This is a test. This is not a test.

Ok, are you ready?

In my last post, I talked about how we sent my PS the check for my tummy tuck via Purolator on July 2 since the PS's assistant was having a fit and insisted they needed the money right away. After we got back to the house, I called the office and told her the money had been sent per her instructions. I had an appointment to see the PS and do my pre-op testing on July 4, but she told me when I called - after I'd already sent the money - that the PS would be out of town on a family emergency and would have to re-schedule my appointment for the 11th. Ok, no problem. No mention of the entire office being closed on Thursday and Friday.

Erich told me the money wasn't coming out of the account, so I tracked the package on Tuesday the 9th. Apparently, Purolator tried repeatedly to deliver the checks but there was no one in the office.

Can you say furious?

There were repeated messages in the tracking information about "attempted delivery/address invalid or incomplete" along with normal-looking entries about attempted deliveries and no one being in the office. I called Purolator immediately, because the address is perfect on my shipping receipt. The woman I spoke with said to ignore the incomplete address errors and they would attempt delivery once more, on Wednesday the 10th, and I should call to make sure someone would be there. If they couldn't complete delivery on Wednesday the 10th, the package would be sent back to me.

So I called (Tuesday the 9th).

Did I mention the PS's assistant (PSA) is pretty much psycho? I did? Ok then.

Oh...she left at noon on Wednesday the 3rd and the whole office was shut down Thursday and Friday. And furthermore...she "told me the office would be closed". OMG........I kinda lost it. A little bit. I couldn't help it. SHE was the one insisting I send the money via Purolator (which cost me almost $20) then she LEFT THE OFFICE?? I told her at the time she would receive it on Wednesday the 3rd...and SHE LEFT AT NOON??? Then shut down for two days? Are you kidding me? And she didn't tell me the doctor was leaving until AFTER I'd already sent the money! She was really trying to pin this on me. She assured me she would be in the office all day Wednesday the 10th to receive the package.

I figured I'd ask her if they received my blood work and ECG I had done here in town on June 28. No. OMG.....ok. So I called the local lab. They don't give out results and gave me a 1-800 number that the doctor's office would need to call and have the tests sent again. So I call PSA back and give her the number.

The next day (the 10th), I was getting ready to call her again to see if she'd received the check when the phone rang. It was almost 2:30pm. She hadn't received the check yet and "you said it would be here by 10:30 and it's not here yet".

What I wanted to say was: "Are you on drugs or what?"

But instead, I assured her I told her no such thing, that I had NO idea when it would be delivered, only during business hours. I asked her if she'd received my tests yet. Silence.

"You know," I said, "remember, I gave you the 1-800 number yesterday to call about my tests?....." Oh...she had "other patients" and hadn't called yet. I am really deep breathing at this point. I mean, my appointment was at 10:30am (which is maybe where she got that delivery time...I dunno) the next day. No payment and no tests.

"Is there any point in me coming to see him tomorrow at all?" I asked. She said yes, that we needed to "get going" (yes indeed WE did) and assured me she would have all the tests for him to look over by the morning. Ok. I told her I'd also bring the checkbook, and if for some reason she didn't have the Purolator package by then, I'd write her another check.

I leave for work with a raging headache and slight homicidal tendencies.

My appointment the next day was fairly uneventful, but looonnng. The check never came, so I wrote her a new one. More on that later, in another entry.

I was at that hospital from 10:15am until almost 3pm. I didn't really know what to expect at all. I asked the PSA on the phone what the pre-op testing would entail, and she wasn't very specific. Bloodwork, ECG....but I already had that done. So I arrived with my proverbial thumbs up my ass. Which would come in handy, given that one of the tests involved me swabbing my own rectum for some sort of bacteria-resistant virus they wanted to make sure I didn't have. Oh yes. A joy.

While I was still in the PS's waiting room, the PSA handed me a packet with a bunch of forms to fill out. Now, you are supposed to get this packet, take it home and fill everything out, then bring it back to the hospital. I understand things were happening so quickly in my case that it wasn't possible for it to work out that way. However....again, I think the PSA should've told me - especially when I specifically ASKED her - what sorts of things I'd need to fill out these forms. I had most of the information on me, but some I didn't. I guess the most important thing I didn't have were my supplements in the original bottles. Didn't know I needed it, didn't think about it. So....I had to sit in the pharmacist's office while she Googled everything I was telling her and had me identify the exact brand/dosage of all the many vitamins I take every day. Again...a joy.

