Online forums: *shrug*

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a big believer in the Internet. My presence is very visible in this blog, on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn - not much into Pinterest as of yet. I need some form of 3D life. And of course, as I've spoken of many times, my immersion in Bo Bice's fan club/community has been life altering. Used correctly and responsibly, online communities bring like-minded people together and make them feel supported and understood. My wide circle of friends and family are all over the globe and I'm so grateful to social media for helping me stay in touch at the click of a mouse.

So it may seem odd that I am a late bloomer when it comes to online support systems meant for bariatric patients.

Henry Ford Hospital gives each of their bariatric patients a Big Blue Binder full of answers to just about any question you could think of and I studied it carefully. Maybe I felt that was enough? I joined a Yahoo group for Henry Ford patients but wasn't a huge presence there. Through it, I learned of an in-person support group nearby and went to one meeting a few weeks after my surgery in July, 2009. There were two other people and it was kind of...empty and strange. While one person present educated me about an online message board called Obesity Help (OH) and pointed me in the direction of a fantastic blog called The World According to Eggface, I didn't go back.

I created an account at OH but again...didn't post much. I can't remember if I ever posted at all. There was some support there and good information, but everyone seemed to already know each other and I didn't know where to start. There also seemed to be a fair amount of cattiness, judgment, cliques and "inside jokes" (which I hate). So I just concentrated on this blog and my Big Blue Binder.

Through Facebook, I found Melting Mama and her Bariatric Bad Girls Club (BBGC). Or rather, she found me (thanks, Beth) when she requested my friendship after reading my brusque (hey, I gotta be me) response to a post from a so-called "leader" in the bariatric community. That person is now finished and most of us couldn't be happier. Through BBGC, I found the Community of Bariatric Patients of Southern Ontario and the Cambridge Coffee Crew (CCC...are you keeping up with the acronyms?), the wonderful bunch of women I am proud to call my sisters following this twisted path of health. I went to my first meeting in June of last year, a week before my 3rd "surgiversary" or what I like to call my Rebirth-day.

I was surprised to find people at CCC and BBGC who were months pre-op. Some haven't even got their surgery date scheduled yet. Looking back, I wonder how different my journey would've been if I'd had this support system. Luckily, success came to me despite it. My cheerleaders have been all of you, as well as a wonderful system of family and friends. But it's true I had no one who had actually gone through this and knew what I was thinking and feeling. Support is so very important and you can never have too much.

So I am envious of these people in some ways. Not so much in others. I still don't participate/post much in online forums because I still find so much judgement there. You know what they say about opinions, right? It doesn't matter what you're doing, someone will tell you it's wrong or you're not doing it as well as they are. Most of the time it's in a passive-aggressive way, sometimes it shows outright hostility. Then someone chimes in with what should be the Bariatric Life Principal, "we are all different", trying to calm things down. I dunno, it's tiring to me and I don't have time for the drama. If someone wants to eat a certain thing or take a certain brand of vitamins, don't judge. You know what The Beatles say - let it be. Words of wisdom and all...

Bullshit is everywhere and I suppose it's our job to duck and cover when we deem it necessary. Some people love OH and the online bariatric community, and that's great. Whatever works for them. I'm pretty sensitive so maybe it's just me. But I will stick with my CCC girls - even though no group is perfect - and this blog, all of you. Add CCC, my amazing husband and the Big Blue Binder to the mix and I think this is going to be a very good year for success!

The big week!

First off, be sure to tune in to the premiere episode of The Ricki Lake Show tomorrow, Monday, September 10, to check out the segment featuring Michelle Vicari - better known as the brains behind The World According to Eggface. I've featured her link on my blog since the beginning. She has helped so many people with her fabulous (!!) recipes and support. Now it's time to support her - and ALL of us!. First Beth on Nightline and now this. Good stuff.

Pretty big week coming up! Three concerts lined up. Madonna at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto on Wednesday; Loretta Lynn here in Kitchener at Centre in the Square on Thursday; then a quick overnighter to Flat Rock, Michigan with a few friends to see Bo (as in Bice. Are you paying attention?). Erich isn't going with me this time because I need to do this as cheaply as possible. He understands Bo is good for my soul and it will do me a world of good to see him and all my friends. I've seen Madonna once before but hey...it's Madonna! Very psyched about that! I grew up listening to Loretta Lynn. My mother's family is from southern Kentucky and I feel a certain kinship with her. I've lost count of the times I've seen "Coal Miner's Daughter". Her people are like my people. Seeing her is a bucket-list thing. Can't wait.

"Sons of Anarchy" season premier Tuesday. What, you don't watch that? Are you crazy? Here's a good reason why you should start. Happy viewing (click to enlarge):


Yesterday, as part of my 10K training, I did a dry run of the "race". Lately, I've been walking a lot outside because - one - I'd probably slit my wrists if I had to do more than a 5K on a treadmill and - two - the event will be outside so it's best to get acclimated to that environment. Twice I forgot to put on sunscreen and came home pretty tomato-y. I am a very white Irish girl and will redden after about 15 minutes in direct sunlight. Maybe I'm also a vampire. Who Knows What, right?

Anyway...no sunscreen needed yesterday! It was very dark and gloomy. And COLD! Windy! That sort of weather aggravates my knee arthritis and makes my head pound with sinus pressure. Did you hear that whining? Yeah, that was me. I loaded up on some drugs, put on a hooded windbreaker and went on my way. I did get rained on but it was all good. About 3/4 the way through it, the sun came out and it warmed up. And I did something new that I forgot I was able to.

I took off my jacket and tied the arms around my waist so I wouldn't have to carry it.

Now, if you've never been obese, you are probably thinking "So what?" Well, that's something morbidly obese people don't do. Because they can't. Personally, I haven't been able to do that since...elementary school, maybe? I don't know. I just know that whenever one of my friends tied a jacket around his or her waist, I slung mine over my forearm and wished I could do that. And yesterday, it took me a second before I realized I probably could now, and tried it. Such a small victory but it definitely made me smile and feel "normal".

In a cardiovascular sense, the 10K is not that tough. In a knee-and-lower-back pain sense, it's not. A visit to the chiropractor is in order before I do this for real. And even my knee braces didn't protect me from the need to ice them down this morning. The morning after...that's when the shit gets real, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sore this morning. Again with the drugs. But it's all good.

Unanswered Prayers

What a funny thing life can be. Twists and turns that fate forces you to take oftentimes guide you onto the straightest path.

Not long ago, I found the Facebook profiles of two boys I was obsessed with in school. You might not believe this, but I was fairly boy crazy (was? Still am). I know, hard to imagine. You can stop laughing now. Anyway, most of the objects of my affection didn't give me the time of day in a "romantic" sense. I was the fat girl in school, after all. I had many friends and yes, a few boyfriends, but a few did get away. LOL! The boys - men now, I suppose - I found online looked much the same as they did when I thought I couldn't live without them. Just older. And I'm sure they are great guys with fabulous wives and families. Honestly, I wish them both the best. But I had to wonder: What would my life be like if I had gotten what I wanted?...Which was THEM, at the time.

My small town is full of couples who met in high school or even elementary school. There are those who have been together as long as I can remember, some from the moment we first wrote notes back and forth asking "Do you like me, circle yes or no?" And bless their hearts, I'm thrilled they're still together and happy. I couldn't make that work myself - my first husband and I were high-school sweethearts. But really, I have to be happy that I didn't get what I wanted.

What if I hadn't met Erich and been in a position to date him, then move to Ontario?

What if I had kids with my first husband, virtually tying me to him and the area where we grew up forever?

What if I'd never been bored - by myself with a husband who worked nights - and tuned into American Idol, seeing Bo Bice for the first time? What if I had been working (which I couldn't yet do in my new country) and hadn't had the time to immerse myself in his online community? You can mock me all you want, but being his fan and meeting the wonderful people I have, has changed my life for the better in immeasurable ways. Not the least of which is the desire to travel and LIVE - which spurred me to have the weight-loss surgery that saved my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you are presented with two paths and one looks more overgrown and messy than the other, safer one...make the tough choice. The road less traveled is the one paved with gold. Life is supposed to be challenging. That's where the rewards are. Do this in every aspect of your life that you can and you'll be happier for it. I promise!

