Roller coaster of love

As I was saying in my blog 'Where's the Real Food?', Erich and I went to Canada's Wonderland's Halloween Haunt a couple of weeks ago so we could check out the scary stuff and put a nail in the coffin of another of my big fears - riding a roller coaster.

After we ate dinner, during which I was looking for the aforementioned "real food", we strolled on towards the rides in the park. It was still light outside but the park wasn't open to the general public yet so we had some awesome personalized attention in the first two haunted mazes we walked through. They were great so we were already in a good mood. We stood around waiting for the rides to open; security told us "Watch out for the stampede behind you." So we turned around and sure enough, a crowd was running full speed ahead towards us, past us. They all seemed to be heading for the first coaster around which is called Dragon Fire.

Erich said "You want to ride this one?" And since I didn't have much time to think, I said "Ok!"

There were no line-ups to speak of the whole night. I think if I'd had to stand in line for an hour - like in the summer - I might've talked myself out of this stuff. But as it was, I followed him and we trotted up to the ride and got on.

Oh, this seat looked sooooooo tiny!! I only hesitated for a second then climbed in. I actually had room in the seat. I had no idea what to do with the rollbar or the strap so Erich helped me and I just did what he did. Then the guy came around and checked to make sure everyone was in and we were off. It was all very, very quick.

"I have lost my mind," I said as we started moving. When we started the first climb, Erich asked me if I was ok. "So far," I replied. My heart was beating out of my chest. Seriously. I looked down and holllllyyyy crap. "I have lost my mind," I said again and Erich started to laugh. I have to admit I closed my eyes as we went down the first hill. Here's a video POV of Dragon Fire. And I was screaming about like the woman in the video, too.



The ride is super quick. I couldn't believe it was over so fast. "People wait in line for two hours for that?" I said. Erich said yes, most rides are over very quickly. Hm. Interesting. I was a little dizzy when we got up and walked off the ride. It wasn't so bad! Actually kind of fun.

By now it was dark and we walked around soaking up the atmosphere and going through the other mazes. We stopped to ride the The Rage, which is one of those pirate ships that swings back and forth. OMG - ok, I know it's not a huge ride, but just the sensation that you're going to fall out messes with your head. Sheesh.



More mazes - all of which were really cool but we preferred the ones that were indoors. The outdoor ones were great, too, but we felt like they needed more staff to scare you. There were stretches where you're just walking and nothing was happening. We really enjoyed the staff who were in costume just walking around the park, too. Very cool and we'll definitely go back!

Next up, we went into a ride simulator called Elvira's Superstition. It was actually pretty neat though it would've been better if we'd been more towards the middle of the theater. It kinda feels like you're on a real coaster, though certainly not the same.



Next up...Skyrider. It's a stand-up steel coaster. While waiting in line (a total of about 10 minutes), there was a guy about Erich's size being strapped in. We were watching him, thinking if he can get on then Erich can. He saw us watching him struggle and laughed. They tightened the strap across his chest instead of his stomach so he was good. Erich did the same thing when we got on. I again was having problems just maneuvering the rollbar. I don't really know what to do with the stuff. LOL! A staff member helped me and she pulled the strap over my stomach and had to tighten it up. That was a moment. She had to tighten it up. "You ok now sweetie? You feel ok?" she asked. "Yeah, I'm fine." I was smiling from ear to ear.

"I have lost my mind," I said again. And again, my husband started to laugh at me. "What the hell am I doing? I really have lost my mind." And off we went.



I think this one was my favorite just because there was less jarring and moving around than on the others. I guess because they really have you wedged in, with the rollbar over your shoulders, the strap, and the bar that comes up between your legs. You don't move very much.

