This past week has been challenging, health-wise. Again I must issue a disclaimer - female issue ahead!! Just sayin'.
I mentioned my surgery on Sept. 9 for the removal of a uterine cyst and insertion of an IUD, which was supposed to help my psycho-cycle. It's normal to have some breakthrough bleeding/spotting for the first few months after IUD insertion and I have definitely been experiencing that. However, a somewhat disturbing pattern is emerging.
When I exert myself physically, i.e., exercise, the bleeding is heavier. After the 5K last Sunday, the floodgates opened to the point where I ended up in the ER on Tuesday, wondering if there had been a perforation or the device had shifted or WTF was wrong with me.
I called the doc who inserted the IUD on Monday and was given an appointment for the 12th. Now listen to this: I asked his receptionist - who had previously advised me that if I had any questions to call the office - if it was normal to experience heavier bleeding after exercise like this. She said "Well, if you're seeing a pattern of bleeding after exercise then I would say that's normal."
WHAT? No...what? What the hell kind of answer is that? Ridiculous.
At the time, the bleeding was heavy but not too horrible, so I figured I'd give it a day and if it hadn't got better by Tuesday, I would call back and demand to either speak to the doctor or get an appointment that day. Lo and behold, it got worse. Much worse. So I called back on Tuesday and was told the doctor wasn't in and if the bleeding was that bad, I should go to the emergency room. Great.
The situation was such that I couldn't hide it from my co-workers or bosses. I mean, I was in the bathroom most of the day. So late afternoon, I called Erich to tell him what I was doing - I didn't see any point in him taking off work to go with me - and headed to the hospital.
I had visions of being there till the middle of the night, but I guess when I told the ER staff how much blood I was losing, they decided to get me in quickly. So in total I was only there a few hours. Nothing really happened, though. I was examined by a doctor who told me the IUD seemed to be in place. An ultrasound was ordered and I had it, but when I called my doctor - the guy who inserted it, not the ER doctor - for the results, I was told they wouldn't have them till Tuesday.
So the moral of the story is: Suck it up and get over it. I guess. Jesus.
I have an appointment Wednesday morning anyway, so whatever. At this point the bleeding has completely stopped. I have no idea what the hell happened. Several people asked me if it was my period. If it was, it was 10 days early and the heaviest, weirdest (I'll spare you the details) period I've ever had in my life. It scared the crap out of me in part because of how sudden it started, coincidentally right after the 5K and how heavy/weird it was.
I'm now in a situation where I'm a bit hesitant to exercise. If I go to the gym and push myself, will that start up another geyser of the damned? Here's the one thing I know for sure: I must exercise to maintain my weight loss and I won't allow anything to get in the way of that. Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. So...depending on what the doctor has to say on Wednesday, I may have this thing taken out immediately.
A couple months ago, I wrote a letter to the editor of "O Magazine" and found out today they published it. A friend told me about it on Facebook. I subscribe to the magazine but haven't even had a chance to take it out of the wrapper. I ripped it open right away (LOL) and there I was! Pretty cool. The letter I wrote was in response to an article they did about makeovers for women who had lost 100 pounds or more. Two women who had weight loss surgery were featured. I was moved to express my appreciation for this as it's a rarity to see a WLS patient's success validated in the same way as a non-WLS patient. So go Oprah for that! My letter appears in the current issue (November), if you're interested in reading it.
Showing posts with label Oprah Winfrey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oprah Winfrey. Show all posts
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Journey
On this Easter Sunday I am feeling nostalgic, looking back on what I see as my own journey to resurrection.
Recently I was reminded of a poem I hadn't read for years by Pulitzer Prize winner Mary Oliver called The Journey . Mary was interviewed in last month's edition of O Magazine by Maria Shriver. Yes, I often draw inspiration from Oprah Winfrey. If that makes some people roll their eyes, well ok.
In the poem, she talks about an epiphany and taking steps to save "the only life you could save" - your own. The journey of self-exploration and personal growth; it can apply to many things, but it makes me think of how far I've come, what I've done and how much there is left to do. Because the journey is never finished. It continues on and on.
So much parallel in that poem to the weight-loss journey, surgical or not. Doesn't everyone want to give you free advice? Telling you no, you could do it better this way or that. My sister's husband's cousin lost weight doing it this way. You shouldn't eat this or that. Oh, avoid doing this or that at all costs! At some point you have to tune all that out and focus on YOU. What you want. What you need. Do what's right for you. Eventually, the "stars" of truth will "burn through the sheets of clouds" and you will "slowly recognize" your own voice coming through. Listen to you.
I love that on the tribute page I linked to above, there is an image of a woman walking alone on a beach at sunset. She is a shadow. Not a mere shadow of herself but powerful and fearless in her solitude, even though darkness is coming - as it always does. She's continuing to walk, to journey. No successful journey is without speed bumps. As you face the darkness, the trick is knowing the sun will rise tomorrow.
So thank you, Mary Oliver, for giving me a great gift this Easter. I haven't read a lot of poetry since college - where I learned to analyze it ad nauseum - but re-reading this treasure makes me want to revisit the sonnets, Lord Byron and even Walt Whitman. Journey, reflection and resurrection of the spirit. Happy Easter, indeed.
Recently I was reminded of a poem I hadn't read for years by Pulitzer Prize winner Mary Oliver called The Journey . Mary was interviewed in last month's edition of O Magazine by Maria Shriver. Yes, I often draw inspiration from Oprah Winfrey. If that makes some people roll their eyes, well ok.
In the poem, she talks about an epiphany and taking steps to save "the only life you could save" - your own. The journey of self-exploration and personal growth; it can apply to many things, but it makes me think of how far I've come, what I've done and how much there is left to do. Because the journey is never finished. It continues on and on.
So much parallel in that poem to the weight-loss journey, surgical or not. Doesn't everyone want to give you free advice? Telling you no, you could do it better this way or that. My sister's husband's cousin lost weight doing it this way. You shouldn't eat this or that. Oh, avoid doing this or that at all costs! At some point you have to tune all that out and focus on YOU. What you want. What you need. Do what's right for you. Eventually, the "stars" of truth will "burn through the sheets of clouds" and you will "slowly recognize" your own voice coming through. Listen to you.
I love that on the tribute page I linked to above, there is an image of a woman walking alone on a beach at sunset. She is a shadow. Not a mere shadow of herself but powerful and fearless in her solitude, even though darkness is coming - as it always does. She's continuing to walk, to journey. No successful journey is without speed bumps. As you face the darkness, the trick is knowing the sun will rise tomorrow.
So thank you, Mary Oliver, for giving me a great gift this Easter. I haven't read a lot of poetry since college - where I learned to analyze it ad nauseum - but re-reading this treasure makes me want to revisit the sonnets, Lord Byron and even Walt Whitman. Journey, reflection and resurrection of the spirit. Happy Easter, indeed.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
No madness in my method
I've been thinking about this blog for a long time. About how to say what I feel without being overly emotional and/or judgmental. Well screw it. I'm just gonna let it fly.
With the new year came the obligatory diet ads scolding everyone for having fun over the holidays and attempting to shame people (read: women) into getting their fat asses into the gym and for god's sake, join Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig why don't ya!?! There are also tons of feature stories in popular press, smiling success stories fresh from their New York makeovers (how do I get one of those?...oh right...more on that later) gleefully professing their love of their new bodies. And good for them. No really. I'm very happy for anyone who can overcome chronic overeating.