And learn to thank god for Unanswered Prayers.

Music saves the soul

Music has been saving me lately, that's for sure!

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a girls' road trip to Sharon, PA with my friend Paris to meet up with yet more friends to see Kris Bell. We all got to know Kris when he played in Bo Bice's band. It has been 4-1/2 years since I've seen Kris so I was pretty psyched. I think he'd seen new pictures of me on Facebook because he wasn't too surprised by my transformation. He just looked at me and said "This is crazy! Crazy!" before giving me a hug. I do have to admit the best part about that hug was that his arms went all the way around me. Yep, I'll say it.

I was also able to get one of his t-shirts at the merch table. I'm telling you, I'm a t-shirt-buying fool. I can't get enough of them! I realized the other day I need more hangers. I probably don't, I just need to stop buying t-shirts!

The Kris concert was pretty amazing. It was so great to be at a real, genuine ROCK show and we all danced our asses off. Not since high school have I busted a move like that. Seriously! Actually, I stopped dancing in high school when some guys from a neighboring school laughed and pointed at me. I would get out there occasionally - and slow dancing was always ok - but those boys probably have no idea what affect their ridicule had on me. And I shouldn't have let it get to me like that, but I'm only human. No one wants to risk humiliation.

But in Sharon, I wasn't worried at all about being humiliated. And it was a BLAST. I needed that weekend. It's very possible I will be driving to Nashville for more of that in the near future. Or at least as far as Cincinnati...right Laura? ;)

I had surgery on the 9th to remove the uterine cyst and insert the IUD. It went well - they kept moving it up and I ended up in the OR about 3 hours ahead of schedule. In the course of answering routine questions, I had to tell the attending nurse about my gastric bypass and she insisted on seeing a "before" pic! She was too funny. My wonderful husband keeps our wedding picture in his wallet, so we showed her that. She couldn't believe it. Also, since all I was wearing was that dreaded hospital gown, the OR staff saw my back tattoo and asked about it. It's always nice to have people oooh and ahhh over your success. It reminds you that you have truly accomplished something noteworthy; don't ever forget your own awesomeness.

I felt really good over the weekend, enough to keep a date with Keith Urban and my good friend Randi, who, although doesn't like country music, I think it's safe to say is now a KU convert. Heh. It's like a Bo show; it only takes one time and you go "WTF WAS THAT??" You want more and more and more. So I didn't sit down for 2+ hours. Danced, sang, clapped. Sooooo much fun. Got my first KU t-shirt, too! Probably not such a good idea for a girl who had surgery three days beforehand, though.

Kris Bell says "music saves the soul" and he's right. Bo says "live music matters". Also right. There are few things in life that can make you feel better than music, especially when it's live, right there in front of you so you can FEEL it.

Maybe I pushed it too far Monday. I haven't felt the greatest since then. Tuesday, Erich and I ended up in the ER because he got a large capsule stuck in his throat. I know how horrible that sounds, but he's ok now - through absolutely no help provided by medical staff at the hospital. Ridiculous, long story but we spent 9 hours sitting there and 3 more hours waiting for an ear, nose and throat specialist. So I got no sleep, which didn't help my own health condition. I got some rest Wednesday but still need more to be "normal".

Tomorrow morning I will attend part two of a three-part workshop called Craving Change. Craving Change is a "How-to Guide for Changing Your Relationship with Food." Lord knows most of us need that, right? I'm taking the workshop because I feel like I need to be more in touch with WHY I want to eat the way I do. Since I can't afford therapy, this seems to be the next best thing. There are already some interesting patterns/triggers coming to light for me and I'll do a more extensive blog on that later.

Reality check

This has not been the best of weeks for me so I decided to do one of my gratitude entries tonight.

Tonight, I am grateful for:

My husband. He is giving me the best anniversary gift any woman could ever ask for - a week away in paradise alone with him. I say that's a wonderful gift because I'm truly in love with him and WANT to be alone with him for a week! Erich works nights; I work days. We see each other on the weekends, although we do talk on the phone each night before I go to sleep. So time together is precious. Often, we are not together on our anniversary date and must celebrate on weekends. This year, on May 26, we will be together on a beach in the Dominican Republic. When nothing else seems to be going right in the world, I know above all things that he loves me and sees something in me that brings light to his face when our eyes meet. This is at times enough to keep me from falling apart, more often than I care to admit.

My health. I had a CAT scan on Wednesday and the results came up clear; my kidneys seem to be ok. No growth, no stones. I've felt better for about a week now, so I figured the stone was gone. The growth thing had me worried, though. I admit I've been stress eating this week and haven't hit the gym once. Not good. I'll have to get back on the horse next week, when psycho-cycle dies down.

Music. Thursday evening on my way home from work, I was thinking about some things and was feeling a little overwhelmed. Then this came on the radio. Perfect timing, like divine intervention. Made me drive in circles an extra few mins. just to hear the whole song. I'm telling you, there is nothing in this world that can bug you when you listen to the guitar solo in 'Freebird'. Nothing. Your mind goes blank and you crank up the sound and just...are. If you don't buy that, screw you. You're insane. You are WRONG. "Music saves the soul" - Kris Bell. Doesn't have to be 'Freebird' for you, but music will lift you up. It just does.

Friends. I lost a dear friend this week. It was a huge shock and made me think that you better hug the ones you love because you never know what they are going through or when you'll see them again. Never take it for granted. I go to Niagara Falls (one of my favorite places!) tomorrow to get together with some of my nearest and dearest fellow humans. I can't wait to see them and hug their necks. Bo Bice has brought so many amazing people into Erich's and my lives. I am so grateful to Bo just because of this if nothing else.

Kitty cats. Every morning, I wake up to these two little faces.


There really isn't much I wouldn't do for them. I'm convinced they are on earth to remind me not to sweat the small stuff. I mean, they could give a rat's ass about much except food, water and a clean place to crap. That's all there is, right? A few toys for amusement. A stroke every now and then. What else is there?

Laughter. Work is not a happy place in theory but at least I know when I get there, I will be amused. Thank goodness I like the people I work with, you know? I'm positive that's why most of us are still there. We like to be around each other every day. That, my friends, is a gift.

So really, not much to bitch about. It's all good. Plus I have tickets to two Bo shows in Michigan in July. SWEET. ;-) I urge all of you to take the time, when life seems to be body slamming you at every turn, to find the gratitude. It's there. I promise.

Broadcast motivation

Ok, so it's time to get back on the horse and go back to the pre-holiday routine. I admit, I went off the rails a bit. I'm not beating myself up too badly though - to me, it seems pretty normal to eat a little more and gain a few pounds in December. It'll come off just getting back to doing what I should be doing. The key to holiday overindulgence is not to let it become a habit. It's easier said than done, I know, but really...un-doing all my hard work over a sugar cookie just ain't gonna happen.

Plus there's new incentive to do well. A good friend of mine, Debbie, has set up a group called Bo Peeps through the show The Biggest Loser for their Pound for Pound Challenge. For every pound we lose, the show will donate 11 cents to Feeding America. That's enough for one pound of food for the local food bank of your choice. We are pledging for Second Harvest of Middle Tennessee which is a charity close to Bo's heart. Uh. That's Bo Bice, of course. Do you know me at all? If you check us out on the teams page, you will see a link to our Facebook page. Why not try it? You just click on the 'pledge' tab and follow the steps. If you want to pledge for Second Harvest of Middle Tennessee, use the zip code 37228. But you can pledge for any food bank you like; just join the Bo Peeps team! So far we have 76 members pledging 2,168 pounds. You can also pledge maintenance, which they count as the equivalent of 10 pounds.

Here is Bo volunteering for Second Harvest. I love the first line - Bo is a joker!


I pledged 10 pounds. That'll take me to 189. I know I always said that 194 was my goal and I didn't care if I lost any after that but it wouldn't kill me to lose a few more, as my BMI is still in the 'overweight' category. I hate the frickin' 'charts' that tell you what you're supposed to weigh but I think I need another goal in mind to keep me on track for now. Like I said, it won't kill me.

