The Home Stretch

Thanks again so much for all your continued support.

Today is day 5 on my liquids and yes, I'm still hungry! Dr. Genaw told me "after a couple days, you won't feel hungry; this is also what hunger strike participants say." Um, hells NO. I'm still hungry. Like I said, it ebbs and flows, but it's there. I'm doing ok, don't get me wrong, but I'd love to have something to eat. The protein shakes, Jell-O and popsicles aren't really cutting it. It's tough, but bearable. I'm just trying my best to keep busy, which is also hard because I'm pretty weak and tire easily at this point.

I went out yesterday to get a few incidentals I'll need post-op and it completely wore me out. Erich and I are thinking of going to see Hitsville, USA in Detroit tomorrow (he discovered it's literally just down the street from Henry Ford), but I'm not sure I'll be up to it. Maybe when I go back for my first post-op checkup.

I linked my Twitter account to my cell phone so I should be able to update my status even from my hospital bed. Also, my Twitter is linked with Facebook, so any updates will appear on both sites at the same time. So many people have asked to be updated about how I'm doing - family and friends - and this is the best way since we can't really call too many people. The roaming charges on our Canadian phone would be outrageously expensive.

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of speaking to someone who has gone through this process and is on the other side, successful. I didn't know she'd had the surgery till recently. I think now we are going to become good friends. She was very comforting and answered any and all questions I had, as well as letting me know I could contact her again. It's really nice to have that. I will be forever grateful to her kindness and willingness to share.

I just finished a book called Before & After: Living and Eating Well After Weight-Loss Surgery by Susan Maria Leach. I highly recommend it to anyone getting ready to go through this surgery. I found it months ago at a second-hand bookstore and it sat on a shelf till about a week ago. The first quarter sort of reads like this blog, with dated entries about her daily struggles and triumphs. The second three-quarters contains invaluable nutritional information and recipes. Ms. Leach runs the website http://bariatriceating.com/ where she also sells bariatric products. I haven't tried any of those, but her book is wonderful.

I'm heading out tomorrow with great expectations of a whole new life. I know I can get there!

Score!

My wonderful husband Erich took to the Internet to find the Isolflex Chocolate Peanut Butter protein powder and found a store that is like the motherland of protein powders. Sport Nutrition Depot is like a library - you walk in and all around the walls of the store there are floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with jugs of protein powders. Every brand, every flavor you could possibly think of or want. They also had tons of protein bars and vitamin supplements to choose from. When we called and asked if they had the pb&c variety, they said "In stock? Yes, the 6 lb. and 9 lb. sizes." Uh, yeah, they pretty much had everything in stock. LOL! I walked in and literally went "Whoa." The girl behind the counter said, amusingly, "First time in the store?" The products were the same price as the tiny little Nutrition House in my mall where I got the other powders so I think I'll stick with SND. Awesome selection and very helpful salespeople. Oh, and while we were there, another salesperson was recommending Isolflex to someone who also was looking for a product that tasted good. Here is their website: http://www.sndcanada.com/ If you look for Isolflex, remember to search for its parent company Allmax Nutrition.

It also should be said that I went back to Walmart last night for the insulated sippy cup I was looking at the other day and put down because of psycho saleslady. I didn't see her anywhere and got the cup this time. LOL!

Thursday was a hard day for me. In the morning, I was very weak and felt a little wonky. I kept taking deep breaths at my desk because I felt like I might pass out. I was hungry most of the day and my stomach started to protest this lack of food, very loudly. The growling was distracting and a bit funny, too. Like my body was freaking out going 'Hello? What the hell are you doing to me?' I tried to have more Jell-O, more popsicles. I don't bring the protein powder to work but I do put a scoop in the Jell-O. By the end of the day I was feeling a bit better but I was exhausted. I struggled to stay awake till about 9:30, when I finally gave up and went to bed. No trip to the pool that night.

Not that I need it this week...the weight is flying off. I hopped on the scale Tuesday morning and I'd gained a couple pounds over the weekend. I did have a bigger splurge than usual, I'll admit it. GAH I gain weight so easily! Anyway, since then I've lost 16 pounds. You read that correctly: 16. I have lost 3 pounds since yesterday, people. This is the secret!! Just don't eat!! It's amazing. ;-) I've now lost 67 pounds total. I'm sure I'll hit at least 70 before my weigh-in at the hospital on Monday.

I felt fine on Friday. No more wonkiness. Everyone at work was very supportive, wishing me luck and asking for updates. One of my co-workers gave me a sweet little silver wishbone charm that says 'Lucky' on one side and has a tiny little crystal on the other. He's pretty special, that one. Ok - Raf, you've made the blog now. Are you happy? LOL!

Happy Independence Day to all my fellow Americans! My independence is coming soon as well. Independence from this monkey that's been on my back for most of my life. I'm looking forward to freedom from my own dangerous oppressor.

Hangin' in

Today is Canada Day, so I've been off work. Surprisingly, it hasn't been too difficult not to eat. My hunger ebbs and flows; I'll get very hungry then it'll disappear only to return a few hours later and the cycle starts all over again.

I had another gastric bypass patient contact me today saying she'd read in my blog where I found a protein supplement that tasted like Reese cups - she wanted to know what it was! Well, my apologies because DUH I should've put that info in my blog.

I have been using Isoflex brand protein supplements. I went to Nutrition House (kinda like GNC) and told the guy what I was looking for and that I wanted something that tasted good. He pointed me straight to Isoflex and gave me a sample of the chocolate peanut butter variety. It was GOOD. Really good. I did go back to buy some but they didn't have any. Hopefully they will get some in soon. I've been using Isoflex strawberry & vanilla and they are also really tasty. Here is the US website: http://www.allmaxnutrition.com/prod81.aspx and the Canadian: http://www.isoflex.ca/

Ok, Bo just went live on Stickam and totally, perhaps irrevocably, interrupted my train of thought. Food? Hunger? What's that? Sheesh!!!