This year, I watched these ads & stories on tv and read them in print with a new perspective. I suppose I always noticed it but this year something ticked me off more than usual. The major selling point in the vast majority of the success stories we hear proudly proclaim the lack of surgery to get there. So-and-so lost 100 pounds!! And no tricks, NO SURGERY!!
On the Today Show one morning, I heard Matt Lauer seek confirmation from the author of a weight-loss success magazine article: "These people did this without surgery, right?" What would've been his reply if she had said no? Get off the stage? They're not real success stories? Matt's co-anchor, Al Roker, is a bariatric patient. I kept wondering as I watched...what would Al think of that question?
While watching "The Biggest Loser" last season, I remember the show doctor quoting gastric bypass statistics and host Allison Sweeney shaking her head in...what? Sadness? Disgust?
A trainer on the show "I Used to Be Fat" was very dismayed to find out the mother of his client was a gastric bypass patient. He said he wanted the teenager he was charged with to lose weight "the right way".
Even Oprah Winfrey has uttered the 'no surgery' qualifier.
Why is this? What is it about bariatric surgery that makes so many people think it's easier than "traditional" methods of weight loss? Ok, yeah. I had my stomach surgically reduced. Do they think that was EASY? Do they think I would've done that if I hadn't tried over and over, for DECADES, the diets they espouse but failed me at every turn? Do they think I just lack the discipline and character to lose weight "the right way"?
I've blogged before about people's reactions when I tell them I had gastric bypass. I've never had out and out disdain but I have had people go from hugely impressed to an 'oh, ok, of course' kind of attitude. I've also been asked things like "So did you still have to exercise?" "Do you have to eat baby food?" "But you still have to watch what you eat, right?"
Seriously?
I was out to dinner once and someone noticed I was not attacking the bread basket like some of the others present. She said, sort of forlornly, "Don't you miss not being able to eat things, like bread?" I wanted to say "Well....I *can* eat bread. I am choosing not to because I want to save my calories for my meal and perhaps dessert. I make choices. I do have some self-control; I don't need my pouch to direct my eating at all times." But instead I just answered with "I can eat anything I want. I'm just not having the bread right now."
There seems to be a lot of misconceptions about gastric bypass. It's not the easy way out. It's not some "trick" we have played on you so we will lose weight and you won't. Yes, you still have to exercise (I'm amazed I feel the need to clarify that). Yes, you still have to watch what you eat. The surgery is a tool that will help you a lot, at least at first, gain control of your eating habits. You have no choice at first. The hope is that the new behaviors you learn during the "honeymoon phase" stick with you. You have to change your head in order to change your body. That part isn't easy for anyone trying to lose massive amounts of weight. Actually, I'm considering counseling to help me come to terms with why I think and eat the way I have and still sometimes want to. It's a constant struggle. There's nothing easier about it for me than anyone else.
Not everyone will succeed even with the surgery. Please believe me when I tell you I hear that ALLLLL the freakin' time. "So-and-so had it, lost 100 pounds but gained it all back." "My mother's cousin's ex-boyfriend had it but didn't lose very much." Yeah, yeah, I know. Funny how I never heard horror stories when I was on Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Physician's Weight Loss, Deal-A-Meal, etc., etc., etc. I never heard a single thing but "Good for you! Good luck!" I hardly ever hear a gastric bypass success story. It's always the bad, like people want you to understand that you will not be successful long term.
It doesn't make any sense: Gastric-bypass patients' successes are often not valued with the reasoning that it's too easy. Yet, if it's so easy, why must we always be reminded that success will never last? Don't get too cocky!! It'll all come right back on just like Billy Joe Jim Bob's cousin Cooter. I honestly don't think this happens much to someone who loses 250 pounds the "traditional" way.
I feel defensive and apologetic at the same time. I worked my ass off for all 250 pounds I have lost. It's not like I had surgery and 250 pounds just magically fell off my body. Yet I sometimes hesitate to tell people how I did it because I fear the reaction that's coming. Oh, I tell them anyway. To hell with it.
Honestly, I do think it's too easy to *get* the surgery. And it's getting easier, which isn't a good thing, in my opinion. I saw on Anderson Cooper several weeks ago that restrictions are being relaxed on lap-band surgery in the U.S. I don't entirely agree with that. Surgery should be a point of last resort, for the truly ill.
But gastric bypass can be a life-saving choice. Why not make that choice? Why is the method by which I chose to save my life any worse than someone else's? After trying to lose excess weight since childhood, I found myself under 40 but with several life-threatening diseases directly related to my morbid obesity. Now tell me - should I have tried yet another diet or went with something that would let me see radical success short term, which in turn would perhaps give me the motivation to continue long enough to actually lose the weight and keep it off? You see what I'm saying?
I've lost the weight. I'm healthy, happy and am just so much better in every way. Why does the method matter? I did it! Isn't that enough to be celebrated in the same way as someone who loses weight on Weight Watchers?
Most people are genuinely happy for me - the great, vast majority are and I love them for it. I truly believe most of the problem is simply a lack of education. People don't understand what the surgery is or how it works. And it's too bad that the media keep perpetuating the myths.
My sweet friends keep telling me I should be on television - on Oprah, or Dr. Oz or something. What they don't understand is I can't overcome the method. The method I used to lose this weight is not well respected by the mainstream media. So I may never make it to Oprah or get my New York makeover. I am slowly learning about other, friendlier outlets through which to share my story. Letting others know there is a way out of the prison of obesity feels like a calling to me. Freedom is there; don't be afraid of the method, whatever you choose. Just get started and the rest will come.
With the new year came the obligatory diet ads scolding everyone for having fun over the holidays and attempting to shame people (read: women) into getting their fat asses into the gym and for god's sake, join Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig why don't ya!?! There are also tons of feature stories in popular press, smiling success stories fresh from their New York makeovers (how do I get one of those?...oh right...more on that later) gleefully professing their love of their new bodies. And good for them. No really. I'm very happy for anyone who can overcome chronic overeating.
This year, I watched these ads & stories on tv and read them in print with a new perspective. I suppose I always noticed it but this year something ticked me off more than usual. The major selling point in the vast majority of the success stories we hear proudly proclaim the lack of surgery to get there. So-and-so lost 100 pounds!! And no tricks, NO SURGERY!!
On the Today Show one morning, I heard Matt Lauer seek confirmation from the author of a weight-loss success magazine article: "These people did this without surgery, right?" What would've been his reply if she had said no? Get off the stage? They're not real success stories? Matt's co-anchor, Al Roker, is a bariatric patient. I kept wondering as I watched...what would Al think of that question?
While watching "The Biggest Loser" last season, I remember the show doctor quoting gastric bypass statistics and host Allison Sweeney shaking her head in...what? Sadness? Disgust?
A trainer on the show "I Used to Be Fat" was very dismayed to find out the mother of his client was a gastric bypass patient. He said he wanted the teenager he was charged with to lose weight "the right way".
Even Oprah Winfrey has uttered the 'no surgery' qualifier.
Why is this? What is it about bariatric surgery that makes so many people think it's easier than "traditional" methods of weight loss? Ok, yeah. I had my stomach surgically reduced. Do they think that was EASY? Do they think I would've done that if I hadn't tried over and over, for DECADES, the diets they espouse but failed me at every turn? Do they think I just lack the discipline and character to lose weight "the right way"?
I've blogged before about people's reactions when I tell them I had gastric bypass. I've never had out and out disdain but I have had people go from hugely impressed to an 'oh, ok, of course' kind of attitude. I've also been asked things like "So did you still have to exercise?" "Do you have to eat baby food?" "But you still have to watch what you eat, right?"
Seriously?