There's a plethora of motivation on the airwaves to start off the new year! I love to watch shows that focus on weight loss because it gets me off my ass. I watch and think 'if they can do that so can I.' Here are a few to consider. I have my PVR set to record them all:

The Biggest Loser Of course! I was surprised that a new season started so soon after the end of the previous one (less than a month ago), but very happy nonetheless! Last season was a bit of a downer as game play seemed to be more important to some of the contestants than losing weight, but so far this season looks to be quite interesting. Two new trainers are available to the contestants and this is Jillian Michaels' last season at the ranch. That's kinda like Simon Cowell leaving American Idol. The show will never be the same. It's brought me tremendous motivation and clarity over the past two years and I highly recommend the show to anyone, whether you're trying to lose weight or not.

I Used to be Fat follows teenagers in the summer between their senior year and first year of college. I've watched the first two episodes and am reminded of the time I took off 80 pounds my senior year of high school. It was so incredible to be normal. Being fat as a kid or teen is incredibly hard. My weight loss didn't last very long, unfortunately. I'm rooting for these kids, bless their hearts.

Heavy follows people for 6 months as they attempt to transform their lives. It's not a competition; click on the link and watch the video. Inspiration? Oh yeah. It starts January 15 on A&E.

Ruby starts its third season in March on the Style network in the States. Canada has to wait a while after that for it to air on E! Canada, but it's worth the wait. Ruby Gettinger has lost almost 400 pounds. Yes, you read that correctly. If she can do that, you can lose whatever you need to lose. That's it, end of discussion. I watched the first season faithfully then lost track of the second season - they kept moving it around on me! I hope they release it on DVD - the first season is available but only in a 'best of' package which I don't understand. Why not offer full episodes? I love her, she is awesome!

There are also magazines that I'll buy just so I can read the success stories for inspiration. Off The Couch, special editions of Oxygen magazine, is one of my favorites. I'll also buy Wight Watchers, Self, anything I see that can be of help to help me stay on track.

Look around and you'll no doubt find someone's story that will resonate with you. Relating to others helps me in a big way.

When life is hard, you have to change

I didn't really know what to write today. I knew I want to; I knew I needed to; but I couldn't think of a real theme. Writer's block I guess. Sometimes I just start writing and it all comes together. That happened this morning, for sure.

I hit a major mini-goal this week! I'm under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 12. It's really odd to see/hear "one-hundred" at the beginning of my weight from my talking scale. She's probably shocked, too. I worked hard for it this week, I ain't gonna lie. I exercised pretty much every day, drank tons of water and watched my sodium and carbs. A four-pound loss feels pretty good and accurate! This is better than the one-pound-a-week crap I was having over the summer. Finally, it feels like my body is back on track.

My goal is a mere five pounds away. What should I do to reward myself, other than the final heart in my tattoo? Erich and I have been thinking about getting a cat for a long time, so we're revisiting that idea. I'd love to have a Russian Blue kitten and another black kitten and watch them grow up together.

There were a few things I didn't get to do over the summer, one of which was going to an amusement park and getting on some rides that I wouldn't have fit onto before. Canada's Wonderland has a Halloween Haunt all during October. This is like the best of both worlds as I am a Halloween freak! Thinking hard about that one. Hmmm. I dunno, but I feel like I want to celebrate in some way.

That Camaro Erich bought for me when I lost 50 percent of my body weight is just about ready for the road. He's been working on it when the weather allows - it's been raining a lot on weekends here, so he's doing the best he can - and I can't wait to drive it.

It sure would be nice to hit my final goal next week. I'm going to continue to do everything that has worked in the past and I guess we'll see what the scale says Friday morning.

Now that everything is kind of winding down, I feel a mix of emotions. Incredible relief that this phase is almost over yet weirdly nostalgic at the same time. It doesn't make much sense to me that I'm almost a little sad that it'll be over soon! What does that mean? I have a strange little brain. Maybe the emotion I feel is just what comes along with an achievement like this. It's a little overwhelming to have one of your life's dreams be so close you can reach out and touch it. It makes me feel like there are other dreams I might be able to accomplish, too. It makes more seem possible.

Something happened to me a couple weeks ago that I posted about on my Facebook page but didn't share here. It was a Friday night and Erich was working so I decided to do something I'd always wanted to do but had never been physically able to.

My city has a pretty lively downtown area. People who live in the area complain about how no one goes there and the high crime levels. I think that's crap. Kitchener's downtown is clean, the storefronts are occupied and there are always people - of all ages - milling around. Most of the American downtown areas I've seen are ghost towns in comparison. I feel totally safe downtown, too.

I'd always passed the little stores downtown - in my car - and thought about how nice it would be to walk up one side of King Street and down the other, winding in and out of all the eclectic shops. There is no way I could've done that pre-op. So when I got off work that Friday, I parked near city hall and started walking. I wasn't disappointed for there are many things down there that you cannot find at the mall or Walmart. And that's a good thing. LOL! So I was having a ball when I came to a store with a curved front; that is, the entrance curved inward from the windows.

As I'm walking down the sidewalk, I see this woman approaching me out of my peripheral vision. I'm looking down, but I can see her legs walking towards me. I'm thinking she's going to go around me, but instead she's heading right for me. I glanced up and saw she wasn't stopping, so I stopped. When I stopped, she stopped. Huh? Oh...it's me. It wasn't till I stopped that I realized I was seeing my reflection in the storefront. Do you have any idea how freaky that is? LOL! I had to take a moment, you know? I looked around and there wasn't anyone else in my immediate line of sight. It was so weird to realize that I don't even recognize myself anymore.

As I near my goal, I think to myself 'am I as new on the inside as I am the outside?' Sure, there are a lot of things about me that have changed. Emotionally, I'm very different from the person who started this journey 19 months ago. How much do I want to allow myself to change, though? It's important to actively participate in positive change. As in all things, balance is key. I don't want to change too much. I liked a lot about who I was when I weighed 444 pounds. And a lot needed to change. I feel like I'm coming out of this whole thing a better version of me.

The title of this blog comes from the Blind Melon song Change . Bo sang it nearly five years ago in Cleveland, Ohio at the House of Blues. His life was changing completely at the time and I believe that's why he chose the song. I watched this again few minutes ago for the first time in a long time and thought I'd share it.

New in Nashville, part 3

As Erich and I waited for the show to start at LP Field, Bill came back to us to sit and chat for a bit. Bill is such a great friend and supporter. I don't know what I'd do without people like him in my life. Thank you for your kind words, big guy. Love you!

I have to admit that my knowledge of current country music is limited. I follow certain artists - Keith Urban, Taylor Swift, Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum, Trace Adkins - and yes, I do like some Carrie Underwood stuff as well. But I don't listen to country radio like I do rock radio; therefore, I didn't know much about the first few people up on stage that night. I was VERY pleasantly surprised by Randy Houser, the first act up on stage. WOW!! Loved, loved him. Not the best video, but this is the song that really caught my attention. I like "rockin' country" - that's how I tried to explain it to Erich - the difference between your grandpa's country and today's country.



The next two acts, Easton Corbin & Billy Currington, were good, too. The Zac Brown Band is completely awesome! But I was totally looking forward to Martina McBride and Rascal Flatts! I've always loved the two of them. Martina didn't disappoint. Man, she was incredible. Erich was totally impressed. I mentioned to him that she is called "The Voice" for a reason! Her performance of 'Broken Wing' completely brought the place to its feet and our reaction made her cry. She was so sweet and seemed really genuine.



Rascal Flatts! Dude! I love me some Rascal Flatts. I kept hoping they'd sing their song 'Bob that Head' because I freakin' love that song. I definitely 'bob my head' when I hear it. I categorize it as a "country rap song". Much like Garth Brooks' 'Ain't Goin' Down Till the Sun Comes Up'. Well....finally, last song, it starts up. I just let out a whoop and jumped up, singing and dancing along.

"Rockin' country!" I yelled to Erich and he smiled and nodded.

