In the past year or so, I've had to do A LOT of shopping. Replacing one's wardrobe a couple of times will force that upon you. Not that I'm complaining. It's all good. 444-pound-girl shopping is quite different from 200-pound-girl shopping as you can imagine. Some things about it were surprising, some expected. But I've learned a few things along the way and thought I'd share them with you.
I realize the fact that I speak of myself with JOY and satisfaction as a 200-pound person might seem a little psycho to most people - especially women - in the world who might be prone to slit their wrists if they woke up tomorrow and weighed 200 pounds. But honestly, 200 pounds is a lot more than I could've hoped for. It's hard to believe I weigh that little. So you have to bear with me and think in relative terms; my 200 pounds is your 120. Ok? Ok.
So if you ever decide to lose a hundred pounds or two, here's what you might expect when it comes to your wardrobe.
- If you can straddle plus and regular sizes, you will have a lot more clothing options available. Again, I know most of you never want to see a plus-size department again in your life and that's completely understandable. But for the rest of us, it can be handy. If an XL is manufactured 'small', I can always move up to a 1X. Or, conversely, I can move down to a large. Women's sizes are all over the place. Pre-op, I mostly wore a 6X but had everything from 5X to 8X in my closet. It's no different now. I have size large to 2X and I can wear them all.
- The XLs go first. I've been at the bigger end of the plus sizes and am now at the bigger end of the 'regular' sizes. And the story is the same. If there's an XL to be had, I better buy it because it won't be there when I go back. I have to dig and hunt for the XLs buried among a vast, mostly ignored avalanche of extra-smalls and smalls with a few mediums thrown in. I used to wade through clearance racks full of 1X and 2X; now it's extra-small and small. Same shit, different day!
- However, don't skip the clearance rack! You might get lucky. I got a pair of my Sweetheart jeans at Old Navy last night for $10. That's right....$10. Size 16, too. And they had 18s! I love Old Navy.
- Don't get so excited over the fact that you can get smaller clothes that you go buy a whole new wardrobe when you still have 100 pounds to lose. Buy a little at a time. You're still going to have to toss things you've only worn a few times because you have to have clothes to wear! But there's no point in getting 10 shirts that you'll only be able to wear for a few months.
- While looking for a coat, I found that mediums were plentiful - XL not so much. Does that mean there are very few mediums out there? Doesn't medium mean, well, medium - as in the "norm"? I don't think there are very many normal women. Or at least, what clothing manufacturers think of as normal. Deep thoughts. Just sayin'.
- Thrift stores are your friend. Seriously, if you have to literally replace everything, don't be skeered. I've found great clothes that look like new. Jeans for $8; shirts for $5. Not to mention the Guess & Chanel handbags I've scored. The used shoes give me the creeps, though. I ain't buying used shoes. ~shivers~
- I'm sick of the cap-sleeve bullshit and I'm sure I'm not alone. Hey designers!! Build a bridge and get over it! Thanks.
- What the hell is up with boots? Supposedly the average American woman is a size 14. Dude, I'm there without the excess skin around my middle. I'm soooo there. I'm maybe even smaller than that. So why can't I find boots to go around my calves??? It makes me bonkers. I really expected to go into any store and get boots this fall. It ain't happening. I'm going to have to order some with wide calves (the ones Erich bought for me are for wide calves). Grrrr....
- So yeah, not everything will fall into place. You may still not be able to wear the clothes you thought you might. Build a bridge and get over it. *saw that on a sign last night and I'm stealing it forever* Be grateful for what you have and let it go.
- Annnnd you will buy things just because you CAN wear it. Doesn't mean you should. There are many things in the plus-size department that fall into this category. Size 5X belly shirts come to mind. (Seriously? Come on...if you're a 5X and wear a belly shirt, you probably deserve to be laughed at. I love you but get real.) With the 'regular-sized' folks, it's more of an age-appropriate question. Oh, I'm guilty. Ripped, sparkly jeans. Acid-washed black & white jeans. Denim jeggings??? Sign me up! Now, I'm 40. I don't need to be wearing that stuff. But I have them in my closet! Inexplicably and wrongly. You know I wore that shit back in the '80s. They say if you're old enough to have worn the trend the first time, you're too old when it comes back around. That's probably true. Well. If I could find a pair of boots to go with the jeggings...(NO. Just no.) I do wear my ripped jeans on weekends, though. Heh.
- Learn when to get rid of your fat clothes. I once pulled a size 5X blouse out of my closet. This was about two months ago. WTF? Why am I holding onto that? Get it the hell out of there. You're not going back. You don't need it. I've gone through all my clothes several times in the past year but somehow that one stayed on the hanger. Odd. Toss it. Build a bridge and get over it.
- But keep a few things just to see where you've been and how far you've come. It's cool to pull on your former favorite items of clothing to see how they now fall off your body. You've worked hard. When we see ourselves every day, it's sometimes hard to remember just how much we've lost. Never forget. This is very important. I have a small bag in my closet with some pre-op clothing I will never part with.
- I find myself thinking about how I will look in something before I buy it (jeggings excepted). That's not something I gave a whole lot of thought to pre-op. I bought it if I could fit into it and I liked it. This is different from thinking about how good you look in an outfit. If I liked the color or pattern of a blouse, I'd buy it even if it made me look washed out or something like that. I find myself drawn to colors I've never worn before. Bending over in a fitting room to see if my butt looks ok in the jeans I'm trying on. LMAO! That one kills me. I did it automatically one day and cracked myself the hell up.
- Which means you will use mirrors now. I hardly ever looked in a mirror pre-op. I knew I looked like crap, there was no need to confirm it. Now I look in a full-length mirror every morning to see everything is ok before I walk out the door. A revelation. Something I never, ever did before. The fit, the way my body looks is now something I pay attention to. And if I don't look my best in it, the chances are I'll go change. It adds time to my morning routine and has made me late for work a couple times! I'm going to try and lay out my clothes the night before and see how that works.
It's a whole new world, I'm telling you. Fun but strange. I think I'm going through a stage now that most women experience when they're 12 or 13. Self-discovery, finding out what works for me. It's a very odd thing.
I gained a couple pounds last week, as expected. Didn't exercise much, didn't eat very well. It's my fault, I know it, and I know why it happened. I do hate being a girl sometimes! LOL! Back on the horse this week though. I'm too close to the brass ring to backslide now.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
When life is hard, you have to change
I didn't really know what to write today. I knew I want to; I knew I needed to; but I couldn't think of a real theme. Writer's block I guess. Sometimes I just start writing and it all comes together. That happened this morning, for sure.
