Crystal clear

I recently finished the book Hungry by plus-size supermodel Crystal Renn. Crystal was a normal, beautiful girl growing up in Mississippi until a model scout told her she could be famous if she shaved 10 inches off her hips. She promptly developed anorexia nervosa but obtained only modest success.

At one point, even living on steamed veggies and 4-hour-a-day workouts wouldn't keep the weight off. At 5'9", she had gained up to the whopping number of 130 pounds when her agent told her she had to do *something*. After all, she was a "huge" size 4 and this was not acceptable. Something clicked and she fought her way back to sanity and the 165 pounds/size 12 she is supposed to be. Not surprisingly, her career skyrocketed and she has at long last posed for the covers of Vogue she longed for when she was 98 pounds.

We won't even go into the ridiculousness of a size-12 girl being a "plus-size" supermodel.

Check out Crystal talking about her book and her life in this video:



I've often bemoaned the fact that there is so much more sympathy and treatment out there for anorexics than for people like me. I'm not sure if it's the visual frailty of anorexics that brings out some nurturing instinct in society or what. I do know that as I search for a therapist, I'm finding exactly ZERO who specialize in obesity and/or food addiction....there are lots who specialize in anorexia or bulimia.

I Googled 'anorexia vs. obesity' and found a site where someone asked the question, "Who would you have more sympathy for - an obese person or an anorexic?" A lot said they would have sympathy for both but some who chose the anorexic did so for really ignorant reasons. They said things like "anorexia is not just a weight issue, it's a mental issue". Really? Do you think weighing 400 pounds is just a "weight issue"? It goes back to my earlier blog about the stigma against overweight people in general and the decision to have gastric bypass surgery specifically. Most wouldn't suggest an anorexic girl simply "just eat" to solve her issue but a lot actually *do* suggest an obese girl get it together and push the plate away - do it on your own. Hence the view that surgery is "way too drastic" or the "easy way out" of obesity.

I couldn't put Hungry down. I'm a verrrry slow reader but it only took me a couple days to finish it off. Crystal's problem, anorexia, was the opposite of mine - chronic food addiction - but we are similar in so many ways. The pathology to use food as a method to either protect or punish (or both) exists with both disorders. Crystal and I just went about destroying ourselves in different ways. But the treatment - healthy eating and controlled exercise - is the same for both of us. Hungry is much more than a model's superficial memoir. It often reads like a textbook on eating disorders and the psychology of a culture that demands people - and women in particular - look a certain way. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has issues with food. And doesn't that cover most of you?

Last month, I blogged about my success story being published in Barbara Thompson's newsletter for bariatric patients. I was not prepared for the wonderful response I got! As soon as it was sent out, I started to receive emails from all over the world congratulating me on my weight loss and letting me know that my story was inspirational. I tell you, I needed that. All of that encouragement and love couldn't have come at a better time and I appreciated it so much. I know I've picked up new subscribers and Facebook friends; WELCOME! I will say this, though: If you request me on Facebook, let me know that you're a reader. If I don't recognize the name, sometimes I question accepting a request. I'm actually thinking of starting a 'Sweeping Cindy' Facebook page to eliminate this concern.

In that same blog from last month I talked about possible gallbladder issues. I have now learned that it was a stone in my right kidney causing me so much pain and trouble. As far as I know, it's still there; I go on Thursday for another ultrasound to see if it's gone. It's quite small, so cross your fingers. The tests also found two cysts on my ovaries and that my left kidney is "malformed" and has a "growth" on it. I will have more tests to see what that's all about.

I'm hoping the discovery of my ovarian cysts will put an end to psycho-cycle. I've complained about it for years but was always brushed off due to my weight. You know..." If you'd just lose weight, you'd be healthy." Yeah, ok. Can't use that excuse anymore, doc! So hopefully everything will get fixed now!

A bump in the road?

Wellll, it's been a weird week.

First of all, I think I may have stumbled onto my first major side effect from gastric bypass surgery. Last Tuesday, I started to eat my dinner (chicken noodle soup and half a grilled cheese sandwich) and got only about half of it down before I knew something was very wrong. At first, it sort of felt like the typical "not going down well" feeling that I've come to recognize quickly and is familiar to most gastric bypass patients. So, I stopped eating right away. Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese is something I have eaten many times post-op. Actually, I wasn't feeling well to begin with and that's why I chose those particular foods that night. They usually go down without any issues. But tonight was different.

Very soon after I stopped eating, I began having serious pain in my abdomen. It felt like my "pouch", or my stomach, was tensing up. Never having felt anything like that before, I got a little scared but just tried to ride it out. I took some Pepcid and went to lie down. It got much worse immediately and I sat straight back up in bed. Serious pain. At one point I thought "Ok...do I need to call someone or what?"

This went on for a while. As soon as it started to subside a bit, I went right to sleep. Completely worn out! Wow, it was really odd. I still didn't feel well the next morning, so I called in sick. After discussing some other symptoms with my dr., there was some thought that perhaps I had a gallbladder attack. Erich, who has experience with these things, agrees.

Gallbladder issues are common in morbidly obese people and are also a concern after gastric bypass. Before surgery, they tell you they will check out the gallbladder when you're on the operating table and if necessary, they will go ahead and remove it then. Mine was ok so they left it. For six months post-op, patients are put on a daily dose of actigall (called ursodiol in Canada) in order to prevent gallstones that sometimes come with rapid weight loss. At 19 months post-op, I thought I was out of the woods but maybe not. I go to my local family doctor tomorrow to discuss this problem and my ongoing menstrual issues. Yeah, it's fun to be me!

Thursday, the day I missed work, I tried to eat rotisserie chicken and boiled potatoes for lunch. This was before I connected the gallbladder thing; OMG, it started all over again. I stopped eating immediately and this time, the symptoms stopped, too. *whew* Scared the crap outta me. So protein=bad. Ok, body....GOT IT. Since then, I've eaten little except cereal, oatmeal, cheese & crackers, yogurt, etc. Mostly carbs. Sneaked some fish in on Saturday night and scrambled eggs, a veggie burger on Sunday. I plan to have actual ground meat tonight. Yeah, I'm easing into it. That pain was intense and I'm a wuss.

The good news to come out of all this is I've lost 8 pounds in 8 days. LOL! My body is so weird. You change its routine and BAM! the weight falls off. Losing that much weight eating CARBS! Only me.

I do have some further good news. My success story will be published in author Barbara Thompson's newsletter for weight-loss surgery patients. Barbara's book "Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You" is required reading for all weight-loss surgery patients at Henry Ford Hospital - so I had to read it - and other bariatric centers all over the U.S. She also wrote the book "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies". Her Weight Loss Surgery Center is a wonderful source of information and inspiration for all of us, pre- and post-op. When I sent her my story and pictures, I heard back from her within minutes.

Cool things are happening in other areas of my life, too. Losing the weight was only a small part of what I want to do and the rest is falling into place slowly. We'll see what happens. I could use some stress relief.