Where's the real food?

Way back in the spring, before the launch of the Summer of Cindy, one of the things I said I wanted to do was ride a roller coaster. I've never been on a real coaster before despite many trips to Kings Island in Cincinnati, Ohio, near where I grew up. There were height issues, bad-back issues and of course, size issues. I could never have fit on the rides even if I'd wanted to.

There are so many things my size held me back from. When I was in Ohio in August and Erich and I rode the Ferris wheel at the county fair, I kept thinking to myself 'You know, I stopped riding this thing when I was in high school because I was afraid I'd break it.' It's been hard to get those fears out of my head and enjoy things other people don't think about at all.

My size created a big issue with back pain. In my family, most of us have what we refer to as the "Brannan Back" but my pain was exacerbated due to my weight. And that was another excuse I used to beg off the coasters: 'Oh, I can't get on that thing; my back would go out.' When really, the thing I was most terrified of was getting up there and not being able to fit on the ride. And having to walk past all those people with everyone knowing 'hey - the fat chick couldn't fit on the ride'. As I've said many times, I simply avoided most activities which could lead to humiliating situations.

I had planned to return to Kings Island in August but circumstances beyond my control shot that plan down in flames. I was very disappointed. So when I saw an advertisement for Canada's Wonderland Halloween Haunt I thought AHA!! Two birds with one stone! I can ride a coaster and see cool Halloween stuff! Sign me up!

Erich and I were going to head out there on the 15th but the weather was so great this weekend that we changed our minds, last minute, and went Saturday night. Wonderland is very similar to Kings Island (they and Cedar Point are all owned by the same corporation) so I was pleased as soon as I walked in the gate. We bought tickets for a dinner before the Haunt started so we got in early and headed over to eat. I woke up Saturday morning at 195 lbs., one pound away from my goal weight. I was determined to eat as well as possible at Wonderland (a tall order). The dinner was billed as a buffet, so I figured there had to be maybe some chicken or some other protein and veggies on the menu.

FAIL. We got our plates and well...I kept looking for the food. You know..the *real* food. I got some veggie soup, passed up the salad (yuk) and came to some pasta with meatballs. Ok. I got a couple meatballs (no pasta). Still going. Passed tacos. Passed some pizza. Um...where's the food? Passing french fries. Cold pasta salad. Passing up hamburgers and hot dogs. Surely there is some REAL FREAKIN' FOOD here?? I lifted up a dome on the next station. Empty. An employee behind the buffet told me there was nothing else. The "food" stopped with the hot dogs.

"Really?" I said. "This is it??" She said yes. "Wow," was my reply. Okey dokey then!! I got a burger (what the hell else could I do?) and we sat down to eat. I have to admit that was a really good hamburger. Super good. But I would've preferred some grilled chicken, steak or fish plus broccoli or something. I guess my expectations were too high.

I had to laugh at the situation. Pre-op, I would've filled at least two plates from that "buffet" and raved about how good it was. "My how things have changed," Erich said and yep. Ain't that the truth.

"I just kept looking for the FOOD," I laughed. "Like, that's not real food to me anymore." Too funny. I passed up all my favorite pre-op filler looking for something good to put in my body. Yes, I even passed up the pizza! LOL! That has to be a good sign.

There are a bunch of 'haunted mazes' at the Haunt and since we got in before the park opened to the public we went through the first two virtually alone. It was really cool because we got a lot of personalized attention from the staff of spooks. They pop out at you at designated points through the mazes and follow you around trying to unnerve you. There are also costumed staff roaming around the park trying to freak you out, too. It's totally my kind of place. Love, love, love all that stuff! The mazes were great although we definitely preferred the indoor ones to the outdoor ones. The outdoor ones needed more staff there to scare you, in our opinion.

As we were walking through one of the last mazes, I realized that we hadn't sat down at all unless we were on a ride. Basically, I'd been standing or walking for hours on end and I didn't even notice it. I can't explain to you how freeing that is. To just be able to live your life and not worry about how your body will fail you is incredible.

Thanksgiving is today and I am so grateful for my life now. Losing all this weight has brought so much to me, has given me back things I didn't even realize I was missing. A good friend once told me, after gaining a lot of weight, "Cindy, I can't explain to you all the things that gaining weight has taken from me." I was near the start of my journey then so no, I didn't truly understand what she meant because I was so accustomed to being limited. I had no idea what was in store for me. The things losing weight has given to me are remarkable. I'm only just starting to remember "Oh wait! I can do that now!" It's becoming more and more automatic to say 'yes I can' rather than assume I can't. A work in progress but it's coming along.

Whenever I see this commercial, I think THIS IS ME! :))



I rode four, yes four, roller coasters at Wonderland! That is another whole blog by itself so stay tuned for part two which I will get to you soon, I promise. Another thing I'm so grateful for is all of your support. It means more to me than I can express or tell you. Thank you.