I hit a major mini-goal this week! I'm under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 12. It's really odd to see/hear "one-hundred" at the beginning of my weight from my talking scale. She's probably shocked, too. I worked hard for it this week, I ain't gonna lie. I exercised pretty much every day, drank tons of water and watched my sodium and carbs. A four-pound loss feels pretty good and accurate! This is better than the one-pound-a-week crap I was having over the summer. Finally, it feels like my body is back on track.
My goal is a mere five pounds away. What should I do to reward myself, other than the final heart in my tattoo? Erich and I have been thinking about getting a cat for a long time, so we're revisiting that idea. I'd love to have a Russian Blue kitten and another black kitten and watch them grow up together.
There were a few things I didn't get to do over the summer, one of which was going to an amusement park and getting on some rides that I wouldn't have fit onto before. Canada's Wonderland has a Halloween Haunt all during October. This is like the best of both worlds as I am a Halloween freak! Thinking hard about that one. Hmmm. I dunno, but I feel like I want to celebrate in some way.
That Camaro Erich bought for me when I lost 50 percent of my body weight is just about ready for the road. He's been working on it when the weather allows - it's been raining a lot on weekends here, so he's doing the best he can - and I can't wait to drive it.
It sure would be nice to hit my final goal next week. I'm going to continue to do everything that has worked in the past and I guess we'll see what the scale says Friday morning.
Now that everything is kind of winding down, I feel a mix of emotions. Incredible relief that this phase is almost over yet weirdly nostalgic at the same time. It doesn't make much sense to me that I'm almost a little sad that it'll be over soon! What does that mean? I have a strange little brain. Maybe the emotion I feel is just what comes along with an achievement like this. It's a little overwhelming to have one of your life's dreams be so close you can reach out and touch it. It makes me feel like there are other dreams I might be able to accomplish, too. It makes more seem possible.
Something happened to me a couple weeks ago that I posted about on my Facebook page but didn't share here. It was a Friday night and Erich was working so I decided to do something I'd always wanted to do but had never been physically able to.
My city has a pretty lively downtown area. People who live in the area complain about how no one goes there and the high crime levels. I think that's crap. Kitchener's downtown is clean, the storefronts are occupied and there are always people - of all ages - milling around. Most of the American downtown areas I've seen are ghost towns in comparison. I feel totally safe downtown, too.
I'd always passed the little stores downtown - in my car - and thought about how nice it would be to walk up one side of King Street and down the other, winding in and out of all the eclectic shops. There is no way I could've done that pre-op. So when I got off work that Friday, I parked near city hall and started walking. I wasn't disappointed for there are many things down there that you cannot find at the mall or Walmart. And that's a good thing. LOL! So I was having a ball when I came to a store with a curved front; that is, the entrance curved inward from the windows.
As I'm walking down the sidewalk, I see this woman approaching me out of my peripheral vision. I'm looking down, but I can see her legs walking towards me. I'm thinking she's going to go around me, but instead she's heading right for me. I glanced up and saw she wasn't stopping, so I stopped. When I stopped, she stopped. Huh? Oh...it's me. It wasn't till I stopped that I realized I was seeing my reflection in the storefront. Do you have any idea how freaky that is? LOL! I had to take a moment, you know? I looked around and there wasn't anyone else in my immediate line of sight. It was so weird to realize that I don't even recognize myself anymore.
As I near my goal, I think to myself 'am I as new on the inside as I am the outside?' Sure, there are a lot of things about me that have changed. Emotionally, I'm very different from the person who started this journey 19 months ago. How much do I want to allow myself to change, though? It's important to actively participate in positive change. As in all things, balance is key. I don't want to change too much. I liked a lot about who I was when I weighed 444 pounds. And a lot needed to change. I feel like I'm coming out of this whole thing a better version of me.
The title of this blog comes from the Blind Melon song Change . Bo sang it nearly five years ago in Cleveland, Ohio at the House of Blues. His life was changing completely at the time and I believe that's why he chose the song. I watched this again few minutes ago for the first time in a long time and thought I'd share it.
I hit a major mini-goal this week! I'm under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 12. It's really odd to see/hear "one-hundred" at the beginning of my weight from my talking scale. She's probably shocked, too. I worked hard for it this week, I ain't gonna lie. I exercised pretty much every day, drank tons of water and watched my sodium and carbs. A four-pound loss feels pretty good and accurate! This is better than the one-pound-a-week crap I was having over the summer. Finally, it feels like my body is back on track.
My goal is a mere five pounds away. What should I do to reward myself, other than the final heart in my tattoo? Erich and I have been thinking about getting a cat for a long time, so we're revisiting that idea. I'd love to have a Russian Blue kitten and another black kitten and watch them grow up together.
There were a few things I didn't get to do over the summer, one of which was going to an amusement park and getting on some rides that I wouldn't have fit onto before. Canada's Wonderland has a Halloween Haunt all during October. This is like the best of both worlds as I am a Halloween freak! Thinking hard about that one. Hmmm. I dunno, but I feel like I want to celebrate in some way.
That Camaro Erich bought for me when I lost 50 percent of my body weight is just about ready for the road. He's been working on it when the weather allows - it's been raining a lot on weekends here, so he's doing the best he can - and I can't wait to drive it.
It sure would be nice to hit my final goal next week. I'm going to continue to do everything that has worked in the past and I guess we'll see what the scale says Friday morning.
Now that everything is kind of winding down, I feel a mix of emotions. Incredible relief that this phase is almost over yet weirdly nostalgic at the same time. It doesn't make much sense to me that I'm almost a little sad that it'll be over soon! What does that mean? I have a strange little brain. Maybe the emotion I feel is just what comes along with an achievement like this. It's a little overwhelming to have one of your life's dreams be so close you can reach out and touch it. It makes me feel like there are other dreams I might be able to accomplish, too. It makes more seem possible.
Something happened to me a couple weeks ago that I posted about on my Facebook page but didn't share here. It was a Friday night and Erich was working so I decided to do something I'd always wanted to do but had never been physically able to.
My city has a pretty lively downtown area. People who live in the area complain about how no one goes there and the high crime levels. I think that's crap. Kitchener's downtown is clean, the storefronts are occupied and there are always people - of all ages - milling around. Most of the American downtown areas I've seen are ghost towns in comparison. I feel totally safe downtown, too.
