On my own

This will be short.

Can we please dispense with this notion that people who lose weight somehow don't do it on their own? I've talked about this subject before, but I keep getting agitated by ads on tv with people who bemoan that they "couldn't do it on their own" so they needed the help of some program or the other. This morning, the commercial I saw was for a very popular program in Canada called Herbal Magic. I know part of this is just advertisers hoping to sell a product by belittling people's efforts and should be ignored, but it settles into the general public's psyche and a cycle of "I can't do it" is born. This is a problem.

Of course, most often that phrase is associated with those of us who have had a bariatric procedure of some sort. I actually did do this on my own. The support of people around me was invaluable, the knowledge of my surgeon unquestionable, but guess whose ass is on the treadmill? Mine. Guess who makes the choices that have kept me in Maintenance Land since October? Me. Allll me. I don't even give my surgeon all the credit; he didn't save me. He provided me with the tool - literally, the tool - that enabled me to make the changes I needed. I went home and did the work, not him.

It's very important to own your power. Take credit for what you've achieved and don't let anyone tell you differently. Having the confidence to continue on your journey - whether you're still losing or are in Maintenance Land - is crucial. Get through every day knowing you can do it because you already are! You are doing it right now, this minute!

Just taking the initiative to admit you have a problem is earth shattering enough to change your life. And you did that. No one else. It doesn't matter if you accept help from Herbal Magic, Sparkpeople or a bariatric surgeon. We all do it on our own. Your power, your belief in yourself, will save you. I know it to be true.

Back on track

First of all, thanks so much again for the comments you guys leave. Ya'll are the best.

What a week! I had a bad weekend (last weekend) and totally overdid it, felt sick all day Sunday. So I had guilt about that for a while. I swear I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I KNOW BETTER!! I was so mad at myself. But I really tried to just move on and get back on my program, and I think I was successful at that. A lady at work has been SO sick, hacking all over the place, and I kept thinking "If she gets me sick, esp. with a cough like that, before this surgery, I might kill her". Because when I get shit like that, I keep it forever like a lock of Bo's hair. Speaking of...another crapper of the week is logging onto Facebook and reading that he'd CUT HIS HAIR. I swear there were vapors. But it's still past his shoulders so it's all good. *whew* Then Adam landed in the bottom 3 on Idol. WTF??? Then Danny had his worst week yet on Hell's Kitchen. WTF?? I was holding my breath during eliminations on both shows. And there was more drama with the kid, which I won't go into except to shake my head and say "Sigh."

I decided to plug my new goal weight into Sparkpeople. By July 6, when I weigh in before my surgery, I'd like to lose another 30 pounds. I kinda think I might be lowballing myself, but I also know that as you lose weight, i.e., the less you weigh, the slower it comes off. The program cut my daily caloric goal back a little bit but that's ok because I rarely met my previous intake anyway. So, off we go to the new goal!

Things started off with a bang, lemme tell ya. LOL! I hopped on the scale Friday morning and let out a very loud "WHAT??" I thought for sure I woke Erich up. I'd lost 6 pounds! I was just hoping to break even, to undo the damage I did when I fell head first off the wagon last weekend. Isn't the human body odd? I can do so well with my eating and exercise and lose nothing, or I can mess around for a couple days and lose 6. It's weird. I hope I don't pay for that big loss next week. We'll see.

I've passed a milestone this week - I'm under "a certain weight" for the first time I can remember since perhaps college (I graduated in 1994). Back when I was first diagnosed with diabetes in 2005, I lost quite a bit of weight. Around 50 lbs., maybe. I don't know exactly because we didn't have a scale that would weigh me then and neither did my dr. So I might be around that weight again now. However, the last time I know I stepped on a scale and saw these numbers, I was in college. I'd lose a bunch of weight on phen-fen, the crazy diet drug combo that was eventually banned by the FDA because it could cause serious heart problems. I've been worried about my heart ever since then - that's one reason I was so glad when all my tests that I had for the surgery came back normal. But I digress. Anyway....it feels great to see these numbers on my scale again!

Next week I hope to hit another milestone. I'm two pounds away from having lost 50 lbs. I'm grinning like an idiot as I type that. LOL! So cross your fingers for me that I hit that next Friday!

Progress

First off, I'm down 8 pounds since Tuesday! I was stunned, seriously. That makes a total of 16.2 (and the point 2 is important) pounds since I started on Feb. 9. I'm really proud of myself and fairly surprised that I seem to be doing this. I've felt so defeated for so long when it comes to my weight. When you fail over and over at something your whole life, it's hard to rationalize the effort to start over. Especially when you have so much to lose; it just seems like an impossible goal to achieve.

When I went up a pound last week, I never would've imagined going down 8 this week. But if there's one thing I have learned in my life of dieting, it's that weight loss is a roller coaster ride and you just sorta have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and do your thing.

I've been using Sparkpeople to keep a food diary and weight-loss tracker. I really can't say enough good things about the site. You simply input your goal (for me, it was to lose 40 pounds by my next dr. appointment in Detroit, April 24) and it tells you exactly how much you need to eat every day to meet it. There are message boards, groups you can join with members who have like-minded goals, exercise videos, etc. All for FREE. My nutritionist at Henry Ford kept repeating that: "Did I mention it was free?" It's a pretty cool place. You have your own profile page like on My Space or Facebook and you can post blogs there, too. Here's a screenshot of my food diary for this past Thursday:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Cindi94/Misc/diary.jpg

I recently revamped my goal and now I have more calories to eat - before it was 1,700-2,000, so that's why it seems like I didn't eat near the calories I was supposed to. And that was a bad veggie day for me, I know. See how it keeps track of water intake, calories, carbs, fat and protein? Then you just do a search for the food you ate and click to put it in your diary. If it's not there, you can input it yourself and other members can access it for their use later. This was a real eye opener for me and really puts things into perspective. Not only does it keep me on track by showing me, in black & white, the value of everything I put into my mouth, but it also lets me know that I can eat maybe more than I thought or maybe things I didn't think I could. As long as I meet those guidelines every day, I can have whatever. I do try to keep track of sodium, too, and it allows that and does it for me in separate area. I've also noticed that snacking isn't evil and if I can spread out those calories as much as possible, then I'm not hungry - ever. It's a good thing.

So check out Sparkpeople if you're so inclined. I think it's been the best tool for me so far. And to think I was dreading keeping a food diary! This is better for me because it totally breaks things down. Plus I can type and not write. I've become very lazy about handwriting, as I think a lot of people are.

Gearing up for another week! Thanks everyone again for reading!