Good grief, it's been a while.
So did any of you watch TLC's The Real Skinny last Monday? I didn't watch till this weekend, but man...it was like watching me.
We follow two post-ops on their final journey to "normal" - the removal of the excess skin that oftentimes comes with massive weight loss. Sarah is 28 and was once almost 400 pounds. Chris is 41 and started out at 424. They have both reached a normal weight, but deal with the aftermath of what they did to their bodies every day when they look into the mirror.
They both get the dream procedure for most post-ops: The 360 circumferential body lift. YOWZA!!! If I ever win the lottery, this is the one. As their surgeon, Dr. J. Timothy Katzen, described, it's sort of like "cutting someone in half and putting them back together."
Sarah's story was especially poignant to me, since we look very similar naked. I know it's not what a lot of you want to hear, especially those just starting out, but it's the truth. It's the "secret under my clothes", as Chris said that people who have gone through massive weight loss - whether surgical or "natural" - hide every single day. Hide it from everyone but themselves, that is.
It's very difficult to explain how painful it is, psychologically, to be successful with your battle against obesity yet not to feel like you've completed the transformation because you are still ashamed of the way you look. It's hard to explain that to people who are not in the same boat. They think you're crazy. You should just be happy that you've lost all the weight and to them, you look great! Of course, they don't see you naked, right?
Sarah explained her daily routine stuffing her stomach skin down into her jeans. Of lifting the skin to wash underneath it; using powder to keep it dry and diaper rash ointment to soothe the inevitable rashes that occur (I have both in my bathroom right now). Of feeling it jerk and jiggle all over the place when you run. Chris talked about how it smacks him when he does jumping jacks or "hits the ground first" when he does a push-up. All of this is true, and the great majority of post-ops quietly deal with it every day.
It's worth mentioning that I never had these issues with my fat. It's the skin that's the problem. So that's the demoralizing part. You think the physical challenges of your life will be over when you lose weight. You think you'll be bursting to get into a bikini or wear shorts and halter tops. You think life will be normal, and it's not. It's still not. And that is heartbreaking for a lot of people. Sarah's first words in the recovery room were "Am I skinny yet?" This from someone who has lost more than 200 pounds.
Now I'm not about to sit here and tell you I cry into my Crystal Light every day about this. I don't. I am so grateful to have accomplished everything I have so far. I'm proud of myself and hey....I do look pretty damn good (with clothes on, anyway). But the excess skin does suck. It affects the way I shop, it affects the way I see myself and reminds me of what I let myself become. Of what I did to myself and my body. That hurts a lot. This is what I did to myself. It's my punishment for how I behaved for most of my life. Sarah said as much during the show and that's similar to how I feel, too.
Lately I have felt myself backsliding into bad habits that I know I need to get a grip on. I've had some regain this winter but the scale is starting to move back down. I know how to do this. Another reminder that I will never be done. That's ok; I just need to always remember it and not just when it's convenient for me. I made a promise to you all and to myself - in this blog - that I would never be one of those people who says "Before I knew what happened, I'd gained 50 pounds." So I need to get it together before that happens. Don't worry, we're not even close to that number! And we never will be!
One more thing then I'll stop: Those Weight Watchers commercials with Jennifer Hudson screeching in them grate on my nerves. Tired of it! Moving on....
Showing posts with label TLC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TLC. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
A tale of two dresses
Well one, really. One dress, two bodies.
Most women I know long for the days when they were thin enough to fit into their wedding gowns. I am not one of those women.
Oftentimes, that's when we look our absolute best. We diet and kill ourselves to fit into this tiny, white dress so we look perfect for 24 hours and have the photographs to prove it. Then the business of actually being married sets in (kids, frantic schedules, bills, stress) and the weight is gained back and then some. This is the normal routine in most women's lives.
I started thinking about my own wedding gown a while back, as our 10th anniversary approached. We talked about possibly renewing our vows and joked about altering my gown so I could wear it on my new body.
Recently I was reading Redbook, one of my favorite magazines, and it seems they are featuring an ongoing story about women who want to fit back into their wedding gowns. It's called the Wedding Dress Challenge. The piece will follow 13 women on their quest to squeeze back into that frilly white dress. By the way, there are some great diet and exercise tips in that link - I urge you to check it out. So reading that got me to thinking: I hope I never fit into my wedding dress again!
There's a show on TLC called Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss which features plus-sized brides looking for the perfect dress. I watched several episodes of it last weekend and again found myself thinking about my own quest for the dress as what's termed a "supersize" plus-sized bride-to-be and how my gown would fit me today.