I'd always passed the little stores downtown - in my car - and thought about how nice it would be to walk up one side of King Street and down the other, winding in and out of all the eclectic shops. There is no way I could've done that pre-op. So when I got off work that Friday, I parked near city hall and started walking. I wasn't disappointed for there are many things down there that you cannot find at the mall or Walmart. And that's a good thing. LOL! So I was having a ball when I came to a store with a curved front; that is, the entrance curved inward from the windows.
As I'm walking down the sidewalk, I see this woman approaching me out of my peripheral vision. I'm looking down, but I can see her legs walking towards me. I'm thinking she's going to go around me, but instead she's heading right for me. I glanced up and saw she wasn't stopping, so I stopped. When I stopped, she stopped. Huh? Oh...it's me. It wasn't till I stopped that I realized I was seeing my reflection in the storefront. Do you have any idea how freaky that is? LOL! I had to take a moment, you know? I looked around and there wasn't anyone else in my immediate line of sight. It was so weird to realize that I don't even recognize myself anymore.
As I near my goal, I think to myself 'am I as new on the inside as I am the outside?' Sure, there are a lot of things about me that have changed. Emotionally, I'm very different from the person who started this journey 19 months ago. How much do I want to allow myself to change, though? It's important to actively participate in positive change. As in all things, balance is key. I don't want to change too much. I liked a lot about who I was when I weighed 444 pounds. And a lot needed to change. I feel like I'm coming out of this whole thing a better version of me.
The title of this blog comes from the Blind Melon song Change . Bo sang it nearly five years ago in Cleveland, Ohio at the House of Blues. His life was changing completely at the time and I believe that's why he chose the song. I watched this again few minutes ago for the first time in a long time and thought I'd share it.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Twelve
Take a look at the 12-year-old girl in the photo below. She's smart, funny, fairly well-adjusted. She's holding her pet kitty - the obsession with cats continues to this day - and squinting into the camera. She hasn't quite figured out what the hell to do with her curly, full-bodied hair and is still fighting nature, brushing it out so it looks a little weird. The green t-shirt she's wearing most likely says 'Jasper Wildcats' on the front, a tribute to her elementary school.
Most people are awkward at 12 and I was no exception. The age of 12 marks a milestone for me, though. I remember stepping on the scale at some point during that year and seeing the weight '203'. I remember because I was shocked to see that I weighed over 200 pounds. I have always been a big girl. Always the tallest, always 'big-boned', even in kindergarten before I got really 'fat'. By the time I was 12, I was at least 5'6" and weighed 203 pounds. You might think this made my life miserable at school. With the exception of a few idiots along the way, I was good. I got along with pretty much everyone in every social strata and got good grades. I remember one boy making a comment to me, loudly, in front of my entire class when I was 12. Most of the other kids pounced on HIM, telling him how rude and awful he was - he didn't understand these people were all my friends. The most vocal in her outrage to him was the most popular girl in class, who is still my friend on Facebook and I love her (even though she is still impossibly beautiful...LOL). You see, it was he who was the outcast, not me. No one laughed with him like he expected. So I was lucky.
But my weight kept going up and up. The number I was so shocked to see at 12 managed to elude me no matter how much I tried to diet back down to it as an adult. I would've loved to have seen '203' again.
I bring all this up because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale, 28 years later, there it was. "Two-hundred and three pounds" my talking scale squawked back at me.
I started out the week at 215. Oh yes. I had gained one pound before I started the 5-Day Pouch Test I referred to in my last blog, putting me at 210. I started the 'detox' on Monday and weighed myself that night like an idiot. I do know better than to weigh myself at night. But I guess I was too excited to see if that pound I'd gained was gone. Well, slap me silly because I'd gained 5 more. I really wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and not come back out. WTF?? This had never happened to me since my surgery. Ever.
But.....over the weekend I ate things I probably shouldn't have. Salty things like popcorn, a piece of fried chicken. A few chips with dip. Which is weird because I don't normally eat stuff like that - once in a while, but not all at once. LOL! Maybe subconsciously I was thinking that because I would be so deprived in the coming week that I'd better eat while I can. That's the only way I can explain it.
The pouch test wasn't so bad, really. It was a lot like going back to the newly post-op days. Two days of liquids, one of soft protein (eggs, canned fish, soft fish), one of firm protein (ground meat, salmon), and one of solid protein (white meat poultry, steak). The second day of the liquids was the hardest. I was getting pretty hungry by the end of the day. Protein shakes, Jell-O and cream-based soup just wasn't cutting it. But man alive, I did that for a whole week pre-op so I just kept telling myself to suck it up. I am a strong bitch when I have to be.
The whole point of the pouch test is to train your brain - and that pouch, the ultimate tool in weight-loss maintenance - what to expect at mealtime. It actually firms the pouch up a bit. It worked well for me, I think. I went back to the days when one hard-boiled egg left me feeling very full. I even noticed yesterday, as I went back to 'normal' eating, that I could eat neither as much in volume nor as quickly as I could a week ago. Which is a good thing. I don't want to become too 'normal' when I eat. It's too easy to slip back and before you know it, you've put on 20 pounds. I've heard this so often from other gastric bypass patients. I'm going to try and do anything and everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to me.
Erich described this plan as sort of a 're-calibration' of the tool. That's pretty accurate. I think I'll use this plan at least once a year, maybe twice, to keep things on track.
I had a few headaches along the way as my body was ridding itself of garbage carbs and excess water. Other than that there were no side effects for me unless you count endless trips to the bathroom! I think this plan got me back on track with my water, which had been lacking for a few of months now. Obviously I needed to flush out my system.
So I lost 12 pounds in the five days I was on the plan. It's hard to describe the state I'm in right now. I was 12 years old the last time I weighed 203 pounds. Very soon, I'll be UNDER 200 pounds! That's incredible to me. And soon after that, I'll be at goal. I'm nine pounds away at this point and am going to start thinking about the design of the final heart that will go at the top of my heart tower tattoo on my back. For those who may not know, I have four hearts tattooed on my upper back leading up towards my neck. One heart for every 50 pounds lost. The goal is to lose 250 pounds and I'm almost ready for the fifth and final heart.
Erich and I stopped in yesterday to see Tim (the tattoo guy) and possibly make an appointment. It's tough to get in to see him on weekends, which is the only time I can go. Tim doesn't work nights and I would want him and him alone to do any tattoo I might get. He said not to worry about an appointment, that when I hit the goal, call him and he'll do the tattoo, even if he has to stay late or whatever he has to do to fit me in. Awesome. Love that guy.