I saw the PS, which was routine, then the PSA led me down to the basement and the pre-op testing area. I would need to speak to a second doctor, a pharmacist, an anesthesiologist and a nurse. They all said I was fit as a fiddle, ready for major surgery.

The doctor questioned my assertion that I had "diet-controlled diabetes," which is what my family doctor calls it. "You don't have diabetes," he said. "Your sugar is perfect." I got the feeling he thought the adage of 'once you have diabetes, you have it forever' was old-fashioned. My blood pressure was elevated in the nurse's office (no surprise given how pissed off I still was, and anxious because I was certain now that I'd be late for work) and is often slightly high when checked at my family doctor's office. This pre-op doctor said "No, what you need is a bigger cuff. If the cuff isn't right, you will get a falsely high BP." Hmm...I knew I needed a big cuff pre-op, but thought I was ok now. He said no (there's a lot of extra skin on my arms). He took my BP again with a bigger cuff and it was normal. I'll have to remember that!

So it's all done (again). I am to be at the hospital at 10am on August 12, the surgery is 12:30. Shit just got real.

Want a final psycho-PSA story? Ok. She takes me downstairs to the pre-op testing area and has me sit in a chair, telling me they will call me when they're ready for me. So I sit. And sit. Finally, a staffer comes over and asks me why I'm there. I tell her and she checks the system....I am nowhere to be found. Not me, not my surgery, nothing.

"Who is your surgery with?" I tell her. "Oh," she says, "well...that's (PSA's name) for you."
I smile. "Yes. It sure is!
"You know (PSA's name)?"
"I sure do!"
She laughed. "Well, then we both know!"

And we both laugh. Because it's either you laugh or you cry, right? I think I feel sorrier for those poor people who have to deal with her every day. Eventually, I won't have to see her again!

Four years on, the plastics begin

Today is what I like to call my rebirth-day, or, as it's known in the weight-loss surgery community, my "surgiversary." Four years ago today, I had RNY gastric bypass surgery and my life has never been the same. I won't bore you with all the details of how much better I feel now, how I can do things I never thought possible. It's all true, but I would just be repeating myself! It never gets old, though, this thing called LIFE. It's more than I ever thought it could be. To date, I have had ZERO complications, only freedom...from pain, illness and the bonds of my own body. And I wouldn't change a thing except that I wasted so much time.

A before and after (click to enlarge):


For those who are interested - you can go back and check out where my brain was 4 years ago here and here.

In my last entry, I mentioned that I got my tummy tuck surgery date (August 12) and I had an appointment to see my plastic surgeon (PS) on July 4th. That appointment got moved to July 11, so I'll likely do another update afterwards.

I heard about this surgeon from my bariatric support group. A lot of fellow patients have been to him - indeed, his assistant said about 85% of his patients are of the bariatric variety. I like him very much but his assistant...lorda mercy. Honestly, speaking to her is a chore. And even sitting in the waiting room, listening to her talk to other patients, tries MY patience. I don't tolerate stupidity and rudeness very well. I think I've mentioned this before - she needs another profession.

The whole plastics experience has been a whirlwind since April, my first visit to his office. At that time, I was given a quote for his services, far above what I knew some of my friends to have paid. This was surprising, but prices go up so...whatever. I soon got approval from OHIP for my panniculectomy and we went from there. The coverage for the panniculectomy is minimal; I still have to pay thousands of dollars for the "upgrade" to a full tummy tuck (tightening and repair of the abdominal muscles and removal of more tissue and skin). I went back to see him last month and was informed the procedure had gone up another $1,000. Not only that, this new quote was only good for 6 weeks. If I didn't pay this new, inflated price right away, the price could go up again....and again... I had no idea when the surgery would be, so I had two choices: Pay right now or wait and take my chances the price could go up thousands of dollars by the time I got a surgery date. Oh...and we had to pay in full two months before the surgery date...whenever that would be.

I burst into tears in the parking garage. Erich and I had been putting money aside for this, but $1,000 was a lot of money. Plus, I had tremendous feelings of guilt. There was so much more we could do with this money. Many other things needed our attention and I felt bad enough about spending thousands of dollars on a tummy tuck. Yes, I needed it, for medical, cosmetic and mostly psychological reasons. But still. If I hadn't allowed myself to reach nearly 500 pounds in the first place, none of this would be necessary. I feel a LOT of self-loathing and guilt about that.