You know what happened next. I dragged it out of the closet and handed Erich a camera.
Holy shit.
So this is Erich, my brother-in-law and me 10 years ago at my wedding. We don't have very good photographs from that day, I'm sorry to say. No photographer or anything, just family snapping pics. It's my biggest regret from that day. Always, always hire a photographer. Borrow the money if you have to (click to enlarge).
And this is that same dress on me, last night:
The first thing that struck me was how long it was. I felt like a little girl playing dress-up. So yeah. I hope I never, ever fit into that dress again. It must also be said that I had it custom made, so it fit me well at the time. I mean, there was no way I could go into a bridal salon and pick out a dress; it just wasn't going to happen. When I was watching Big Bliss, there was one bride who was bigger than a size 32 and they just didn't know what the hell to do because that's where the sizes stopped. I would've been screwed as well and I knew it. I never set foot inside a dress shop, I had one made for me. Crazy, huh?
Seriously, if I can do this you can, too. You can. You are stronger than you think you are!
Most women I know long for the days when they were thin enough to fit into their wedding gowns. I am not one of those women.
Oftentimes, that's when we look our absolute best. We diet and kill ourselves to fit into this tiny, white dress so we look perfect for 24 hours and have the photographs to prove it. Then the business of actually being married sets in (kids, frantic schedules, bills, stress) and the weight is gained back and then some. This is the normal routine in most women's lives.
I started thinking about my own wedding gown a while back, as our 10th anniversary approached. We talked about possibly renewing our vows and joked about altering my gown so I could wear it on my new body.
Recently I was reading Redbook, one of my favorite magazines, and it seems they are featuring an ongoing story about women who want to fit back into their wedding gowns. It's called the Wedding Dress Challenge. The piece will follow 13 women on their quest to squeeze back into that frilly white dress. By the way, there are some great diet and exercise tips in that link - I urge you to check it out. So reading that got me to thinking: I hope I never fit into my wedding dress again!
There's a show on TLC called Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss which features plus-sized brides looking for the perfect dress. I watched several episodes of it last weekend and again found myself thinking about my own quest for the dress as what's termed a "supersize" plus-sized bride-to-be and how my gown would fit me today.
You know what happened next. I dragged it out of the closet and handed Erich a camera.
Holy shit.
So this is Erich, my brother-in-law and me 10 years ago at my wedding. We don't have very good photographs from that day, I'm sorry to say. No photographer or anything, just family snapping pics. It's my biggest regret from that day. Always, always hire a photographer. Borrow the money if you have to (click to enlarge).
And this is that same dress on me, last night:
The first thing that struck me was how long it was. I felt like a little girl playing dress-up. So yeah. I hope I never, ever fit into that dress again. It must also be said that I had it custom made, so it fit me well at the time. I mean, there was no way I could go into a bridal salon and pick out a dress; it just wasn't going to happen. When I was watching Big Bliss, there was one bride who was bigger than a size 32 and they just didn't know what the hell to do because that's where the sizes stopped. I would've been screwed as well and I knew it. I never set foot inside a dress shop, I had one made for me. Crazy, huh?
Seriously, if I can do this you can, too. You can. You are stronger than you think you are!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
My 600-lb Life on TLC
I am inspired by others' weight-loss success stories, so I often watch television shows featuring diet, exercise and healthy living. I've written extensively about my personal need for broadcast motivation. I see others succeeding and it makes me think I can do it, too.
So I was very anxious to watch a new short-run series on TLC called "My 600-lb Life". It's a four-episode series that follows a different person each night on his or her weight-loss journey via gastric bypass. Each patient begins weighing at least 600 pounds. It premiered Wednesday night and featured Melissa, a woman from Ohio, living in Texas, who started out weighing in at 653 pounds.
In one of my first blog entries, before my surgery, I said "...before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me." It was a serious fear of mine. I could feel myself falling down the rabbit hole and knew something drastic had to be done. At my highest weight, I was hovering around 500 pounds.
Melissa can still walk but it's not easy. She requires assistance to do the most basic of things, intimate tasks which she embarrassingly talks briefly about later in the broadcast. Her husband is her lifeline. He is more caretaker and nursemaid than lover or partner. This was also a big fear of mine...I did not want to put Erich in this situation. Ever. I could see it coming like the light on a locomotive still far away but barreling down on me, fast. And me, standing in the darkness in the middle of the tracks, terrified but knowing I needed to swerve or die.
