On clothes and shopping

In the past year or so, I've had to do A LOT of shopping. Replacing one's wardrobe a couple of times will force that upon you. Not that I'm complaining. It's all good. 444-pound-girl shopping is quite different from 200-pound-girl shopping as you can imagine. Some things about it were surprising, some expected. But I've learned a few things along the way and thought I'd share them with you.

I realize the fact that I speak of myself with JOY and satisfaction as a 200-pound person might seem a little psycho to most people - especially women - in the world who might be prone to slit their wrists if they woke up tomorrow and weighed 200 pounds. But honestly, 200 pounds is a lot more than I could've hoped for. It's hard to believe I weigh that little. So you have to bear with me and think in relative terms; my 200 pounds is your 120. Ok? Ok.

So if you ever decide to lose a hundred pounds or two, here's what you might expect when it comes to your wardrobe.

- If you can straddle plus and regular sizes, you will have a lot more clothing options available. Again, I know most of you never want to see a plus-size department again in your life and that's completely understandable. But for the rest of us, it can be handy. If an XL is manufactured 'small', I can always move up to a 1X. Or, conversely, I can move down to a large. Women's sizes are all over the place. Pre-op, I mostly wore a 6X but had everything from 5X to 8X in my closet. It's no different now. I have size large to 2X and I can wear them all.

- The XLs go first. I've been at the bigger end of the plus sizes and am now at the bigger end of the 'regular' sizes. And the story is the same. If there's an XL to be had, I better buy it because it won't be there when I go back. I have to dig and hunt for the XLs buried among a vast, mostly ignored avalanche of extra-smalls and smalls with a few mediums thrown in. I used to wade through clearance racks full of 1X and 2X; now it's extra-small and small. Same shit, different day!

- However, don't skip the clearance rack! You might get lucky. I got a pair of my Sweetheart jeans at Old Navy last night for $10. That's right....$10. Size 16, too. And they had 18s! I love Old Navy.

- Don't get so excited over the fact that you can get smaller clothes that you go buy a whole new wardrobe when you still have 100 pounds to lose. Buy a little at a time. You're still going to have to toss things you've only worn a few times because you have to have clothes to wear! But there's no point in getting 10 shirts that you'll only be able to wear for a few months.

- While looking for a coat, I found that mediums were plentiful - XL not so much. Does that mean there are very few mediums out there? Doesn't medium mean, well, medium - as in the "norm"? I don't think there are very many normal women. Or at least, what clothing manufacturers think of as normal. Deep thoughts. Just sayin'.

- Thrift stores are your friend. Seriously, if you have to literally replace everything, don't be skeered. I've found great clothes that look like new. Jeans for $8; shirts for $5. Not to mention the Guess & Chanel handbags I've scored. The used shoes give me the creeps, though. I ain't buying used shoes. ~shivers~

- I'm sick of the cap-sleeve bullshit and I'm sure I'm not alone. Hey designers!! Build a bridge and get over it! Thanks.

- What the hell is up with boots? Supposedly the average American woman is a size 14. Dude, I'm there without the excess skin around my middle. I'm soooo there. I'm maybe even smaller than that. So why can't I find boots to go around my calves??? It makes me bonkers. I really expected to go into any store and get boots this fall. It ain't happening. I'm going to have to order some with wide calves (the ones Erich bought for me are for wide calves). Grrrr....

- So yeah, not everything will fall into place. You may still not be able to wear the clothes you thought you might. Build a bridge and get over it. *saw that on a sign last night and I'm stealing it forever* Be grateful for what you have and let it go.

- Annnnd you will buy things just because you CAN wear it. Doesn't mean you should. There are many things in the plus-size department that fall into this category. Size 5X belly shirts come to mind. (Seriously? Come on...if you're a 5X and wear a belly shirt, you probably deserve to be laughed at. I love you but get real.) With the 'regular-sized' folks, it's more of an age-appropriate question. Oh, I'm guilty. Ripped, sparkly jeans. Acid-washed black & white jeans. Denim jeggings??? Sign me up! Now, I'm 40. I don't need to be wearing that stuff. But I have them in my closet! Inexplicably and wrongly. You know I wore that shit back in the '80s. They say if you're old enough to have worn the trend the first time, you're too old when it comes back around. That's probably true. Well. If I could find a pair of boots to go with the jeggings...(NO. Just no.) I do wear my ripped jeans on weekends, though. Heh.

- Learn when to get rid of your fat clothes. I once pulled a size 5X blouse out of my closet. This was about two months ago. WTF? Why am I holding onto that? Get it the hell out of there. You're not going back. You don't need it. I've gone through all my clothes several times in the past year but somehow that one stayed on the hanger. Odd. Toss it. Build a bridge and get over it.

- But keep a few things just to see where you've been and how far you've come. It's cool to pull on your former favorite items of clothing to see how they now fall off your body. You've worked hard. When we see ourselves every day, it's sometimes hard to remember just how much we've lost. Never forget. This is very important. I have a small bag in my closet with some pre-op clothing I will never part with.

- I find myself thinking about how I will look in something before I buy it (jeggings excepted). That's not something I gave a whole lot of thought to pre-op. I bought it if I could fit into it and I liked it. This is different from thinking about how good you look in an outfit. If I liked the color or pattern of a blouse, I'd buy it even if it made me look washed out or something like that. I find myself drawn to colors I've never worn before. Bending over in a fitting room to see if my butt looks ok in the jeans I'm trying on. LMAO! That one kills me. I did it automatically one day and cracked myself the hell up.

- Which means you will use mirrors now. I hardly ever looked in a mirror pre-op. I knew I looked like crap, there was no need to confirm it. Now I look in a full-length mirror every morning to see everything is ok before I walk out the door. A revelation. Something I never, ever did before. The fit, the way my body looks is now something I pay attention to. And if I don't look my best in it, the chances are I'll go change. It adds time to my morning routine and has made me late for work a couple times! I'm going to try and lay out my clothes the night before and see how that works.

It's a whole new world, I'm telling you. Fun but strange. I think I'm going through a stage now that most women experience when they're 12 or 13. Self-discovery, finding out what works for me. It's a very odd thing.

I gained a couple pounds last week, as expected. Didn't exercise much, didn't eat very well. It's my fault, I know it, and I know why it happened. I do hate being a girl sometimes! LOL! Back on the horse this week though. I'm too close to the brass ring to backslide now.