Anyway....

I went on a pretty long walk today. I took my cell with me in case I needed to call Erich to pick me up! LOL! No need. I'm stronger than I think I am. This is sorta becoming my mantra.

Oh, and maybe TMI but I have never peed so much in my life. I guess it's because I'm on liquids and there's no food in my stomach to sop up all the water I'm drinking. Good lord! I'm running to the bathroom all the time yesterday and today.

In response to a couple of the comments yesterday, I've never been a smoker but I can see the similarities between the addictions for sure. I have seen many, many people I love struggle to give up cigarettes over and over. We all have our drug of choice, I suppose.

Thank you all so much for your comments on yesterday's blog. What in the world would I do without all of you? I love you all more than you know.

The break up

I had previously believed that "Hell Week" referred to the week right after surgery; I was wrong about that. It is the week before, the one where you are on a liquid diet, that is called Hell Week. I'm starting to understand why already, on day one.

I must admit that I can see that I think about food too much. (Ya think?) It's odd that it never registered before today, at least not entirely, the way I've built my life around my next fix. Of course, I'm definitely thinking about food today more than other days because I can't have it. However, there have been moments today where I've forgotten that I can't eat and found myself thinking about what I'm going to eat in the future and then realization sets in.

Did I always think about food in those terms? "Here's what I have at home and do I want that or should I stop and get something else?" This goes beyond the age-old 'what am I making for supper' thoughts. It's more than that. I think about food in terms of an event that's going to happen that will make me very happy. It's hit me like a ton of bricks that I've done that a lot in my life.

For example, when I get ready to go home to Ohio for a visit, I certainly do think about the activities I'm going to enjoy with my friends and family while I'm there. But I also think about what restaurants I want to eat in that aren't available up here; what food I want to bring back to Canada with me from the grocery store. There's something wrong with that.

I came to a hard realization today - I'm breaking up with food. Nia Vardalos, the Greek/Canadian actress famous for starring in 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' explained her recent weight loss by saying "I broke up with cheese." And it does sort of have to be that way, doesn't it?

Look, Maple Blondie from Applebee's, you're beautiful and desirable but you're not good for me....I just need some space right now and I can't be around you. Actually, it's not you it's ME. I think you're fantastic but I have to say goodbye.

Right?

There's a mourning period where weakness sets in and you cry and you swear you'll do anything to get him back! Your friends are there for you to give you strength and try their best not to let you do anything stupid like running back to him and throwing yourself at his feet. Eventually the pain subsides and you realize you're so much better off. And someday, you look back and wonder what the hell were you thinking?? Life is better without him. It's no different with a Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Pan Pizza.

Right now, I'm in a much better mood than I thought I'd be. I've been on the verge of tears a few times, but overall I'm ok. I'm hungry, but I'll live. The first day is always the worst. But what I'm doing now to overcome this lifelong, debilitating affliction is a small price to pay for living long enough to hear one more song; read one more book; feel one more hug or kiss - write one more word.

It'll be worth it.

Crunch time

Well, the good news is I lost five more pounds. So that's a total of 38 - two more to go to reach the goal. The bad news is, I only have one week left. So next Friday when I get on the scale, I need to see a two-pound loss. Also on that day, Erich and I will be making the drive to Detroit to see Dr. Genaw and get my surgery date.

As the appointment with Dr. Genaw grows closer, I find myself getting nervous about the surgery itself. It will be done laparoscopically and I'll be in the hospital three to four days. Then I'll enter a period gastric bypass patients lovingly refer to as "Hell Week". Now, I don't want to ever be voluntarily involved in anything comparable to being engulfed in fire and brimstone. This is why I never became a Navy Seal (har har).

There is a message board on Yahoo for Canadian gastric bypass patients at Henry Ford. People have said, about Hell Week, "I've never been in so much pain in my life." These are people who have given birth. Note I've never done that, either. I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to pain.

Then there's the psychological aspect of not being able to eat. For one week before and up to three weeks after the surgery, you don't eat. Just liquids - broth, Jell-O, popsicles. Supposedly, post-op, you are not physically hungry. Well, I often eat when I'm not "physically hungry". That could be one of the biggest challenges. It's a long time to not be able to eat ANYTHING. Then after the liquids, it's soft food only. It will be up to seven weeks post-op before I can start to eat somewhat normally again.

Everyone I talk to who has had the surgery says all that crap is worth it in the end. I intellectually know that, but these blogs might get mighty bitchy around week 3 (or week 1) when Cindy has had nothing to eat but Jell-O and chicken broth. Should be interesting to see how I respond to that.

A lot of people have asked me if I'm nervous. Hell yes I am. But I'm more nervous about having a heart attack and dying by the time I'm 45. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The one thing I'm glad about is that no one has accused me, yet, of taking the "easy way out". I have read nothing about this surgery indicating there's anything easy about it.

On another note, I'm really starting to feel my weight loss. My pants are much bigger now; my rings are falling off my fingers. I'm tightening the straps on my bras (TMI?). I get full so much quicker now. Last night the weather was so beautiful up here we decided to have a barbecue. I ate a cheeseburger for the first time in 2 months. Just one - plus a hot dog and a tiny piece of chicken. I was stuffed. Two months ago, I would've had no problem eating 2 burgers, 2 hot dogs and a piece of chicken or two.

I notice little things like that and it gives me strength. Lets me know maybe I can really do this. I'm scared, but I feel like this is my last shot to be healthy so I'm gonna go for it.