Starting weight: 444
Present weight: 203
Pounds to goal: 9
And away we go.
Most people are awkward at 12 and I was no exception. The age of 12 marks a milestone for me, though. I remember stepping on the scale at some point during that year and seeing the weight '203'. I remember because I was shocked to see that I weighed over 200 pounds. I have always been a big girl. Always the tallest, always 'big-boned', even in kindergarten before I got really 'fat'. By the time I was 12, I was at least 5'6" and weighed 203 pounds. You might think this made my life miserable at school. With the exception of a few idiots along the way, I was good. I got along with pretty much everyone in every social strata and got good grades. I remember one boy making a comment to me, loudly, in front of my entire class when I was 12. Most of the other kids pounced on HIM, telling him how rude and awful he was - he didn't understand these people were all my friends. The most vocal in her outrage to him was the most popular girl in class, who is still my friend on Facebook and I love her (even though she is still impossibly beautiful...LOL). You see, it was he who was the outcast, not me. No one laughed with him like he expected. So I was lucky.
But my weight kept going up and up. The number I was so shocked to see at 12 managed to elude me no matter how much I tried to diet back down to it as an adult. I would've loved to have seen '203' again.
I bring all this up because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale, 28 years later, there it was. "Two-hundred and three pounds" my talking scale squawked back at me.
I started out the week at 215. Oh yes. I had gained one pound before I started the 5-Day Pouch Test I referred to in my last blog, putting me at 210. I started the 'detox' on Monday and weighed myself that night like an idiot. I do know better than to weigh myself at night. But I guess I was too excited to see if that pound I'd gained was gone. Well, slap me silly because I'd gained 5 more. I really wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and not come back out. WTF?? This had never happened to me since my surgery. Ever.
But.....over the weekend I ate things I probably shouldn't have. Salty things like popcorn, a piece of fried chicken. A few chips with dip. Which is weird because I don't normally eat stuff like that - once in a while, but not all at once. LOL! Maybe subconsciously I was thinking that because I would be so deprived in the coming week that I'd better eat while I can. That's the only way I can explain it.
The pouch test wasn't so bad, really. It was a lot like going back to the newly post-op days. Two days of liquids, one of soft protein (eggs, canned fish, soft fish), one of firm protein (ground meat, salmon), and one of solid protein (white meat poultry, steak). The second day of the liquids was the hardest. I was getting pretty hungry by the end of the day. Protein shakes, Jell-O and cream-based soup just wasn't cutting it. But man alive, I did that for a whole week pre-op so I just kept telling myself to suck it up. I am a strong bitch when I have to be.
The whole point of the pouch test is to train your brain - and that pouch, the ultimate tool in weight-loss maintenance - what to expect at mealtime. It actually firms the pouch up a bit. It worked well for me, I think. I went back to the days when one hard-boiled egg left me feeling very full. I even noticed yesterday, as I went back to 'normal' eating, that I could eat neither as much in volume nor as quickly as I could a week ago. Which is a good thing. I don't want to become too 'normal' when I eat. It's too easy to slip back and before you know it, you've put on 20 pounds. I've heard this so often from other gastric bypass patients. I'm going to try and do anything and everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to me.
Erich described this plan as sort of a 're-calibration' of the tool. That's pretty accurate. I think I'll use this plan at least once a year, maybe twice, to keep things on track.
I had a few headaches along the way as my body was ridding itself of garbage carbs and excess water. Other than that there were no side effects for me unless you count endless trips to the bathroom! I think this plan got me back on track with my water, which had been lacking for a few of months now. Obviously I needed to flush out my system.
So I lost 12 pounds in the five days I was on the plan. It's hard to describe the state I'm in right now. I was 12 years old the last time I weighed 203 pounds. Very soon, I'll be UNDER 200 pounds! That's incredible to me. And soon after that, I'll be at goal. I'm nine pounds away at this point and am going to start thinking about the design of the final heart that will go at the top of my heart tower tattoo on my back. For those who may not know, I have four hearts tattooed on my upper back leading up towards my neck. One heart for every 50 pounds lost. The goal is to lose 250 pounds and I'm almost ready for the fifth and final heart.
Erich and I stopped in yesterday to see Tim (the tattoo guy) and possibly make an appointment. It's tough to get in to see him on weekends, which is the only time I can go. Tim doesn't work nights and I would want him and him alone to do any tattoo I might get. He said not to worry about an appointment, that when I hit the goal, call him and he'll do the tattoo, even if he has to stay late or whatever he has to do to fit me in. Awesome. Love that guy.
Starting weight: 444
Present weight: 203
Pounds to goal: 9
And away we go.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Fall into place
Fall is just the best. It's always been my favorite time of the year. Usually that's because the hot, humid days of summer are over and I can finally be outside and breathe at the same time again. I was wondering if the same would hold true this year or if I had turned into one of those women screeching about being cold as soon as the thermometer dipped below 85 degrees. Well, I do get cold easier now but I still love the chill in the air...as long as I have a sweater. I went for a long walk on Friday and yesterday just to enjoy the cooler weather. When fall hits, I want to be outside all the time.
For so many people, spring is the season of new beginnings but it's always been fall for me. (I find the word autumn a bit pretentious so I go with fall...sorry.) Fall means comfortable weather, new TV seasons (Dexter, Survivor, Sons of Anarchy, Weeds, The Biggest Loser, Glee, Modern Family, The Tudors, Vampire Diaries and...and..and Dancing with the Stars - OH MY!), kids going back to school, FOOTBALL SEASON, etc. All sorts of my favorite things begin in the fall. PLUS...and here's a biggie....HALLOWEEN is on its way! I'm already thinking about costumes. Heh.
