I was in a pretty bad state of mind when I wrote my last post (duh). But this past week, I decided to take at least one step in the right direction and get things back on track.
A few times a year since my surgery, I do something called the 5 Day Pouch Test (5DPT). It's always helped me get back on track both physically and mentally. And I do notice that, of course, when things go off the rails in my brain, my diet goes off track. I can eat pretty much whatever I want at this point in my journey and that's dangerous. Since I'm so far out post-op, it's even more important to get control of my eating habits before the unthinkable happens and I get some serious re-gain. Of course, there are things I avoid simply because I guess they'll always be harder for me to digest (chicken breast, rice, sugary drinks, regular white bread, and others) but I definitely have to make smart choices just like those who haven't had surgery. The pouch is a tool to be used wisely for the rest of my life. I can screw it up and gain everything back *that just gave me a shiver* Every person who has surgery is different but this is how it is for me.
In the past, I've beaten myself up for not making smart choices 100% of the time. You know - one of those people who is like "WHOO-HOO!! No more bread, EVER! No more sugar, EVER!! I will never eat another french fry or slice of pizza again...EVER!! Zumba twice a day!! Whoo-hoo!! Forever!!" with no deviation. I know people like that - or at least, that's how they present themselves - and bless their hearts but I'm just not that girl! It used to really bother me that I couldn't seem to be like them but I've come to accept my humanity couple of years. In order to be successful - for me - I have to give myself some leeway to eat like a normal person and not Jillian Michaels (blech) sometimes. If I constantly beat myself up over it, I'll just feel badly and...eat more crap. So no. Over, done with, gone.
Even so...some people need refresher courses once in a while. That's how I see the 5DPT. The plan is controversial in some weight loss-surgery circles. If you mention it on certain message boards or in certain groups, you will get POUNDED. Whatever. It works for me when I do it and I'll just continue doing what works for me, thanks. This is why I don't belong to many groups or any message boards. It doesn't matter what you're doing, someone will tell you you're wrong. Really wrong! And you're gonna die! LOL! I don't need it in my life.
5DPT is just getting back to basics, in my opinion. Protein, protein, protein. It does eliminate all carbs and I confess that I do not do that. I follow the plan and make the recipes, but I add fruit. Apples, grapes, a banana...some fruit every day just like always. And I eat a protein bar every day...just like I always do. Lots of water and recipes that go with the plan on the corresponding days. The key word here is "plan". You have to make a plan to follow this plan. This is important. We all need to figure out what we're going to eat before we get hungry and start rummaging through the fridge like a starved maniac. That is a habit that needs to be kept long after the 5 days are over.
This past week while on the plan, I lost 9 pounds. Yes. Nine pounds in 5 days. That's kind of unusual in that I average 5-7 when I've followed it in the past. That tells me I was holding onto a lot of crap inside my body that needed to be shed. I was also holding onto a lot of crap in my brain. Taking control of my eating habits has helped my outlook tremendously.
I decided to keep a Right Journal. I made two columns and kept an ongoing list every day of the things I did right on one side and things I needed to work on in the other. "Work on" - not wrong. Positivity was important to me this week and I really tried to focus on that. It worked well and let me go back and see that I do a lot more right than not. I know how to do this thing called life. It's a pretty incredible one that I've created for myself. And I need to remember to treat myself well - which goes right along with making smarter choices for my body. It'll do my mind a world of good.
So I lost 9 pounds but re-gained a new, positive outlook. The best kind of re-gain! I'm determined to make more changes in my life and continue on this path. We only get one chance, right?
Showing posts with label 5-Day Pouch Test. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 5-Day Pouch Test. Show all posts
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Monday, June 25, 2012
Ow! What's that?
Mystery pain. Is that what comes along with an active life?
For some unknown reason, my left ankle is a little hurty. Not recalling actually doing anything to bring on the pain, it's a mystery. Also, my right knee has been smarting since Friday night. I think that one has to do with being in a seated position too long, as Erich and I attended a banquet celebrating the 20th anniversary of the company where he works. Drinks, dinner, speeches, an "our company kicks ass" film...sitting too long tends to make my knees lock up a bit.
Often a random ache or pain will come and go quickly and that's cool. But these have been ongoing for a few days now, and frankly, it's getting on my nerves.
It's funny what you can get accustomed to. My pain levels fluctuated when I was 450 pounds, but it was also a constant - like background music. I learned to ignore it for the most part, and take any steps necessary to keep it at that Muzak status. I walked on eggshells for at about, oh, 25 years or so. And when the pain got so severe as to move to the lead-singer position, I stopped. Stopped life. Tried to move as little as possible.