I was out to dinner once and someone noticed I was not attacking the bread basket like some of the others present. She said, sort of forlornly, "Don't you miss not being able to eat things, like bread?" I wanted to say "Well....I *can* eat bread. I am choosing not to because I want to save my calories for my meal and perhaps dessert. I make choices. I do have some self-control; I don't need my pouch to direct my eating at all times." But instead I just answered with "I can eat anything I want. I'm just not having the bread right now."
There seems to be a lot of misconceptions about gastric bypass. It's not the easy way out. It's not some "trick" we have played on you so we will lose weight and you won't. Yes, you still have to exercise (I'm amazed I feel the need to clarify that). Yes, you still have to watch what you eat. The surgery is a tool that will help you a lot, at least at first, gain control of your eating habits. You have no choice at first. The hope is that the new behaviors you learn during the "honeymoon phase" stick with you. You have to change your head in order to change your body. That part isn't easy for anyone trying to lose massive amounts of weight. Actually, I'm considering counseling to help me come to terms with why I think and eat the way I have and still sometimes want to. It's a constant struggle. There's nothing easier about it for me than anyone else.
Not everyone will succeed even with the surgery. Please believe me when I tell you I hear that ALLLLL the freakin' time. "So-and-so had it, lost 100 pounds but gained it all back." "My mother's cousin's ex-boyfriend had it but didn't lose very much." Yeah, yeah, I know. Funny how I never heard horror stories when I was on Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Physician's Weight Loss, Deal-A-Meal, etc., etc., etc. I never heard a single thing but "Good for you! Good luck!" I hardly ever hear a gastric bypass success story. It's always the bad, like people want you to understand that you will not be successful long term.
It doesn't make any sense: Gastric-bypass patients' successes are often not valued with the reasoning that it's too easy. Yet, if it's so easy, why must we always be reminded that success will never last? Don't get too cocky!! It'll all come right back on just like Billy Joe Jim Bob's cousin Cooter. I honestly don't think this happens much to someone who loses 250 pounds the "traditional" way.
I feel defensive and apologetic at the same time. I worked my ass off for all 250 pounds I have lost. It's not like I had surgery and 250 pounds just magically fell off my body. Yet I sometimes hesitate to tell people how I did it because I fear the reaction that's coming. Oh, I tell them anyway. To hell with it.
Honestly, I do think it's too easy to *get* the surgery. And it's getting easier, which isn't a good thing, in my opinion. I saw on Anderson Cooper several weeks ago that restrictions are being relaxed on lap-band surgery in the U.S. I don't entirely agree with that. Surgery should be a point of last resort, for the truly ill.
But gastric bypass can be a life-saving choice. Why not make that choice? Why is the method by which I chose to save my life any worse than someone else's? After trying to lose excess weight since childhood, I found myself under 40 but with several life-threatening diseases directly related to my morbid obesity. Now tell me - should I have tried yet another diet or went with something that would let me see radical success short term, which in turn would perhaps give me the motivation to continue long enough to actually lose the weight and keep it off? You see what I'm saying?
I've lost the weight. I'm healthy, happy and am just so much better in every way. Why does the method matter? I did it! Isn't that enough to be celebrated in the same way as someone who loses weight on Weight Watchers?
Most people are genuinely happy for me - the great, vast majority are and I love them for it. I truly believe most of the problem is simply a lack of education. People don't understand what the surgery is or how it works. And it's too bad that the media keep perpetuating the myths.
My sweet friends keep telling me I should be on television - on Oprah, or Dr. Oz or something. What they don't understand is I can't overcome the method. The method I used to lose this weight is not well respected by the mainstream media. So I may never make it to Oprah or get my New York makeover. I am slowly learning about other, friendlier outlets through which to share my story. Letting others know there is a way out of the prison of obesity feels like a calling to me. Freedom is there; don't be afraid of the method, whatever you choose. Just get started and the rest will come.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Recognition and idenitification(s)
I'm updating all my photo IDs and lemme tell ya, that is an experience in and of itself. My health card and driver's license were both up for renewal on my birthday. You should've seen the face on the lady behind the counter when she realized the difference between my photograph and the face on the woman in front of her. She looked back and forth a few times before commenting. "Well, you look quite different!" She whispered "How much have you lost?" and when I told her, well, she was astonished.
But the real scene occurred when I went to the next booth to renew my health card. That woman went through the same reaction, the same questions as the first lady. But then she started calling all the other employees over to see me and my old pictures! LOL! There was literally a line of customers out the door and the whole place came to a stop so the employees could ooh and ahh over me. OMG, I was a bit worried the people in line were getting pissed off but hey. It was only a minute or so. It's always fun when stuff like that happens. Turns out that second employee was on a weight-loss journey herself and was down 40 pounds so far - about halfway for her. I congratulated her and we talked about diet, exercise and The Biggest Loser for a few minutes while she took all the information to update my card, including a new picture.
Here's the before and after on my driver's license. The pics aren't pretty, but I just took them to illustrate the difference. The recent one looks like a mugshot. LOL! (click to enlarge)
I don't want to sound arrogant or anything but the look of awe and admiration on her face is something I won't soon forget. It made me feel like I have really accomplished something worthy of awe, admiration and recognition. Very cool.
My American passport is also up for renewal. I sent all the information to D.C. at the beginning of the month with a note attached explaining the wildly different pictures. LOL!
Expanding on the recognition theme: Last Sunday, February 13, I got to see myself of the show Provincewide. A letter I wrote in response to a story they aired a couple weeks ago about a man who lost weight and vastly improved his health made it onto the 'viewer response' segment at the end of the show. The morning after I wrote the letter, I got an email from the show's host Daiene Vernile asking my permission to use it and the before-and-after pictures I sent her. I have to admit it was pretty cool. Not a big deal really, but cool nonetheless. If you want to check it out go to the show's home page and find their link to the segment on the right-hand side under the heading "ProvinceWide, Sunday, Feb. 13, Part Four: Viewers share their opinions on recent ProvinceWide stories."
I have often blogged about how my head is not caught up with my new body yet. Jennifer Hudson recently appeared on Oprah and one of the things she talked about was her 80-pound weight loss on Weight Watchers - I think that's the first time she actually revealed the number.
So Jennifer is talking about how she still goes into stores and still reaches for the x-large when she really is a small now. How men look at her differently and she turns around to see who they are leering at. Oprah showed pictures of her in gorgeous dresses at performances and premiers and she talked about how she was so uncomfortable in some of those clothes because even though the stylist - and everyone else - was telling her they looked great on her, she still was thinking "Who do I think I am wearing something like that?" I totally identify with what she is saying and feeling. It takes a while to step outside your mind and look at yourself for who you really are.
I'm doing better at this. For example, I can pretty much eyeball a piece of clothing now and say whether I can wear it or not. Until quite recently, I still thought everything was too small. I still tend to err on the side of caution, though. A funny story from Saturday when Erich and I went to see a Monster Jam rally - oh yes. I got him tickets for his birthday in December. New experiences all around. So we're at the merch table looking at t-shirts. I ask to see an x-large. The guy working there looks at me and says "No, I think you're a large." So I look at the x-large while he's getting me a large and sure enough...the x-large looked too big. Do you know how cool it was for a stranger to take one look at me and say "No, that's too big for you. You need something smaller." Sweet.
Another shopping thing: When I was super obese, I bought clothes that I could get on my body first and looked at the style second. I thought I'd gotten over that but a glance in my closet a couple weeks ago brought an epiphany. There are things in there that I know, without a doubt, I bought just because I could wear them and not because they are flattering or even my style. "I can wear the x-large?? GREAT! SOLD!" Kind of a manic way to shop, right? Ironically, my getting caught up in being able to wear smaller sizes caused me to shop in much the same way I did pre-op. So I'm cleaning out my closet once again and starting to really pay attention to the things I buy.