Speaking of costumes. Last winter, Erich bought me some boots on ebay. Mid-calf, three-inch-heeled boots. I haven't had boots since grade school due to the whole calf-like-a-rhinoceros thing so I have been really looking forward to wearing them again now that I'm pretty much the same weight as when I was 12. But last winter, I still couldn't get these boots zipped up my calf. So I put them away thinking maybe they'd work this year. Well, they do. I tried them on the other day and Erich's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. LOL! I told the man when he was looking for the boots last winter - NO HEELS. Cindy does not wear heels. We soon found out why. I was a broken ankle waiting to happen. Couldn't stand, couldn't walk. My balance is crap even when I'm not on stilts. But it was great that I could actually wear them, so we snapped a few pictures. The second one is me damn near falling over - third one is me being a badass. Oh yeah. (Click to enlarge):
It was fun to be silly for a minute. I haven't been doing too well emotionally lately and it's showing on the scale. The stress at home and at work has me worn down. My response to stress has always been to eat too much. Intellectually, I know I need to find a way to get around that but it's tough. An ongoing process. I don't keep crap in the house now so that helps. And truly, I don't want to stuff my face anymore. It's just gross to me, post-op. But the occasional unnecessary snack coupled with very little desire to exercise means no weight loss. I also think my body is trying to settle into maintenance, which pisses me off. I mean, evidently I can maintain doing what I'm doing now which is good - it means I won't have to live like a Food Nun - but I still want to lose weight.
I've had a few people (including Erich) offer up the explanation that the last 15 pounds I'm trying to get off could very possibly be excess skin. I could already be at my goal, technically. And I suppose that's true. Lord knows I need a total body lift at this point plus a tummy tuck, boob job and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few 40-year-olds in the world who needs a facelift. So there's a lot of skin that could come off.
My body is becoming complacent with my routine. So I'm going to give it a little shock and hopefully push the restart button on my weight loss. Fall seems the perfect time. Starting tomorrow and for the next 5 days afterward, I'm going on a sort of 'detox' for gastric bypass patients. It takes you back to the early days right after surgery and re-trains your pouch and, hopefully your brain, what to expect at mealtime. A fellow patient did this plan at about the same point in her journey that I am now and it worked very well for her. I'm going to see what it does for me before I post a link to the plan and recommend it to you all, dear readers. Don't worry, it's not like I'll be slurping cayenne pepper and maple syrup or something (really - that's pretty gross and disturbing). I can eat as much as I like of the things that are on the plan. I will let you all know how it goes.
For so many people, spring is the season of new beginnings but it's always been fall for me. (I find the word autumn a bit pretentious so I go with fall...sorry.) Fall means comfortable weather, new TV seasons (Dexter, Survivor, Sons of Anarchy, Weeds, The Biggest Loser, Glee, Modern Family, The Tudors, Vampire Diaries and...and..and Dancing with the Stars - OH MY!), kids going back to school, FOOTBALL SEASON, etc. All sorts of my favorite things begin in the fall. PLUS...and here's a biggie....HALLOWEEN is on its way! I'm already thinking about costumes. Heh.
Speaking of costumes. Last winter, Erich bought me some boots on ebay. Mid-calf, three-inch-heeled boots. I haven't had boots since grade school due to the whole calf-like-a-rhinoceros thing so I have been really looking forward to wearing them again now that I'm pretty much the same weight as when I was 12. But last winter, I still couldn't get these boots zipped up my calf. So I put them away thinking maybe they'd work this year. Well, they do. I tried them on the other day and Erich's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. LOL! I told the man when he was looking for the boots last winter - NO HEELS. Cindy does not wear heels. We soon found out why. I was a broken ankle waiting to happen. Couldn't stand, couldn't walk. My balance is crap even when I'm not on stilts. But it was great that I could actually wear them, so we snapped a few pictures. The second one is me damn near falling over - third one is me being a badass. Oh yeah. (Click to enlarge):
It was fun to be silly for a minute. I haven't been doing too well emotionally lately and it's showing on the scale. The stress at home and at work has me worn down. My response to stress has always been to eat too much. Intellectually, I know I need to find a way to get around that but it's tough. An ongoing process. I don't keep crap in the house now so that helps. And truly, I don't want to stuff my face anymore. It's just gross to me, post-op. But the occasional unnecessary snack coupled with very little desire to exercise means no weight loss. I also think my body is trying to settle into maintenance, which pisses me off. I mean, evidently I can maintain doing what I'm doing now which is good - it means I won't have to live like a Food Nun - but I still want to lose weight.
I've had a few people (including Erich) offer up the explanation that the last 15 pounds I'm trying to get off could very possibly be excess skin. I could already be at my goal, technically. And I suppose that's true. Lord knows I need a total body lift at this point plus a tummy tuck, boob job and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few 40-year-olds in the world who needs a facelift. So there's a lot of skin that could come off.
My body is becoming complacent with my routine. So I'm going to give it a little shock and hopefully push the restart button on my weight loss. Fall seems the perfect time. Starting tomorrow and for the next 5 days afterward, I'm going on a sort of 'detox' for gastric bypass patients. It takes you back to the early days right after surgery and re-trains your pouch and, hopefully your brain, what to expect at mealtime. A fellow patient did this plan at about the same point in her journey that I am now and it worked very well for her. I'm going to see what it does for me before I post a link to the plan and recommend it to you all, dear readers. Don't worry, it's not like I'll be slurping cayenne pepper and maple syrup or something (really - that's pretty gross and disturbing). I can eat as much as I like of the things that are on the plan. I will let you all know how it goes.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Anticipation is makin' me late
I've been impatient all my life. It's just another one of my many flaws, I suppose! I don't like waiting for anything. I used to hate waiting in line, but I think that had more to do with not being able to physically stand there than anything else. Still...I'm not one for waiting.
So this last 15 pounds or so is driving me nuts with the way it's coming off so slowly! Seriously. I know so-called 'normal, healthy weight loss' is supposed to be one to two pounds a week. But it's killing me. Now I'm not perfect. I eat some things I probably shouldn't and have been known to skip the gym occasionally. If I went all Navy Seal on my body, I could lose it faster. I'm trying to settle into a manageable, lifelong routine of eating and moving - something I can live with forever. I understand that means the weight loss will slow down. That doesn't mean I like it! LOL!
I've had a lot of stress in my life this past week so the Food Brat part of my personality emerged somewhat. Man, sometimes your kids just kill your soul, you know? The disappointment is physically hurtful. Nothing you can do about it. I feel worse for Erich than myself but it is what it is.
I have particular trouble with late-night snacking. I think it's boredom compounded with stress. I need to find other outlets for that time period around 10 p.m. where I think 'Ho-hum, guess I'll have a handful of peanuts' and I'm not even hungry. Now I've said before that I don't believe in cut-off times for eating. If it's 11 p.m. and I'm hungry, I will eat something. The clock doesn't rule my life. But I gotta get rid of the Food Brat. However, when I do snack, I try to make good choices so that's probably what's saving my ass from gaining.
I've lost two pounds this week. On Friday, I was down one and this morning I weighed myself again (I always do before I blog) and was down one more. So I weigh 209 now, 13 pounds to goal. It's so close I can taste it. And I do not want to wait another 13 freakin' weeks to get there. Impatience.