Last on the list (with good reason) was the Great Canadian Minebuster. Let me tell you this: I'm really glad this wasn't the first coaster I rode because it probably would've been the last. It was AWFUL. It was modeled after The Beast at Kings Island. And after I got off it, I felt like I'd been in a high-speed car crash. It shook the living shit out of me. Plus I lost my favorite headband (pout) - yes, it shakes you that much. I was almost in tears by the time we came to a stop. I was walking sideways for a few steps; I felt like I had serious whiplash and my back was messed up. It scared me because I haven't felt that type of disjointed pain for a long time, since before my surgery. It took me back to my 450-pound days for a second and freaked me out. Plus I was really dizzy. When we got to a bench somewhere, Erich sat me down till I felt better. I will never ride that thing again.



So I was done after that. No more coasters for Cindy this trip! We went through the rest of the haunted mazes and interacted with the staff wandering around. I got my picture taken with a couple who had probably two of the best costumes at the park (as always, click to enlarge):



Not long after we left, I realized I hadn't sat down the entire night except to ride and the brief few minutes after getting off the Minebuster. I didn't feel it, didn't notice it at all. I just was having a good time and not worrying about my body failing me in any way. Freedom. It's so liberating I can't even explain it to you if you've never been entombed by your own body. Breaking free of the chains my obesity put on me is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life.

Back in 2003 or 2004, I took Erich and Ericha to Kings Island when we went to Ohio for our annual visit in the summer. I enjoyed going there even if I didn't ride anything. But this was a completely awful day and by the end of it, I swore I'd never go back to an amusement park.

I could barely walk 20 feet, let alone walk around Kings Island all day long so we rented a scooter for me so I could have some semblance of a normal experience. The straw that broke the camel's back was that I broke the scooter. There was a weight limit, and I knew I was over it when we rented it, but we decided to go ahead anyway. I really didn't know how much I weighed but I didn't think I was that far over the limit. Mistake. Oh yes, I broke the fucking scooter. That was it. I thought to myself "Well, I can't walk it and I can't even rent the scooters they have available because I'm too fat to ride them. So I guess I'm done." Now I realize I was hovering around 500 pounds back then - I was at my heaviest - so man...the poor scooter.

Someone, probably my mother, took a picture of me on that scooter. The bottom picture is of me at Wonderland a couple weeks ago:



And here is a picture of Erich and me at Kings Island, and below that one of us at Wonderland:



My main man Michael Ventrella, last season's Biggest Loser, recently gave an interview where he was asked about one of his goals he'd set for himself:

Michael, you previously said that one of your goals was to visit a theme park. Have you done that yet?!

"Sadly no! I have all these little cousins who are waiting for me. They send me texts and emails and Facebook messages like, 'When are we going to go to Disney World or Great America?' But I've been so busy that I haven't had the time to go, to do all these things. I've been reborn, I'm at a weight right now that I haven't been since I was 13 or 14 years old so I'm able to do all the things I wasn't able to do when I was a child, so I'm excited and it's like I'm living life for the first time in a way. I've been given a second chance and it's a new life to me, so I'm excited."

That is exactly how I feel! I wrote a response to him and told him to MAKE time and get on the damn coaster. Live your life out loud. He needs to MAKE TIME. Ah yes, sweet freedom. Life is good.

Where's the real food?

Way back in the spring, before the launch of the Summer of Cindy, one of the things I said I wanted to do was ride a roller coaster. I've never been on a real coaster before despite many trips to Kings Island in Cincinnati, Ohio, near where I grew up. There were height issues, bad-back issues and of course, size issues. I could never have fit on the rides even if I'd wanted to.

There are so many things my size held me back from. When I was in Ohio in August and Erich and I rode the Ferris wheel at the county fair, I kept thinking to myself 'You know, I stopped riding this thing when I was in high school because I was afraid I'd break it.' It's been hard to get those fears out of my head and enjoy things other people don't think about at all.

My size created a big issue with back pain. In my family, most of us have what we refer to as the "Brannan Back" but my pain was exacerbated due to my weight. And that was another excuse I used to beg off the coasters: 'Oh, I can't get on that thing; my back would go out.' When really, the thing I was most terrified of was getting up there and not being able to fit on the ride. And having to walk past all those people with everyone knowing 'hey - the fat chick couldn't fit on the ride'. As I've said many times, I simply avoided most activities which could lead to humiliating situations.