This video sucks, but it's all I could find. And if you've never heard the song, you can get a feel for it.



It was an AMAZING show and again, I am just so grateful I was there.

We walked over to the Limelight and had a seat waiting for the traffic to die down a bit - listening to some cover band blaring from inside - then caught a cab back to our hotel. Our driver was really great and knew just how to avoid the crazy traffic attempting to enter the freeway. Despite the crowds, his route to the hotel was the cheapest fare the whole weekend.

It was about 2 a.m. but we were starving so we got in the car and headed to a nearby Waffle House. It was packed with people who had the same yellow LP passes around their necks as we did. There were two empty chairs at the counter and everyone around us waiting for a table were like "If there's just two of you, go ahead and take them. Everyone else has more than two people." Awesome!

We also ate here the previous night. The waitress, with her VERY strong Southern accent, had asked Erich what "dreeesssing you wont for yer saaallad?" and he looked at her like she was speaking Swahili. I had to translate. English is Erich's, um, fifth or sixth language and Southern is a dialect he can't always interpret immediately. Tonight, I had to translate for our waitress. He ordered his hash browns a certain way (I can't remember now) but at Waffle House, there's actually a name for them. She looked at him blankly for a moment before I called the dish by its rightful name. Funny.

Falling into bed at 3 a.m. really super happy and tired in a good way was extremely gratifying. It's still something to me that I can do all this stuff and not be exhausted for five days straight. My recovery time is almost nil. I asked Erich if he had a good time today; it was a really busy day after all! We saw seven concerts along with a few stray singers and bands along the way, loads of shopping and laughing with good friends. He said yes right away, enthusiastically. I reminded him of "rockin' country" and he agreed. He liked the music. Most of it, anyway.

Earlier I asked him about Bo's Chevy Stage show and if he enjoyed the song "Get On & Ride". It's probably the most 'rock' sounding song on Bo's new CD and the one I thought he'd like the most. To my surprise, he said he liked "You Take Yourself With You" at the fan club party the best, which is VERY country! He said it had "meaning". Well. He always manages to surprise me.

We decided to skip Martina McBride's charity auction the next day. Bo was scheduled to appear but honestly...I was thinking what's he gonna do? Hold up an item, people will bid and that's it. I didn't know if I wanted to be up and downtown at 11 a.m. for that. Well, turned out he pretty much conducted the entire auction. Of course he did. FAIL for me. Pffft. Oh well. We were up and at 'em for the bull ride but it took FOREVER to find the damn place where it was being held! My god we were walking around downtown in a circle for about 30 minutes. Didn't even feel it. It's all good.

There were no seats when we finally did make it to the tent with the bull, but I decided to stand. And I did. Again with no problems.

Bo and a bull just don't mix, man. You could tell he didn't have a clue what he was doing. So he decided to do what he does best: Be cute. Be sweet. Be funny. Bo knows how to do that for sure. He stayed on for a full 3.2 seconds. I barely had time to snap a picture!



Afterwards, some of us stood around talking to him for a bit. He said "I got beat by a girl." LMAO! And he did! AGAIN! Another pretty blonde chick, too. I said "Yeah, but she beat her brother, too, so don't feel bad." He blamed that on sibling rivalry (they were the brother-sister singing duo The Roys). "Doesn't count!" he laughed. We backed off a bit so other fans could get their picture with him. I stood there for a while, just hanging out. In the past, I would've been parked on a seat and missed all this interaction.

I stood in line to get another picture. And once again, he greeted me with "Hi Cindy! How are you?" I love the way he says my name, with a slight Southern inflection on the 'in' part. *fangirly sigh* I told him I was fine, that I hated bugging him for another pic but we needed lots of updated pictures because all of ours were 200 pounds ago. He laughed and said...AGAIN..."yeah but you look great, though." If he keeps telling me that, I may sell everything I own and just follow him around like the Grateful Dead. I'm kidding. Really. Maybe.



Some of the girls were headed a couple blocks away to have lunch at Demo's, a well-known restaurant downtown. The 'couple blocks' part would've had me politely turning down invitations before but now I was ready to roll. So off we went with Deb & Jen. There were hills. No one told me that. LOL! No problem now but OMG, I would've been just so upset pre-op. Upset at MYSELF, that I couldn't keep up.

After we got to Demo's, we of course had to stand around and wait for a table. All of this is stuff that normal people don't even think about. But I really notice and celebrate how I can now join them in 'not thinking about it'.

It was great to sit and relax with a good meal and great conversation with friends. We ended up leaving with Deb and Beth, as Jen had to get back to her hotel. All of us were anxious to see the LoCash Cowboys at the Chevy Stage in a little while. LoCash are big with Bo fans (they shared a bill with him once and things took off from there) but neither Beth nor I had seen them live. As we made our way back over where we came from, I was walking along at one point and Erich said "Honey, you want to wait for the girls?" I had totally taken off and left Deb and Beth! OMG! I stopped and waited while they laughed at how they were having to keep up with me. It was one of those weird post-weight-loss moments.

I know I said this would be the final installment of the Nashville trip, but we're gonna have another one. Sorry! Hope you all can put up with my long-winded recap. LOL!

New in Nashville, part 2

So after the fan club party, we went over to the area of Nashville known as "The District". With plans made to meet up with our friends again for Bo's afternoon concert at the Chevy Stage outside the Bridgestone Arena, Erich and I took off to make like the tourists we were.

I've been to Nashville twice in the past and have had neither the time nor the energy to see much of the city except the routes to and from whichever venue I was heading to; and see whichever long-haired rock star happened to be headlining. So this time, I wanted to walk. I wanted to explore. We had a few hours before we knew we needed to get back to the Chevy Stage in order to get a good seat for Bo's show. Heading down Broadway towards 2nd Avenue, we just started winding in and out of the shops.

I might be kinda strange but I love tourist traps. Trap me. Go ahead. I know I'm being trapped and I don't really give a damn. I love looking at all the t-shirts, cheesy snow globes and whatever else some hole in the wall might offer to sell me. I had warned Erich beforehand: "I will probably go into every single shop." He told me to go ahead. And true to form, he just followed me around without a single complaint. He enjoyed himself, too. He likes the same things that I do, so we're good that way. But I know he was hot. Reaaallly hot. Me, I was fine but my husband was sorta melting. I stopped every now and then to reapply sunscreen but other than that, I was running full steam ahead.

My mother has been a country music fan my whole life and I thought about her a lot when I was in Nashville. She'd always talked about Fan Fair, which is what CMA Fest used to be called. I know she'd wanted to go when she was younger but to get my dad down there probably would've taken an act of Congress or something. I don't think she could take the heat and physical activity of it now, but I sure did wish she was there with me as we took in all the sites from the Ernest Tubb Record Shop to the Ryman Auditorium. As always, click to enlarge all pics:





Music has always been an important part of my life but even more so in the last five years, since Bo. I've learned a lot about the music business and I tell you, I have so much respect for musicians in general. When you walk down Broadway, you can literally hear dozens of bands and musicians - live music streaming out of every bar and restaurant along the way. Some, of course, are even playing ON the street. One kid in particular was blowing people away.



I felt really lucky to be able to walk around and soak in this atmosphere. Erich and I had a ball. We bought souvenirs - I got a pink Nashville t-shirt and a multi-colored rhinestone encrusted guitar necklace; Erich bought magnets. We stopped in at a burger joint and heard a honky-tonk cover band go from Alan Jackson to Lady Gaga in the span of 10 minutes. We got free Monster energy drinks, Dr. Pepper and McDonald's apple slices. And learned Bo really does have male fans! LOL! We still had our lanyards from the fan club party around our necks and as we walked past a table that was set up on the sidewalk, the guy manning the thing grabbed Erich and said "Bo Bice?? Where is he?? Is he playing somewhere??" Erich, like the good peep-in-training he is, said "Yeah! At the Chevy Stage up the street at 5:45." The guy asked if Bo would be doing autographs and I said "Yeah, he usually does. Just hang around after the show." And there you go.

