Meh

I'm feeling kinda restless and odd this morning. Like there are things I need to be doing, but I just don't wanna. I went to bed too late, woke up too early and feel just blah.

Yesterday, I went shopping and got semi-prepared for this thing I have coming up. Two HUGE (no, huge) containers of protein powder along with more sugar-free popsicles. I seem to have a fear of running out of popsicles - I certainly will have more than enough to eat next week! I bought broth, too, but I can't imagine drinking broth. I think it might make me sick. I found several things I needed at the dollar store (yay dollar stores!). In the party section, I got these tiny disposable 1-oz. shot glasses. 30 to a pack. I also got really small cereal bowls and an American Idol word search book. I figure if I'm going to be in the hospital, somehow, Bo is coming with me. I'm also bringing a portable DVD player so I watch some concert footage if I get the blues. I wish I had some Peep footage! ;-)

I passed on the protein water. A tip they gave us at the Henry Ford nutritional seminar is to make the Jell-O we eat on the liquid diet with protein water to make us more full. Awesome! Well, no. It turns a 50-cent box of Jell-O into a $5.00 box of Jell-O. And that's not logical. I'm all about logic...you know, the bacon double cheeseburger with the diet coke thing I used to do. Yeah.

I kinda lost it on a Walmart employee yesterday. I was in the baby section - not ever a place I go willingly - looking for baby spoons. I was told that might be a good idea as it helps cut down on portion control. I decided against that, but was looking at some surprisingly attractive insulated sippy cups when this freak of nature with a nametag walks into the aisle and starts ranting and raving - to herself, mind you - about a box of wipes casually tossed on a shelf where diapers are supposed to be. Seriously yelling. Loud. I raised my brows but said nothing. She walked past me and found something else out of place. Rant continued. She keeps going to the end of the aisle, finds something else. Ok, now she's pretty much screaming about rude, insensitive customers. WTF? Seriously? I don't need it. I said, "Oh jesus christ, shut up about it or quit!" She looked at me, stunned, and walked off.

I didn't get the sippy cup.

Honestly, do I need to hear that? Sheesh. I'm a woman on the edge here. Do not push me. LMAO!

Erich asked me last night if I was nervous. Um, ya think? I know it'll all be worth it, but right now yes, I'm nervous. Everything I read tells me not to be and not to think about 'last meals' or nonsense like that. I can't really help it, though. So tonight, my mother-in-law is making paprikash for me. My last meal. It's a Hungarian stew she serves over spetzle (pasta) and it's one of the best things ever created to dance on your tongue. I intend to savor it.

Days to surgery: 8
Pounds lost so far: 55 (I gained 2 this week - psycho cycle has returned)

I keep repeating to myself that I can do this. I'm stronger than I think I am. I'm stronger than I think I am. Yes! I know I am.