The break up

I had previously believed that "Hell Week" referred to the week right after surgery; I was wrong about that. It is the week before, the one where you are on a liquid diet, that is called Hell Week. I'm starting to understand why already, on day one.

I must admit that I can see that I think about food too much. (Ya think?) It's odd that it never registered before today, at least not entirely, the way I've built my life around my next fix. Of course, I'm definitely thinking about food today more than other days because I can't have it. However, there have been moments today where I've forgotten that I can't eat and found myself thinking about what I'm going to eat in the future and then realization sets in.

Did I always think about food in those terms? "Here's what I have at home and do I want that or should I stop and get something else?" This goes beyond the age-old 'what am I making for supper' thoughts. It's more than that. I think about food in terms of an event that's going to happen that will make me very happy. It's hit me like a ton of bricks that I've done that a lot in my life.

For example, when I get ready to go home to Ohio for a visit, I certainly do think about the activities I'm going to enjoy with my friends and family while I'm there. But I also think about what restaurants I want to eat in that aren't available up here; what food I want to bring back to Canada with me from the grocery store. There's something wrong with that.

I came to a hard realization today - I'm breaking up with food. Nia Vardalos, the Greek/Canadian actress famous for starring in 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' explained her recent weight loss by saying "I broke up with cheese." And it does sort of have to be that way, doesn't it?

Look, Maple Blondie from Applebee's, you're beautiful and desirable but you're not good for me....I just need some space right now and I can't be around you. Actually, it's not you it's ME. I think you're fantastic but I have to say goodbye.

Right?

There's a mourning period where weakness sets in and you cry and you swear you'll do anything to get him back! Your friends are there for you to give you strength and try their best not to let you do anything stupid like running back to him and throwing yourself at his feet. Eventually the pain subsides and you realize you're so much better off. And someday, you look back and wonder what the hell were you thinking?? Life is better without him. It's no different with a Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Pan Pizza.

Right now, I'm in a much better mood than I thought I'd be. I've been on the verge of tears a few times, but overall I'm ok. I'm hungry, but I'll live. The first day is always the worst. But what I'm doing now to overcome this lifelong, debilitating affliction is a small price to pay for living long enough to hear one more song; read one more book; feel one more hug or kiss - write one more word.

It'll be worth it.