But now I try to get on with it, even though I notice the lower pain levels more. We had a really busy weekend so I couldn't just stop. Saturday, I put a brace on my knee and we went to a friend's party during the day; a two-and-a-half-hour "ghost walk" that night. Sunday I wrapped my ankle, put my knee brace back on and went grocery shopping. Tonight, I did the same thing and went on my usual walk/jog...ok, walking this time. No jogging.
I'm pretty sure this pain would've had me laid up in bed for a couple of days when I was obese. The fear of it becoming worse - much worse - would've been that intense. I recall my back "going out" once shortly before I started losing weight and it just wouldn't heal. My fear was that I would never heal, that my weight had finally caught up with me and this was it. Wheelchair, bedridden, TLC coming to film them cutting me out of the house. Dramatic, maybe, but I also knew how scenarios like that got started. I remember sobbing to my mother over the phone about this. She tried to comfort me while also letting me know the solution to the fear - and the pain - was in my hands. Lose weight.
But I don't let the pain stop me anymore. I have shit to do and I need to move. No more stopping for me, unless the pain gets to the point where I know it needs to be dealt with by a professional. No, I'm not completely stupid! :p
Mystery pain went along with obesity, I knew that, but apparently it doesn't stop when you lose weight. It's just less vivid and we are more able to tolerate it because, well, we're strong now and kick ass.
I started the 5-Day Pouch Test today. I've done this "fast" several times and it does help get me back on track. I haven't done it since the first of the year - and then I did it half-assed - so I'm really throwing myself into it now. So far, so good. I'm not even really that hungry yet. Yet. LOL!
For some unknown reason, my left ankle is a little hurty. Not recalling actually doing anything to bring on the pain, it's a mystery. Also, my right knee has been smarting since Friday night. I think that one has to do with being in a seated position too long, as Erich and I attended a banquet celebrating the 20th anniversary of the company where he works. Drinks, dinner, speeches, an "our company kicks ass" film...sitting too long tends to make my knees lock up a bit.
Often a random ache or pain will come and go quickly and that's cool. But these have been ongoing for a few days now, and frankly, it's getting on my nerves.
It's funny what you can get accustomed to. My pain levels fluctuated when I was 450 pounds, but it was also a constant - like background music. I learned to ignore it for the most part, and take any steps necessary to keep it at that Muzak status. I walked on eggshells for at about, oh, 25 years or so. And when the pain got so severe as to move to the lead-singer position, I stopped. Stopped life. Tried to move as little as possible.
But now I try to get on with it, even though I notice the lower pain levels more. We had a really busy weekend so I couldn't just stop. Saturday, I put a brace on my knee and we went to a friend's party during the day; a two-and-a-half-hour "ghost walk" that night. Sunday I wrapped my ankle, put my knee brace back on and went grocery shopping. Tonight, I did the same thing and went on my usual walk/jog...ok, walking this time. No jogging.
I'm pretty sure this pain would've had me laid up in bed for a couple of days when I was obese. The fear of it becoming worse - much worse - would've been that intense. I recall my back "going out" once shortly before I started losing weight and it just wouldn't heal. My fear was that I would never heal, that my weight had finally caught up with me and this was it. Wheelchair, bedridden, TLC coming to film them cutting me out of the house. Dramatic, maybe, but I also knew how scenarios like that got started. I remember sobbing to my mother over the phone about this. She tried to comfort me while also letting me know the solution to the fear - and the pain - was in my hands. Lose weight.
But I don't let the pain stop me anymore. I have shit to do and I need to move. No more stopping for me, unless the pain gets to the point where I know it needs to be dealt with by a professional. No, I'm not completely stupid! :p
Mystery pain went along with obesity, I knew that, but apparently it doesn't stop when you lose weight. It's just less vivid and we are more able to tolerate it because, well, we're strong now and kick ass.
I started the 5-Day Pouch Test today. I've done this "fast" several times and it does help get me back on track. I haven't done it since the first of the year - and then I did it half-assed - so I'm really throwing myself into it now. So far, so good. I'm not even really that hungry yet. Yet. LOL!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Twelve
Take a look at the 12-year-old girl in the photo below. She's smart, funny, fairly well-adjusted. She's holding her pet kitty - the obsession with cats continues to this day - and squinting into the camera. She hasn't quite figured out what the hell to do with her curly, full-bodied hair and is still fighting nature, brushing it out so it looks a little weird. The green t-shirt she's wearing most likely says 'Jasper Wildcats' on the front, a tribute to her elementary school.