But here's the really weird part. It doesn't seem to matter what I do. I can have a Food Brat week and lose two or three pounds. Then I can be very vigilant about my diet and workouts and lose one. It's really enough to drive a person nuts. My surgeon, Dr. Genaw, told me when I last saw him that varying your caloric intake is good for your metabolism. So maybe - every now and then - having something to eat out of the norm is good for you. Do not go all KFC or Pizza Hut on your diet, but small changes. When I told him my intake varied from 1100-1400 a day, he said that was good as long as I watched that 1400 number, didn't go much higher than that and only occasionally. And I know my trainer told me not to do the same workouts all the time because your body gets used to it and will not respond after a while. I know from experience that is true. I need to switch things up to keep my body guessing.
I have to watch my impatience because that in and of itself can cause stress which brings out the Food Brat and the wheels on the bus go round and round. This week my goal is to find ways to beat back the brat by combating boredom and stress. Wish me luck.
So this last 15 pounds or so is driving me nuts with the way it's coming off so slowly! Seriously. I know so-called 'normal, healthy weight loss' is supposed to be one to two pounds a week. But it's killing me. Now I'm not perfect. I eat some things I probably shouldn't and have been known to skip the gym occasionally. If I went all Navy Seal on my body, I could lose it faster. I'm trying to settle into a manageable, lifelong routine of eating and moving - something I can live with forever. I understand that means the weight loss will slow down. That doesn't mean I like it! LOL!
I've had a lot of stress in my life this past week so the Food Brat part of my personality emerged somewhat. Man, sometimes your kids just kill your soul, you know? The disappointment is physically hurtful. Nothing you can do about it. I feel worse for Erich than myself but it is what it is.
I have particular trouble with late-night snacking. I think it's boredom compounded with stress. I need to find other outlets for that time period around 10 p.m. where I think 'Ho-hum, guess I'll have a handful of peanuts' and I'm not even hungry. Now I've said before that I don't believe in cut-off times for eating. If it's 11 p.m. and I'm hungry, I will eat something. The clock doesn't rule my life. But I gotta get rid of the Food Brat. However, when I do snack, I try to make good choices so that's probably what's saving my ass from gaining.
I've lost two pounds this week. On Friday, I was down one and this morning I weighed myself again (I always do before I blog) and was down one more. So I weigh 209 now, 13 pounds to goal. It's so close I can taste it. And I do not want to wait another 13 freakin' weeks to get there. Impatience.
But here's the really weird part. It doesn't seem to matter what I do. I can have a Food Brat week and lose two or three pounds. Then I can be very vigilant about my diet and workouts and lose one. It's really enough to drive a person nuts. My surgeon, Dr. Genaw, told me when I last saw him that varying your caloric intake is good for your metabolism. So maybe - every now and then - having something to eat out of the norm is good for you. Do not go all KFC or Pizza Hut on your diet, but small changes. When I told him my intake varied from 1100-1400 a day, he said that was good as long as I watched that 1400 number, didn't go much higher than that and only occasionally. And I know my trainer told me not to do the same workouts all the time because your body gets used to it and will not respond after a while. I know from experience that is true. I need to switch things up to keep my body guessing.
I have to watch my impatience because that in and of itself can cause stress which brings out the Food Brat and the wheels on the bus go round and round. This week my goal is to find ways to beat back the brat by combating boredom and stress. Wish me luck.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Memories
I was thinking the other day about memories. Not the kind that are warm & fuzzy, but the kind you think back on and never want to repeat. Memories about the way life used to be for me before I had this surgery. Some might say the life I had pre-op is better left to the ash heap but I feel it's good to keep certain things in mind so when I want to reach for that second Timbit (which, I've decided, are the devil's candy), it's easier to say no.
When choosing this apartment, I had to consider the stairs of the building. Did I want to climb up a flight (or two) or go down a flight? This would determine what floor we lived on. So that's why we have a basement apartment. Not as bad as it sounds - it's really quite nice with tons of large windows. However, I'd love to have a balcony. But that would've meant climbing stairs or living in a more expensive building with an elevator. No balcony for Cindy. Now, when I'm home and want to leave, of course I still have to go up a flight but better that than carrying groceries up some stairs, right?
Carrying groceries. Um yeah. I hardly ever did that. Anything that had to be hauled out of the car was Erich's job. I usually stumbled in the door and collapsed on the couch for about an hour after we went anywhere. I was usually hot, in pain and completely exhausted. I've seen him make 5 or 6 trips to the car to bring stuff in, especially after we'd been on vacation or something. I always felt guilty about that but there was no way I could help him. Now I beat him back and forth to the car, trotting up and down that flight of stairs like it's nothing.
I sit in the bath now and run my hands along the water at my sides and remember when my ass made a pretty good Hoover Dam-like stopper. I remember 20 years ago shopping for a trailer with my ex-husband and one of the main selling points of the eventual winner was the 'garden' tub in the master bathroom. It was about 1-1/2 times as wide as a normal tub - SOLD! I do love my baths. Now the size of the tub really doesn't matter. Even hotel tubs work. This may seem like a small thing, but it's a big deal to me. Also, getting out of the tub used to involve mechanics better reserved for four-point parallel parking. Roll to the side..stop. Grab side of tub and hoist body up on one knee...stop. Count to three then liiiiffffttt!!!...stop. Stand there a second to re-gain balance...stop. Now I simply...get up. Stop.
'Shopping' used to mean two stores. And usually for bottoms only. It was a rare circumstance when I could find a top to fit me anywhere, in any store, plus size or not. Can you imagine what it feels like to try on a 6X - knowing that is the biggest size in any store you can get to - and it doesn't fit? I hoarded clothes. I had shirts in my closet that were more than 10 years old. I wore them long after they should've been thrown out due to wear and tear or style. I never knew where my next shirt was coming from. My mother-in-law made a lot of stuff for me, thank GOD, but I couldn't just go out and get something new. Ever. Now there are things in my closet less than a year - even 6 months - old and I'm having to get rid of them because they're too big. It's a little traumatic for me. I hate to part with my clothes; it's a psychological thing, I guess. I need to remember that I can wear things in any store now. I can always go get more clothes.
