Monday, February 28, 2011

A bump in the road?

Wellll, it's been a weird week.

First of all, I think I may have stumbled onto my first major side effect from gastric bypass surgery. Last Tuesday, I started to eat my dinner (chicken noodle soup and half a grilled cheese sandwich) and got only about half of it down before I knew something was very wrong. At first, it sort of felt like the typical "not going down well" feeling that I've come to recognize quickly and is familiar to most gastric bypass patients. So, I stopped eating right away. Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese is something I have eaten many times post-op. Actually, I wasn't feeling well to begin with and that's why I chose those particular foods that night. They usually go down without any issues. But tonight was different.

Very soon after I stopped eating, I began having serious pain in my abdomen. It felt like my "pouch", or my stomach, was tensing up. Never having felt anything like that before, I got a little scared but just tried to ride it out. I took some Pepcid and went to lie down. It got much worse immediately and I sat straight back up in bed. Serious pain. At one point I thought "Ok...do I need to call someone or what?"

This went on for a while. As soon as it started to subside a bit, I went right to sleep. Completely worn out! Wow, it was really odd. I still didn't feel well the next morning, so I called in sick. After discussing some other symptoms with my dr., there was some thought that perhaps I had a gallbladder attack. Erich, who has experience with these things, agrees.

Gallbladder issues are common in morbidly obese people and are also a concern after gastric bypass. Before surgery, they tell you they will check out the gallbladder when you're on the operating table and if necessary, they will go ahead and remove it then. Mine was ok so they left it. For six months post-op, patients are put on a daily dose of actigall (called ursodiol in Canada) in order to prevent gallstones that sometimes come with rapid weight loss. At 19 months post-op, I thought I was out of the woods but maybe not. I go to my local family doctor tomorrow to discuss this problem and my ongoing menstrual issues. Yeah, it's fun to be me!

Thursday, the day I missed work, I tried to eat rotisserie chicken and boiled potatoes for lunch. This was before I connected the gallbladder thing; OMG, it started all over again. I stopped eating immediately and this time, the symptoms stopped, too. *whew* Scared the crap outta me. So protein=bad. Ok, body....GOT IT. Since then, I've eaten little except cereal, oatmeal, cheese & crackers, yogurt, etc. Mostly carbs. Sneaked some fish in on Saturday night and scrambled eggs, a veggie burger on Sunday. I plan to have actual ground meat tonight. Yeah, I'm easing into it. That pain was intense and I'm a wuss.

The good news to come out of all this is I've lost 8 pounds in 8 days. LOL! My body is so weird. You change its routine and BAM! the weight falls off. Losing that much weight eating CARBS! Only me.

I do have some further good news. My success story will be published in author Barbara Thompson's newsletter for weight-loss surgery patients. Barbara's book "Weight Loss Surgery: Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You" is required reading for all weight-loss surgery patients at Henry Ford Hospital - so I had to read it - and other bariatric centers all over the U.S. She also wrote the book "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies". Her Weight Loss Surgery Center is a wonderful source of information and inspiration for all of us, pre- and post-op. When I sent her my story and pictures, I heard back from her within minutes.

Cool things are happening in other areas of my life, too. Losing the weight was only a small part of what I want to do and the rest is falling into place slowly. We'll see what happens. I could use some stress relief.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Recognition and idenitification(s)

I'm updating all my photo IDs and lemme tell ya, that is an experience in and of itself. My health card and driver's license were both up for renewal on my birthday. You should've seen the face on the lady behind the counter when she realized the difference between my photograph and the face on the woman in front of her. She looked back and forth a few times before commenting. "Well, you look quite different!" She whispered "How much have you lost?" and when I told her, well, she was astonished.

But the real scene occurred when I went to the next booth to renew my health card. That woman went through the same reaction, the same questions as the first lady. But then she started calling all the other employees over to see me and my old pictures! LOL! There was literally a line of customers out the door and the whole place came to a stop so the employees could ooh and ahh over me. OMG, I was a bit worried the people in line were getting pissed off but hey. It was only a minute or so. It's always fun when stuff like that happens. Turns out that second employee was on a weight-loss journey herself and was down 40 pounds so far - about halfway for her. I congratulated her and we talked about diet, exercise and The Biggest Loser for a few minutes while she took all the information to update my card, including a new picture.

