Untitled?

All week long, I kept thinking, "I need to blog, I need to blog, I need to blog." I really want to commit to doing this at least once a week. It keeps me honest and lets me vent (aren't you all lucky??) without resorting to weapons of either minor or mass destruction. But lately my brain doesn't seem to be forming coherent thoughts very well. Pardon me if I morph into an impression of "Rambling Bo".

I sat down and re-read my gastric bypass binder last night and made lists of questions, things I need to buy, etc. I also took out a highlighter and, well, highlighted the points I think are important. It sorta felt like I was back in college, cramming for a final or something. The highlights will be my own version of Cliff Notes. I need to get my butt to the store, too. Here's some of the stuff I need:

- A 1 oz. measuring cup. Does such a thing even freakin' exist? Seriously.

- Dial. They want us to wash with anti-bacterial soap for 3 days before the surgery "paying special attention to the abdomen." Right.

- Pepcid AC or Zantac. I need to take this post-op to "keep my pouch calm". It's no longer a stomach; it's a pouch.

- Flintsones vitamins. Well, they need to be chewable. I can't take large pills (read: any pills) right afterwards and I need two iron-fortified multivitamins daily. I'll also need B12, iron and calcium supplements. Supposedly the pharmacy at Henry Ford has a great supply of "bariatric vitamins" and I can get all I need for around $56.

- Popsicles, Jell-O and broth. All sugar-free and/or low sodium. This isn't as easy as it sounds in Canada. I've looked around for months and have found some products that are suitable, once I figured out that in Canada, Jello-O light means sugar free. Plus there are some new products in my grocery store that will work.

- Protein supplements.

In early May, Erich and I got some protein supplement samples from our local health store. It's not GNC, but it works. Then my grandmother died and my schedule got all screwed up. We finally got around to testing some of the samples this past weekend. Erich mixed them up and I tasted. One brand was really awful. I mean...awful. OMG, I would never willingly drink something like that. But the other tasted like Reese's peanut butter cups. Mmm. So we'll go with that one.

I stop eating on June 30th. Well, for all intents and purposes, anyway. One week before bariatric surgery, you are required to go on a diet of popsicles, broth, Jell-O and protein supplements. I kinda feel like someone on death row. I keep thinking that I want this, that or the other to have for a 'last meal'. It's real work to stay on track right now because all I can think of are the things I won't be able to eat for weeks, months, or maybe ever.

All of this and my job is worse than ever. I swear sometimes it's like they're testing me. It's enough to drive a person crazy.

I've been walking more than ever this week. Because of the incision, I won't be able to go to the pool for weeks after the surgery so walking will be my main source of exercise. I'm trying to build it up so I can go 30 mins. I can do 20, which is much better than I used to. I go at "a pretty good clip", too, or so Erich tells me. I'd love to run. I don't know why, I guess because I never thought I'd be one of those people you see running along the road in the early morning looking chic in shorts and ponytail. I want to do all things I never thought I could.

By the way, I stayed the same on the scale last Friday. Well, that's not true - I gained 2 lbs., then had lost them by Sat. morning. Aiyiyi. Enough to drive a person crazy, I tell you.

I'm excited about this new phase of my life but also in mourning a little bit, too. The old me and my old way of life is dying in a way. There are days when I'm ready to dance on her grave and days I'm weeping with regret. Overall, I am absolutely sure this is the best thing I have ever done for myself and the outcome will be worth all the stress. ;-)