Friday I bought a pair of "skinny" jeans. The surprising thing is they really do make you look thinner. I pulled them on in the fitting room not realizing they were skinnies. They were so tight but really looked pretty damn good on me if I do say so myself. I thought "what the hell is wrong with these jeans that they're so small?" LOL! Small, yet still fit. They're weird. Anyway, I bought them. $9.00 made them pretty irresistible. Only after I got them home and I was taking the tags off did I realize they were skinnies!
I'm doing a little better with my eating since my last installment. It's a process and I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly. Food is my drug of choice, no question. You know how stress drives some people to drink? Mine drives me to eat. I know I'm not alone there! But when I get the urge now, I'm fighting to find other ways to occupy my brain whether it's a walk, or playing with the two monsters (my cats) or something. If I find myself wanting to eat, I ask myself if I'm really hungry or just head hungry. Head hunger will kill you. But I won't go down without a fight!
But the real scene occurred when I went to the next booth to renew my health card. That woman went through the same reaction, the same questions as the first lady. But then she started calling all the other employees over to see me and my old pictures! LOL! There was literally a line of customers out the door and the whole place came to a stop so the employees could ooh and ahh over me. OMG, I was a bit worried the people in line were getting pissed off but hey. It was only a minute or so. It's always fun when stuff like that happens. Turns out that second employee was on a weight-loss journey herself and was down 40 pounds so far - about halfway for her. I congratulated her and we talked about diet, exercise and The Biggest Loser for a few minutes while she took all the information to update my card, including a new picture.
Here's the before and after on my driver's license. The pics aren't pretty, but I just took them to illustrate the difference. The recent one looks like a mugshot. LOL! (click to enlarge)
I don't want to sound arrogant or anything but the look of awe and admiration on her face is something I won't soon forget. It made me feel like I have really accomplished something worthy of awe, admiration and recognition. Very cool.
My American passport is also up for renewal. I sent all the information to D.C. at the beginning of the month with a note attached explaining the wildly different pictures. LOL!
Expanding on the recognition theme: Last Sunday, February 13, I got to see myself of the show Provincewide. A letter I wrote in response to a story they aired a couple weeks ago about a man who lost weight and vastly improved his health made it onto the 'viewer response' segment at the end of the show. The morning after I wrote the letter, I got an email from the show's host Daiene Vernile asking my permission to use it and the before-and-after pictures I sent her. I have to admit it was pretty cool. Not a big deal really, but cool nonetheless. If you want to check it out go to the show's home page and find their link to the segment on the right-hand side under the heading "ProvinceWide, Sunday, Feb. 13, Part Four: Viewers share their opinions on recent ProvinceWide stories."
I have often blogged about how my head is not caught up with my new body yet. Jennifer Hudson recently appeared on Oprah and one of the things she talked about was her 80-pound weight loss on Weight Watchers - I think that's the first time she actually revealed the number.
So Jennifer is talking about how she still goes into stores and still reaches for the x-large when she really is a small now. How men look at her differently and she turns around to see who they are leering at. Oprah showed pictures of her in gorgeous dresses at performances and premiers and she talked about how she was so uncomfortable in some of those clothes because even though the stylist - and everyone else - was telling her they looked great on her, she still was thinking "Who do I think I am wearing something like that?" I totally identify with what she is saying and feeling. It takes a while to step outside your mind and look at yourself for who you really are.
I'm doing better at this. For example, I can pretty much eyeball a piece of clothing now and say whether I can wear it or not. Until quite recently, I still thought everything was too small. I still tend to err on the side of caution, though. A funny story from Saturday when Erich and I went to see a Monster Jam rally - oh yes. I got him tickets for his birthday in December. New experiences all around. So we're at the merch table looking at t-shirts. I ask to see an x-large. The guy working there looks at me and says "No, I think you're a large." So I look at the x-large while he's getting me a large and sure enough...the x-large looked too big. Do you know how cool it was for a stranger to take one look at me and say "No, that's too big for you. You need something smaller." Sweet.
Another shopping thing: When I was super obese, I bought clothes that I could get on my body first and looked at the style second. I thought I'd gotten over that but a glance in my closet a couple weeks ago brought an epiphany. There are things in there that I know, without a doubt, I bought just because I could wear them and not because they are flattering or even my style. "I can wear the x-large?? GREAT! SOLD!" Kind of a manic way to shop, right? Ironically, my getting caught up in being able to wear smaller sizes caused me to shop in much the same way I did pre-op. So I'm cleaning out my closet once again and starting to really pay attention to the things I buy.
Friday I bought a pair of "skinny" jeans. The surprising thing is they really do make you look thinner. I pulled them on in the fitting room not realizing they were skinnies. They were so tight but really looked pretty damn good on me if I do say so myself. I thought "what the hell is wrong with these jeans that they're so small?" LOL! Small, yet still fit. They're weird. Anyway, I bought them. $9.00 made them pretty irresistible. Only after I got them home and I was taking the tags off did I realize they were skinnies!
I'm doing a little better with my eating since my last installment. It's a process and I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly. Food is my drug of choice, no question. You know how stress drives some people to drink? Mine drives me to eat. I know I'm not alone there! But when I get the urge now, I'm fighting to find other ways to occupy my brain whether it's a walk, or playing with the two monsters (my cats) or something. If I find myself wanting to eat, I ask myself if I'm really hungry or just head hungry. Head hunger will kill you. But I won't go down without a fight!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Does it take a village?
Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows the importance of a support system. For success to happen, you must surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. Friends who cheer you on when you finally leap over that plateau; family that beams with pride when you walk into a room.
A group mentality of hope nearly always overrides a singular cry of doubt. I've blogged about how fans of Bo Bice are coming together to participate in The Biggest LoserPound for Pound Challenge. Separately, we've all tried to lose weight for years - like most everyone else in the country. Together, we are doing it. It's the group mentality of "WE CAN DO THIS"!
In my blog Broadcast Motivation, I neglected to mention a new show called Village on a Diet. The tiny town of Taylor, British Columbia has banded together to get healthy. Each week they strive towards a common goal - to lose one ton in 10 weeks. The motivation they give each other is wonderful to see. Last week they climbed a huge hill on the outskirts of town as a community; literally and figuratively.
Everyone needs people to help them get up the hill. I know for myself, my weight-loss journey would've been infinitely more difficult without all of you. I know every person reading this is in my corner - what could be more motivating than that? If so many people think I'm worth having a long, healthy life then how can I argue? My friends - close by and far away - my family, my co-workers. I've been very lucky.
I've heard horror stories about husbands bringing home donuts to a dieting wife or a cousin pooh-poohing someone's agonizing but life-changing decision to have gastric bypass as "the easy way out". No one has ever done those things to me. I am extremely grateful for that.
However, lack of support can come from some surprising sources. When you do something this *BIG*, you tend to find out who your real friends are. Maybe they're not comfortable with you changing so much. Maybe they're afraid you'll find new friends and leave them behind. Or maybe they're just jealous. Try not to let it get you down.
A stellar support system is crucial but in the end, the discipline and hard work has to come from you. As Oprah Winfrey once said, "It's my ass on the treadmill!" Absolutely! Oprah's up-and-down dress sizes clearly illustrates that. No chef, trainer, cheerleader or surgical procedure can do it for you. All that can certainly help but it's really up to you to find it within yourself to decide you're worth the effort to get off the couch and into the gym; to put down the cupcake and pick up the apple.