I had planned to return to Kings Island in August but circumstances beyond my control shot that plan down in flames. I was very disappointed. So when I saw an advertisement for Canada's Wonderland Halloween Haunt I thought AHA!! Two birds with one stone! I can ride a coaster and see cool Halloween stuff! Sign me up!

Erich and I were going to head out there on the 15th but the weather was so great this weekend that we changed our minds, last minute, and went Saturday night. Wonderland is very similar to Kings Island (they and Cedar Point are all owned by the same corporation) so I was pleased as soon as I walked in the gate. We bought tickets for a dinner before the Haunt started so we got in early and headed over to eat. I woke up Saturday morning at 195 lbs., one pound away from my goal weight. I was determined to eat as well as possible at Wonderland (a tall order). The dinner was billed as a buffet, so I figured there had to be maybe some chicken or some other protein and veggies on the menu.

FAIL. We got our plates and well...I kept looking for the food. You know..the *real* food. I got some veggie soup, passed up the salad (yuk) and came to some pasta with meatballs. Ok. I got a couple meatballs (no pasta). Still going. Passed tacos. Passed some pizza. Um...where's the food? Passing french fries. Cold pasta salad. Passing up hamburgers and hot dogs. Surely there is some REAL FREAKIN' FOOD here?? I lifted up a dome on the next station. Empty. An employee behind the buffet told me there was nothing else. The "food" stopped with the hot dogs.

"Really?" I said. "This is it??" She said yes. "Wow," was my reply. Okey dokey then!! I got a burger (what the hell else could I do?) and we sat down to eat. I have to admit that was a really good hamburger. Super good. But I would've preferred some grilled chicken, steak or fish plus broccoli or something. I guess my expectations were too high.

I had to laugh at the situation. Pre-op, I would've filled at least two plates from that "buffet" and raved about how good it was. "My how things have changed," Erich said and yep. Ain't that the truth.

"I just kept looking for the FOOD," I laughed. "Like, that's not real food to me anymore." Too funny. I passed up all my favorite pre-op filler looking for something good to put in my body. Yes, I even passed up the pizza! LOL! That has to be a good sign.

There are a bunch of 'haunted mazes' at the Haunt and since we got in before the park opened to the public we went through the first two virtually alone. It was really cool because we got a lot of personalized attention from the staff of spooks. They pop out at you at designated points through the mazes and follow you around trying to unnerve you. There are also costumed staff roaming around the park trying to freak you out, too. It's totally my kind of place. Love, love, love all that stuff! The mazes were great although we definitely preferred the indoor ones to the outdoor ones. The outdoor ones needed more staff there to scare you, in our opinion.

As we were walking through one of the last mazes, I realized that we hadn't sat down at all unless we were on a ride. Basically, I'd been standing or walking for hours on end and I didn't even notice it. I can't explain to you how freeing that is. To just be able to live your life and not worry about how your body will fail you is incredible.

Thanksgiving is today and I am so grateful for my life now. Losing all this weight has brought so much to me, has given me back things I didn't even realize I was missing. A good friend once told me, after gaining a lot of weight, "Cindy, I can't explain to you all the things that gaining weight has taken from me." I was near the start of my journey then so no, I didn't truly understand what she meant because I was so accustomed to being limited. I had no idea what was in store for me. The things losing weight has given to me are remarkable. I'm only just starting to remember "Oh wait! I can do that now!" It's becoming more and more automatic to say 'yes I can' rather than assume I can't. A work in progress but it's coming along.

Whenever I see this commercial, I think THIS IS ME! :))



I rode four, yes four, roller coasters at Wonderland! That is another whole blog by itself so stay tuned for part two which I will get to you soon, I promise. Another thing I'm so grateful for is all of your support. It means more to me than I can express or tell you. Thank you.