Here's the before and after on my driver's license. The pics aren't pretty, but I just took them to illustrate the difference. The recent one looks like a mugshot. LOL! (click to enlarge)


I don't want to sound arrogant or anything but the look of awe and admiration on her face is something I won't soon forget. It made me feel like I have really accomplished something worthy of awe, admiration and recognition. Very cool.

My American passport is also up for renewal. I sent all the information to D.C. at the beginning of the month with a note attached explaining the wildly different pictures. LOL!

Expanding on the recognition theme: Last Sunday, February 13, I got to see myself of the show Provincewide. A letter I wrote in response to a story they aired a couple weeks ago about a man who lost weight and vastly improved his health made it onto the 'viewer response' segment at the end of the show. The morning after I wrote the letter, I got an email from the show's host Daiene Vernile asking my permission to use it and the before-and-after pictures I sent her. I have to admit it was pretty cool. Not a big deal really, but cool nonetheless. If you want to check it out go to the show's home page and find their link to the segment on the right-hand side under the heading "ProvinceWide, Sunday, Feb. 13, Part Four: Viewers share their opinions on recent ProvinceWide stories."

I have often blogged about how my head is not caught up with my new body yet. Jennifer Hudson recently appeared on Oprah and one of the things she talked about was her 80-pound weight loss on Weight Watchers - I think that's the first time she actually revealed the number.

So Jennifer is talking about how she still goes into stores and still reaches for the x-large when she really is a small now. How men look at her differently and she turns around to see who they are leering at. Oprah showed pictures of her in gorgeous dresses at performances and premiers and she talked about how she was so uncomfortable in some of those clothes because even though the stylist - and everyone else - was telling her they looked great on her, she still was thinking "Who do I think I am wearing something like that?" I totally identify with what she is saying and feeling. It takes a while to step outside your mind and look at yourself for who you really are.

I'm doing better at this. For example, I can pretty much eyeball a piece of clothing now and say whether I can wear it or not. Until quite recently, I still thought everything was too small. I still tend to err on the side of caution, though. A funny story from Saturday when Erich and I went to see a Monster Jam rally - oh yes. I got him tickets for his birthday in December. New experiences all around. So we're at the merch table looking at t-shirts. I ask to see an x-large. The guy working there looks at me and says "No, I think you're a large." So I look at the x-large while he's getting me a large and sure enough...the x-large looked too big. Do you know how cool it was for a stranger to take one look at me and say "No, that's too big for you. You need something smaller." Sweet.

Another shopping thing: When I was super obese, I bought clothes that I could get on my body first and looked at the style second. I thought I'd gotten over that but a glance in my closet a couple weeks ago brought an epiphany. There are things in there that I know, without a doubt, I bought just because I could wear them and not because they are flattering or even my style. "I can wear the x-large?? GREAT! SOLD!" Kind of a manic way to shop, right? Ironically, my getting caught up in being able to wear smaller sizes caused me to shop in much the same way I did pre-op. So I'm cleaning out my closet once again and starting to really pay attention to the things I buy.

Friday I bought a pair of "skinny" jeans. The surprising thing is they really do make you look thinner. I pulled them on in the fitting room not realizing they were skinnies. They were so tight but really looked pretty damn good on me if I do say so myself. I thought "what the hell is wrong with these jeans that they're so small?" LOL! Small, yet still fit. They're weird. Anyway, I bought them. $9.00 made them pretty irresistible. Only after I got them home and I was taking the tags off did I realize they were skinnies!

I'm doing a little better with my eating since my last installment. It's a process and I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly. Food is my drug of choice, no question. You know how stress drives some people to drink? Mine drives me to eat. I know I'm not alone there! But when I get the urge now, I'm fighting to find other ways to occupy my brain whether it's a walk, or playing with the two monsters (my cats) or something. If I find myself wanting to eat, I ask myself if I'm really hungry or just head hungry. Head hunger will kill you. But I won't go down without a fight!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

An uphill fight

It's been a while since my last brain spill, so I'll get right to it!

The second anniversary of Sweeping Cindy has come and gone. WOW! I can't believe it's been that long since I started on this journey. I wrote my first blog on my 39th birthday and so much has changed since then. I'm 41 now but I sure don't feel 41! When I was 39, I felt about 60. It's all good.