I'm telling you I could've walked for hours. Well, I did. But I could've kept on going. Not tired. Not too hot. No pain. It's all good. The only time I got sweaty was when I got my picture taken with The Naked Cowboy. The man was dripping. Ew. But still...if the Naked Cowboy is in front of you, you stop. Right?



Let the record show two things: Number one, the hand-on-ass thing was HIS idea. And number two, my husband is a good sport. God love 'im.

We made our way back up to the Chevy Stage and looked for our friends but didn't see them anywhere. Of course, the place was lousy with peeps and we saw some up front (where else would they be?) so we stopped to talk to them. Well, there happened to be an empty seat right between two sweetie pies, Debbie & Sherry. Debbie offered me the chair and well, when someone offers me a front-row seat, I take it. Call me crazy. Again, my wonderful husband told me to have fun and went towards the middle of the crowd to sit with the aforementioned fantastic Mr. Bill.

The chairs made me uneasy. They were these flimsy folding things that I would never have even attempted to sit on pre-op. But I sat down gingerly and it was fine. Then I crossed my legs and the chair moved. I froze and widened my eyes. DOH! That was all I needed, to break a chair at this weight! LOL! Sherry & Debbie asked me if I was ok and I said yes, but the chair moved and made me flash back to a time when I would've been scared to death to sit in it. Sherry assured me "You don't have anything to worry about now." Then Bill came up and put my LP Field pass around my neck. I was totally ready to get my groove on.

Bo took the stage soon enough and again, the man is awesome. I got some great shots this time (much better lighting and my camera prefers natural light, to be honest). Bill had told us to head over to LP Field after the show, that we needed to get there early since it can be a hassle. We could get a free shuttle with our passes, though, so that was good. But then we noticed Bo was definitely coming out for pictures. Now, I need updated pictures. I want allll the pictures with Bo that I can get. So I told Erich, "I'm not leaving."

We stood there and waited as Bo made his way down the line, Patrick shouting at everyone to have their cameras ready. As he made his way to me, he smiled and said "Hi Cindy! You look great, you know that?" Again with the name and 'you look great' stuff. Geeze. I thanked him again and Erich took a quick snap. You can see Patrick behind us still bellowing "HAVE YOUR CAMERAS READY, PEOPLE!!" LOL! Patrick is ok, he really is a super guy. He just has to mind Bo because Bo, god love him, would stand there and talk to people till he was blue in the face if left to his own devices. We don't call him 'Ramblin' Bo' for nothing. And he does have a schedule to keep.









Erich and I made our way towards the shuttles and quickly got on for the air-conditioned ride across the river to LP Field. When we got to our seats, I couldn't believe it! WOW!! We were on the 'floor' in the 16th row. Amazing. I was so grateful. The tiny little chairs were tied together and for the first time, I actually fit into a single seat comfortably and wasn't worried about crowding anyone who might sit next to me.

I looked around the big stadium and was almost brought to tears by several things. The overwhelming generosity and support of my wonderful friends. The fact that I was even there, able-bodied and healthy, looking forward to the show and not thinking about how hot and tired I was, how my back and knees were killing me and all I wanted to do was get back to the hotel and lie down. This awesome man beside me who hates country music, doesn't really even like Bo Bice's music, was probably as hot as he'd ever been in his life but....loves ME enough to make me happy by driving 12 hours one way over a weekend with little sleep to bring me here so I could have joy and experiences I never thought I could have in my life just over a year ago.

Life is sweet.



Final part coming soon: Erich slowly converts to country (maybe) but still needs a translator; bull-riding Bo and LoCash Cowboys (yee-haw!); car trouble and Romanian rednecks...

New in Nashville, part one

I have been so busy, I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged. So much has happened! Let's start with Nashville.

As I prepared to go to Nashville for the tail end of CMA Fest, I thought about what to take with me. Sunscreen, check. New clothes, check. Flip-flops, check. Tickets for Bo's fan club party, check. Camera, check.

Then I was struck by some of the things I knew I would've needed pre-op but not so much this time: Arthritis, high blood pressure and diabetes medication. Cane. C-pap mask. Portable fan (for the room and outside). Durable walking shoes (ugly or not). I would've needed all that and probably still would've only been able to go to the fan club party and back to the hotel. Seriously.

The 12-hour drive alone would've doomed my body in the past. That kind of thing killed my back; we would've had to stop several times so I could walk around, delaying our arrival. This time, I actually split the drive with Erich and had no problems other than a bit of stiffness. But I walked that off in a few seconds. I wasn't really tired when we arrived, either.

Our room was on the second floor. Evidently, there was an elevator but we weren't told about that so we hoofed it up and down the stairs the whole time. No problems. Hell, I even carried my own luggage up by myself. That's a switch!

The next morning, we went downtown for the party. The cab dropped us off a little ways from the Limelight - meaning, we had to walk a bit. I said to Erich 'I would've been done right about now.' That small walk would've had me hurting, panting, sweating. It's hard to describe the little things like that. It's just such a different life. Things so many people take for granted that I now celebrate. People kept complaining about the heat but honestly, I didn't think it was that hot. I was warm, but fine. What I'm sure would've been unbearably oppressive and debilitating to me before was barely noticed now.

We stood in line to get in and greeted lots of friends. I got a bit pink standing out in the sun for 10 minutes. Yep. Now you know why I needed the sunscreen. People still crack me up when they see me. It's all 'you look wonderful!!' I love hearing it, I admit. I've worked hard and went through a lot to get to this point so I'm grateful for the acknowledgement.

All of Bo's 'peeps' like to say that 'we had a family reunion and a concert broke out'. That's an apt description of what it's like to be in the Bo Bice family. I think, at this point, seeing each other is just as important as seeing Bo. But he brought us all together and we're forever grateful to him for that.

Sweet Bill surprised Erich and me with passes to LP Field, the downtown stadium with huge acts playing nightly. HOLY CRAP!! It was incredible of him and honestly, like him to be so generous. It never occurred to me that I would be able to go to LP Field while we were there. He said he 'wanted to do something nice' and the 'opportunity presented itself'. Thank you Bill. You gave me an experience I will never forget.

So things were getting off to a great start! LOL!

Now, our wristbands had the number '1' on them, but I figured with my luck the numbers would start in the back or something. Nope. We were right up front! We mingled with everyone, had a nice catered brunch then Bo took the stage. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Until you see him live, you don't understand. He's the consummate performer and fills up the whole arena - small or large - with his charisma and talent. It was great, as usual.

I got some merchandise at this show! I rarely buy anything because well, I can't wear it. But this time I got an XL shirt that fits me perfectly. Actually, it's a tad big in the waist but I'm built so oddly now that I think a perfect fit is going to be a pipedream from now on. LOL! I also bought Erich a ballcap plus I got a bandanna. Why? I dunno. It was there. And it'll be good to tie onto my bag for shows and stuff. Erich loves that cap. He wears it all the time!

At the meet and greet after the show, I hoped to have an opportunity to speak to Bo without making an idiot of myself. That's usually the way it goes, really. The last time I saw him, in December, I tried to explain to him what I think his role is in my weight loss but didn't get anything out but to tell him that being his fan changed my life and to thank him. I never really got to go into detail because I goober'ed out (that's a Bo phrase). So this time, I walked up to him with a purpose. I didn't even let that smile of his make me goober. Nope.

I gave him a gift that my friend Nancy and I got for him, let him sign my fan - the one with his face on it that the fabulous Sue had made for all of us - then I told him I had lost over 200 pounds in the past year or so. He said 'wow', took a step back and gave me a once-over. I went on to say "And YOU had a lot to do with that. I was to the point where I was hobbling to your shows with a cane. I wanted to see you and my friends, just be NORMAL, so much that I said 'screw this' and did something about it." I swear I thought the man was going to cry. His forehead wrinkled up and he gasped as I told him that. Then he pulled me into a hug. He said "Oh, you don't know what that means to me. That's so awesome. I'll be praying for you. That's incredible." As he released me, I said again "You had a lot to do with this. So thank you. Thank you." He shook his head and said "That's, wow, that's so great, Cindy. You look great. Wow." I thanked him and he said "Well, I'll be looking for you at my shows. You better come see me." Um, YA THINK?? LOL! I started to walk away and he squeezed my shoulder. "Thank you, Cindy. I'll see you soon."