So we do need support but never forget it's YOU who are doing this and YOU deserve the credit. You rock! Now pat yourself on the back and get your ass to the gym.
A group mentality of hope nearly always overrides a singular cry of doubt. I've blogged about how fans of Bo Bice are coming together to participate in The Biggest LoserPound for Pound Challenge. Separately, we've all tried to lose weight for years - like most everyone else in the country. Together, we are doing it. It's the group mentality of "WE CAN DO THIS"!
In my blog Broadcast Motivation, I neglected to mention a new show called Village on a Diet. The tiny town of Taylor, British Columbia has banded together to get healthy. Each week they strive towards a common goal - to lose one ton in 10 weeks. The motivation they give each other is wonderful to see. Last week they climbed a huge hill on the outskirts of town as a community; literally and figuratively.
Everyone needs people to help them get up the hill. I know for myself, my weight-loss journey would've been infinitely more difficult without all of you. I know every person reading this is in my corner - what could be more motivating than that? If so many people think I'm worth having a long, healthy life then how can I argue? My friends - close by and far away - my family, my co-workers. I've been very lucky.
I've heard horror stories about husbands bringing home donuts to a dieting wife or a cousin pooh-poohing someone's agonizing but life-changing decision to have gastric bypass as "the easy way out". No one has ever done those things to me. I am extremely grateful for that.
However, lack of support can come from some surprising sources. When you do something this *BIG*, you tend to find out who your real friends are. Maybe they're not comfortable with you changing so much. Maybe they're afraid you'll find new friends and leave them behind. Or maybe they're just jealous. Try not to let it get you down.
A stellar support system is crucial but in the end, the discipline and hard work has to come from you. As Oprah Winfrey once said, "It's my ass on the treadmill!" Absolutely! Oprah's up-and-down dress sizes clearly illustrates that. No chef, trainer, cheerleader or surgical procedure can do it for you. All that can certainly help but it's really up to you to find it within yourself to decide you're worth the effort to get off the couch and into the gym; to put down the cupcake and pick up the apple.
So we do need support but never forget it's YOU who are doing this and YOU deserve the credit. You rock! Now pat yourself on the back and get your ass to the gym.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Gimme some skin (or not)
Did I say in my last installment to look for a few new blogs soon? Um...sorry. I had the best intentions but pfffft...
I've blogged before about wanting to have a panniculectomy to remove excess skin on my midsection. A panniculectomy is different from a tummy tuck (abdomnioplasty); a tummy tuck tightens the muscle as well as removes excess skin and fat, but a panniculectomy only removes excess skin and fat. The panniculectomy is, from everything I'd read and heard about, the procedure that OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) might cover. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a doctor in London, Ontario, to see about having this surgery. I understand that in most cases, OHIP will not cover the cost of a panniculectomy. But sometimes they do. I had to go find out for myself if I would be a viable candidate. I figured what did I have to lose?
Well, apparently, I had to lose almost two entire days off work, a lot of my sanity and $80.00 (not counting gas money and cell phone charges).
There was a huge mix-up for my first appointment. Long story short: I was told to go to one location, went there and couldn't find the doctor! No one in the building had ever heard of her. No sign, no note, no nothing mentioning her at all. I kept calling her office trying to find out what the deal was. No answer. I left message after message, flagging them as 'urgent' and incurring long-distance roaming charges as there is no nationwide long-distance thing here in Canada. When a very nice lady at the hospital (totally NOT where the doctor told me to go but where her usual office is located) finally reached her, basically the response was "Yes, she had an appointment today. I was there and she wasn't. She needs to re-book."
"But she's come all the way from Kitchener (Kitchener is about 50 miles from London). She and her husband have taken off work. Can you possibly see her today?"
"No. I'm on the way home."
WHAT????? I was more than a little furious. She's in the car and won't turn around for me to come in for 20 fucking minutes so I don't have to do this all over again next week?? When it's HER fault I didn't see her? Seriously??
I was thinking maybe I didn't even want to deal with this doctor. However, she had just performed this surgery on a friend of mine - a fellow gastric bypass patient - who liked her very much. My friend's surgery was covered by OHIP so I knew this doctor knew how to work the system. After having to take my family doctor by the hand and lead her through the gastric-bypass process, that was important to me. Also, this doctor has a specialty in patients who have gone through massive weight loss. So I was going to call the next day and re-book. One more chance. BUT....she better not try to charge me a missed-appointment fee. Then we would fight. LOL!
I was at my desk at work for less than 10 minutes the next morning when her receptionist called me back to re-book. No apology. No nothing. There was a specific suite in the building I needed to go to. No one told me that; I looked over the notes I took when I was on the phone with her before the first appointment - nothing. I'm a pretty good note-taker. When people call me at work requesting changes to their printing designs/jobs, I have to be specific. So I still think she just didn't tell me this very important information.
"You realize," I said, "all of this could've been avoided if I could've simply reached someone at your office by phone." Sill no apology. She just said she wasn't answering the phone in that office, at the hospital, that day. Or returning messages flagged 'urgent', either, I suppose. Whatever. Re-booked for the following Monday.
I went alone this time as I didn't want Erich to have to take off work again. The doctor was indeed very nice (her receptionist leaves a lot to be desired, however, even in person) and I did like her. She was very impressed with my weight loss and said it was among the highest percentages she'd seen. She also told me I had more excess skin than she normally sees. Great! Maybe that would mean my chances of having the surgery covered would be better! Not so much.
"OHIP isn't in the business of covering tummy tucks," she began. Yeah, I know that! Not asking for a tummy tuck. While I do have a lot of excess skin, I haven't had any huge medical issues with it. By that, she said she means something requiring antibiotics or hospital stays. She said she could see I had some issues (which I'll spare you), but it's not enough. Not even worth applying to OHIP about.
That'll be $80.00 please! Cha-ching! At least there was no mention of a missed-appointment fee.
So yeah. I guess that ship has sailed and we're done! I have to learn to love my rolls, even though they aren't filled with anything anymore. LOL!
I did ask her opinion on how much skin there was - if she were to remove it all, how much would it be? Again she said I had more than the average patient, but it's never the magic 30 pounds everyone thinks it is! I can see that for sure. She told me her estimate would be 10-12 pounds. Now that's the removal of the skin everywhere - complete tummy tuck, upper arms, thighs. So I guess that would mean I'd hover around 180-185 without the skin. Still too much for the 'charts'. Maybe I should lose another 10-15 pounds? I dunno. I'm pretty happy the way I am (minus the skin issues). If it comes off, it does. I've lost 250 pounds and I have to take a breath for a minute. Just a minute.
Also a couple of weeks ago, I applied to Oprah for Erich and I to appear on a show about couples makeovers. If I can get some new clothes and style advice then why not? And having Erich do it with me would be really sweet. He is the only one who has been here with me, in person, every day, every step. His support has meant the world to me and if I can share some of the attention with him then I will. Plus, our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up in the spring, when the show would likely air. And this is a man who has "work" t-shirts and "dress" t-shirts. He could use some makeover help, too. LOL! We haven't heard a thing yet and I don't have my hopes up. But we'll see, right? It's like the lottery. If you don't play, your chances of winning are zero instead of just a long-shot.
Here's hoping for a trip to Chicago in the winter. LOL!
