightly accented English. Again...great relief. We also talked about other surgeries I need, like an inner thigh lift, a boob lift, removal of the "batwings" under my arms. I didn't ask him about the skin under my chin, which surprised Erich because I'm always bitching about my turkey neck. But all in all, the experience was night-and-day different from the one in London. He was so reassuring:
Me: "So it takes 6-8 weeks for OHIP approval, right?"
PS: "Call me in four."
Me: "Ok, great! Do you think we can do this by the end of the year?" (He's a very busy man, for obvious reasons.)
PS: "Yes, sure."
The type of tummy tuck he recommends is called a fleur de lis, sometimes referred to as an "extended panniculectomy" which is the most common for patients who go through massive weight loss. You can click on the link for more info on that, as it explains things better than I can.
The only thing that left me cold were the prices of the "upgrade" surgeries. I can get the tummy tuck upgrade but that's it. I was hoping for either the boob lift or batwing surgery to go along with it, but no. He has significantly raised his prices since my friends had their surgeries done just a couple of years ago. That's disheartening but hey...that's my luck! If I'd gone to see him in 2010 instead of the PS I saw in London, I would've gotten a much better deal. However, his prices are still significantly lower than the London PS; he will charge me less than half the price she would've.
But....I WILL GET THIS TUMMY TUCK!! That is so fantastic to me, I can't even tell you. It will be life changing for me in much the same way that actually losing the weight was. I can't wait to have it and start the next chapter in this never-ending journey.
Me with a flat stomach? That is mind blowing...
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Finish lines
So I did it - last month, I completed by first running 5K. Now, will I do it again? Probably not.
It was bitterly cold that day and since it was an inaugural race, pretty poorly organized. Some runners, myself included, got a little turned around on the badly marked course. I estimate that it affected my time by 2-3 minutes. Aggravating, to say the least.
The day before the event, I went to a runners' specialty store and bought some cold-weather clothing. Lemme tell you something...if you're not already fit, then I guess walking/running isn't for you because you won't be able to find clothing in these stores. They had nothing for women above a size large, and an x-large for men. Cindy needs a women's x-large (and because these items are so tight and my desperate need for a tummy tuck, I'd prefer a 2X). I was like "Are you kidding me?" Honest to god...way to make someone feel like a rhinoceros. Is my horn showing? But, I needed this stuff as the forecast was for wind chills below zero. Plus, I had a WagJag coupon to use so I decided to try on the men's XL, and it was suitable. Not only is the stuff size-stupid, but you should probably have a damn good job to be a serious runner/walker. I got a jacket off the clearance rack and a long-sleeved shirt. $75...and this was AFTER I used my $50 WagJag. Right. I looked pretty spiffy, though!
But they worked, because I wasn't really cold the next day. I lined up and took off, bringing up the rear immediately. No matter. I kept on. There were supposed to be walkers, but by god I never saw any until the end of the race, when some of them caught up with me. LOL! An older couple directed me back onto the course and I managed to finish ahead of them, as well as most (if not all) of the walkers. Dead last of the runners, though.
I have a tendency to run toward Erich at the finish line. If I see him, I go to him - not the finish line. I've done this several times now. Last June, at the Father's Day 5K in London, he had to tell me to go one more lap around the track. I saw him and thought I was done, I guess! And at the Minds in Motion 10K last fall, I almost went right past the guy handing out the medals at the finish line because I was focused on my husband. How weird is that? Well, I did it again this time. I had to swerve away from him to cross the finish line because I went right for him. Then the girl recording everyone's time on their bibs had to come and turn me around. LOL! My first words to Erich were "I beat the old people!" Then I was horrified that I screamed it, because I had loud music going in my ears. GAH.
According to their time, I finished in 46:18. A pitiful time but at least I finished. Oh, and they completely screwed up my name. Check it out...Uncle Albert?
I had my Couch-2-5K program running during the race and it clocked me at just over 40 minutes. I dunno. Again, whatever. I finished! Twice! Because on the Wednesday before the race, I ran a 5K on the treadmill at the gym, just to see if I could. Now, this was probably a mistake...which takes me back to my first paragraph and why I won't be running anymore. At least, I don't think so.
My left knee is a bitch. Both of them are shot, but the left one is worse. I wore braces on both knees all during training and on race day, but I was mainlining Tylenol Arthritis for a good 10 days afterwards. The pain was so chronic that I was thinking for a while I might need to go see my doctor about it, worrying that it wasn't getting much better. But eventually it did subside and seems to be ok now. However, I did do the damn 5K twice in four days. Probably not very smart.
Every time I achieve something new, I want to go farther. It's like I need to keep proving to myself that this is really me, I can really do these things; the weight is gone. I don't know if I'll get over that. Also, when I know I have a race coming up, I train - a.k.a., move my ass. If there's no event coming up then I'm likely to stay on the sofa watching Dr. Phil. "So how's that workin' for ya?" Yeah, not too great. I still would like to lose another 15 pounds or so. That's my sweet spot and a weight I can maintain if I'm smart about it and not go off the rails like I did last year. I'm on it. It'll come off.
Last Monday, the Boston Marathon Bombings affected people around the world, of course, but I think especially those of us who regularly compete in races. I'm doing a (walking) half marathon in Niagara Falls in June, and one of the girls posted in our group, wondering aloud if anyone was bothered by the fact that we'll be in a similar situation very soon...lining up, ready to do something we've always wanted to do...to prove we CAN do it...and working to cross that finish line and greet our loved ones. My local running club sent out invites to "Run for Boston" at a special event last Wednesday evening.