In one of the first scenes, Melissa is on a scooter in a grocery store - because she cannot walk around long enough to shop - and people are staring; one man makes a smart remark and she cries. Again...I could see this coming at me. I could see this being my life. I resisted the scooter in stores and walked through the pain, in agony and red-faced, sweating in January, because I didn't want the scrutiny. There are so many things that resonated with me in the two hours of this show that I can't write about all of them or we'd be here all day long.
It seems she got much the same after-care advice I did: Protein, protein, protein. Limit refined carbs and sugar, especially at first. They follow her through seven years of ups and downs. It's quite a journey.
She had two skin-removal surgeries, one of which removed 60 pounds and another that took off 30. And she still had some loose skin issues. Kind of makes mine seem trivial in comparison. It seems she didn't experience many complications from the gastric bypass beyond initial nausea (same with me). However, complications arose after the second surgery but mainly because she wasn't eating properly and became malnourished. I've said it over and over...patient compliance is KEY to success with any surgery, including gastric bypass.
Two major things I want to say about the show: A big plus: The relationship with her husband is explored quite a bit and I was glad to see that. Her husband had problems adjusting to this new woman who wanted to do things for herself now, who wanted to get out and enjoy her new life. I've also written about the minefield that can be a post-weight-loss marriage/partnership. People get accustomed to living a certain way and when that gets turned upside down, it can be a lot to handle. Your partner MUST get on board with it or be pushed overboard. It's that simple. Please, please, please do not hold yourself back. Have some sympathy for the fact they will also need time to adjust, but not at the expense of yourself and your success. I question Melissa's decision to have a child with her husband and stay with him through his treatment of her. When she discovers his infidelity, her response is "well, at 600 pounds what do you expect?" You expect RESPECT. Kindness and loyalty. It's so sad how a person's self-esteem will make them react to pain inflicted upon them. They think they deserve it. Very sad. It's not about the 600 pounds. It's about his character, which he proves to her again and again. Yet she still stays.
A big minus: In the whole two-hour episode - which, as I said, follows her over the course of seven years - we never see Melissa at a gym. Not working out to an exercise DVD, nothing. I fear this will perpetuate the myth that she simply hopped onto an operating table and lost nearly 500 pounds. She alludes to this way of thinking and debunks it, but still. I kept waiting for the sweat and never saw any. HUGE fail, in my opinion. You have to work at weight loss, no matter what the method is. Yes, you will lose weight with gastric bypass no matter what you do in the first few months. But you won't continue that loss or maintain it without either hard work the healthy way or transferring your food addiction to other damaging behaviors like anorexia.
After her weight loss, Melissa found work as a patient liaison at the bariatric clinic at which she had her surgery. It was her job to talk to patients pre-op and get them ready for the journey ahead. She led group discussions and private meetings; they even showed her going into peoples' homes and guiding them on what foods to eat. THIS is what I want to do. I've known it for a long time. To help people on their way to a new life would be the ultimate dream job. I'd said to myself this was one of my new year's resolutions - to find work like this. There's a clinic about 30 minutes away from me and that's where I'll start. Somehow! I don't know the first thing about the place - never even been there - but I need to take some baby steps towards this new goal and make it happen.
The show re-airs on Monday at 9 (EST) and a new episode, with a new patient, airs Wednesday night. I have so much more to say about the show but this blog is long enough. Besides, I'm sure I'll be writing more about the new episode and each one after that.
So I was very anxious to watch a new short-run series on TLC called "My 600-lb Life". It's a four-episode series that follows a different person each night on his or her weight-loss journey via gastric bypass. Each patient begins weighing at least 600 pounds. It premiered Wednesday night and featured Melissa, a woman from Ohio, living in Texas, who started out weighing in at 653 pounds.
In one of my first blog entries, before my surgery, I said "...before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me." It was a serious fear of mine. I could feel myself falling down the rabbit hole and knew something drastic had to be done. At my highest weight, I was hovering around 500 pounds.
Melissa can still walk but it's not easy. She requires assistance to do the most basic of things, intimate tasks which she embarrassingly talks briefly about later in the broadcast. Her husband is her lifeline. He is more caretaker and nursemaid than lover or partner. This was also a big fear of mine...I did not want to put Erich in this situation. Ever. I could see it coming like the light on a locomotive still far away but barreling down on me, fast. And me, standing in the darkness in the middle of the tracks, terrified but knowing I needed to swerve or die.