I've blogged before about wanting to have a panniculectomy to remove excess skin on my midsection. A panniculectomy is different from a tummy tuck (abdomnioplasty); a tummy tuck tightens the muscle as well as removes excess skin and fat, but a panniculectomy only removes excess skin and fat. The panniculectomy is, from everything I'd read and heard about, the procedure that OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) might cover. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a doctor in London, Ontario, to see about having this surgery. I understand that in most cases, OHIP will not cover the cost of a panniculectomy. But sometimes they do. I had to go find out for myself if I would be a viable candidate. I figured what did I have to lose?
Well, apparently, I had to lose almost two entire days off work, a lot of my sanity and $80.00 (not counting gas money and cell phone charges).
There was a huge mix-up for my first appointment. Long story short: I was told to go to one location, went there and couldn't find the doctor! No one in the building had ever heard of her. No sign, no note, no nothing mentioning her at all. I kept calling her office trying to find out what the deal was. No answer. I left message after message, flagging them as 'urgent' and incurring long-distance roaming charges as there is no nationwide long-distance thing here in Canada. When a very nice lady at the hospital (totally NOT where the doctor told me to go but where her usual office is located) finally reached her, basically the response was "Yes, she had an appointment today. I was there and she wasn't. She needs to re-book."
"But she's come all the way from Kitchener (Kitchener is about 50 miles from London). She and her husband have taken off work. Can you possibly see her today?"
"No. I'm on the way home."
WHAT????? I was more than a little furious. She's in the car and won't turn around for me to come in for 20 fucking minutes so I don't have to do this all over again next week?? When it's HER fault I didn't see her? Seriously??
I was thinking maybe I didn't even want to deal with this doctor. However, she had just performed this surgery on a friend of mine - a fellow gastric bypass patient - who liked her very much. My friend's surgery was covered by OHIP so I knew this doctor knew how to work the system. After having to take my family doctor by the hand and lead her through the gastric-bypass process, that was important to me. Also, this doctor has a specialty in patients who have gone through massive weight loss. So I was going to call the next day and re-book. One more chance. BUT....she better not try to charge me a missed-appointment fee. Then we would fight. LOL!
I was at my desk at work for less than 10 minutes the next morning when her receptionist called me back to re-book. No apology. No nothing. There was a specific suite in the building I needed to go to. No one told me that; I looked over the notes I took when I was on the phone with her before the first appointment - nothing. I'm a pretty good note-taker. When people call me at work requesting changes to their printing designs/jobs, I have to be specific. So I still think she just didn't tell me this very important information.
"You realize," I said, "all of this could've been avoided if I could've simply reached someone at your office by phone." Sill no apology. She just said she wasn't answering the phone in that office, at the hospital, that day. Or returning messages flagged 'urgent', either, I suppose. Whatever. Re-booked for the following Monday.
I went alone this time as I didn't want Erich to have to take off work again. The doctor was indeed very nice (her receptionist leaves a lot to be desired, however, even in person) and I did like her. She was very impressed with my weight loss and said it was among the highest percentages she'd seen. She also told me I had more excess skin than she normally sees. Great! Maybe that would mean my chances of having the surgery covered would be better! Not so much.
"OHIP isn't in the business of covering tummy tucks," she began. Yeah, I know that! Not asking for a tummy tuck. While I do have a lot of excess skin, I haven't had any huge medical issues with it. By that, she said she means something requiring antibiotics or hospital stays. She said she could see I had some issues (which I'll spare you), but it's not enough. Not even worth applying to OHIP about.
That'll be $80.00 please! Cha-ching! At least there was no mention of a missed-appointment fee.
So yeah. I guess that ship has sailed and we're done! I have to learn to love my rolls, even though they aren't filled with anything anymore. LOL!
I did ask her opinion on how much skin there was - if she were to remove it all, how much would it be? Again she said I had more than the average patient, but it's never the magic 30 pounds everyone thinks it is! I can see that for sure. She told me her estimate would be 10-12 pounds. Now that's the removal of the skin everywhere - complete tummy tuck, upper arms, thighs. So I guess that would mean I'd hover around 180-185 without the skin. Still too much for the 'charts'. Maybe I should lose another 10-15 pounds? I dunno. I'm pretty happy the way I am (minus the skin issues). If it comes off, it does. I've lost 250 pounds and I have to take a breath for a minute. Just a minute.
Also a couple of weeks ago, I applied to Oprah for Erich and I to appear on a show about couples makeovers. If I can get some new clothes and style advice then why not? And having Erich do it with me would be really sweet. He is the only one who has been here with me, in person, every day, every step. His support has meant the world to me and if I can share some of the attention with him then I will. Plus, our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up in the spring, when the show would likely air. And this is a man who has "work" t-shirts and "dress" t-shirts. He could use some makeover help, too. LOL! We haven't heard a thing yet and I don't have my hopes up. But we'll see, right? It's like the lottery. If you don't play, your chances of winning are zero instead of just a long-shot.
Here's hoping for a trip to Chicago in the winter. LOL!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Clothes and compliments
One of the coolest things about losing weight is the new clothes! I've talked about some of the new stuff I've bought in the last couple months and some of you have asked to see actual pictures. It was a gorgeous day yesterday so Erich and I went outside and I put on a fashion show. It was kinda windy, so please forgive my rebellious hair. Click on each pic to enlarge.
1. Got this in Ohio when I was there last month shopping with my mom. I think this is my favorite new shirt.
2. This is the 3x gold t-shirt I blogged about last weekend! Hee!
3. Another one from Ohio. Empire waist and ruffled hem - I love this one, too.
4. My rock star t-shirt! LOL! I think it looks a little Freebird-ish, which, as a fan of Bo Bice, is a major, major plus.
Rock on, bitches! Peace out!
5. Love the buckle and asymetrical neckline. I think it's interesting.
6. Cute little top. :)
So there are my purchases for the past month or so. Plus my mother-in-law has altered a bunch of my old clothes so I'm doing ok. Freecycle is a wonderful thing as well. I have a great big bag of smaller clothes just waiting for me that we got from a lady who has also had gastric bypass and is nearly at her goal. All for free - she offered them on Freecycle and we snapped them up! Everything from size 16 shorts to 3x tops. Yay Freecycle!
I'm not used to getting compliments from people about the way I look. It happens more and more these days and I'm really trying to learn to just say 'thank you' and take it sincerely. I think a lot of women have that issue. Someone tells us we look nice or whatever and we try to brush it off or come back with some smart-aleck remark lest the person think we actually think we're attractive!
Several days ago, a woman in my office who works less than part time told me I looked great. She doesn't see me that often, so she was really impressed, she said. She complimented my figure, my skin and told me I was 'glowing'. Wow! My first gut reaction was to laugh because what? Me? As I said, I'm not used to this. It's a learning process to accept statements like that. It took a few seconds before I stopped and just said 'thank you!'
I remember Oprah Winfrey talking about this once on her show and how she used to struggle with compliments, too, especially about her looks. Then shortly after that she had John Travolta on. They were at a gym working out. Oprah made some cutting remark about her own body and John very sweetly and sincerely told her she was beautiful and had a wonderful body. She laughed at first then you could almost see her stop herself, make herself look at him pointedly and say 'Thank you, John. Thank you.' And he said 'you're welcome'.
When you've been ridiculed about your looks for so long, it's hard to accept that someone is being truthful when they say something like that. We learn to detect scorn, even when it's wrapped up in pretty words via sarcasm - all of us have experienced that, especially us fat girls. We develop a defense mechanism of laughing it off, going along with the joke that is us in a vain attempt to avoid being hurt.
I saw screw that. When someone pays you a compliment, accept it. Accept yourself! I'll work on it if you will.
