Attitude

This past week was better in terms of my mental state than the week before. It showed on the scale because I lost 5 pounds for a total of 30. I need to lose 10 more before April 24. Cross your fingers, folks. I've had some good and bad weeks so nothing is guaranteed.

I've been letting myself have one "cheat day" a week the past few weeks. Always on the weekend, because that's the hardest time for me. I can stay in a routine during the workweek, but it's tougher on weekends. I will eat something I "used to eat", but just smaller or healthier portions. Like the pizza I got last week when I finally caved - thin crust, easy on cheese, chicken breast & turkey bacon whereas before it would've been extra cheese, thick crust, loaded with fatty meat. I'm not sure about this though. After the surgery, I won't even be able to have a stray 'cheat day' here and there. We'll see how it progresses.

My hero Ruby Gettinger was on Oprah last week visiting an obesity rehab center in New York. She spoke about how food is an addiction and we need to treat it as such. I thought this was timely for me, considering my most recent blog. The night before her appearance, she sent out a bulk message on Facebook letting her fans know and ended it with this quote: "You conquer when you learn to hang on one minute longer." Yep. Words of wisdom to be sure.

Attitude is very important - she also spoke about how grateful she was. Grateful that she never had a heart attack, could always get around and go places even when she was 700 lbs., etc. I feel much the same way. Though I do have some health problems, this body of mine still carries me around and works for me despite the abuse I have heaped upon it. I have to be indebted to it for its strength and patience with me as I've floundered through life not paying any attention to it.

Oprah expressed surprise when Ruby said she always went out with friends and lived her life, even at her highest weight. I've been the same - it never occurred to me not to leave the house for self-pitying reasons or fear of ridicule. Oh, I've had my fair share of ridicule - stares, pointing, snickers - but it doesn't stop me from living. If I want to go to a rock concert, where I know my ass will most likely not fit in the damn seat, I'll go anyway. I usually sit down on the edge, jokingly apologize to the person next to me and enjoy the show. Only once (at a Bo show in Berea, Ohio) have I experienced someone kinda flipping out and refusing to sit next to me. Screw 'em! I have just as much right to be there as they do. If I want to get on a plane, well, yeah....I have to buy 2 seats. But I do, and I go, despite the stares of people when I board and that 'Oh-god-please-don't-let-her-sit-next-to-me' panic flashes in their eyes.

Hint: Fly Southwest. They have a policy whereby they will refund a second-seat purchase if the flight isn't sold out. Awesome!

No, I need to be grateful for the life I've had. And before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me.

When I went to see Dr. Genaw, he asked me what I do all day. Um...work? His response was "Good for you." He seemed shocked that I had a full-time job! So many people my size with my health problems are on disability, I suppose he was surprised. Hell yes I work. I work, I play, I love...I create and I LIVE. There are lots of things that will be easier for me, physically, after I lose all this weight. But right now I still do what I can. I'm starting to see that might give me a leg up on some other people who are as big as me.

Attitude is everything and I guess I already have the right one. Or at least the building blocks of it! Sure I get down and negative sometimes (see last blog..LOL) but as far as me actually living my life...I'm already there. That has to be a good thing.