Okay

I'm so sick of not being able to eat. I made two full racks of ribs tonight for dinner, with Jack Daniels bbq sauce. I had the racks in the freezer in the same pkg. so I had to make them together. Well, Erich is up to his ass in ribs because I took two bites and it all came right back up.

I'm really frustrated. I can eat pulled pork; but not ribs (both slow cooked and moistened with bbq sauce...makes NO sense). I can eat ground beef; but not a roast that's been in a crock pot all freakin' day (yet pulled pork is ok???). I can eat chicken thighs; but no other form of chicken, period. Broad noodles seem to work ok; not the elbow macaroni in mac & cheese. I can have high-fat regular pepperoni; but not the low-fat turkey Pepperettes (which I tried unsuccessfully to have for lunch today). Any sort of cheese seems good. And potatoes. Um...I can't live on chicken thighs, pulled pork, cheese and potatoes. GAH!! Dry cereal works....

Erich told me tonight that I was like a baby. I have to test every new food in the universe with no earthly idea if it will be palatable to me. True. And ridiculous. This is one of those days where I'm asking myself 'what have I done'???

I'm running out of supplements that I bought at the hospital when I was released. So I go to the pharmacy tonight to try and find suitable replacements. Again, ridiculous. Most of the time, I love living in Canada. I really do. But holy christ, there are no such things as over-the-counter iron supplements here?? What?? They were behind the pharmacy counter, only two types available, both totally unsuitable. Please don't email me telling me you found X iron at the whatever pharmacy in wherever, Ontario. I can't seem to find it HERE in Kitchener and that, to me, is a problem. I tried to order the iron supplement I'm on now since I don't mind the taste of it, but it was $20 to ship to Canada....for $10 vitamins. *pulls hair in frustration* I tried to find biotin. No one knew what the hell I was talking about. Ridiculous. It's like a treasure hunt up here trying to find everything I need, food-wise, supplement-wise, medicine-wise, everything-wise. Finding sugar-free food alone is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

This is twice now that me hugging the porcelain goddess after dinner has prevented me from going to the pool. I'm going to have to start eating a totally safe food on nights I plan to go there. I'm so pissed off right now. Today has been a helluva day.

I guess I'm afraid this will never friggin' end. I just seem to be having a lot of trouble. I hear people say 'yeah, I'm 3 months post-op and can eat pretty much anything I could before surgery just not as much' and I want to scream. I'm so afraid that my life now is resigned to this. It really sucks. Most days, I recognize things will most likely change but some days it's hard. It's super hard.

One bright spot is my dad emailed me the pictures from our family reunion. My parents desperately need a new digital camera. But I was glad to see the pics nevertheless.

Here's myself and Erich (click to enlarge):


I did go to the pool the other night, and I walked last night. I have finally reached my 100 lb. goal, too. So it's not all bad.

Ok, I'm done now. I'm going to bed.