1. Got this in Ohio when I was there last month shopping with my mom. I think this is my favorite new shirt.
2. This is the 3x gold t-shirt I blogged about last weekend! Hee!
3. Another one from Ohio. Empire waist and ruffled hem - I love this one, too.
4. My rock star t-shirt! LOL! I think it looks a little Freebird-ish, which, as a fan of Bo Bice, is a major, major plus.
Rock on, bitches! Peace out!
5. Love the buckle and asymetrical neckline. I think it's interesting.
6. Cute little top. :)
So there are my purchases for the past month or so. Plus my mother-in-law has altered a bunch of my old clothes so I'm doing ok. Freecycle is a wonderful thing as well. I have a great big bag of smaller clothes just waiting for me that we got from a lady who has also had gastric bypass and is nearly at her goal. All for free - she offered them on Freecycle and we snapped them up! Everything from size 16 shorts to 3x tops. Yay Freecycle!
I'm not used to getting compliments from people about the way I look. It happens more and more these days and I'm really trying to learn to just say 'thank you' and take it sincerely. I think a lot of women have that issue. Someone tells us we look nice or whatever and we try to brush it off or come back with some smart-aleck remark lest the person think we actually think we're attractive!
Several days ago, a woman in my office who works less than part time told me I looked great. She doesn't see me that often, so she was really impressed, she said. She complimented my figure, my skin and told me I was 'glowing'. Wow! My first gut reaction was to laugh because what? Me? As I said, I'm not used to this. It's a learning process to accept statements like that. It took a few seconds before I stopped and just said 'thank you!'
I remember Oprah Winfrey talking about this once on her show and how she used to struggle with compliments, too, especially about her looks. Then shortly after that she had John Travolta on. They were at a gym working out. Oprah made some cutting remark about her own body and John very sweetly and sincerely told her she was beautiful and had a wonderful body. She laughed at first then you could almost see her stop herself, make herself look at him pointedly and say 'Thank you, John. Thank you.' And he said 'you're welcome'.
When you've been ridiculed about your looks for so long, it's hard to accept that someone is being truthful when they say something like that. We learn to detect scorn, even when it's wrapped up in pretty words via sarcasm - all of us have experienced that, especially us fat girls. We develop a defense mechanism of laughing it off, going along with the joke that is us in a vain attempt to avoid being hurt.
I saw screw that. When someone pays you a compliment, accept it. Accept yourself! I'll work on it if you will.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I'm baaaack!
Greetings and salutations. I'm back in the Great White North and feeling sorta human again. I have a little cold that's much better today and my psycho cycle has cranked it into high gear yet again, but I'm doing ok. Considering! LOL!
I got back from Ohio on Wednesday morning about 4 a.m. after being down there for 8 days. My beloved 93-year-old grandmother passed away; my mother called last Monday and was worried I wouldn't make it down there before she went. Well, she hung on, bless her heart, till Sat. morning around 12:30 a.m. It's hard to wait for someone you love to die. You know it's the right thing, that it's time and she needs to go, but it's still so difficult to bear. She was the grande dame of our entire extended family. She will be missed. http://www.boyerfuneral.com/ (click on Hazel A. Brannan)
I tried my best to stick to the healthy eating thing while I was there but it was hard. My parents own a restaurant and we ate there every day instead of my mom having to cook. I made pretty good choices most of the time and I did exercise a couple times. All told, I was still prepared for a nasty number on the scale. Not too bad...I only gained a pound. I'll take it, believe me. *whew*
I have read many articles about the need for weight-loss patients, or anyone losing a great deal of weight, to make a list of things they want to do when they reach their goal weight. Things we can't do now because of our size or health problems or whatever. The other day, I even heard The Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels on Oprah talking about the importance of such a list. So I'm going to do that - here are a few things I've thought of and I'll add to the list every week:
- Walk or stand for long periods of time. By that I mean walk a couple miles or stand for more than a few minutes (you know, like several hours at a Bo Bice concert).
- Buy cute clothes! I don't know what it's like to go into a store and be able to actually wear stuff. And have room to go up a size or two! That'll be nice.
- Sit in a booth at a restaurant.
- Cross my legs!
- Look at chairs or seats in movie theaters or stadiums or on patios and wonder if they're strong and/or wide enough.
- Energy. I need me some of that.
I got back from Ohio on Wednesday morning about 4 a.m. after being down there for 8 days. My beloved 93-year-old grandmother passed away; my mother called last Monday and was worried I wouldn't make it down there before she went. Well, she hung on, bless her heart, till Sat. morning around 12:30 a.m. It's hard to wait for someone you love to die. You know it's the right thing, that it's time and she needs to go, but it's still so difficult to bear. She was the grande dame of our entire extended family. She will be missed. http://www.boyerfuneral.com/ (click on Hazel A. Brannan)
I tried my best to stick to the healthy eating thing while I was there but it was hard. My parents own a restaurant and we ate there every day instead of my mom having to cook. I made pretty good choices most of the time and I did exercise a couple times. All told, I was still prepared for a nasty number on the scale. Not too bad...I only gained a pound. I'll take it, believe me. *whew*
I have read many articles about the need for weight-loss patients, or anyone losing a great deal of weight, to make a list of things they want to do when they reach their goal weight. Things we can't do now because of our size or health problems or whatever. The other day, I even heard The Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels on Oprah talking about the importance of such a list. So I'm going to do that - here are a few things I've thought of and I'll add to the list every week:
- Walk or stand for long periods of time. By that I mean walk a couple miles or stand for more than a few minutes (you know, like several hours at a Bo Bice concert).
- Buy cute clothes! I don't know what it's like to go into a store and be able to actually wear stuff. And have room to go up a size or two! That'll be nice.
- Sit in a booth at a restaurant.
- Cross my legs!
- Look at chairs or seats in movie theaters or stadiums or on patios and wonder if they're strong and/or wide enough.
- Energy. I need me some of that.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Attitude
This past week was better in terms of my mental state than the week before. It showed on the scale because I lost 5 pounds for a total of 30. I need to lose 10 more before April 24. Cross your fingers, folks. I've had some good and bad weeks so nothing is guaranteed.
I've been letting myself have one "cheat day" a week the past few weeks. Always on the weekend, because that's the hardest time for me. I can stay in a routine during the workweek, but it's tougher on weekends. I will eat something I "used to eat", but just smaller or healthier portions. Like the pizza I got last week when I finally caved - thin crust, easy on cheese, chicken breast & turkey bacon whereas before it would've been extra cheese, thick crust, loaded with fatty meat. I'm not sure about this though. After the surgery, I won't even be able to have a stray 'cheat day' here and there. We'll see how it progresses.
My hero Ruby Gettinger was on Oprah last week visiting an obesity rehab center in New York. She spoke about how food is an addiction and we need to treat it as such. I thought this was timely for me, considering my most recent blog. The night before her appearance, she sent out a bulk message on Facebook letting her fans know and ended it with this quote: "You conquer when you learn to hang on one minute longer." Yep. Words of wisdom to be sure.
Attitude is very important - she also spoke about how grateful she was. Grateful that she never had a heart attack, could always get around and go places even when she was 700 lbs., etc. I feel much the same way. Though I do have some health problems, this body of mine still carries me around and works for me despite the abuse I have heaped upon it. I have to be indebted to it for its strength and patience with me as I've floundered through life not paying any attention to it.
