My 600-lb Life on TLC

I am inspired by others' weight-loss success stories, so I often watch television shows featuring diet, exercise and healthy living. I've written extensively about my personal need for broadcast motivation. I see others succeeding and it makes me think I can do it, too.

So I was very anxious to watch a new short-run series on TLC called "My 600-lb Life". It's a four-episode series that follows a different person each night on his or her weight-loss journey via gastric bypass. Each patient begins weighing at least 600 pounds. It premiered Wednesday night and featured Melissa, a woman from Ohio, living in Texas, who started out weighing in at 653 pounds.

In one of my first blog entries, before my surgery, I said "...before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me." It was a serious fear of mine. I could feel myself falling down the rabbit hole and knew something drastic had to be done. At my highest weight, I was hovering around 500 pounds.

Melissa can still walk but it's not easy. She requires assistance to do the most basic of things, intimate tasks which she embarrassingly talks briefly about later in the broadcast. Her husband is her lifeline. He is more caretaker and nursemaid than lover or partner. This was also a big fear of mine...I did not want to put Erich in this situation. Ever. I could see it coming like the light on a locomotive still far away but barreling down on me, fast. And me, standing in the darkness in the middle of the tracks, terrified but knowing I needed to swerve or die.

In one of the first scenes, Melissa is on a scooter in a grocery store - because she cannot walk around long enough to shop - and people are staring; one man makes a smart remark and she cries. Again...I could see this coming at me. I could see this being my life. I resisted the scooter in stores and walked through the pain, in agony and red-faced, sweating in January, because I didn't want the scrutiny. There are so many things that resonated with me in the two hours of this show that I can't write about all of them or we'd be here all day long.

It seems she got much the same after-care advice I did: Protein, protein, protein. Limit refined carbs and sugar, especially at first. They follow her through seven years of ups and downs. It's quite a journey.

She had two skin-removal surgeries, one of which removed 60 pounds and another that took off 30. And she still had some loose skin issues. Kind of makes mine seem trivial in comparison. It seems she didn't experience many complications from the gastric bypass beyond initial nausea (same with me). However, complications arose after the second surgery but mainly because she wasn't eating properly and became malnourished. I've said it over and over...patient compliance is KEY to success with any surgery, including gastric bypass.

Two major things I want to say about the show: A big plus: The relationship with her husband is explored quite a bit and I was glad to see that. Her husband had problems adjusting to this new woman who wanted to do things for herself now, who wanted to get out and enjoy her new life. I've also written about the minefield that can be a post-weight-loss marriage/partnership. People get accustomed to living a certain way and when that gets turned upside down, it can be a lot to handle. Your partner MUST get on board with it or be pushed overboard. It's that simple. Please, please, please do not hold yourself back. Have some sympathy for the fact they will also need time to adjust, but not at the expense of yourself and your success. I question Melissa's decision to have a child with her husband and stay with him through his treatment of her. When she discovers his infidelity, her response is "well, at 600 pounds what do you expect?" You expect RESPECT. Kindness and loyalty. It's so sad how a person's self-esteem will make them react to pain inflicted upon them. They think they deserve it. Very sad. It's not about the 600 pounds. It's about his character, which he proves to her again and again. Yet she still stays.

A big minus: In the whole two-hour episode - which, as I said, follows her over the course of seven years - we never see Melissa at a gym. Not working out to an exercise DVD, nothing. I fear this will perpetuate the myth that she simply hopped onto an operating table and lost nearly 500 pounds. She alludes to this way of thinking and debunks it, but still. I kept waiting for the sweat and never saw any. HUGE fail, in my opinion. You have to work at weight loss, no matter what the method is. Yes, you will lose weight with gastric bypass no matter what you do in the first few months. But you won't continue that loss or maintain it without either hard work the healthy way or transferring your food addiction to other damaging behaviors like anorexia.

After her weight loss, Melissa found work as a patient liaison at the bariatric clinic at which she had her surgery. It was her job to talk to patients pre-op and get them ready for the journey ahead. She led group discussions and private meetings; they even showed her going into peoples' homes and guiding them on what foods to eat. THIS is what I want to do. I've known it for a long time. To help people on their way to a new life would be the ultimate dream job. I'd said to myself this was one of my new year's resolutions - to find work like this. There's a clinic about 30 minutes away from me and that's where I'll start. Somehow! I don't know the first thing about the place - never even been there - but I need to take some baby steps towards this new goal and make it happen.

The show re-airs on Monday at 9 (EST) and a new episode, with a new patient, airs Wednesday night. I have so much more to say about the show but this blog is long enough. Besides, I'm sure I'll be writing more about the new episode and each one after that.

Honey, I'm having gastric bypass surgery

I've written before about the need for a support system while tackling a weight-loss journey but there needs to be special attention paid to one important relationship: The one you have with your significant other.

I feel lucky that Erich married me when I looked like this. I've never been under any pressure from him to lose weight because I knew, right from the start, that he already loved me the way I was. Partly due to this, I believe, he was able to support me in a loving way with no ulterior motives about wanting me to look better for him; it was all about ME and how I felt. Of course, I imagine he enjoys the fact that I look better, too!

A dear friend asked me how losing 250 pounds has affected my and Erich's relationship. He said, "I can imagine how gaining 250 pounds would affect it and just wonder how losing 250 pounds would (affect it)." Erich is a man of few words. When he has something to say, there's usually a reason behind it and it's a good idea to listen. So he doesn't say a whole lot about what I've accomplished but when he does, it conveys the quiet strength and pride he himself possesses - and used to help me - that allowed me to reach my goals. Honestly I can't say he treats me any differently now than before. Love is love and it's always been there. Have I mentioned how lucky I am?

The required reading at Henry Ford for bariatric patients, Barbara Thompson's Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You, includes a chapter for significant others written by Barbara's husband, Frank, that your spouse is also required to read. Frank begins by saying how scared he was at the thought of a doctor 'rerouting' his wife's intestines and the myriad of questions he had concerning not only the surgery itself but how both their lives would be affected afterward. Yes, he thought about himself. Of course he did! It can be a game changer and if your spouse isn't ready for the ride, bad things can happen.

I've heard stories of spouses trying to talk the patient out of surgery. "It's too dramatic!" "You're not THAT fat!" Or, of course the dreaded "Can't you just try one more time and do it yourself?" All of this is futile and the last one borders on abusive. None of it is what the patient needs or wants to hear. Education is critical. At Henry Ford, Erich was required to attend the nutritional and surgical education classes with me. He went to every doctor's appointment. He did all of that for me but for himself, too. He needed the classes just as much as I did.

When one person in the relationship changes so dramatically - for any reason - it can be tough on the couple. But with weight loss, the person who changes goes through a total transformation. Diet, lifestyle - everything is different. The way I see myself and the world around me is completely upside down from what it was, in so many ways. It makes me restless and the urge to get out and DO things is palpable. I can't be married to a couch potato and have this new life. Thank god Erich has been right there with me, willing to do new things right along beside me. His life has changed, too, and we're both so much better for it.

If you are beginning this journey and have a spouse who may not be totally supportive, I urge you to get some counseling before having the surgery because it WILL change everything about your life together and you must be ready for that. Make sure he or she is educated and understands the seriousness of your decision. If he or she is also overweight, you can do this together! Not the surgery necessarily, but when your habits change, theirs most likely will, too. That can only be a good thing...try to get them to see that. If they are still resistant well, maybe it's time to move on for your own sake. I know that may sound harsh but there comes a time when you have to take care of YOU. The longer you delay breaking free of your body, the shorter your time will be to enjoy it. And that's worth thinking about.