When you're a fat chick, the last thing you want to hear is women thinner than you bitching about their weight. It feels insulting and it pisses said fat chicks off. I know, because I was one of those fat chicks all my life. Well....I still AM a fat chick, but I digress. Few things ticked me off more than a size-four woman whining about how she reeeeeeally needed to lose 10 pounds.
Notice I refer to fat CHICKS, because honestly, I don't know a single man who complains that his life would be complete if he could just shave off the last, stubborn 10 pounds. Not a single one. I think it tends to be a woman thing. We never think we're good enough, do we?
I have lost 250 pounds. I am healthy, happy (most of the time) and look better than I've looked since I was 18 years old (well, in most ways). See how I qualify everything? I truly believe the qualifiers, too. It never ends. No matter how you look or what you accomplish it's usually not enough. Why do we constantly seek perfection instead of taking a step back and recognizing what we've already done well?
The bad news is I can see myself turning into one of the whining women. The really bad news is that I truly do need to lose 10 pounds, but anyway....my point is that the way that thought is always in my brain makes me crazy. I hate it from the point of view that I'm turning into what I have never liked. Is it vanity? Probably not in my case. The elephant in the room is that for food addicts like me, 10 pounds easily turns into 20 - then 30 and so on. So getting a grip on things is very important.
I've spent a lot of time writing about how I wanted to be "normal". I did come to realize, eventually, that I am not and never will be "normal" in my relationship with food. I can't be casual with my diet and exercise - it's something I will have to be super conscious about my whole life. And it SUCKS.
The one thing that is "normal" and shouldn't be is this constant self-criticism. Every day I strive for some sort of happy medium between knowing I need to watch what I eat and trying not to be neurotic about it. Because I can see the neurosis is leading me to some slight depression and in turn, to bad choices....which is what I'm trying to avoid in the first place. There's no need to be perfect. Vigilant yes. The perfect, happy, shining face of gastric-bypass success? No.
With the holidays coming, we all walk a slippery slope. I think most people gain a couple pounds over the holidays and it's difficult to get back into healthy habits after the new year. But again, for food addicts like me, it's doubly difficult. Imagine a smoker who has quit, takes it up again for a month then must cut back to having only one cigarette a week. And they must be happy with that much nicotine and no more. That's a good comparison. This year I'm already behind the 8-ball in that I need to take off a few pounds as the chow-fest that is December begins. So, vigilance is the name of the game. I am not normal. But I'm also not perfect. The key is forgiveness and moving on, right? Right.
My intention is to LOSE weight this month, not gain. Wish me luck! This constant fight is not easy but the results are worth it. There is no going back to the old me.
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I always wonder if the thin, whining women are really concerned, or just looking for reassurance like the rest of us? Are they actually worried about putting on a couple pounds, or just fishing for compliments and hoping that someone will tell them how great they look in a size 2 designer jean!
ReplyDeleteI've pretty much decide that the important thing is to validate every persons feelings no matter what size they are. It doesn't really matter if you were born with the 'skinny gene' or you have to work your butt off every single day. A women needs to hear that they are beautiful! And of course, we are!
Well, I suppose they are fishing for compliments but I'm not so sure the motives are as simple or pure as you mention. I think when a 110-pound woman whines about losing 10 pounds in front of a 400-pound woman, it takes on a much more selfish tone - I think more often than not, the point of the whining is to drive home the fact that at least they're not in the same situation as the fat chick. And look at me! Aren't I so much more attractive than her?? That's how I see it, anyway. It's insulting.
ReplyDeleteIt is awfully insensitive for a 110 pound woman to remark on her need to lose weight in front of a 400 pound woman. I am a 110 pound woman, and while I have no idea if I ever inadvertently committed such an act, I can attest to the fact that the damn obsession with weight can be very strong, even in the mind of someone who is at a good weight.
ReplyDeleteAnd as someone who could easily put on 4 pounds without harm, I still will NOT overindulge in holiday eating. I just don't understand why people gain weight on vacations and at the holidays. It is not a free pass to eat whatever you want. Moderation and balance of nutrients is still important. Of course, it helps immensely that I am terribly sugar sensitive and will get nauseous and possibly have an anxiety attack if I have too much. And I'm not good with alcohol. But still, carbs and fatty dips beckon me, so I'm not off scot-free.