Food brat

Are you a food brat? Do you do the mental equivalent of crossing your arms, pouting and whining "But I waaaannnt it!!!" You, too?

Pre-op, I had no limits. If I wanted it and it was in front of me, I ate it. I didn't give much thought to the calories, fat, salt, or sugar in anything I ate. I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I liked - whatever I liked. Think about how crazy that is for a minute. There is precious little that it is ok to have in limitless quantities. There's love. Um, that's about it. And even too much of that can make you just as uncomfortable as inhaling an entire pie or pizza.

Now, it has become second nature to me to read food labels and pay attention to what I put in my mouth. I find myself saying things like "I'm not drinking my calories." or "No bread; it fills me up too much and doesn't leave room for protein."

Erich, my stepdaughter Ericha and I spent the past week in Ohio visiting my family. It never fails - when I go home I eat more. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so comfortable, I get bored without my usual routine, the food choices found there that aren't here, or what it is but it's a pattern I'm noticing the last few times I've been back to Ohio. I tend to snack there, which I don't do much of here. I notice it even when I'm not in Ohio but just on vacation in general. I suppose that's normal for most people but I don't like it and am determined not to let my inner food brat emerge.

I was eating a third handful of cheese doodles at my friend Paris's house on Saturday when it hit me. What the hell??? I'm not hungry. So why am I eating? And something that's total junk, too. I'd been doing similar stuff all week. A cookie here, some chips there. Just because I wanted it? Not a good enough reason. Grow up, Cindy.

The quest for food maturity. Ah yes. That is the goal that must be reached to maintain weight loss. The ability to recognize the difference between want and need. And making the right choices - the ones that will best fuel my body. There is no taking a vacation from being good to yourself.

I'm not saying become a food NAZI. Just strive to do better. Perfection is overrated. That's my theory, anyway. Who needs the ulcer?

I had a wonderful time in the States. My brother didn't recognize me, which was a total hoot. He came into the family reunion, sat down with his family, and after 20 minutes he turned to his wife and said "Where's Cindy?" She pointed at me at the other end of the table and said "She's right there." My brother was quite embarrassed and I'm sure this will be the stuff of family legend for years to come.

It was a relaxing time. Shopping, catching up with old friends and family. That sort of thing. I bought a size-16 pair of jeans at Old Navy - that's the smallest yet. I took an 18 and 20 into the fitting room, came back out and told Erich "They're both too big." I can't keep up sometimes.

The three of us went to the county fair one day and I rode the 'big' rides they had. It was quite a shock because I haven't been on anything like that for a good 15-20 years. But I wanted to do it because I could fit on them. I ventured onto the last one by myself, even.

At the end of the week, we drove to Niagara Falls, New York for a Bo show at the Seneca Falls Casino. What an amazing show! It was Ericha's first time seeing him and man, it was a good one. She really enjoyed herself. We met with him afterwards and she said to me later "I couldn't talk to him. I felt like I was gonna cry for some reason." I just smiled, nodded and said "Welcome to our world." She had fun hanging with all my Bo friends, too. It was good to share that with her. Bo was his sweet self, telling me I "looked beautiful" and "very healthy." Erich forgot his Bo Bice ballcap at home and jokingly apologized to Bo (who had already complimented his CSI cap...LOL). Bo just grinned and said it was ok, he'd see him again. And he will! LOL! I told him Ericha was my daughter and he said "This is your daughter?" then complimented her pink hair. Actually, everywhere we went all week, she got stopped and complimented on her hair. I love it myself and am thinking of some pink highlights or something. Heh.

After sending Ericha back across the border to her mom, Erich and I headed over to Rochester and the Paris Hilton (NY Division). The next day we traveled to Watkins Glen, NY for yet another Bo concert at a NASCAR event. I'm sure Bo was like a giddy little boy for this venue as he is a huge NASCAR fan. Me, not so much. LOL! Lots of walking for that one, plus standing for the entire show; it would've done me in before. No meet and greet afterwards but I did get a wink and a smile as he went onstage. It was a good weekend with wonderful friends and great music.

Despite being a bit of a food brat over the past week, I managed to lose three pounds. So I'm at 214 - 230 lbs. lost, 20 more to go. It's going too slowly. I'm getting set to work my ass off for these last 20 pounds.

Some pics from my summer vacation - the first one there is me with my mother. As always, click to enlarge.