The good re-gain

I was in a pretty bad state of mind when I wrote my last post (duh). But this past week, I decided to take at least one step in the right direction and get things back on track.

A few times a year since my surgery, I do something called the 5 Day Pouch Test (5DPT). It's always helped me get back on track both physically and mentally. And I do notice that, of course, when things go off the rails in my brain, my diet goes off track. I can eat pretty much whatever I want at this point in my journey and that's dangerous. Since I'm so far out post-op, it's even more important to get control of my eating habits before the unthinkable happens and I get some serious re-gain. Of course, there are things I avoid simply because I guess they'll always be harder for me to digest (chicken breast, rice, sugary drinks, regular white bread, and others) but I definitely have to make smart choices just like those who haven't had surgery. The pouch is a tool to be used wisely for the rest of my life. I can screw it up and gain everything back *that just gave me a shiver* Every person who has surgery is different but this is how it is for me.

In the past, I've beaten myself up for not making smart choices 100% of the time. You know - one of those people who is like "WHOO-HOO!! No more bread, EVER! No more sugar, EVER!! I will never eat another french fry or slice of pizza again...EVER!! Zumba twice a day!! Whoo-hoo!! Forever!!" with no deviation. I know people like that - or at least, that's how they present themselves - and bless their hearts but I'm just not that girl! It used to really bother me that I couldn't seem to be like them but I've come to accept my humanity couple of years. In order to be successful - for me - I have to give myself some leeway to eat like a normal person and not Jillian Michaels (blech) sometimes. If I constantly beat myself up over it, I'll just feel badly and...eat more crap. So no. Over, done with, gone.

Even so...some people need refresher courses once in a while. That's how I see the 5DPT. The plan is controversial in some weight loss-surgery circles. If you mention it on certain message boards or in certain groups, you will get POUNDED. Whatever. It works for me when I do it and I'll just continue doing what works for me, thanks. This is why I don't belong to many groups or any message boards. It doesn't matter what you're doing, someone will tell you you're wrong. Really wrong! And you're gonna die! LOL! I don't need it in my life.

5DPT is just getting back to basics, in my opinion. Protein, protein, protein. It does eliminate all carbs and I confess that I do not do that. I follow the plan and make the recipes, but I add fruit. Apples, grapes, a banana...some fruit every day just like always. And I eat a protein bar every day...just like I always do. Lots of water and recipes that go with the plan on the corresponding days. The key word here is "plan". You have to make a plan to follow this plan. This is important. We all need to figure out what we're going to eat before we get hungry and start rummaging through the fridge like a starved maniac. That is a habit that needs to be kept long after the 5 days are over.

This past week while on the plan, I lost 9 pounds. Yes. Nine pounds in 5 days. That's kind of unusual in that I average 5-7 when I've followed it in the past. That tells me I was holding onto a lot of crap inside my body that needed to be shed. I was also holding onto a lot of crap in my brain. Taking control of my eating habits has helped my outlook tremendously.

I decided to keep a Right Journal. I made two columns and kept an ongoing list every day of the things I did right on one side and things I needed to work on in the other. "Work on" - not wrong. Positivity was important to me this week and I really tried to focus on that. It worked well and let me go back and see that I do a lot more right than not. I know how to do this thing called life. It's a pretty incredible one that I've created for myself. And I need to remember to treat myself well - which goes right along with making smarter choices for my body. It'll do my mind a world of good.

So I lost 9 pounds but re-gained a new, positive outlook. The best kind of re-gain! I'm determined to make more changes in my life and continue on this path. We only get one chance, right?

Record keeping

As I'm thinking about buying new calendars for 2011 I noticed that I will need a new one for my purse. It was a two-year planner and MAN ALIVE! What a two years it has been!

I know I've showed my planner to a few people in person but I don't think I've ever blogged about it. Before all this started back in February 2009, I went to the dollar store and grabbed a small planner so I could keep track of my doctors' appointments and stuff. The first entry is in late January reminding me of an appointment at the sleep lab. I was being tested for sleep apnea, which I would learn was quite severe.

February is more active because well, that's when all hell broke loose. Thank goodness! I had the two-day seminar/surgeon appointment in Detroit and I decided to keep track of my weight by writing it down. Back then, I weighed in on Tuesdays. I chose Tuesday because I'd been to see Dr. Genaw for the first time on the 4th and he told me to lose 40 pounds. My birthday was on the 7th; I didn't want to diet on my birthday! I had birthday dinners planned over the weekend and on the Monday. So I chose to start my pre-op "diet" on the 10th - a Tuesday. The "mask fitting" note is for my sleep apnea mask. The pictures aren't great but you get the idea. As always, click to enlarge:



It looks like I lost six pounds over that weekend but really it was four. My scales at the time were not in sync with the ones in Detroit but I wouldn't figure that out for a while yet. LOL!

Here are another couple of months pre-op. May 2009 seemed to be particularly challenging. That was month my grandmother passed away. She was not well and I eventually traveled to Ohio, staying for over a week till she passed and helping with the funeral, etc., and dealing with all the stress. I was going through losing one of the two most important women in my life, the surgery date looming over me and knowing I needed to lose a lot more weight by then. I was a wreck, pretty much....



But I got my shit together and managed to lose over 70 pounds by my surgery date, making Dr. Genaw VERY happy. A couple of weeks later I got new scales that were more accurate. I still use them, even though I don't need the 450-lb. capacity anymore or the 'talk' feature. I can see past my stomach now and look at the numbers myself. I actually turned the 'talk' feature off because the new kittens were stepping all over it all the time and all I ever heard from the hall was "Hello. I'm ready." GAH!

July was great but looks like I hit a plateau in October. I remember thinking WTF? I should be losing more. I think my body just needed a break. Things were back on track by December when I rewarded myself with a trip to Nashville. That was one of the best trips ever! Sure wish I could go again this year!



Sometimes it seems like the scale isn't moving at all. And truth is sometimes it doesn't! But the sun will rise tomorrow. Having these records helped me to see that even if I had a rough patch, I always - always - came out of it and started losing again. Just keep on keepin' on! Never give up. Witness April/May 2010 - nothing the first three weeks then BAM! and we're rollin' again. I had little gains, too, but I always bounced back.



The Summer of Cindy was a very busy time. I felt like my weight loss over the summer completely sucked but when I looked back I could see that really, there was still a downward spiral (which in this case, is a good thing). The numbers on the right of the page still went down, generally.



It took me longer than I anticipated or wanted, but eventually I did reach my goal! I was weighing myself almost every day at the end. LOL! The suspense was making me crazy and honestly, the stress I put on myself probably caused me to hold onto the pounds a little longer than necessary. It's all water under the bridge now.



I guess you got a glimpse into all the other stuff I was doing with my planner besides tracking my weight :) I blogged about most of it anyway, so there's nothing earth shattering in there.

So anyway, I thought I'd share my little record book with you all to show that I think it's very important to have a tangible reminder that things will be ok. You'll get over the plateau and make it through whatever crap is happening to REACH YOUR GOAL. It may not be on your timeline but you'll get there!

My weight since reaching my goal has been up a pound or two, down a pound or two. I'm "hovering" around my goal weight which is what I'm supposed to be doing, I think! The quest for normal is an ongoing thing: How do I just BE? Just live my life, try to eat and exercise the best I can and get on with it. I don't want to obsess about it. So far, I'm doing ok.