Most people are awkward at 12 and I was no exception. The age of 12 marks a milestone for me, though. I remember stepping on the scale at some point during that year and seeing the weight '203'. I remember because I was shocked to see that I weighed over 200 pounds. I have always been a big girl. Always the tallest, always 'big-boned', even in kindergarten before I got really 'fat'. By the time I was 12, I was at least 5'6" and weighed 203 pounds. You might think this made my life miserable at school. With the exception of a few idiots along the way, I was good. I got along with pretty much everyone in every social strata and got good grades. I remember one boy making a comment to me, loudly, in front of my entire class when I was 12. Most of the other kids pounced on HIM, telling him how rude and awful he was - he didn't understand these people were all my friends. The most vocal in her outrage to him was the most popular girl in class, who is still my friend on Facebook and I love her (even though she is still impossibly beautiful...LOL). You see, it was he who was the outcast, not me. No one laughed with him like he expected. So I was lucky.
But my weight kept going up and up. The number I was so shocked to see at 12 managed to elude me no matter how much I tried to diet back down to it as an adult. I would've loved to have seen '203' again.
I bring all this up because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale, 28 years later, there it was. "Two-hundred and three pounds" my talking scale squawked back at me.
I started out the week at 215. Oh yes. I had gained one pound before I started the 5-Day Pouch Test I referred to in my last blog, putting me at 210. I started the 'detox' on Monday and weighed myself that night like an idiot. I do know better than to weigh myself at night. But I guess I was too excited to see if that pound I'd gained was gone. Well, slap me silly because I'd gained 5 more. I really wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and not come back out. WTF?? This had never happened to me since my surgery. Ever.
But.....over the weekend I ate things I probably shouldn't have. Salty things like popcorn, a piece of fried chicken. A few chips with dip. Which is weird because I don't normally eat stuff like that - once in a while, but not all at once. LOL! Maybe subconsciously I was thinking that because I would be so deprived in the coming week that I'd better eat while I can. That's the only way I can explain it.
The pouch test wasn't so bad, really. It was a lot like going back to the newly post-op days. Two days of liquids, one of soft protein (eggs, canned fish, soft fish), one of firm protein (ground meat, salmon), and one of solid protein (white meat poultry, steak). The second day of the liquids was the hardest. I was getting pretty hungry by the end of the day. Protein shakes, Jell-O and cream-based soup just wasn't cutting it. But man alive, I did that for a whole week pre-op so I just kept telling myself to suck it up. I am a strong bitch when I have to be.
The whole point of the pouch test is to train your brain - and that pouch, the ultimate tool in weight-loss maintenance - what to expect at mealtime. It actually firms the pouch up a bit. It worked well for me, I think. I went back to the days when one hard-boiled egg left me feeling very full. I even noticed yesterday, as I went back to 'normal' eating, that I could eat neither as much in volume nor as quickly as I could a week ago. Which is a good thing. I don't want to become too 'normal' when I eat. It's too easy to slip back and before you know it, you've put on 20 pounds. I've heard this so often from other gastric bypass patients. I'm going to try and do anything and everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to me.
Erich described this plan as sort of a 're-calibration' of the tool. That's pretty accurate. I think I'll use this plan at least once a year, maybe twice, to keep things on track.
I had a few headaches along the way as my body was ridding itself of garbage carbs and excess water. Other than that there were no side effects for me unless you count endless trips to the bathroom! I think this plan got me back on track with my water, which had been lacking for a few of months now. Obviously I needed to flush out my system.
So I lost 12 pounds in the five days I was on the plan. It's hard to describe the state I'm in right now. I was 12 years old the last time I weighed 203 pounds. Very soon, I'll be UNDER 200 pounds! That's incredible to me. And soon after that, I'll be at goal. I'm nine pounds away at this point and am going to start thinking about the design of the final heart that will go at the top of my heart tower tattoo on my back. For those who may not know, I have four hearts tattooed on my upper back leading up towards my neck. One heart for every 50 pounds lost. The goal is to lose 250 pounds and I'm almost ready for the fifth and final heart.
Erich and I stopped in yesterday to see Tim (the tattoo guy) and possibly make an appointment. It's tough to get in to see him on weekends, which is the only time I can go. Tim doesn't work nights and I would want him and him alone to do any tattoo I might get. He said not to worry about an appointment, that when I hit the goal, call him and he'll do the tattoo, even if he has to stay late or whatever he has to do to fit me in. Awesome. Love that guy.
Starting weight: 444
Present weight: 203
Pounds to goal: 9
And away we go.
