Guilt at the grocery

You know how some former smokers say they enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke? If they are around to inhale it secondhand, they enjoy it even if they know it won't make them pick up a Marlboro again. I know not all of them say that, but some do. Just go with me on this.

I'm finding a strange correlation to this behavior with me and some food. For instance, Cinnabon at the mall invokes a Pavlovian response from me. It's the craziest thing. I want to walk past it just to smell it. OMG, it smells like heaven. Frosted cinnamon rolls were one of my favorite things pre-op and that smell is just the best thing in the world. I go to the mall and I will smell it. On purpose.

Then there's grocery shopping. In the last few weeks, I've realized that I will go to the grocery store and do the following: I browse the bakery, the chip aisle. I always look. I go around and check everything out, pick things up. OH! A new flavor of chips is out. Interesting. How much sodium is in it? Which is less calories - the pecan butter tarts or the raisin butter tarts? I look at nutritional labels. Why I do that is beyond me. The information isn't going to get better with each viewing. And then I put it back. Well, 99% of the time. But I always want to look. There's a strange pathological need to visit my old friends.

Does that make me cuckoo? Probably. Ah, well.

The thing about the grocery store is that you need to stick to the perimeter. Fresh fruit, veggies, lean meats and dairy. That's what you want. The damn chip aisle is my version of the pink Barbie aisle at Toys R Us, though. I can't stay away. Actually, I like the Barbie aisle, too....

I've learned that there really shouldn't be any food that you "can't have". The minute you tell yourself you can't have it, you'll want it more. Before you know it, you're seeing dancing french fries in your dreams and your kid's head will start to resemble a Haagen-Dazs ice cream cone. I'm just sayin'. It'll make you nuts so just stop it.

Therefore, I do still eat the things that would make a nutritionist cringe. The difference between pre- and post-op is that I don't eat whatever I want, whenever I want it, and however much of it I want. I have a cheeseburger about once a month now instead of a few times a week. That sort of thing, you know? I do still want it but there's no way I will let a double quarter pounder come between me and what I've accomplished so far. Most of the time I don't even think about it but once in a while I do crave the bad stuff. I truly believe that's not a problem. You can't be a food nun 100% of the time and not be a robot, in my opinion. And if you are, then I bet you don't have many human friends. Again, I'm just sayin'.

Learning to live a healthy life is all about choices. If you're smart 80% of the time, you can be a little Lindsay Lohan-ish the other 20%. Go to the gym today so you can have a piece of chocolate tomorrow and savor it without guilt. That, my dears, is what's called WINNING!! (tm Charlie Sheen). I swear I'm going to do a blog on "winning". I freakin' love that.

That's not to say I don't still mess up from time to time. No one is perfect. Just get back on the horse and do the best you can. And trust me - you can do better than you think. You're stronger than you even understand.