Still a struggle

I had my first gain since my surgery this week. I weigh myself on Fridays. One pound up. And the scale didn't move much in February, either. Now, I weighed myself this morning and that pound is gone. So who the hell knows? All I know is I need to refocus because my friend is trying to tell me that something I'm doing isn't working.

I have been crazy busy at work since the first of the year. It's a challenge to find time to get to the gym, even more of a challenge to find the energy to even want to. Who wants to go work out after putting in a 10-hr. day? Not me! But I suppose the definition of discipline is doing something even when you don't feel like it. Plus I had a horrible 'time of the month' week before last and going to the gym was not on the effin' radar. No way.

This past week I've come home and did my cardio DVD a couple times plus some training with dumbbells and stuff but I do need to make myself go to the gym. Even if I'm exhausted, even if it means I'll get home past 8 p.m. I hate days like that. Seems all I get done is get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, go to work. BLAH.

I've encountered people who, when they find out I've lost over 150 lbs., will ask me how I did it. That's always the first thing everyone wants to know, right? A few times, when I've said that I had gastric bypass, they seem almost disappointed. They'll say "ohhhh, ok" and nod their head. Hello? Like I went under the knife and came out 187 lbs. lighter with no effort involved at all. I think that's the biggest misconception about the surgery. It's not a magic wand. It will certainly HELP you lose weight but you still have to commit to a drastic lifestyle change.

Today is my 8-month post-op anniversary. Eight months post-op is so terribly different from, say, four months post-op. I can eat a lot more food, for one thing - volume wise. I get hungry more often. I'm becoming somewhat normal again and that's all part of the recovery. I had been warned by the Henry Ford staff as well as in all the books on gastric bypass that I've read to not freak out when this happens, to not think the surgery is failing me or something. It really IS quite a shock when it first starts. We have to rein it in or it can be so easy to fall back into old habits.

I'm starting learn that potato chips are my new weakness. LOL! I can't have sweets, but I can eat potato chips! As soon as I recognized that I was eating them too often, I stopped buying them for the house. Funny, because I never used to eat them that much. Now I could walk down the chip aisle the way I used to browse around the bakery - with stars in my eyes. I also recognize this craving for chips is most likely stress related. As I said, work has been nuts. And I'm definitely an emotional eater.

My eating habits are still good, though. The pouch, the "tool", gives you lots of practice on portion control and good nutrition before it expands as it's supposed to. I just need to find time and energy to move more.

Gastric bypass is no different than any other "diet" in that you have to keep at it. You have to use the tool given to you to stay on course for the rest of your life. People DO gain all the weight back that they've lost with gastric bypass. If any of you watch The Biggest Loser, you might remember Ron from two seasons ago. He had the exact same procedure I did and ended up on campus weighing over 400 pounds again. I just can't even imagine what he went through or how that made him feel.

I going to make a vow to myself, and to all of you, right now that I won't let that happen to me. I've come too far and been through too much, worked too hard to backslide now. Maybe that pound was water weight or whatever but it was a wake-up call. Make time for the gym. NOW!

It's a beautiful day outside and I think I'll do something I haven't done in a long time - go for a walk, outside in the sunshine. Then I'll get my ass to the gym before joining my brother-in-law to watch the Oscars! Go Precious and its cast!

Something I tried last night as a snack that I thought I'd share - one coarsely chopped apple sprinkled with cinnamon, microwaved one minute then drizzled with sugar-free caramel sauce. It tasted like caramel apple pie, I'm telling you. Awesome!