Honey, I'm having gastric bypass surgery

I've written before about the need for a support system while tackling a weight-loss journey but there needs to be special attention paid to one important relationship: The one you have with your significant other.

I feel lucky that Erich married me when I looked like this. I've never been under any pressure from him to lose weight because I knew, right from the start, that he already loved me the way I was. Partly due to this, I believe, he was able to support me in a loving way with no ulterior motives about wanting me to look better for him; it was all about ME and how I felt. Of course, I imagine he enjoys the fact that I look better, too!

A dear friend asked me how losing 250 pounds has affected my and Erich's relationship. He said, "I can imagine how gaining 250 pounds would affect it and just wonder how losing 250 pounds would (affect it)." Erich is a man of few words. When he has something to say, there's usually a reason behind it and it's a good idea to listen. So he doesn't say a whole lot about what I've accomplished but when he does, it conveys the quiet strength and pride he himself possesses - and used to help me - that allowed me to reach my goals. Honestly I can't say he treats me any differently now than before. Love is love and it's always been there. Have I mentioned how lucky I am?

The required reading at Henry Ford for bariatric patients, Barbara Thompson's Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You, includes a chapter for significant others written by Barbara's husband, Frank, that your spouse is also required to read. Frank begins by saying how scared he was at the thought of a doctor 'rerouting' his wife's intestines and the myriad of questions he had concerning not only the surgery itself but how both their lives would be affected afterward. Yes, he thought about himself. Of course he did! It can be a game changer and if your spouse isn't ready for the ride, bad things can happen.

I've heard stories of spouses trying to talk the patient out of surgery. "It's too dramatic!" "You're not THAT fat!" Or, of course the dreaded "Can't you just try one more time and do it yourself?" All of this is futile and the last one borders on abusive. None of it is what the patient needs or wants to hear. Education is critical. At Henry Ford, Erich was required to attend the nutritional and surgical education classes with me. He went to every doctor's appointment. He did all of that for me but for himself, too. He needed the classes just as much as I did.

When one person in the relationship changes so dramatically - for any reason - it can be tough on the couple. But with weight loss, the person who changes goes through a total transformation. Diet, lifestyle - everything is different. The way I see myself and the world around me is completely upside down from what it was, in so many ways. It makes me restless and the urge to get out and DO things is palpable. I can't be married to a couch potato and have this new life. Thank god Erich has been right there with me, willing to do new things right along beside me. His life has changed, too, and we're both so much better for it.

If you are beginning this journey and have a spouse who may not be totally supportive, I urge you to get some counseling before having the surgery because it WILL change everything about your life together and you must be ready for that. Make sure he or she is educated and understands the seriousness of your decision. If he or she is also overweight, you can do this together! Not the surgery necessarily, but when your habits change, theirs most likely will, too. That can only be a good thing...try to get them to see that. If they are still resistant well, maybe it's time to move on for your own sake. I know that may sound harsh but there comes a time when you have to take care of YOU. The longer you delay breaking free of your body, the shorter your time will be to enjoy it. And that's worth thinking about.