But the real scene occurred when I went to the next booth to renew my health card. That woman went through the same reaction, the same questions as the first lady. But then she started calling all the other employees over to see me and my old pictures! LOL! There was literally a line of customers out the door and the whole place came to a stop so the employees could ooh and ahh over me. OMG, I was a bit worried the people in line were getting pissed off but hey. It was only a minute or so. It's always fun when stuff like that happens. Turns out that second employee was on a weight-loss journey herself and was down 40 pounds so far - about halfway for her. I congratulated her and we talked about diet, exercise and The Biggest Loser for a few minutes while she took all the information to update my card, including a new picture.
Here's the before and after on my driver's license. The pics aren't pretty, but I just took them to illustrate the difference. The recent one looks like a mugshot. LOL! (click to enlarge)
I don't want to sound arrogant or anything but the look of awe and admiration on her face is something I won't soon forget. It made me feel like I have really accomplished something worthy of awe, admiration and recognition. Very cool.
My American passport is also up for renewal. I sent all the information to D.C. at the beginning of the month with a note attached explaining the wildly different pictures. LOL!
Expanding on the recognition theme: Last Sunday, February 13, I got to see myself of the show Provincewide. A letter I wrote in response to a story they aired a couple weeks ago about a man who lost weight and vastly improved his health made it onto the 'viewer response' segment at the end of the show. The morning after I wrote the letter, I got an email from the show's host Daiene Vernile asking my permission to use it and the before-and-after pictures I sent her. I have to admit it was pretty cool. Not a big deal really, but cool nonetheless. If you want to check it out go to the show's home page and find their link to the segment on the right-hand side under the heading "ProvinceWide, Sunday, Feb. 13, Part Four: Viewers share their opinions on recent ProvinceWide stories."
I have often blogged about how my head is not caught up with my new body yet. Jennifer Hudson recently appeared on Oprah and one of the things she talked about was her 80-pound weight loss on Weight Watchers - I think that's the first time she actually revealed the number.
So Jennifer is talking about how she still goes into stores and still reaches for the x-large when she really is a small now. How men look at her differently and she turns around to see who they are leering at. Oprah showed pictures of her in gorgeous dresses at performances and premiers and she talked about how she was so uncomfortable in some of those clothes because even though the stylist - and everyone else - was telling her they looked great on her, she still was thinking "Who do I think I am wearing something like that?" I totally identify with what she is saying and feeling. It takes a while to step outside your mind and look at yourself for who you really are.
I'm doing better at this. For example, I can pretty much eyeball a piece of clothing now and say whether I can wear it or not. Until quite recently, I still thought everything was too small. I still tend to err on the side of caution, though. A funny story from Saturday when Erich and I went to see a Monster Jam rally - oh yes. I got him tickets for his birthday in December. New experiences all around. So we're at the merch table looking at t-shirts. I ask to see an x-large. The guy working there looks at me and says "No, I think you're a large." So I look at the x-large while he's getting me a large and sure enough...the x-large looked too big. Do you know how cool it was for a stranger to take one look at me and say "No, that's too big for you. You need something smaller." Sweet.
Another shopping thing: When I was super obese, I bought clothes that I could get on my body first and looked at the style second. I thought I'd gotten over that but a glance in my closet a couple weeks ago brought an epiphany. There are things in there that I know, without a doubt, I bought just because I could wear them and not because they are flattering or even my style. "I can wear the x-large?? GREAT! SOLD!" Kind of a manic way to shop, right? Ironically, my getting caught up in being able to wear smaller sizes caused me to shop in much the same way I did pre-op. So I'm cleaning out my closet once again and starting to really pay attention to the things I buy.
Friday I bought a pair of "skinny" jeans. The surprising thing is they really do make you look thinner. I pulled them on in the fitting room not realizing they were skinnies. They were so tight but really looked pretty damn good on me if I do say so myself. I thought "what the hell is wrong with these jeans that they're so small?" LOL! Small, yet still fit. They're weird. Anyway, I bought them. $9.00 made them pretty irresistible. Only after I got them home and I was taking the tags off did I realize they were skinnies!
I'm doing a little better with my eating since my last installment. It's a process and I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly. Food is my drug of choice, no question. You know how stress drives some people to drink? Mine drives me to eat. I know I'm not alone there! But when I get the urge now, I'm fighting to find other ways to occupy my brain whether it's a walk, or playing with the two monsters (my cats) or something. If I find myself wanting to eat, I ask myself if I'm really hungry or just head hungry. Head hunger will kill you. But I won't go down without a fight!
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