Thursday, March 27, 2014

Find your Health Hero

You are stronger than you think. This has been my motto on my journey to better health for over five years now. In my moments of self-perceived weakness, I found strength in myself.

When I decided to have RNY gastric bypass surgery in 2009, I didn't join a support group. Indeed, I didn't know there were any to join; there may not have been any at the time in this area. I made my own phone calls, researched the protocol to get the surgery approved out of Canada since I'd already been turned away from a local clinic, and figured it out. My family doctor had no idea what to do and had very little knowledge of the surgery or how to care for me during or after the process. I had to lead her through it as well. I was her test case and after my success, she has gone on to recommend the surgery for other patients.

Maybe I was naive, but I didn't do much surfing around online or anything...not for support, at least. Honestly, I didn't know about any of that stuff. And when I did discover a few online forums I was turned off pretty quickly. Post one random thought or question and you'll get 10 different responses ranging from gratitude and interest to sneering and eye rolling. I didn't, and don't, need the drama. Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, where I had my procedure, gave me a huge blue binder full of information and I read it voraciously. Again, maybe not too smart of me, but that was about it. I knew what I had to do to be successful and just did it.

Here's my favorite "before" photo. Christmas, 2008 (click to enlarge).
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So when people ask me who my mentor is/was, who is my Health Hero, it's surprisingly difficult. After thinking about it for a while, I think it's me! Is that a weird answer? Let me explain.

Were there people I looked up to on this journey? Sure! I never missed an episode of The Biggest Loser or Ruby. But I had to make adjustments for my personal journey, as would anyone else. I tried to ignore it when, as a pre-op, I watched Allison Sweeney roll her eyes and shake her head at the mention of gastric bypass surgery. For me, there was more interest in someone my exact weight (444 pounds) shrinking more and more every week, doing things I didn't think I could. But hey, I was stronger than I thought; I could to that, too. I laughed as Ruby Gettinger smashed her talking scale with a sledgehammer - the exact same scale I had, purchased because it weighed up to 600 pounds - and it said "HELLO...I'M READY" after she thought she destroyed it. OMG, the thing was still alive! As is our quest for health. You can't kill it. Just when you think you're done, you're not. There were many teachable moments on television.

About three weeks after my surgery I found out about a local support group and went to my first meeting. It was at someone's house and there were two people there. It was kind of awkward and a little strange. I understand it was the middle of summer and people are busy, but I dunno. I just never went back. Again, probably not smart on my part. The best thing to come out of that meeting was I was told about The World According to Eggface, which is a wonderful resource for weight loss surgery patients. I still follow Shelly to this day, and she led me to Beth, a.k.a. Melting Mama. These two ladies are definitely worth a look if you're going through the process.

Here's a photo from around that time, August 2009 (click to enlarge):
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It must be said that I, like a lot of morbidly obese or super morbidly obese folks, have an issue with meeting new people. Even in a setting where those around me are ostensibly like me, I fear being judged. For my appearance, for my choices, etc. I find myself to be oddly quiet in group settings when I'm definitely not that way normally. I'm a very opinionated, sarcastic and strangely funny person. But I clam up if I don't know you well because I fear saying or doing the wrong thing and seeming foolish. Even five years post-op, this is still somewhat true.

So I chugged along on my own for another three years until Melting Mama's Facebook page led me to a different local support group. This time I went and was much more comfortable. Maybe it was the atmosphere - a mall food court - or maybe it was just that I was ready to mingle, at a different point in my weight loss where I was open to sharing. I had lost 250 pounds by that point and certainly felt better about myself. This blog gave me confidence that I could share with others and also learn a few things myself! I love these people but they're not necessarily my Health Heroes. They inspire me with their determination, failure and forgiveness.

Here's me in September 2012, around the time I found my present support group (click to enlarge). I am getting ready to compete in my first 10K here:
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But still, ultimately, it's up to me.

I'm the one who has to reach down inside myself and find a reason to continue. To have scrambled eggs and Greek yogurt for breakfast instead of pancakes & bacon. To go to the gym instead of cuddling up on the sofa with my husband. To set goals, like the half marathon I completed last spring, which force me to take care of myself and treat myself with respect. One of the most difficult lessons to learn is that WE ARE WORTH THE EFFORT. It's so easy to sit back and do nothing. Heroes rise to the occasion and put forth the effort to do what's right. And we all have that inside us.

Give thanks to those who have inspired you in some way, but also give credit to yourself. You are the one who recognized that inspiration and how it could benefit your own life. Then you put a plan in place, taking the steps necessary to achieve your own success. That was all you and no one else. But with that realization also comes responsibility; it's also up to you to keep up the good work. Celebrate your own heroism! It's yours for the taking.

4 comments:

  1. Bravo Cindy. Strange that you posted this today as I have thought of you several times during the last couple of weeks and wondered how you are doing post most-recent surgery. On another note: I think if you contacted the people in the original support group here and got together with them, you would be a HUGE inspiration. You would become THEIR Health Hero. How worthwhile and rewarding that would be. :)

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  2. Thanks, Pam. I have had kind of a rough winter; almost constant sinus infection and actually landed in the hospital at one point. But the recovery from the tummy tuck is going well! I was going to talk about all of that in a blog post but was specifically asked about this topic so decided to go here first. Good to hear from you!

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  3. I loved this, Cindy. Even though your struggles are different than mine, you gave some good advice which I think I should apply to my way of life. I'm so proud of you!

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  4. Glad to know you stayed strong even with the doubts of those around you. Sometimes, the best way to getting to the needed information is going straight to the professional. I'm sorry you didn't get much info online, but I'm glad that going to the hospital made your decision more solid. Good luck on your journey to losing weight and being more healthy, Cindy. I'm proud of you! :)

    Byron Brewer @ Knight and Sanders

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