I remember when I longed to be invisible. It's an odd thing that the bigger you are, the more people try their best to ignore you and the more you WANT them to do just that because attention you do receive is likely to be condescending or insulting. I don't mind bright colours or tighter clothes now. I don't need or want to hide. I will get on the dance floor, I will walk right past a pack of teenage boys, I will look people in the eye and smile at them. All without fearing being laughed at. It's a work in progress but I'm getting there. Just yesterday I walked past a group of teenagers laughing and talking and didn't have any paranoia that they were laughing at me. That's a good feeling.
I could go on and on and on but you get the idea. I never could've imagined life this way. I've mentioned this word before but it's just freedom. Freedom from fear, really. Fear eats at you till you obey its every whim without a second thought. Letting go of the fucking fear is so hard. People look at me differently now and sometimes I wonder why; that's the old fear creeping in. Don't wonder - just live your life! This is how normal, happy people live. I tell myself 'remember the way life used to be and resolve never to go back'. Sweeping Cindy, right? Out with the old and in with the new.
Now onto lighter subjects. There's a link in the left-hand column to a fantastic blog I visit frequently. The World According to Eggface is very helpful to post-ops. She just gave her blog a facelift and is having a contest to celebrate! She's giving away a variety pack of Torani syrups. These syrups are way cool and very handy to have in the post-op world. They're difficult for Canadians to get our hands on, though, and I usually import them when I got home to Ohio. So, I'm entering. Fellow readers, especially my gastric bypass patient readers, check out Eggface and leave a comment on her contest blog to enter.
I'm gonna post her snazzy new button thingy just because she asked:
When choosing this apartment, I had to consider the stairs of the building. Did I want to climb up a flight (or two) or go down a flight? This would determine what floor we lived on. So that's why we have a basement apartment. Not as bad as it sounds - it's really quite nice with tons of large windows. However, I'd love to have a balcony. But that would've meant climbing stairs or living in a more expensive building with an elevator. No balcony for Cindy. Now, when I'm home and want to leave, of course I still have to go up a flight but better that than carrying groceries up some stairs, right?
Carrying groceries. Um yeah. I hardly ever did that. Anything that had to be hauled out of the car was Erich's job. I usually stumbled in the door and collapsed on the couch for about an hour after we went anywhere. I was usually hot, in pain and completely exhausted. I've seen him make 5 or 6 trips to the car to bring stuff in, especially after we'd been on vacation or something. I always felt guilty about that but there was no way I could help him. Now I beat him back and forth to the car, trotting up and down that flight of stairs like it's nothing.
I sit in the bath now and run my hands along the water at my sides and remember when my ass made a pretty good Hoover Dam-like stopper. I remember 20 years ago shopping for a trailer with my ex-husband and one of the main selling points of the eventual winner was the 'garden' tub in the master bathroom. It was about 1-1/2 times as wide as a normal tub - SOLD! I do love my baths. Now the size of the tub really doesn't matter. Even hotel tubs work. This may seem like a small thing, but it's a big deal to me. Also, getting out of the tub used to involve mechanics better reserved for four-point parallel parking. Roll to the side..stop. Grab side of tub and hoist body up on one knee...stop. Count to three then liiiiffffttt!!!...stop. Stand there a second to re-gain balance...stop. Now I simply...get up. Stop.
'Shopping' used to mean two stores. And usually for bottoms only. It was a rare circumstance when I could find a top to fit me anywhere, in any store, plus size or not. Can you imagine what it feels like to try on a 6X - knowing that is the biggest size in any store you can get to - and it doesn't fit? I hoarded clothes. I had shirts in my closet that were more than 10 years old. I wore them long after they should've been thrown out due to wear and tear or style. I never knew where my next shirt was coming from. My mother-in-law made a lot of stuff for me, thank GOD, but I couldn't just go out and get something new. Ever. Now there are things in my closet less than a year - even 6 months - old and I'm having to get rid of them because they're too big. It's a little traumatic for me. I hate to part with my clothes; it's a psychological thing, I guess. I need to remember that I can wear things in any store now. I can always go get more clothes.
I remember when I longed to be invisible. It's an odd thing that the bigger you are, the more people try their best to ignore you and the more you WANT them to do just that because attention you do receive is likely to be condescending or insulting. I don't mind bright colours or tighter clothes now. I don't need or want to hide. I will get on the dance floor, I will walk right past a pack of teenage boys, I will look people in the eye and smile at them. All without fearing being laughed at. It's a work in progress but I'm getting there. Just yesterday I walked past a group of teenagers laughing and talking and didn't have any paranoia that they were laughing at me. That's a good feeling.
I could go on and on and on but you get the idea. I never could've imagined life this way. I've mentioned this word before but it's just freedom. Freedom from fear, really. Fear eats at you till you obey its every whim without a second thought. Letting go of the fucking fear is so hard. People look at me differently now and sometimes I wonder why; that's the old fear creeping in. Don't wonder - just live your life! This is how normal, happy people live. I tell myself 'remember the way life used to be and resolve never to go back'. Sweeping Cindy, right? Out with the old and in with the new.
Now onto lighter subjects. There's a link in the left-hand column to a fantastic blog I visit frequently. The World According to Eggface is very helpful to post-ops. She just gave her blog a facelift and is having a contest to celebrate! She's giving away a variety pack of Torani syrups. These syrups are way cool and very handy to have in the post-op world. They're difficult for Canadians to get our hands on, though, and I usually import them when I got home to Ohio. So, I'm entering. Fellow readers, especially my gastric bypass patient readers, check out Eggface and leave a comment on her contest blog to enter.
I'm gonna post her snazzy new button thingy just because she asked:
Sunday, August 15, 2010
My life lately
I've lost five pounds in the past couple weeks. For me, this is progress. The weight is coming off verrrryyyy slooowwwly at this point. I'm trying to step it up, mix it up and see what happens. I have been told that your body knows when you've lost enough and will settle into a goal weight of its own choosing. Oh yeah? Well, I'm not done yet. I'm the boss here!
No one has ever mentioned a goal weight to me. Not my family doctor and not anyone at Henry Ford Hospital. I believe there was a conscious effort to just get me to LOSE WEIGHT without obsessing about specific numbers. The losing-250-pounds thing is all me, all my goal. My BMI will still be too high when I get there - still in the 'obese' range. I know that weighing 194 pounds is still 'too much' according to every insurance chart on earth. And I really don't care. I did some figuring and it seems I need to get down to 170 to be on the HIGH end of 'normal'. Well, um...I don't think that's realistic. I would look pretty freakin' skeletal at 170 (remember, I weigh 212 right now). I have no desire to bust my ass fitting some sort of proper mold. I've never been normal before so why bother at this point? This is about as normal as it gets, I think. LOL!