My husband would hear none of this. "I'll handle it," is all he kept telling me as I cried and battled a near-nonstop headache for the rest of the week. My first thought was to sell the Camaro he bought for me when I lost half my body weight. He said "NO. Absolutely not." Alrighty then! He was adamant that I have the surgery ASAP and he would find a way to pay for it.

The surgery costs $5500 (starting out at $4500 and going up $1000). And we didn't have it all. Not yet.

You might ask me why I didn't try another surgeon. Well, this PS is very well known in the weight-loss community as being extremely affordable and willing to work with OHIP coverage. I had a nightmare experience with a PS a couple years ago that I detailed here. That PS wanted more than twice this amount to do the same surgery. I'd also heard price horror stories about other surgeons. So while we were presently scraping together cash, it wouldn't be as much as other prices I'd heard about.

I'd told the PS assistant to look to October when she asked me when I wanted to have the surgery. She also asked me how much notice I'd need for a date. I told her two weeks. I have a fairly new job and wanted to give my employer some notice. I knew we still needed to scrape together the money but I was really worried and upset. To keep the cost down, we would need to pay in full by July 30 or, like I said, risk the ever-escalating price. I compared it to a kitten chasing a ball of yarn the just kept unraveling and the kitten never catching up. If we didn't pay soon, we'd just keep chasing the higher price.

Soon, she called and asked me if August 12 would be acceptable. I was floored, flabbergasted. I'd originally thought this wouldn't happen until after the new year. Of course, this new date would mean we'd need to pay NOW. In fact, she wanted me to courier a check that same day! Um, no. No can do. This was on a Friday afternoon; Monday was Canada Day. I told her we would have to make arrangements to get the money together and send it to her on Tuesday. She was pretty upset by this and put me on hold (needs a new job). But when she came back on, she agreed.

Again, I was very upset about the money aspect. Erich again told me, "I'll have it by Tuesday. Don't worry." He doesn't like to discuss things with me because he just wants to take care of it, but it sometimes just makes me worry even more. In his mind, keeping the details from me protects me. Sometimes that's true, but in this instance it just made me crazy. LOL! Eventually, we got the money together and sent it in via Purolator. It made me physically ill. Excited, nervous, guilty, scared, you name it.

So it's done. Paid for in full and scheduled. During my last appointment, I asked the PS how much skin and tissue he thought he would be taking off. The PS in London told me maybe 3-5 pounds. That seemed an impossibly low number and made me even more dubious of her at the time. Well, the new PS said "At least 6 kilos...about 14 pounds." I literally could not speak. While I knew I had a lot of excess skin to get rid of, I didn't think it was that much. Maybe he's over-estimating. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I really am. He also assured me this surgery will be "life-changing"....again? *deep breath* Ok. Strapping in for another life change. Erich jokes that this will be his 4th wife: He was married before me then to the pre-op me, the post-op me, and now the tummy tuck me. LOL!

I've had this stomach for so long, I don't know what it's like to be normal. Ever since I can remember, I've shopped for shirts long enough to cover it and loose enough to hide it. Ever since I can remember, I've had to lift it up in the shower and wear baby powder to help keep the rashes at bay. It's actually worse since I've lost weight and it's like an empty bag. I've taken to wearing a "looser, everyday" Spanx just to keep it from moving around and causing chafing. But even "super-Spanx" doesn't make it disappear. I know I'll never feel truly successful until I get it off me. And I can't wait to see how this affects me, both physically and emotionally.

Joining the Flat Belly Society

A few days ago, I saw a plastic surgeon in Toronto to see if I can finally move on a little from the brain-numbing excess skin situation.

I've written extensively and openly about my issues with my excess skin. It bothers me in a way I wasn't really expecting. I knew it would be there, of course, but the way it messes with my brain was surprising. Not everyone is affected this way. There are some who say "Screw it," and live with it. But as for me, I find it very difficult to literally carry around flesh-and-blood reminders of what I did to my body and why I'll never look normal through my own efforts. It is my fault and no matter how much I work out or what I do, they are there. Like Guilt Tumors or something. I struggle with that. And in that struggle, I sometimes seek comfort in my old friend, food. This, and the stress I endured last year over my employment situation, definitely caused me to regain some of the weight I initially lost. It's coming back off slowly. I hope the good news I received on Wednesday will help me get my head straight and continue on my current path.

