Inked

I got my tattoo last Saturday! And I didn't even pass out or anything. Actually, it wasn't that bad. It hurt, but not as badly as I remember my first tattoo bothering me.

Erich found a very cool design online so I went with that. When I sat down to begin the tattoo, I tried not to focus on the pain and just remember what this really meant. It's an indelible reminder of all I've been through the past year. Of all I've accomplished. Of a place I never want to go back to.







I will get the final tattoo when I lose the final 50 pounds, at the top of the 'tower'. It will be the biggest heart, of course.

Some of those pictures were freaky to me when I first saw them. Not so much the tattooing, but the way I look in them. Especially the one in the top row, on the right. Is that me?? I don't think that looks anything like me. That looks like someone who is normal, thin even. I look at that picture and don't see a fat girl. LOL! It's just weird to me when I see pics of myself and I don't recognize me.

I decided to get another small tatt just for the hell of it. It's my maiden name on my wrist. I've always wanted to do something with my name and it took about 15 minutes. Still hurt, though!





I lost 7 pounds last week which put me at 245 - 199 pounds total lost. I was thrilled, but man! One more pound to 200! Still, it was good to sit for my heart tatt and know I really had lost 200 pounds. Well, almost.

We had beautiful weather all last week, so I was outside every day after work walking, jogging and hiking. It made me wonder if it would be better for me to exercise on my own rather than at the gym. I think I will keep my membership for rainy days this spring and summer. Or for smog alert days - yes, we get those here. But I find I so enjoyed being outside. I can't see driving to the gym to walk on a treadmill when I can be outside in the fresh air. Makes no sense to me. And I haven't lost seven pounds in one week since...well, since before I joined the gym. I was walking outside the last time that happened. Things that make you go hmmm...

I bought a belt over the weekend! I honestly don't remember the last time I owned a belt. No idea. But I need one now for those jeans I bought a few weeks back; the size 22-jeans that I was sure I couldn't fit into. Well, they're too big in the waist already. I could probably do with a 20. Go figure. I must stop buying clothes because my sizes will change so much more rapidly now.

Another thing that happened over the weekend was I finally changed out my earrings - which means my ears are totally healed! Woot! I can wear earrings! I'm very easily amused. LOL!

I'm now 51 pounds away from my goal of 194 pounds (amended from my previous goal of 200 pounds even). Fifty-one ain't that much, ya'll. I'd love to be there by my one-year surgical anniversary. But if that doesn't happen, it's ok. I've accomplished a lot and it will come off eventually. I have faith in that.

A matter of movement

I lost 5 pounds this week. Here's the odd thing - on Friday, I stepped on the scale and was at minus three; I got back on Saturday just for the heck of it and was down two more. So my friend and I are on speaking terms again. LOL!

Seriously, it's a matter of movement. If you want to lose weight, you. have. to. move. I actually made it to the gym three times in the past week, plus I've been doing my calisthenics and some cardio here at home on the 'off' days. Yes I'm tired, no I don't feel like it sometimes, but if I just push my ass off the couch I feel so much better physically and emotionally afterwards. It's worth the effort; and it shows on the scale.

It's getting a bit warmer these days so I can't wait to get outside for some exercise. I got so tired of walking last year but now I'm anxious to take a power walk, or even a jog, around my neighborhood. I mentioned a long time ago that I wanted to be one of those women running on the sidewalk, ponytail bobbing up and down, looking like she had her shit together. Well, that might be me by the end of the summer this year.

I don't know why I want to run so badly. It bothers my knees, for sure. But I feel like I need to for some reason. Maybe I see the ability to jog as proof positive of a certain level of fitness.

When I was in elementary school, we had a 'jogging drive' for charity. You had people sponsor you and we all ran laps around the gym. There were HUGE white sheets of paper on the walls telling everyone who ran the farthest. There were sheets for 1/4 mile, 1/2 mile, etc., on up to I think four miles. I remember looking at those sheets and being flabbergasted that someone could run four miles! I also remember running laps and people literally 'running laps' around me. One girl, as she passed me, pulled my sweatpants down; see, everyone else had cool shorts on but I wouldn't wear shorts in gym so I had on sweatpants. Nice. I felt fat, defeated and ashamed. Yeah, I was the fat girl even back then. I've been the fat girl all my life, really. So maybe it goes back to that day. I want to run to prove I can, I suppose. And I do jog sprints on the treadmill at the gym. It makes me feel almost superhuman when I do that!

So I'm at 252 now with a total loss of 192 lbs. I will soon be at my next 50-lb. goal of 200 total!

I've been talking about a tattoo forever. So long that ya'll are probably tired of hearing me. But I have an appointment next Saturday the 20th to get my weight-loss tattoo. I've decided on a heart for every 50 pounds, going from just below my neck down the center of my back. Five hearts in all. I'll get four on Saturday since I'm so close to 200 lost at this point. The final heart will be at the top and I want to make it stand out in some way which I haven't figured out yet. I like the idea of hearts to symbolize love...my love of myself. I'm losing this weight for me and see the hearts as a expression of how I care about myself, my body, my life.

I also have Tim (the tattoo guy) working on another design for me. Something very special that may require me going under general anesthesia to withstand as I'm a total wuss when it comes to pain. However, we'll see how it goes. More about that when the time comes.

I'm really behind on my rewards. I'm just so busy during the week then on weekends, I spend one day running errands and one day resting, normally. But my rewards are important and these two tattoos are a step in the right direction. :)