I'll tell you this: Erich has waited for me at every finish line, at every event I've ever participated in. To think that people like him...who just wanted to see their loved ones achieve a lofty goal, cheering them on with love and support, waiting to snap that victory picture...were targeted with such hate is very difficult. For me, I wait to see my husband's smiling face behind a camera lens at the finish line. It's part of what I train for, to see the look of pride in his eyes and the "Good job, baby," in my ear when I'm done. And of course, when you are in a race, the last thing you are thinking about is death and chaos waiting for you at the finish line. You're thinking about achievement, support and love. It's a scary thing and will probably change how people think at these events for a long time to come, if not forever.
But we'll still run or walk...crawl if we have to. For Boston, for us, for freedoms that no coward with a pressure-cooker bomb can take away. Screw 'em. Let's go!
It was bitterly cold that day and since it was an inaugural race, pretty poorly organized. Some runners, myself included, got a little turned around on the badly marked course. I estimate that it affected my time by 2-3 minutes. Aggravating, to say the least.
The day before the event, I went to a runners' specialty store and bought some cold-weather clothing. Lemme tell you something...if you're not already fit, then I guess walking/running isn't for you because you won't be able to find clothing in these stores. They had nothing for women above a size large, and an x-large for men. Cindy needs a women's x-large (and because these items are so tight and my desperate need for a tummy tuck, I'd prefer a 2X). I was like "Are you kidding me?" Honest to god...way to make someone feel like a rhinoceros. Is my horn showing? But, I needed this stuff as the forecast was for wind chills below zero. Plus, I had a WagJag coupon to use so I decided to try on the men's XL, and it was suitable. Not only is the stuff size-stupid, but you should probably have a damn good job to be a serious runner/walker. I got a jacket off the clearance rack and a long-sleeved shirt. $75...and this was AFTER I used my $50 WagJag. Right. I looked pretty spiffy, though!
But they worked, because I wasn't really cold the next day. I lined up and took off, bringing up the rear immediately. No matter. I kept on. There were supposed to be walkers, but by god I never saw any until the end of the race, when some of them caught up with me. LOL! An older couple directed me back onto the course and I managed to finish ahead of them, as well as most (if not all) of the walkers. Dead last of the runners, though.
I have a tendency to run toward Erich at the finish line. If I see him, I go to him - not the finish line. I've done this several times now. Last June, at the Father's Day 5K in London, he had to tell me to go one more lap around the track. I saw him and thought I was done, I guess! And at the Minds in Motion 10K last fall, I almost went right past the guy handing out the medals at the finish line because I was focused on my husband. How weird is that? Well, I did it again this time. I had to swerve away from him to cross the finish line because I went right for him. Then the girl recording everyone's time on their bibs had to come and turn me around. LOL! My first words to Erich were "I beat the old people!" Then I was horrified that I screamed it, because I had loud music going in my ears. GAH.
According to their time, I finished in 46:18. A pitiful time but at least I finished. Oh, and they completely screwed up my name. Check it out...Uncle Albert?
I had my Couch-2-5K program running during the race and it clocked me at just over 40 minutes. I dunno. Again, whatever. I finished! Twice! Because on the Wednesday before the race, I ran a 5K on the treadmill at the gym, just to see if I could. Now, this was probably a mistake...which takes me back to my first paragraph and why I won't be running anymore. At least, I don't think so.
My left knee is a bitch. Both of them are shot, but the left one is worse. I wore braces on both knees all during training and on race day, but I was mainlining Tylenol Arthritis for a good 10 days afterwards. The pain was so chronic that I was thinking for a while I might need to go see my doctor about it, worrying that it wasn't getting much better. But eventually it did subside and seems to be ok now. However, I did do the damn 5K twice in four days. Probably not very smart.
Every time I achieve something new, I want to go farther. It's like I need to keep proving to myself that this is really me, I can really do these things; the weight is gone. I don't know if I'll get over that. Also, when I know I have a race coming up, I train - a.k.a., move my ass. If there's no event coming up then I'm likely to stay on the sofa watching Dr. Phil. "So how's that workin' for ya?" Yeah, not too great. I still would like to lose another 15 pounds or so. That's my sweet spot and a weight I can maintain if I'm smart about it and not go off the rails like I did last year. I'm on it. It'll come off.
Last Monday, the Boston Marathon Bombings affected people around the world, of course, but I think especially those of us who regularly compete in races. I'm doing a (walking) half marathon in Niagara Falls in June, and one of the girls posted in our group, wondering aloud if anyone was bothered by the fact that we'll be in a similar situation very soon...lining up, ready to do something we've always wanted to do...to prove we CAN do it...and working to cross that finish line and greet our loved ones. My local running club sent out invites to "Run for Boston" at a special event last Wednesday evening.
I'll tell you this: Erich has waited for me at every finish line, at every event I've ever participated in. To think that people like him...who just wanted to see their loved ones achieve a lofty goal, cheering them on with love and support, waiting to snap that victory picture...were targeted with such hate is very difficult. For me, I wait to see my husband's smiling face behind a camera lens at the finish line. It's part of what I train for, to see the look of pride in his eyes and the "Good job, baby," in my ear when I'm done. And of course, when you are in a race, the last thing you are thinking about is death and chaos waiting for you at the finish line. You're thinking about achievement, support and love. It's a scary thing and will probably change how people think at these events for a long time to come, if not forever.
But we'll still run or walk...crawl if we have to. For Boston, for us, for freedoms that no coward with a pressure-cooker bomb can take away. Screw 'em. Let's go!
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