In one of the first scenes, Melissa is on a scooter in a grocery store - because she cannot walk around long enough to shop - and people are staring; one man makes a smart remark and she cries. Again...I could see this coming at me. I could see this being my life. I resisted the scooter in stores and walked through the pain, in agony and red-faced, sweating in January, because I didn't want the scrutiny. There are so many things that resonated with me in the two hours of this show that I can't write about all of them or we'd be here all day long.
It seems she got much the same after-care advice I did: Protein, protein, protein. Limit refined carbs and sugar, especially at first. They follow her through seven years of ups and downs. It's quite a journey.
She had two skin-removal surgeries, one of which removed 60 pounds and another that took off 30. And she still had some loose skin issues. Kind of makes mine seem trivial in comparison. It seems she didn't experience many complications from the gastric bypass beyond initial nausea (same with me). However, complications arose after the second surgery but mainly because she wasn't eating properly and became malnourished. I've said it over and over...patient compliance is KEY to success with any surgery, including gastric bypass.
Two major things I want to say about the show: A big plus: The relationship with her husband is explored quite a bit and I was glad to see that. Her husband had problems adjusting to this new woman who wanted to do things for herself now, who wanted to get out and enjoy her new life. I've also written about the minefield that can be a post-weight-loss marriage/partnership. People get accustomed to living a certain way and when that gets turned upside down, it can be a lot to handle. Your partner MUST get on board with it or be pushed overboard. It's that simple. Please, please, please do not hold yourself back. Have some sympathy for the fact they will also need time to adjust, but not at the expense of yourself and your success. I question Melissa's decision to have a child with her husband and stay with him through his treatment of her. When she discovers his infidelity, her response is "well, at 600 pounds what do you expect?" You expect RESPECT. Kindness and loyalty. It's so sad how a person's self-esteem will make them react to pain inflicted upon them. They think they deserve it. Very sad. It's not about the 600 pounds. It's about his character, which he proves to her again and again. Yet she still stays.
A big minus: In the whole two-hour episode - which, as I said, follows her over the course of seven years - we never see Melissa at a gym. Not working out to an exercise DVD, nothing. I fear this will perpetuate the myth that she simply hopped onto an operating table and lost nearly 500 pounds. She alludes to this way of thinking and debunks it, but still. I kept waiting for the sweat and never saw any. HUGE fail, in my opinion. You have to work at weight loss, no matter what the method is. Yes, you will lose weight with gastric bypass no matter what you do in the first few months. But you won't continue that loss or maintain it without either hard work the healthy way or transferring your food addiction to other damaging behaviors like anorexia.
After her weight loss, Melissa found work as a patient liaison at the bariatric clinic at which she had her surgery. It was her job to talk to patients pre-op and get them ready for the journey ahead. She led group discussions and private meetings; they even showed her going into peoples' homes and guiding them on what foods to eat. THIS is what I want to do. I've known it for a long time. To help people on their way to a new life would be the ultimate dream job. I'd said to myself this was one of my new year's resolutions - to find work like this. There's a clinic about 30 minutes away from me and that's where I'll start. Somehow! I don't know the first thing about the place - never even been there - but I need to take some baby steps towards this new goal and make it happen.
The show re-airs on Monday at 9 (EST) and a new episode, with a new patient, airs Wednesday night. I have so much more to say about the show but this blog is long enough. Besides, I'm sure I'll be writing more about the new episode and each one after that.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Big Sexy Blog
Last night was the second episode in the new series "Big Sexy" on TLC. Now, when I hear the phrase "Big Sexy", the first thing that comes to my mind is pro wrestler Kevin Nash.
Yeah. *dreamy sigh*
But the television show is pretty damn cool, too. I was skeptical when I first heard about it, I admit. How would this show present overweight women? The clown? The slut? The victim? Well, I was pleasantly surprised that none of those stereotypes are present in the main characters on this "reality" show. They are normal women who just happen to be overweight. But they have to navigate their way in the world carrying around extra pounds - which makes for special circumstances worthy of its own series.
Dating, pleasing your parents, finding the perfect outfit, girls' nights out - these are all covered in the first two episodes. But I want to focus on dating.
My fear for the main focus of the show came to light when the girls visited a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) party in the series premiere. Cringing in horror at the Thunder Thighs Contest and a troubling array of unattractive/weird chubby chasers, one of the girls, Lesley, said "These are my options?? That can't be right."
Amen. I was glad to see the girls in the Thunder Thighs Contest portrayed as the oddballs of the fat-chick world. Most of us don't want to go there.
So they tried speed dating with the "normal" crowd, wherein a man admitted that the only way he'd sleep with an overweight woman was if he was drunk. Again... "these are my options?? That can't be right."