I've turned into one of those women constantly saying "If I could only lose 15 pounds..." Well, I might think it; I'd never say it in certain company. I used to hate those women, bitching about 15 pounds when I had over 250 to lose! And they are not even remotely similar situations, so please don't bitch about 15 pounds in the presence of a 500-pound person. You might get punched in the neck. I know I held myself back several times...

I had a really bad experience a couple of years ago with a plastic surgeon (PS) in London. She came recommended by a friend who had bariatric surgery and had her panniculectomy covered by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP), through this surgeon. It was a nightmare and kinda put me off seeing another PS. When I asked my family doctor for another referral, her first response was "But you already saw one and they said the panniculectomy wouldn't be covered." I had to talk her into giving me another referral. Nothing is easy, right?

But through some friends I've made in my support group, I heard about a new PS in east Toronto - actually, Scarborough. Everyone has been so sure he would work with me, so sure that I should get the panniculectomy covered, that I decided to give it another shot.

So on Wednesday, I set out to drive to Scarborough - by myself. In the rain. This is already a laughable situation, as I loathe driving in big cities and can't see my hand in front of my face when driving in the rain. Erich taking the evening off work to accompany me wasn't really an option; that would mean losing a lot of money in overtime because of the way his company calculates hours. And, well, the tummy tuck "upgrade" I want ain't gonna pay for itself.

The drive wasn't too bad, save the accident I nearly got into at an intersection 5 miles from my destination when two cars in front of me wrecked (thank you, Good Brakes) - but as I sat in the waiting room, I listened to another patient speaking to the PS's assistant. They were having a "discussion" about pricing. This woman was also a bariatric patient looking to have a tummy tuck upgrade after an OHIP-approved panniculectomy. As I listened to this exchange, I got more and more nervous. Erich and I don't have a lot of money. We get by, but don't have large amounts of cash sitting in the bank. My husband has been working his fingers to the bone, accepting overtime whenever it is offered in order to sock away some money to get me as much surgery as possible. I need *A LOT* of skin removal, but the panniculectomy and tummy tuck upgrade are foremost on my mind. Listening to these people argue over price and money made me uneasy because the figures his assistant was tossing around weren't the ones I had in mind. I started feeling a little sick.

My nervousness quickly subsided when I got in to see the PS, though. I really liked him. We talked about my weight loss a bit and he took some measurements. According to him, there was "no way" I wouldn't be approved by OHIP for the panniculectomy. He seemed very certain of this. It should be noted that 90% of his patients are folks like me, bariatric patients. So I trust his judgement. This was a great relief! I told him about my earlier experience in London and he was genuinely puzzled by that surgeon's lack of empathy, her unwillingness to submit paperwork on my behalf, to even try for me. "If you don't get approved, I will go and beat them up," he joked in his slightly accented English. Again...great relief. We also talked about other surgeries I need, like an inner thigh lift, a boob lift, removal of the "batwings" under my arms. I didn't ask him about the skin under my chin, which surprised Erich because I'm always bitching about my turkey neck. But all in all, the experience was night-and-day different from the one in London. He was so reassuring:

Me: "So it takes 6-8 weeks for OHIP approval, right?"
PS: "Call me in four."
Me: "Ok, great! Do you think we can do this by the end of the year?" (He's a very busy man, for obvious reasons.)
PS: "Yes, sure."

The type of tummy tuck he recommends is called a fleur de lis, sometimes referred to as an "extended panniculectomy" which is the most common for patients who go through massive weight loss. You can click on the link for more info on that, as it explains things better than I can.

The only thing that left me cold were the prices of the "upgrade" surgeries. I can get the tummy tuck upgrade but that's it. I was hoping for either the boob lift or batwing surgery to go along with it, but no. He has significantly raised his prices since my friends had their surgeries done just a couple of years ago. That's disheartening but hey...that's my luck! If I'd gone to see him in 2010 instead of the PS I saw in London, I would've gotten a much better deal. However, his prices are still significantly lower than the London PS; he will charge me less than half the price she would've.

But....I WILL GET THIS TUMMY TUCK!! That is so fantastic to me, I can't even tell you. It will be life changing for me in much the same way that actually losing the weight was. I can't wait to have it and start the next chapter in this never-ending journey.

Me with a flat stomach? That is mind blowing...