The 'normal' trip - part one

On the Bo fan boards, we sometimes post recaps of our time with him and each other. This is kinda my Nashville recap.

SATURDAY:

I mentioned before how I was nervous to get on the plane. Well, imagine that turning to full-blown terror when I saw the tiny little puddle jumper I had to climb onto! But I made it down the aisle without having to turn sideways, so that gave me some hope. My seat was in the very back and I arrived to it first. There were two seats on each side of the plane. So I scooted into my window seat and looked around me a bit. Hm. Ok, so maybe I can wedge myself into this seat, I'm thinking to myself. I try to get my seat belt on but it won't go around me. Still need the extender. But I don't seem to be spilling over into the other seat much. A young, tiny little thing meets my eyes as she's about halfway down the aisle. Ah. This must be my seat companion. Sure is. She smiles weakly at me then sits, scooting as far away from me as she can. She's practically hanging out into the aisle, wanting to speak to the flight attendant. She wants to move. Now. Ok, fine whatever. I kinda shake my head - 'Cin, you've lost 160 lbs., but you're still the fat chick to people who didn't know what you looked like before.' Again, ok. No problemo. The plane's not full. So she moves.

I'm still interested in my surroundings. I put the armrest down. Hey! I put the tray down in front of me. Hey! I turn geek and take pics of the armrest and tray. LMAO! This is a revelation to me. When I get my seat belt extender, I spend a few seconds with the belt on, the tray & armrest all down. I fit in this seat like a normal person (save the belly hangover). Still, if someone my size wanted to sit next to me, we'd be getting pretty familiar. But it's all good.

Proof for super-geekdom (click to enlarge):

Armrest down!

Tray down!

Drinks and corn chips are served. After a bit, the flight attendant goes down the aisle and asks everyone if they'd like some more...everyone except me. Again, this is all stuff I'm used to dealing with and I was actually sort of amused that it happened yet again, even after I've lost so much weight. And again...she just thought I was some fat chick and I didn't need any more freakin' chips. And she WAS correct. I guess it'll keep me from getting a big head, right? LOL!

We were told that we'd have to disembark down some stairs and onto the runway at the Nashville airport. Ohhh man. The last time I had to do that, on a flight from Columbus, OH to Tampa, FL back in 2004, the freakin' staircase MOVED when I stepped on it. I was mortified for a moment that I'd actually break the damn thing. I was really embarrassed. So I was curious to see what would happen this time. I gingerly stepped down onto the first step and it felt solid. I still took the steps one at a time because I was nervous about just bounding down them like everyone else did, but it was fine. No movement, everything cool. I had to do this again coming back to Toronto and did the bounding thing that time. Again, no movement from the stairs. Nice.

When I got to Nashville, my flight was listed as landing much later than it actually did, so my friends weren't ready for me. I literally walked past them then around and right up to them before they noticed me. We all had a laugh and hugs all around. It was good to see everyone.

My mobility now has totally changed my life. For the first time that I can remember, I didn't need to sit in the front seat of a vehicle and gladly climbed in the back of both my friend Laura's car and the rental van we picked up later on that day. We went shopping at Target and I wandered around not even thinking about how much I was walking. Nothing hurts. Nothing aches. I don't get winded and I'm not sweating like a whore in church anymore.

After picking up the rental van and our friends Paris and Nancy from the airport, we all decided to take a nap. Another first - I wasn't worried about being embarrassed because of my sleep apnea-induced snoring. I fell asleep instead of fighting it like I normally would. Woke up FREEZING to death. Again, not normal. LOL! We cranked up the heat in our room. When I was packing for this trip, I considered taking one of my battery-operated fans before I realized that I don't get hot like I used to and probably wouldn't need it. I have a plethora of little fans all over the place that I don't need anymore.

Saturday night, we headed downtown for dinner and to take in a show at BB Kings - Bo's guitar player, Bart Walker, was playing in the house band there. We had dinner at Pearl and they gave us our own little private room. There were over 30 of us there, someone said. It was so good to see everyone and get some long-overdue hugs and love. My friend Bill made me cry when I first arrived, as I knew he would. I love that guy to death and can't imagine why some lucky woman hasn't snapped him up. My friend Susan forced the waterworks to continue. Susan has lost a lot of weight herself and we were just so happy we could hug, get our arms around each other! *whew* It was going to be an emotional weekend!

I sat at the back of the room along the wall, facing the entryway. There was a small aisle to walk down and I didn't think anything about it then, but when the room started to fill up and, after dinner when I needed to go to the bathroom, my first thought was 'I can't get down that aisle. I'm screwed.' But I really needed to get to the bathroom. My food wasn't going down well at all and I had to get out of there. So I attempted it and made my way down that narrow aisle pretty well. Susan stopped me and said 'Look at you, you never would've been able to do that before.' She was very right.

After dinner we made our way to BB Kings just down the street. I'm very aware of being 'in the way'. I'm used to taking up a lot of space and it being an inconvenience to everyone around me. I hate just standing around someplace crowded. It bothers me a lot because I think I'm in the way. I've had a lot of rude comments thrown at me in crowds so I'm gun shy. I want to get to a seat and get out of the way. It's just the way I think. Well, BB Kings was totally packed. I was like 'Oh shit.' Not comfortable. But eventually we did get a table and I started enjoying the show. The band was great, Bart was awesome and we got invaded by about 50 R- and NC-17-rated Santa Clauses. LOL! It was pretty fun.

I had talked on Bo's message board about 'letting my freak flag fly' at BB Kings. Well, Susan took me seriously and got me up to dance. I haven't been on a dance floor since....high school? Maybe a few times in my 20s but mostly to slow dance if at all. I was at a high school dance once and some boys started laughing their asses off at me. So that pretty much stopped that shit cold right there. It wasn't my high school and those guys didn't know me (that never would've happened at my school), but still. Stuff like that stays with you, unfortunately. But Susan and I took to the floor and got our groove on. I've been told there are pics and video of it but I haven't seen them yet, thank god. LOL!

I have tried really hard in my life to never put myself in situations where I might be ridiculed; where I would be hurt or uncomfortable. I protect myself fiercely in that way and have put a lot of energy into it. Years ago, I would sit at a bar and watch people laughing and pointing at other 'heavier' girls letting it all hang out and I would shake my head. I admired them for not seeming to care or notice that they were the focus of the joke but I couldn't imagine subjecting myself to that. I let some of that go Saturday night and lemme tell you, walking out there on that dance floor wasn't easy. But I did it and I feel all the better for it. So thank you Susan, for coming back to my table and forcing me to let my freak flag fly!

After I got back to my hotel and we'd all went to bed, I found myself crying and couldn't stop. Everything that I'd been through that day sort of fell on my head, through my heart and up out of my eyes, I guess. So many things that people take for granted. I was so grateful that I'd decided to cast reason aside and come on this trip so I could experience all this. It was important for me to go through it, I think. To realize that I can do all this stuff and be happy, normal. I lay there thinking about the party the next day and seeing Bo again - it sure would be good to have a decent picture of him and me!

Next up: SUNDAY and party time!