Oprah expressed surprise when Ruby said she always went out with friends and lived her life, even at her highest weight. I've been the same - it never occurred to me not to leave the house for self-pitying reasons or fear of ridicule. Oh, I've had my fair share of ridicule - stares, pointing, snickers - but it doesn't stop me from living. If I want to go to a rock concert, where I know my ass will most likely not fit in the damn seat, I'll go anyway. I usually sit down on the edge, jokingly apologize to the person next to me and enjoy the show. Only once (at a Bo show in Berea, Ohio) have I experienced someone kinda flipping out and refusing to sit next to me. Screw 'em! I have just as much right to be there as they do. If I want to get on a plane, well, yeah....I have to buy 2 seats. But I do, and I go, despite the stares of people when I board and that 'Oh-god-please-don't-let-her-sit-next-to-me' panic flashes in their eyes.
Hint: Fly Southwest. They have a policy whereby they will refund a second-seat purchase if the flight isn't sold out. Awesome!
No, I need to be grateful for the life I've had. And before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me.
When I went to see Dr. Genaw, he asked me what I do all day. Um...work? His response was "Good for you." He seemed shocked that I had a full-time job! So many people my size with my health problems are on disability, I suppose he was surprised. Hell yes I work. I work, I play, I love...I create and I LIVE. There are lots of things that will be easier for me, physically, after I lose all this weight. But right now I still do what I can. I'm starting to see that might give me a leg up on some other people who are as big as me.
Attitude is everything and I guess I already have the right one. Or at least the building blocks of it! Sure I get down and negative sometimes (see last blog..LOL) but as far as me actually living my life...I'm already there. That has to be a good thing.
I've been letting myself have one "cheat day" a week the past few weeks. Always on the weekend, because that's the hardest time for me. I can stay in a routine during the workweek, but it's tougher on weekends. I will eat something I "used to eat", but just smaller or healthier portions. Like the pizza I got last week when I finally caved - thin crust, easy on cheese, chicken breast & turkey bacon whereas before it would've been extra cheese, thick crust, loaded with fatty meat. I'm not sure about this though. After the surgery, I won't even be able to have a stray 'cheat day' here and there. We'll see how it progresses.
My hero Ruby Gettinger was on Oprah last week visiting an obesity rehab center in New York. She spoke about how food is an addiction and we need to treat it as such. I thought this was timely for me, considering my most recent blog. The night before her appearance, she sent out a bulk message on Facebook letting her fans know and ended it with this quote: "You conquer when you learn to hang on one minute longer." Yep. Words of wisdom to be sure.
Attitude is very important - she also spoke about how grateful she was. Grateful that she never had a heart attack, could always get around and go places even when she was 700 lbs., etc. I feel much the same way. Though I do have some health problems, this body of mine still carries me around and works for me despite the abuse I have heaped upon it. I have to be indebted to it for its strength and patience with me as I've floundered through life not paying any attention to it.
Oprah expressed surprise when Ruby said she always went out with friends and lived her life, even at her highest weight. I've been the same - it never occurred to me not to leave the house for self-pitying reasons or fear of ridicule. Oh, I've had my fair share of ridicule - stares, pointing, snickers - but it doesn't stop me from living. If I want to go to a rock concert, where I know my ass will most likely not fit in the damn seat, I'll go anyway. I usually sit down on the edge, jokingly apologize to the person next to me and enjoy the show. Only once (at a Bo show in Berea, Ohio) have I experienced someone kinda flipping out and refusing to sit next to me. Screw 'em! I have just as much right to be there as they do. If I want to get on a plane, well, yeah....I have to buy 2 seats. But I do, and I go, despite the stares of people when I board and that 'Oh-god-please-don't-let-her-sit-next-to-me' panic flashes in their eyes.
Hint: Fly Southwest. They have a policy whereby they will refund a second-seat purchase if the flight isn't sold out. Awesome!
No, I need to be grateful for the life I've had. And before it gets to the point where I need assistance in walking across the floor, I have to do THIS so I never find TLC knocking at my door wanting to do a special on the shut-in. No, never, not me.
When I went to see Dr. Genaw, he asked me what I do all day. Um...work? His response was "Good for you." He seemed shocked that I had a full-time job! So many people my size with my health problems are on disability, I suppose he was surprised. Hell yes I work. I work, I play, I love...I create and I LIVE. There are lots of things that will be easier for me, physically, after I lose all this weight. But right now I still do what I can. I'm starting to see that might give me a leg up on some other people who are as big as me.
Attitude is everything and I guess I already have the right one. Or at least the building blocks of it! Sure I get down and negative sometimes (see last blog..LOL) but as far as me actually living my life...I'm already there. That has to be a good thing.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My pants are longer
The past couple of days have been a little odd. I'm feeling off-kilter; I think it's about to be that time of the month and I've been struggling with cravings - especially over the weekend. I've been trying to exercise more to offset the extra calories. Not like I'm eating a whole lot, but I just worry about it.
But something GOOD to come about lately is I think I'm starting to notice a change in my body. It seems to have happened all at once. Even other people seem to be picking up on it - I've had 4 people at work ask me about my weight loss. One of my co-workers put it this way: "Cindy, how much have you lost, anyway? I can tell you're losing just by the way you walk around." She means that I, uh, CAN walk around. Walk - instead of waddle, hobble, whatever. Yes! I can walk around better. It's a small thing, but I have noticed it. I no longer dread getting out of my chair to go ask someone a question in another department or get something off the printer. I'm up and down much easier these days.
And my pants are longer.
I noticed this on Monday when I got dressed. When I pulled the pant legs on, I had to inch them up past my feet more than usual - they were nearly dragging the floor. I know from experience that means they're looser. So that's a good thing.
I don't know if any of you saw Ruby Gettinger on Oprah this past Monday. She is the star of a reality show called "Ruby" on the Style Network in the U.S. and on E! in Canada. She once weighed over 700 pounds and is now down to almost 350. Can we talk about an inspiration? I first saw a full-page ad for her show in People magazine last summer and was immediately drawn to this woman whose body looked so much like mine. You don't see that much in national magazines. I had to wait a few months for it to premiere in Canada, but I've seen every episode and won't let Erich take them off the pvr! I adore her. She is me. It's touching, hysterical and sad all at the same time. 90% of the things she goes through or talks about, I can relate to. You can check her out here: http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp or see the links at the bottom of the page.
But something GOOD to come about lately is I think I'm starting to notice a change in my body. It seems to have happened all at once. Even other people seem to be picking up on it - I've had 4 people at work ask me about my weight loss. One of my co-workers put it this way: "Cindy, how much have you lost, anyway? I can tell you're losing just by the way you walk around." She means that I, uh, CAN walk around. Walk - instead of waddle, hobble, whatever. Yes! I can walk around better. It's a small thing, but I have noticed it. I no longer dread getting out of my chair to go ask someone a question in another department or get something off the printer. I'm up and down much easier these days.
And my pants are longer.
I noticed this on Monday when I got dressed. When I pulled the pant legs on, I had to inch them up past my feet more than usual - they were nearly dragging the floor. I know from experience that means they're looser. So that's a good thing.
I don't know if any of you saw Ruby Gettinger on Oprah this past Monday. She is the star of a reality show called "Ruby" on the Style Network in the U.S. and on E! in Canada. She once weighed over 700 pounds and is now down to almost 350. Can we talk about an inspiration? I first saw a full-page ad for her show in People magazine last summer and was immediately drawn to this woman whose body looked so much like mine. You don't see that much in national magazines. I had to wait a few months for it to premiere in Canada, but I've seen every episode and won't let Erich take them off the pvr! I adore her. She is me. It's touching, hysterical and sad all at the same time. 90% of the things she goes through or talks about, I can relate to. You can check her out here: http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp or see the links at the bottom of the page.
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