Guilty as charged

There is a lot of guilt in obesity recovery - which is what I call the time when we are losing weight and doing a pretty good job of keeping it off.

Probably the first guilt comes when you eat something you know you shouldn't have. It happens to everyone. There is also guilt when you miss a workout. But I'm talking about something on a deeper level.

"What did I do to myself?"
Everyone who has lost a significant amount of weight gets that thought in his or her head. Why did I let it get so bad? Someone asked me that recently, actually...and no I didn't punch him in the face. Because he was right. I hated the question and his nerve pissed me off, but why did I let myself get to almost 500 pounds? There are no easy answers, really. I can only blame a form of mental illness. Some people never feel the need to drink a beer in their life; others drink themselves to death. I was eating myself into the grave and while I knew it, I couldn't seem to make myself stop it. There's a whole lot of "WHY?" going on in my head. My life could've been so much better if I'd taken control of things at 20 instead of 40. Whenever I look at the pounds of loose skin that I'll never be able to remove, I feel guilt. I did this to myself and there's no one to blame but me. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow.

Here's a Dr. Phil-ism: The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in one for one year and one day. Amen and goodnight. I made the change when I did and that's that. Look forward.

"I wish I could help him/her."
When I see a severely morbidly obese person on the street, I want to help them. I feel a sense of guilt that somehow I found relief from that misery and I want to share knowledge with them. It doesn't seem right that I'm living my life and they can barely walk and breathe. Maybe it's a form of survivor's guilt. I'm on the shoreline, safe, but they're still sinking.

"I had no complications (sorry)."
Seriously speaking, I had pretty much zero complications with my surgery. Nothing. I have only dumped once (I think it was a dump...albeit a very minor one) and beyond some nausea or vomiting when I ate/eat the wrong thing or too much, too fast, that has been it my friends. I lost weight quickly and without incident. My surgeon called me "a star." Textbook, right? So when I hear about patients who end up back in the hospital or dump after a cough drop, I feel guilty. DAMN! I got off easy. I did exactly as I was told, of course, and I do think that helped me. But then I also know there are people who follow doctor's orders very well and still have random crap.

"Did I take the easy way out?"
Some weight-loss surgery patients fight this mentality allll the time. Of course, some feel no guilt at all about the method they used to become healthy. I admit I do to a certain extent. My path - at first - was indeed a bit easier than someone who has not had "the surgery". If there wasn't some benefit or advantage, I wouldn't have had the procedure. I have friends who have lost a lot of weight the "old-fashioned way". And yes, sometimes, I feel inferior to them. I am sure there are outsiders who feel those people are stronger than me, have more discipline than me. Maybe they're right. I dunno. What I do I know is it takes a lot to get here where I am. It's bad enough that others think I did this the easy way and maybe am not totally deserving of admiration or success; my job is to not let them get into my own head and make me feel guilty because of my method.

Here's a question for you: Is guilt useful? Does it keep you in line? Sure it does, in some ways. You will feel guilty if you have the second piece of cake (and likely sick as a dog, too), so you put it down. When someone asks you about the gym, you will feel guilty if you haven't been there in two weeks, so you go. All of this can make you follow your plan more diligently. Nothing wrong with that!

However, guilt can also eat you alive. I shouldn't feel badly about my success or the method I chose to get here, for example. We're all a work in progress and need to remember how valuable we are; self-worth and self-awareness is the key. Everything else is white noise. Tune it out.