In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a big believer in the Internet. My presence is very visible in this blog, on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn - not much into Pinterest as of yet. I need some form of 3D life. And of course, as I've spoken of many times, my immersion in Bo Bice's fan club/community has been life altering. Used correctly and responsibly, online communities bring like-minded people together and make them feel supported and understood. My wide circle of friends and family are all over the globe and I'm so grateful to social media for helping me stay in touch at the click of a mouse.
So it may seem odd that I am a late bloomer when it comes to online support systems meant for bariatric patients.
Henry Ford Hospital gives each of their bariatric patients a Big Blue Binder full of answers to just about any question you could think of and I studied it carefully. Maybe I felt that was enough? I joined a Yahoo group for Henry Ford patients but wasn't a huge presence there. Through it, I learned of an in-person support group nearby and went to one meeting a few weeks after my surgery in July, 2009. There were two other people and it was kind of...empty and strange. While one person present educated me about an online message board called Obesity Help (OH) and pointed me in the direction of a fantastic blog called The World According to Eggface, I didn't go back.
I created an account at OH but again...didn't post much. I can't remember if I ever posted at all. There was some support there and good information, but everyone seemed to already know each other and I didn't know where to start. There also seemed to be a fair amount of cattiness, judgment, cliques and "inside jokes" (which I hate). So I just concentrated on this blog and my Big Blue Binder.
Through Facebook, I found Melting Mama and her Bariatric Bad Girls Club (BBGC). Or rather, she found me (thanks, Beth) when she requested my friendship after reading my brusque (hey, I gotta be me) response to a post from a so-called "leader" in the bariatric community. That person is now finished and most of us couldn't be happier. Through BBGC, I found the Community of Bariatric Patients of Southern Ontario and the Cambridge Coffee Crew (CCC...are you keeping up with the acronyms?), the wonderful bunch of women I am proud to call my sisters following this twisted path of health. I went to my first meeting in June of last year, a week before my 3rd "surgiversary" or what I like to call my Rebirth-day.
I was surprised to find people at CCC and BBGC who were months pre-op. Some haven't even got their surgery date scheduled yet. Looking back, I wonder how different my journey would've been if I'd had this support system. Luckily, success came to me despite it. My cheerleaders have been all of you, as well as a wonderful system of family and friends. But it's true I had no one who had actually gone through this and knew what I was thinking and feeling. Support is so very important and you can never have too much.
So I am envious of these people in some ways. Not so much in others. I still don't participate/post much in online forums because I still find so much judgement there. You know what they say about opinions, right? It doesn't matter what you're doing, someone will tell you it's wrong or you're not doing it as well as they are. Most of the time it's in a passive-aggressive way, sometimes it shows outright hostility. Then someone chimes in with what should be the Bariatric Life Principal, "we are all different", trying to calm things down. I dunno, it's tiring to me and I don't have time for the drama. If someone wants to eat a certain thing or take a certain brand of vitamins, don't judge. You know what The Beatles say - let it be. Words of wisdom and all...
Bullshit is everywhere and I suppose it's our job to duck and cover when we deem it necessary. Some people love OH and the online bariatric community, and that's great. Whatever works for them. I'm pretty sensitive so maybe it's just me. But I will stick with my CCC girls - even though no group is perfect - and this blog, all of you. Add CCC, my amazing husband and the Big Blue Binder to the mix and I think this is going to be a very good year for success!
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I signed up at OH and checked out a number of other forums. I started off there posting and accepting friend requests. I got excited to think I was going to have a support group that knew exactly what I was going through.
ReplyDeleteEarly on after my surgery, there were a number of people from OH who also requested me as a friend on Facebook and I was only too happy to oblige. One day a newbie like myself, had said her hair was starting to fall out and she was concerned. She said she knew it was going to happen but now that it actually was, well she wondered if anyone had any advice/tips etc. One of the girls who had her surgery a couple of years ago replied with "I am so SICK and TIRED of that question. People keep asking it and I'm tired of it."
Pardon the expletives but it really f'n pissed me off. That was the end of online crap for me. If she's tired of the question, get off the site and don't pretend you are there to help people. You're right about the drama, petty bullshit crap that is out there.
The OH board is now used to record my weight and to search the occasional question I might have but to post...No thanks.
Rant over. You may now continue with your blog post. :)
Marianne, rant away! I've seen those kinds of posts, too. More of what I don't like about the forums. CCC has our own group on FB and newbies often ask those kinds of things. The vets are patient and happy to inform them. Of course, most of us see each other in person on a regular basis plus we're a small group. I do think that helps weed out the crap although it does raise its head occasionally, anyway. But much less so than a "regular" forum.
ReplyDeleteHi Cindy, I am 12 years post op RNY and way back then the only online support was the email address of the nice lady I met in pre op support group. I was in my early thirties. Single. She was late sixties and married. We helped each other through the first six months then we were on our separate ways. It wasn't until August 2010 when I needed to finally take off the twenty pounds of regain left from my pregnancy that I found online support. YouTube was my first introduction. Then a forum called Thinner Times. Both were helpful. I had and still have some sensitive stuff to work through. Putting ourselves out into FB and forums is a little scary. And I too dislike the disrespect and lack of sensitivity I see sometimes. People can be so raw. I decided to start blogging for myself. Hence my blog www.MyTinyTank.net it has helped me tremendously. I do dabble on YouTube and reluctantly started a FB Page. I try to maintain a high level of respect for all that I encounter and I require the same of anyone else commenting on my sites. We need to tread lightly with each other. I try to remember "there but the Grace of God go I"
ReplyDeleteEach persons journey is so different. We might not understands someone else's experience. But we can all be accepting and kind. Thanks for discussing this. It's important.