Heavy girls are in a dating no-woman's land: We don't want to be anyone's fetish yet most "normal" guys need to get trashed in order to bear our presence. Is it any wonder our self-esteem takes a hit?
A lot of heavy women (and men) settle. Which is one reason why there's an 80% failure rate for relationships within two years of bariatric surgery. What was once good enough doesn't feel quite so special anymore.
After my divorce, a very good friend of mine told me she was worried that I, at over 400 pounds, would settle; she told me I didn't have to, that I needed to look for a man worthy of me. I took what she said to heart and luckily stumbled upon a wonderful man who was neither a chubby chaser nor did he require a case of beer to be with me. He loved me for me. So trust me, good, normal guys do exist.
Now that's not to say I didn't date my share of losers in that gray area between husbands. The internet dating scene was just taking off, and I made full use of it. I was always very upfront about my size so therefore, I did attract some of the aforementioned chubby chasers. I went out with a couple of the less weird ones and I have to say it was wonderful to look at a man and see complete lust in his eyes. Every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired - that's a rarity if you're plus-sized. It was an ego boost that led me to Erich....I was very bold with him and surprised myself with both my nerve and his favorable response to it.
Confidence breeds results, ladies.
So in response to Lesley - yes, there are other options. And nope, you don't have to settle. I never did! Both my husbands married me when I was very, very overweight.
Now that I've lost weight, I certainly feel male eyes on me that weren't there before. It's a bit weird, a bit scary and yes, flattering. I'm just glad I don't have to navigate that particular minefield anymore!
I'm going under the knife tomorrow to remove the uterine cyst I talked about in my last blog. The doctor will also insert an IUD - both of these things together will hopefully bring some relief to the psycho cycle. Wish me luck.
Yeah. *dreamy sigh*
But the television show is pretty damn cool, too. I was skeptical when I first heard about it, I admit. How would this show present overweight women? The clown? The slut? The victim? Well, I was pleasantly surprised that none of those stereotypes are present in the main characters on this "reality" show. They are normal women who just happen to be overweight. But they have to navigate their way in the world carrying around extra pounds - which makes for special circumstances worthy of its own series.
Dating, pleasing your parents, finding the perfect outfit, girls' nights out - these are all covered in the first two episodes. But I want to focus on dating.
My fear for the main focus of the show came to light when the girls visited a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) party in the series premiere. Cringing in horror at the Thunder Thighs Contest and a troubling array of unattractive/weird chubby chasers, one of the girls, Lesley, said "These are my options?? That can't be right."
Amen. I was glad to see the girls in the Thunder Thighs Contest portrayed as the oddballs of the fat-chick world. Most of us don't want to go there.
So they tried speed dating with the "normal" crowd, wherein a man admitted that the only way he'd sleep with an overweight woman was if he was drunk. Again... "these are my options?? That can't be right."
Heavy girls are in a dating no-woman's land: We don't want to be anyone's fetish yet most "normal" guys need to get trashed in order to bear our presence. Is it any wonder our self-esteem takes a hit?
A lot of heavy women (and men) settle. Which is one reason why there's an 80% failure rate for relationships within two years of bariatric surgery. What was once good enough doesn't feel quite so special anymore.
After my divorce, a very good friend of mine told me she was worried that I, at over 400 pounds, would settle; she told me I didn't have to, that I needed to look for a man worthy of me. I took what she said to heart and luckily stumbled upon a wonderful man who was neither a chubby chaser nor did he require a case of beer to be with me. He loved me for me. So trust me, good, normal guys do exist.
Now that's not to say I didn't date my share of losers in that gray area between husbands. The internet dating scene was just taking off, and I made full use of it. I was always very upfront about my size so therefore, I did attract some of the aforementioned chubby chasers. I went out with a couple of the less weird ones and I have to say it was wonderful to look at a man and see complete lust in his eyes. Every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired - that's a rarity if you're plus-sized. It was an ego boost that led me to Erich....I was very bold with him and surprised myself with both my nerve and his favorable response to it.
Confidence breeds results, ladies.
So in response to Lesley - yes, there are other options. And nope, you don't have to settle. I never did! Both my husbands married me when I was very, very overweight.
Now that I've lost weight, I certainly feel male eyes on me that weren't there before. It's a bit weird, a bit scary and yes, flattering. I'm just glad I don't have to navigate that particular minefield anymore!
I'm going under the knife tomorrow to remove the uterine cyst I talked about in my last blog. The doctor will also insert an IUD - both of these things together will hopefully bring some relief to the psycho cycle. Wish me luck.
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