Fabulous freedom at 40

We're gonna be in the poor house by the end of the summer! And it's all my weight loss angel's fault.

I find I want to get out and enjoy all the things that life has to offer. Everything I couldn't do before I want to dive into now. I want to see, experience, feel, touch...soar and SWEEP! Out with the old life and in with the new. I worry I'm overwhelming my poor husband with the 'I want to do this' stuff. And yes, it all costs money. But this is my coming-out party. My summer of Fabulous Freedom at 40. LOL!

- Zip lining. Yep, you read that correctly. There's a ski resort in our town and during the summer they offer zip lining. My brother-in-law and I are ready, man. When they open, we're there. We're both afraid of heights and this is another thing that I would NEVER have considered doing at 444 pounds (they probably wouldn't have let me on the thing, even if I wanted to!). Should be interesting.

- Camping. I mentioned this a couple blogs back. Erich and I are going for our anniversary next month. Now, camping IS cheap but it still costs money. The last time we went it was pretty bad. My knees had just started really acting up and I could barely walk. This time, we're gonna hike all over the place.

- Nashville! Erich and I are going to Bo's fan club party during CMA Fest (aka Fan Fair) in June. I've been to Nashville twice but have never been sightseeing. There was never time and besides, I couldn't have walked around downtown anyway. On this trip, I will with no problems. Oh yeah!

- We're not totally sure, but think we will be taking a trip to Utica, NY the weekend after CMA Fest to see Bo perform there. We have friends near there and may not be able to resist the temptation. We'll have to see if there's any money left after Nashville! LOL!

- Bon Jovi/Kid Rock concert! I am going to see two of my all-time favorite performers TOGETHER live!! My friend Randi scored us awesome 7th row seats, right behind the pit. I am so psyched I can't even tell you! This is in July and should be a really good one-year post-op anniversary present to myself. I will not worry about walking all over downtown Toronto. I won't be worried about fitting into any seats. I will just be having a good time. I can't wait. Randi has also had gastric bypass so she is looking forward to all this stuff, too. We are AWESOMENESS. That's what we keep telling ourselves! LOL!

- Annual trip to Ohio for my family's reunion. This time, we're going to Kings Island and Cindy will, for the very first time, get on a roller coaster. I couldn't fit on one before and I was always afraid it would screw my back up anyway. And there was the fear of heights thing. But now, my back is pretty much a non-issue and I think I'll be ok to put the roll bar down. The last time I was there, I was so hot I thought I might pass out plus I had to rent a scooter because I couldn't walk around. And I ended up breaking the damn thing. I was 32. Haven't been back since. Ridiculous. No scooter this time and lord knows I don't get hot like I used to.

This may not sound like much but to us, this is a big summer planned!

There are little things, too, that I take the time to experience now that I can. Like today for example. I went on my daily 30-min. walk/jog and decided to go to a local park. The entrance to this park is something I can see when I look out my kitchen window but I have never been to. You have to walk down a pretty steep hill to get to it and I have just never bothered. Isn't that awful? Now that the weather is nice, today I thought I'd go down there and walk around. So I did. There's playground equipment, of course, a slide and swing set. No one was around.

Could I get on that swing set? That might be fun. I never would've considered doing THAT 200 pounds ago. I would be afraid it would break or that I couldn't get my ass into the seat in the first place. I never would've even tried it at all.

I look at the seat. Hm. Maybe. I sit down (HEY! I fit!) gently, as if I'm still concerned my weight will break it somehow. I look up at the steel hooks securing the chains to the top of the frame. Not even creaking or anything. Ok. I lift my feet up and sway back and forth, slowly at first then I push myself. Higher and higher. I close my eyes and feel the sunshine on my face, the cool breeze blowing against me. I lean back and just let the motion of the swing carry my body through space. It was so freakin' awesome I can't even tell you. 'I Gotta Feeling' is playing on my mp3 player and feels like fate. I stayed on that swing for a good 15 minutes. This is what freedom feels like.

And I ain't stopping now!