Erich and I went to Niagara Falls once again this year. Last year, we splurged to celebrate my 40th. This year we did it again because on it's been 10 years since I took a long weekend from my job in Ohio to come visit my boyfriend, who lived in Ontario, to celebrate my birthday and Valentine's Day. I was a little upset at the time because I had expected to receive an engagement ring for Christmas and didn't get it. So once I got up here, my boyfriend took me out to eat at a local Applebee's (I love Applebee's). At the end of the meal, he slowly pushed a tiny velvet box across the table and asked me - very quietly and sweetly - to marry him. I remember I was in shock, but not really. LOL! I was hoping, you know? Still, when it happens, it's a bit surreal. Of course I said yes. That decision, along with the gastric bypass surgery, is the best thing I've ever done. Not a single regret.

So yeah, we felt like celebrating again this year. Niagara Falls is one of my favorite places, and I love it even more now that I can walk all over the place with absolutely no problems. It snowed like crazy and we ended up foregoing the shuttle back to our hotel from Clifton Hill. We walked for what seemed like 5 miles uphill in a blizzard. Erich was soaking wet with sweat by the time we got to the top. It really was quite a workout! Funny thing was, I felt like a million bucks when we got to the top of that hill. I was out of breath, my calves ached and everything but it got my adrenaline pumping like mad. I've come to understand that if you are tired, or in a bad mood, depressed or something - exercise can make you feel soooo much better. The endorphins that come with a good workout are amazing.

I'm having trouble putting into words the struggle I'm going through in my life right now and the effect it's having on me physically and emotionally. It's definitely affecting my diet. I'm still getting workouts in - and the desired endorphin rush does help - but the eating thing is a bit of a mess some days. So the weight loss has slowed to a halt the past week or so. I know enough to know that the two go hand in hand - you must work at your diet and you must move. I think this knowledge makes it even more frustrating to me, which in turn leads to more stress. I know what to do; why the hell can't I do it all the time??

No one is perfect - least of all me - but I do feel a certain pressure to be successful in my maintenance since I've lost so much weight and done it so publicly. I purposely set out to put myself in a situation where I can be held accountable to people other than myself - this blog and all of you are a big part of why I was/am successful and I want to continue that. I love it!! Yet I also don't want to live a life where food and exercise are all I think about 24/7. I just want to be normal and I'm starting to figure out that I can't be and won't be. Ever. Like a drug addict, it's a one-day-at-a-time thing that I will have to be struggle with forever. It's a difficult thing to reconcile and I'm still working on the balance, especially with all the crap being thrown at me right now (which I won't go into).

On a positive note, I did my own little Biggest Loser moment recently.

I have kept a few select pieces of clothing from my pre-op days and Erich and I thought it would be fun to see just how big my old jeans are. I'm a size 16 now. Actually more like 14, but I need the extra room in the 16 to house the excess skin around my lower stomach. The waistband of my 16s has enough room for a small toddler in there with me.

Pre-op, I had two pairs of "denim pants". I wouldn't really call them jeans. They were denim but with total elastic waists. Oh, and they were size 6X. Not a waist size - just size 6X. I kept a pair and now, I can fit into one leg.



We did a video, too - just because we're freaks like that:



I also saved the first pair of "real jeans" - the kind with buttons and a zipper - that I bought after I started losing weight. I blogged about how I cried in the fitting room when I got them zipped up. Well, those size-22 jeans literally fall off me now.



Luckily, music soothes the savage beast. I treated myself to a Heart concert in town this past Tuesday, the day after my birthday. I've wanted to see them since I was a little girl and heard 'Magic Man' for the first time. Here are a few links to video that I took: Alone, Magic Man, and a few clips that I strung together. Ann Wilson's voice and the rockin' tunes did wonders for my mood. At least for a day or two.

My girl Randi and I go to see Bon Jovi in Toronto on Tuesday. Talk about a stress reliever!! I am very psyched to see my favorite band!

I can't bitch too much. I'm good. Even if I never lose another pound, I'm ok. I have a lot going on but I'm healthy and I have a wonderful husband, fabulous friends and family.