He tells me I look great, calls me by my name (twice) then tells me he'll be looking for me at his shows. He knows how to put asses in the seats, huh? LMAO! I'm kidding, I know he was sincere. It was a sweet moment with him and I'm happy I got the opportunity to talk to him.

Snapshots from the party (click to enlarge):

Before the performance:


Bo's performance:





Meet & greet:


Next up: After the party: Walking the streets of The District, yet another Bo show, and an unfathomable night at LP Field. Coming soon, I promise!

Fabulous freedom at 40

We're gonna be in the poor house by the end of the summer! And it's all my weight loss angel's fault.

I find I want to get out and enjoy all the things that life has to offer. Everything I couldn't do before I want to dive into now. I want to see, experience, feel, touch...soar and SWEEP! Out with the old life and in with the new. I worry I'm overwhelming my poor husband with the 'I want to do this' stuff. And yes, it all costs money. But this is my coming-out party. My summer of Fabulous Freedom at 40. LOL!

- Zip lining. Yep, you read that correctly. There's a ski resort in our town and during the summer they offer zip lining. My brother-in-law and I are ready, man. When they open, we're there. We're both afraid of heights and this is another thing that I would NEVER have considered doing at 444 pounds (they probably wouldn't have let me on the thing, even if I wanted to!). Should be interesting.

- Camping. I mentioned this a couple blogs back. Erich and I are going for our anniversary next month. Now, camping IS cheap but it still costs money. The last time we went it was pretty bad. My knees had just started really acting up and I could barely walk. This time, we're gonna hike all over the place.

- Nashville! Erich and I are going to Bo's fan club party during CMA Fest (aka Fan Fair) in June. I've been to Nashville twice but have never been sightseeing. There was never time and besides, I couldn't have walked around downtown anyway. On this trip, I will with no problems. Oh yeah!

- We're not totally sure, but think we will be taking a trip to Utica, NY the weekend after CMA Fest to see Bo perform there. We have friends near there and may not be able to resist the temptation. We'll have to see if there's any money left after Nashville! LOL!

- Bon Jovi/Kid Rock concert! I am going to see two of my all-time favorite performers TOGETHER live!! My friend Randi scored us awesome 7th row seats, right behind the pit. I am so psyched I can't even tell you! This is in July and should be a really good one-year post-op anniversary present to myself. I will not worry about walking all over downtown Toronto. I won't be worried about fitting into any seats. I will just be having a good time. I can't wait. Randi has also had gastric bypass so she is looking forward to all this stuff, too. We are AWESOMENESS. That's what we keep telling ourselves! LOL!

- Annual trip to Ohio for my family's reunion. This time, we're going to Kings Island and Cindy will, for the very first time, get on a roller coaster. I couldn't fit on one before and I was always afraid it would screw my back up anyway. And there was the fear of heights thing. But now, my back is pretty much a non-issue and I think I'll be ok to put the roll bar down. The last time I was there, I was so hot I thought I might pass out plus I had to rent a scooter because I couldn't walk around. And I ended up breaking the damn thing. I was 32. Haven't been back since. Ridiculous. No scooter this time and lord knows I don't get hot like I used to.

This may not sound like much but to us, this is a big summer planned!

There are little things, too, that I take the time to experience now that I can. Like today for example. I went on my daily 30-min. walk/jog and decided to go to a local park. The entrance to this park is something I can see when I look out my kitchen window but I have never been to. You have to walk down a pretty steep hill to get to it and I have just never bothered. Isn't that awful? Now that the weather is nice, today I thought I'd go down there and walk around. So I did. There's playground equipment, of course, a slide and swing set. No one was around.

Could I get on that swing set? That might be fun. I never would've considered doing THAT 200 pounds ago. I would be afraid it would break or that I couldn't get my ass into the seat in the first place. I never would've even tried it at all.

I look at the seat. Hm. Maybe. I sit down (HEY! I fit!) gently, as if I'm still concerned my weight will break it somehow. I look up at the steel hooks securing the chains to the top of the frame. Not even creaking or anything. Ok. I lift my feet up and sway back and forth, slowly at first then I push myself. Higher and higher. I close my eyes and feel the sunshine on my face, the cool breeze blowing against me. I lean back and just let the motion of the swing carry my body through space. It was so freakin' awesome I can't even tell you. 'I Gotta Feeling' is playing on my mp3 player and feels like fate. I stayed on that swing for a good 15 minutes. This is what freedom feels like.

And I ain't stopping now!

The 'normal trip' - part three

After having some dinner at the Mexican place, we all decided to go to the Opryland Hotel to see their Christmas lights display. Even as we approached it from the highway, we could see we were in for a real treat! It was gorgeous. We were told later on that there are two million lights - workers begin putting them out in July or August. It was a wonderful nightcap to the day's, and weekend's, festivities. Everyone was already so happy to be together and this was just the icing on the cake. It's a special time of the year to be with good friends!

(Click all thumbnails to enlarge):






While we were looking at the nativity scene and snapping pictures, a young man approached me and asked me to take a photo of him and his wife (or girlfriend, whatever). I obliged. Laura said "Look at you, all approachable!" LOL! I have found that to be true. Strangers smile at me more now and say hello. I'm not sure if it's because I'm different externally, that is, more 'pleasing to the eye' or something like that, or if it's something that's changed internally and makes me seem more congenial. It's probably a combination of both.

A lot of people have told me they've never seen me smile so much. That I seem so happy and confident. Even my mother said this to me recently. I responded "Really? So many people say that. I don't think I was that unhappy before - it's not like I never smiled." But she said it's different now. I guess I buy that....again, my brain hasn't caught up with everything that's happened to me yet. I think I've changed, unconsciously, in ways I can't grasp yet but that is perhaps visible on my face and in my eyes. If so, that's cool.

I was by myself at Opryland at one point, taking photos right in front of the hotel, and a guy walking past stopped, smiled at me and asked "You want me to take your picture?" Well, knock me over with a feather. WHAT?? I'm so not used to shit like this. I told him 'sure' and handed him my camera. "Ohhh, that's nice," he said and got this shot. It's a little dark & blurry, but that's ok.



The inside of the hotel was decorated beautifully as well, and we walked all over the place exploring. I can't explain to you how freeing it is to be able to walk. That's all. Just walk. The mobility is amazing to me and is the biggest change I can think of after all of this, even more so than anything externally. I just walked and walked, taking photo after photo.









I thought Bill and Paris were in front of me at one point but they were not. Next thing I know, I hear "CINNNNDDYYYYY!!!!" It's them, yelling and waving at me from halfway across the botanical garden skywalk. I went back over to them and Bill said "We can't keep up with YOU now!" LOL! I honestly thought they were in front of me and I was just going to keep walking all the way around the skywalk. Without even thinking about it.

We'd bought some tickets to take a horse and carriage ride earlier and it was time to head back outside before the ride closed. Paris first mentioned wanting to go on them and I said "Yeah, I want to, too!" I knew this was something I never would've attempted a year ago and would be another 'hey-I-can-do-this' moment for me. How fun to experience it with some of my best friends! A year ago, I would've felt too sorry for the horse; I never would've been able to get up into the carriage; and the seats would've been too small for anyone to sit beside me. I was still hesitant of the seat size, since they wanted 4 of us in the carriage at once, 2 on each side.

"Oh...those seats are small," I said. My friends assured me it would be fine, and it was. Nancy climbed in first and when I sat beside her, we had plenty of room. I felt so good and so NORMAL sitting in that carriage. I never, ever would've done that a year ago. As I said in my last blog, I've always tried to never put myself in situations where I'd become embarrassed, so I just would've made some excuse like 'I don't like horses' or 'I need to make a phone call'. Something to get me out of it. I loved it and would've went on another ride if there had been time!

Nancy and me in the carriage:


As the evening drew to a close, we met up with some more good friends and wandered around outside a little longer, admiring the lights. The end of the weekend was approaching and it was a bittersweet time.