Most people are awkward at 12 and I was no exception. The age of 12 marks a milestone for me, though. I remember stepping on the scale at some point during that year and seeing the weight '203'. I remember because I was shocked to see that I weighed over 200 pounds. I have always been a big girl. Always the tallest, always 'big-boned', even in kindergarten before I got really 'fat'. By the time I was 12, I was at least 5'6" and weighed 203 pounds. You might think this made my life miserable at school. With the exception of a few idiots along the way, I was good. I got along with pretty much everyone in every social strata and got good grades. I remember one boy making a comment to me, loudly, in front of my entire class when I was 12. Most of the other kids pounced on HIM, telling him how rude and awful he was - he didn't understand these people were all my friends. The most vocal in her outrage to him was the most popular girl in class, who is still my friend on Facebook and I love her (even though she is still impossibly beautiful...LOL). You see, it was he who was the outcast, not me. No one laughed with him like he expected. So I was lucky.
But my weight kept going up and up. The number I was so shocked to see at 12 managed to elude me no matter how much I tried to diet back down to it as an adult. I would've loved to have seen '203' again.
I bring all this up because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale, 28 years later, there it was. "Two-hundred and three pounds" my talking scale squawked back at me.
I started out the week at 215. Oh yes. I had gained one pound before I started the 5-Day Pouch Test I referred to in my last blog, putting me at 210. I started the 'detox' on Monday and weighed myself that night like an idiot. I do know better than to weigh myself at night. But I guess I was too excited to see if that pound I'd gained was gone. Well, slap me silly because I'd gained 5 more. I really wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and not come back out. WTF?? This had never happened to me since my surgery. Ever.
But.....over the weekend I ate things I probably shouldn't have. Salty things like popcorn, a piece of fried chicken. A few chips with dip. Which is weird because I don't normally eat stuff like that - once in a while, but not all at once. LOL! Maybe subconsciously I was thinking that because I would be so deprived in the coming week that I'd better eat while I can. That's the only way I can explain it.
The pouch test wasn't so bad, really. It was a lot like going back to the newly post-op days. Two days of liquids, one of soft protein (eggs, canned fish, soft fish), one of firm protein (ground meat, salmon), and one of solid protein (white meat poultry, steak). The second day of the liquids was the hardest. I was getting pretty hungry by the end of the day. Protein shakes, Jell-O and cream-based soup just wasn't cutting it. But man alive, I did that for a whole week pre-op so I just kept telling myself to suck it up. I am a strong bitch when I have to be.
The whole point of the pouch test is to train your brain - and that pouch, the ultimate tool in weight-loss maintenance - what to expect at mealtime. It actually firms the pouch up a bit. It worked well for me, I think. I went back to the days when one hard-boiled egg left me feeling very full. I even noticed yesterday, as I went back to 'normal' eating, that I could eat neither as much in volume nor as quickly as I could a week ago. Which is a good thing. I don't want to become too 'normal' when I eat. It's too easy to slip back and before you know it, you've put on 20 pounds. I've heard this so often from other gastric bypass patients. I'm going to try and do anything and everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to me.
Erich described this plan as sort of a 're-calibration' of the tool. That's pretty accurate. I think I'll use this plan at least once a year, maybe twice, to keep things on track.
I had a few headaches along the way as my body was ridding itself of garbage carbs and excess water. Other than that there were no side effects for me unless you count endless trips to the bathroom! I think this plan got me back on track with my water, which had been lacking for a few of months now. Obviously I needed to flush out my system.
So I lost 12 pounds in the five days I was on the plan. It's hard to describe the state I'm in right now. I was 12 years old the last time I weighed 203 pounds. Very soon, I'll be UNDER 200 pounds! That's incredible to me. And soon after that, I'll be at goal. I'm nine pounds away at this point and am going to start thinking about the design of the final heart that will go at the top of my heart tower tattoo on my back. For those who may not know, I have four hearts tattooed on my upper back leading up towards my neck. One heart for every 50 pounds lost. The goal is to lose 250 pounds and I'm almost ready for the fifth and final heart.
Erich and I stopped in yesterday to see Tim (the tattoo guy) and possibly make an appointment. It's tough to get in to see him on weekends, which is the only time I can go. Tim doesn't work nights and I would want him and him alone to do any tattoo I might get. He said not to worry about an appointment, that when I hit the goal, call him and he'll do the tattoo, even if he has to stay late or whatever he has to do to fit me in. Awesome. Love that guy.
Starting weight: 444
Present weight: 203
Pounds to goal: 9
And away we go.
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