Twelve

Take a look at the 12-year-old girl in the photo below. She's smart, funny, fairly well-adjusted. She's holding her pet kitty - the obsession with cats continues to this day - and squinting into the camera. She hasn't quite figured out what the hell to do with her curly, full-bodied hair and is still fighting nature, brushing it out so it looks a little weird. The green t-shirt she's wearing most likely says 'Jasper Wildcats' on the front, a tribute to her elementary school.



Most people are awkward at 12 and I was no exception. The age of 12 marks a milestone for me, though. I remember stepping on the scale at some point during that year and seeing the weight '203'. I remember because I was shocked to see that I weighed over 200 pounds. I have always been a big girl. Always the tallest, always 'big-boned', even in kindergarten before I got really 'fat'. By the time I was 12, I was at least 5'6" and weighed 203 pounds. You might think this made my life miserable at school. With the exception of a few idiots along the way, I was good. I got along with pretty much everyone in every social strata and got good grades. I remember one boy making a comment to me, loudly, in front of my entire class when I was 12. Most of the other kids pounced on HIM, telling him how rude and awful he was - he didn't understand these people were all my friends. The most vocal in her outrage to him was the most popular girl in class, who is still my friend on Facebook and I love her (even though she is still impossibly beautiful...LOL). You see, it was he who was the outcast, not me. No one laughed with him like he expected. So I was lucky.

But my weight kept going up and up. The number I was so shocked to see at 12 managed to elude me no matter how much I tried to diet back down to it as an adult. I would've loved to have seen '203' again.

I bring all this up because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale, 28 years later, there it was. "Two-hundred and three pounds" my talking scale squawked back at me.

I started out the week at 215. Oh yes. I had gained one pound before I started the 5-Day Pouch Test I referred to in my last blog, putting me at 210. I started the 'detox' on Monday and weighed myself that night like an idiot. I do know better than to weigh myself at night. But I guess I was too excited to see if that pound I'd gained was gone. Well, slap me silly because I'd gained 5 more. I really wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and not come back out. WTF?? This had never happened to me since my surgery. Ever.

But.....over the weekend I ate things I probably shouldn't have. Salty things like popcorn, a piece of fried chicken. A few chips with dip. Which is weird because I don't normally eat stuff like that - once in a while, but not all at once. LOL! Maybe subconsciously I was thinking that because I would be so deprived in the coming week that I'd better eat while I can. That's the only way I can explain it.

The pouch test wasn't so bad, really. It was a lot like going back to the newly post-op days. Two days of liquids, one of soft protein (eggs, canned fish, soft fish), one of firm protein (ground meat, salmon), and one of solid protein (white meat poultry, steak). The second day of the liquids was the hardest. I was getting pretty hungry by the end of the day. Protein shakes, Jell-O and cream-based soup just wasn't cutting it. But man alive, I did that for a whole week pre-op so I just kept telling myself to suck it up. I am a strong bitch when I have to be.

The whole point of the pouch test is to train your brain - and that pouch, the ultimate tool in weight-loss maintenance - what to expect at mealtime. It actually firms the pouch up a bit. It worked well for me, I think. I went back to the days when one hard-boiled egg left me feeling very full. I even noticed yesterday, as I went back to 'normal' eating, that I could eat neither as much in volume nor as quickly as I could a week ago. Which is a good thing. I don't want to become too 'normal' when I eat. It's too easy to slip back and before you know it, you've put on 20 pounds. I've heard this so often from other gastric bypass patients. I'm going to try and do anything and everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to me.

Erich described this plan as sort of a 're-calibration' of the tool. That's pretty accurate. I think I'll use this plan at least once a year, maybe twice, to keep things on track.

I had a few headaches along the way as my body was ridding itself of garbage carbs and excess water. Other than that there were no side effects for me unless you count endless trips to the bathroom! I think this plan got me back on track with my water, which had been lacking for a few of months now. Obviously I needed to flush out my system.

So I lost 12 pounds in the five days I was on the plan. It's hard to describe the state I'm in right now. I was 12 years old the last time I weighed 203 pounds. Very soon, I'll be UNDER 200 pounds! That's incredible to me. And soon after that, I'll be at goal. I'm nine pounds away at this point and am going to start thinking about the design of the final heart that will go at the top of my heart tower tattoo on my back. For those who may not know, I have four hearts tattooed on my upper back leading up towards my neck. One heart for every 50 pounds lost. The goal is to lose 250 pounds and I'm almost ready for the fifth and final heart.

Erich and I stopped in yesterday to see Tim (the tattoo guy) and possibly make an appointment. It's tough to get in to see him on weekends, which is the only time I can go. Tim doesn't work nights and I would want him and him alone to do any tattoo I might get. He said not to worry about an appointment, that when I hit the goal, call him and he'll do the tattoo, even if he has to stay late or whatever he has to do to fit me in. Awesome. Love that guy.

Starting weight: 444
Present weight: 203
Pounds to goal: 9

And away we go.