I slept pretty well that night but woke up very early. I decided to go downstairs and try to print out my boarding pass. I ran into a few other fan club members on their way home. We exchanged hugs and it was a reminder that yeah, things were coming to a close.

Later on, we all met some friends at a Cracker Barrel near the airport. There were about a dozen of us and we clearly didn't want this trip to end; we stood outside for a good half hour taking pictures, hugging and crying as we all said goodbye to one another.



As I was on the plane coming home that evening, I reflected on everything this trip meant to me. It was wonderful to see old friends and meet some new ones; to hear and see Bo again; and to find myself, to find my life. I've had a hell of a year and I can't think of a more perfect way to celebrate my life. I always treasured my trips before but now they will be extra special because I know what I was missing before: The effortless joy that comes with life. As The Man himself says - "Life should be a journey for your heart." Well, now I feel like mine is, finally. I feel more at peace than I ever have and I owe it all to Bo, my friends and ME. I'm the one who chose this journey and I think I'm most grateful to ME! I have arrived at a very good place. My own heart.

The 'normal trip' - part two

Yeah so I was lying there in bed crying and thinking about everything that had already happened to me on this trip. I did finally drift off to sleep but I slept fitfully and had a very, ah, interesting dream. I dreamed that I was all alone at The Rutledge, where the fan club Christmas party was to be held, and Bo walked up on the stage and sang 'Valley of Angels'. Now, this is bizarre because I don't really like that song. It's probably one of my least favorite Bo songs. So I have no idea why I'd dream that! My strange little brain.

I woke up with an awful headache, brought on by a lack of food (I'd had about three bites at dinner the night before), rainy weather (my sinuses were exploding) and lack of sleep. But the thing is I can't take meds on an empty stomach; and even after I eat, I have to wait 30 mins. to an hour to drink...only then can I take any meds. Food. Now.

We decided to forego the carb free-for-all at the 'breakfast buffet' in the hotel lobby in favor of a Waffle House practically next door. I was grateful because I really need a lot of protein in my diet and can't just have a stack of waffles or a bowl of cereal for breakfast anymore. The W.H. ham & cheese omelet plus bacon was just what the dr. ordered. I got to talking with an employee at the W.H. and told her why we were all in town. She not only knew who Bo Bice was but said he used to come in there all the time. She said they often get celebrities in there and they put them in the back so people won't disturb them. Awwwww, we ate at Bo's Waffle House! Hee. We all got our orders and took them back to the hotel because well, most people can't fit into a booth at a Waffle House. Bo, yes. But he's a petite little guy! I was starving and ate almost all my omelet, my bacon and a few bites of hash browns.

It was nice to take our time getting ready to go to the party. We arrived at The Rutledge around 1:30 for the 2 p.m. party. There were lots of hugs as everyone lined up outside the door in order of the number on their ticket. They didn't let us in till about 2:20 and I really didn't even feel the wait. There was a time when I came to the conclusion that I'd have to give up going to see Bo simply because I couldn't bear to stand in line or stand up at the shows. No more! We got glimpses of Bo, his very pregnant wife Caroline and Bart as they arrived at the club. Bo looked stunning and I have to tell you, I caught my breath and held it till he was out of sight them let out a WHOOP! Man alive!! It had been a while and though it didn't seem possible, he looked even better than I remembered.

When we finally got inside, we passed a table with items Bo had available for auction (all proceeds to go to charity), the merch table (which I never got around to looking at...damn) and a great little buffet he had catered in for us. We all had lunch and spent a long time visiting with each other, taking pictures and laughing, talking. At this point, these trips/shows are as much about being with each other than they are about seeing Bo. We adore him and treasure every note that comes out of his mouth or passes through his fingertips on the guitar, but we also adore each other. We are family. No other way to say it.

My ticket number was pretty high since I didn't make the decision to go till later on in the game. I ended up in the very back of the venue, up against the back wall. I got my pout on, lemme tell ya. I was really disappointed. Then Saint Bill came back there and said "You really don't think I'm gonna let you sit back here all by yourself, do you?" He somehow made room for me at his table with our good friends Paris and Nancy. I was thrilled to be able to enjoy the performance with them.

I didn't spend a whole lot of time in my seat before Bo came out. I was too busy flitting around from table to table and visiting with my friends! It didn't occur to me until later that I didn't NEED to sit down. This is all really awesome and life-changing. In the past, I've sometimes parked myself and waited for people to wander by. Not this time - I am proactive now. Passivity is SO last year. ;-)

I'd be lying if I didn't say it was nice to hear all the compliments people were giving me! It's gratifying to see people's faces when they first look at me. It totally cracks me up. When I look in the mirror, I don't see that I've changed that much but of course I have - I can see it in pictures. And I don't hear the "WOW!!" stuff a lot because people see me every day. The changes are more subtle. So it's cool to hear that from time to time. It motivates me to continue and reminds me that I've really accomplished something.

Bo Bice can sing. No, he can really sing. My god, the power and emotion in that voice of his just kills me. I've listened to him in many different formats over the past nearly 5 years (5! Years!) and I never get used to it. It's amazing. He could sing the ABCs and, if he wanted to, would have you lying in a pool of mush at the end.

Silent Night (video by Joan):


There was one part during 'Silent Night' when I just closed my eyes and let his voice envelop me and the whole room. Incredible stuff. It was so good to hear him, see him perform again. It nearly moved me to tears. I know, I know...the non-Bo fans think I'm insane. Yeah, well maybe I am. But I wouldn't change a thing! He also sang 'Happy Christmas/War Is Over' and that about did me in! I love John Lennon and that song is a favorite of mine.

After the performance, more visiting ensued as we all waited our turn at the meet & greet. I watched my friend Nancy talking with Bo and it so moved me. Nancy had a stroke earlier this year and we made it a Family Project to get her and the awesome Paris to Nashville for this party. It was so worth it. I'm so thankful that she is ok and watching her talking with Bo was very sweet and emotional. Bo cares about his fans in a way I've never heard of another artist doing. It's something to see.

Now, soooo many people had said to me 'Wait till Bo sees you!' I knew it would be anti-climatic because Bo doesn't have a clue who I am! LOL! He did get to the point where he knew my face, I believe. In fact, he even apologized to me once for not remembering my name. Bo seems to be one of those people who remembers faces but has trouble with names. But he sees a LOT of people. And I hadn't seen him since Aug. of 2008. There is no way he's going to remember me. And that's fine. I'm totally ok with that. He is getting better with some names, though - those who frequent his shows a whole lot and others who have been brought to his attention in some special way. Which is awesome! He gave a shout out to some during the performance and I know it meant the world to them.

So when it was my turn, I walked up to him and pulled out a little gift I'd got for him and his wife. An ornament with his second son's name, Caleb, on it. He oohed and ahhed over it appropriately and gave me a little hug of thanks. I had something all planned out that I wanted to say to him but of course goober'ed out and said something completely stupid instead. He turned me for a picture, I got another little squeeze and that was pretty much it....or so I thought! My friend Deb appeared out of nowhere and said "And that's 150 lbs. less of Cindy there!" He said "Well, you look beautiful." Ahhhh...Bo Bice just told me I looked beautiful. I don't even care if he can't put two and two together and figure out who I am or if that was just a nice-guy response when someone tells you the person in front of you has lost 150 lbs. It felt good to hear! LOL!

Pics of the fleeting moment with the man (thanks Laura for most of these!-click to enlarge):




I got another moment with him later though. As he was leaving, indeed being physically dragged out of there by his security guy, I walked up to him. I said "I had something I wanted to say to you earlier." He looked at me and took my hand. He leaned in close to me and as we're both walking along, my hand still in his, I whispered in his ear "Being your fan has meant so much to me and has changed my life forever. I just wanted you to know that and to thank you. Just...thank you so much."

He pulled me to him for a second (I count this as a hug...LOL) and I felt something brush against my cheek. He said "Bless your heart, thank YOU so much." He went on up the ramp towards the back exit, looked back and said "You change our lives every day." Now. That brush against my cheek? I was sure, POSITIVE, that it was a kiss. But now I think I may have been delusional and maybe it was just his hair. I dunno. It all happened so fast.

But I really wanted to tell him that. I've written before about how I firmly believe that wanting the energy and mobility to go to these shows was the final catalyst that made me have this surgery. I think I owe him a lot for that. And I felt really good after telling him. I know he's heard that before from other fans but I believe he still likes to hear it and never gets tired of it.

After Bo left, we all left! Several of us went to a Mexican place next door to The Rutledge for dinner. The entrance to the restaurant was up a pretty steep hill that would've stopped me cold a year ago. But that night, I looked up and thought "If I'm going to get winded on this trip, this is it. This is where it'll happen." So I walked. And felt nothing. No pain in my knees or back, no pulling for my breath. I was really happy when I got to the top and looked back down. HAH!

Ok, this is turning into a novel. But I really want to record my thoughts on this trip for myself if for no other reason. I hope I'm not boring you guys! We're gonna have a third part.

Next up: Opryland, strangers, lights, trees and horses, OH MY!

The 'normal' trip - part one

On the Bo fan boards, we sometimes post recaps of our time with him and each other. This is kinda my Nashville recap.

SATURDAY:

I mentioned before how I was nervous to get on the plane. Well, imagine that turning to full-blown terror when I saw the tiny little puddle jumper I had to climb onto! But I made it down the aisle without having to turn sideways, so that gave me some hope. My seat was in the very back and I arrived to it first. There were two seats on each side of the plane. So I scooted into my window seat and looked around me a bit. Hm. Ok, so maybe I can wedge myself into this seat, I'm thinking to myself. I try to get my seat belt on but it won't go around me. Still need the extender. But I don't seem to be spilling over into the other seat much. A young, tiny little thing meets my eyes as she's about halfway down the aisle. Ah. This must be my seat companion. Sure is. She smiles weakly at me then sits, scooting as far away from me as she can. She's practically hanging out into the aisle, wanting to speak to the flight attendant. She wants to move. Now. Ok, fine whatever. I kinda shake my head - 'Cin, you've lost 160 lbs., but you're still the fat chick to people who didn't know what you looked like before.' Again, ok. No problemo. The plane's not full. So she moves.

I'm still interested in my surroundings. I put the armrest down. Hey! I put the tray down in front of me. Hey! I turn geek and take pics of the armrest and tray. LMAO! This is a revelation to me. When I get my seat belt extender, I spend a few seconds with the belt on, the tray & armrest all down. I fit in this seat like a normal person (save the belly hangover). Still, if someone my size wanted to sit next to me, we'd be getting pretty familiar. But it's all good.

Proof for super-geekdom (click to enlarge):

Armrest down!

Tray down!

Drinks and corn chips are served. After a bit, the flight attendant goes down the aisle and asks everyone if they'd like some more...everyone except me. Again, this is all stuff I'm used to dealing with and I was actually sort of amused that it happened yet again, even after I've lost so much weight. And again...she just thought I was some fat chick and I didn't need any more freakin' chips. And she WAS correct. I guess it'll keep me from getting a big head, right? LOL!

We were told that we'd have to disembark down some stairs and onto the runway at the Nashville airport. Ohhh man. The last time I had to do that, on a flight from Columbus, OH to Tampa, FL back in 2004, the freakin' staircase MOVED when I stepped on it. I was mortified for a moment that I'd actually break the damn thing. I was really embarrassed. So I was curious to see what would happen this time. I gingerly stepped down onto the first step and it felt solid. I still took the steps one at a time because I was nervous about just bounding down them like everyone else did, but it was fine. No movement, everything cool. I had to do this again coming back to Toronto and did the bounding thing that time. Again, no movement from the stairs. Nice.

When I got to Nashville, my flight was listed as landing much later than it actually did, so my friends weren't ready for me. I literally walked past them then around and right up to them before they noticed me. We all had a laugh and hugs all around. It was good to see everyone.

My mobility now has totally changed my life. For the first time that I can remember, I didn't need to sit in the front seat of a vehicle and gladly climbed in the back of both my friend Laura's car and the rental van we picked up later on that day. We went shopping at Target and I wandered around not even thinking about how much I was walking. Nothing hurts. Nothing aches. I don't get winded and I'm not sweating like a whore in church anymore.

After picking up the rental van and our friends Paris and Nancy from the airport, we all decided to take a nap. Another first - I wasn't worried about being embarrassed because of my sleep apnea-induced snoring. I fell asleep instead of fighting it like I normally would. Woke up FREEZING to death. Again, not normal. LOL! We cranked up the heat in our room. When I was packing for this trip, I considered taking one of my battery-operated fans before I realized that I don't get hot like I used to and probably wouldn't need it. I have a plethora of little fans all over the place that I don't need anymore.

Saturday night, we headed downtown for dinner and to take in a show at BB Kings - Bo's guitar player, Bart Walker, was playing in the house band there. We had dinner at Pearl and they gave us our own little private room. There were over 30 of us there, someone said. It was so good to see everyone and get some long-overdue hugs and love. My friend Bill made me cry when I first arrived, as I knew he would. I love that guy to death and can't imagine why some lucky woman hasn't snapped him up. My friend Susan forced the waterworks to continue. Susan has lost a lot of weight herself and we were just so happy we could hug, get our arms around each other! *whew* It was going to be an emotional weekend!

I sat at the back of the room along the wall, facing the entryway. There was a small aisle to walk down and I didn't think anything about it then, but when the room started to fill up and, after dinner when I needed to go to the bathroom, my first thought was 'I can't get down that aisle. I'm screwed.' But I really needed to get to the bathroom. My food wasn't going down well at all and I had to get out of there. So I attempted it and made my way down that narrow aisle pretty well. Susan stopped me and said 'Look at you, you never would've been able to do that before.' She was very right.

After dinner we made our way to BB Kings just down the street. I'm very aware of being 'in the way'. I'm used to taking up a lot of space and it being an inconvenience to everyone around me. I hate just standing around someplace crowded. It bothers me a lot because I think I'm in the way. I've had a lot of rude comments thrown at me in crowds so I'm gun shy. I want to get to a seat and get out of the way. It's just the way I think. Well, BB Kings was totally packed. I was like 'Oh shit.' Not comfortable. But eventually we did get a table and I started enjoying the show. The band was great, Bart was awesome and we got invaded by about 50 R- and NC-17-rated Santa Clauses. LOL! It was pretty fun.

I had talked on Bo's message board about 'letting my freak flag fly' at BB Kings. Well, Susan took me seriously and got me up to dance. I haven't been on a dance floor since....high school? Maybe a few times in my 20s but mostly to slow dance if at all. I was at a high school dance once and some boys started laughing their asses off at me. So that pretty much stopped that shit cold right there. It wasn't my high school and those guys didn't know me (that never would've happened at my school), but still. Stuff like that stays with you, unfortunately. But Susan and I took to the floor and got our groove on. I've been told there are pics and video of it but I haven't seen them yet, thank god. LOL!

I have tried really hard in my life to never put myself in situations where I might be ridiculed; where I would be hurt or uncomfortable. I protect myself fiercely in that way and have put a lot of energy into it. Years ago, I would sit at a bar and watch people laughing and pointing at other 'heavier' girls letting it all hang out and I would shake my head. I admired them for not seeming to care or notice that they were the focus of the joke but I couldn't imagine subjecting myself to that. I let some of that go Saturday night and lemme tell you, walking out there on that dance floor wasn't easy. But I did it and I feel all the better for it. So thank you Susan, for coming back to my table and forcing me to let my freak flag fly!

After I got back to my hotel and we'd all went to bed, I found myself crying and couldn't stop. Everything that I'd been through that day sort of fell on my head, through my heart and up out of my eyes, I guess. So many things that people take for granted. I was so grateful that I'd decided to cast reason aside and come on this trip so I could experience all this. It was important for me to go through it, I think. To realize that I can do all this stuff and be happy, normal. I lay there thinking about the party the next day and seeing Bo again - it sure would be good to have a decent picture of him and me!

Next up: SUNDAY and party time!