I made a decision a couple weeks ago. Magazines are taking over my life, dude. I once wrote a My Space blog about my obsession with magazines. I don't have time to read actual books anymore! And we won't even go into the expense. So they gotta go. I'm not going cold turkey because there's no way I'm on this planet without People magazine (shut up), but most of them are history. Got two new books recently - Shakespeare Undead and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella (Twilight Saga). Plus I have several more sitting on a shelf that I need to get to. This is all about the new me, I think. Sweeping Cindy - out with the old and in with the new. I can't take the clutter anymore.
I went to the gym on Tuesday and got invited out to coffee. Trouble was, I think she was interested in more than coffee. Ok. I KNOW she was. And yes, she was a she. I go to a women-only gym. Color me shocked! That's a new one. I've seen her there many times but of course my mind never went there. I guess hers did. LOL! WTF? Is there something about me that screams 'lesbian'? I can't figure out why she would proposition me but I have to admit it was flattering. I told her I was married...to a guy...(I specified because gay marriage is legal here) and she went on her way. I told her I was sorry and she said 'No, I'm the one who's sorry. But we can be friends, right?' I said 'sure' and that was it. Odd as a cod, I'm telling you. I'm still not used to men looking at me differently now, let alone a WOMAN making a pass at me. My husband was terribly amused by all of this, as were my male co-workers.
I'm loving Eminem's comeback. I've always absolutely loved him and am sooooo happy to see the success of his new CD, 'Recovery'. Say what you want about him, he's honest. Erich and I are huge fans - he's on my concert wish list. I don't know which current chart hit I like better - 'Not Afraid' or his duet with Rihanna - 'Love the Way You Lie', which must feel like a very personal song to her. Fantastic stuff.
Halloween is about 2-1/2 months away and I'm already so looking forward to it, I can't even explain it! It's always been my favorite holiday but I haven't been able to dress up the way I want to since I was a child out trick-or-treating. This year, I'm going to walk into a store and pick out a cute costume that will fit me just fine. I'm just freakin' STOKED about being able to do that. Last year, I still couldn't wear the plus-sized ones in stores but I was able to order one online (which I'd never been able to do before). I was happy with that costume but hey...it's something else to walk in and pick something out off the rack. Totally can't wait. I'll be doing the time warp with a grin on my face.
So that's all the stuff falling out of my brain this morning. Eighteen more pounds to go till I reach my goal. It really feels within reach and it's exciting.
No one has ever mentioned a goal weight to me. Not my family doctor and not anyone at Henry Ford Hospital. I believe there was a conscious effort to just get me to LOSE WEIGHT without obsessing about specific numbers. The losing-250-pounds thing is all me, all my goal. My BMI will still be too high when I get there - still in the 'obese' range. I know that weighing 194 pounds is still 'too much' according to every insurance chart on earth. And I really don't care. I did some figuring and it seems I need to get down to 170 to be on the HIGH end of 'normal'. Well, um...I don't think that's realistic. I would look pretty freakin' skeletal at 170 (remember, I weigh 212 right now). I have no desire to bust my ass fitting some sort of proper mold. I've never been normal before so why bother at this point? This is about as normal as it gets, I think. LOL!
I made a decision a couple weeks ago. Magazines are taking over my life, dude. I once wrote a My Space blog about my obsession with magazines. I don't have time to read actual books anymore! And we won't even go into the expense. So they gotta go. I'm not going cold turkey because there's no way I'm on this planet without People magazine (shut up), but most of them are history. Got two new books recently - Shakespeare Undead and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella (Twilight Saga). Plus I have several more sitting on a shelf that I need to get to. This is all about the new me, I think. Sweeping Cindy - out with the old and in with the new. I can't take the clutter anymore.
I went to the gym on Tuesday and got invited out to coffee. Trouble was, I think she was interested in more than coffee. Ok. I KNOW she was. And yes, she was a she. I go to a women-only gym. Color me shocked! That's a new one. I've seen her there many times but of course my mind never went there. I guess hers did. LOL! WTF? Is there something about me that screams 'lesbian'? I can't figure out why she would proposition me but I have to admit it was flattering. I told her I was married...to a guy...(I specified because gay marriage is legal here) and she went on her way. I told her I was sorry and she said 'No, I'm the one who's sorry. But we can be friends, right?' I said 'sure' and that was it. Odd as a cod, I'm telling you. I'm still not used to men looking at me differently now, let alone a WOMAN making a pass at me. My husband was terribly amused by all of this, as were my male co-workers.
I'm loving Eminem's comeback. I've always absolutely loved him and am sooooo happy to see the success of his new CD, 'Recovery'. Say what you want about him, he's honest. Erich and I are huge fans - he's on my concert wish list. I don't know which current chart hit I like better - 'Not Afraid' or his duet with Rihanna - 'Love the Way You Lie', which must feel like a very personal song to her. Fantastic stuff.
Halloween is about 2-1/2 months away and I'm already so looking forward to it, I can't even explain it! It's always been my favorite holiday but I haven't been able to dress up the way I want to since I was a child out trick-or-treating. This year, I'm going to walk into a store and pick out a cute costume that will fit me just fine. I'm just freakin' STOKED about being able to do that. Last year, I still couldn't wear the plus-sized ones in stores but I was able to order one online (which I'd never been able to do before). I was happy with that costume but hey...it's something else to walk in and pick something out off the rack. Totally can't wait. I'll be doing the time warp with a grin on my face.
So that's all the stuff falling out of my brain this morning. Eighteen more pounds to go till I reach my goal. It really feels within reach and it's exciting.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Food brat
Are you a food brat? Do you do the mental equivalent of crossing your arms, pouting and whining "But I waaaannnt it!!!" You, too?
Pre-op, I had no limits. If I wanted it and it was in front of me, I ate it. I didn't give much thought to the calories, fat, salt, or sugar in anything I ate. I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I liked - whatever I liked. Think about how crazy that is for a minute. There is precious little that it is ok to have in limitless quantities. There's love. Um, that's about it. And even too much of that can make you just as uncomfortable as inhaling an entire pie or pizza.
Now, it has become second nature to me to read food labels and pay attention to what I put in my mouth. I find myself saying things like "I'm not drinking my calories." or "No bread; it fills me up too much and doesn't leave room for protein."
Erich, my stepdaughter Ericha and I spent the past week in Ohio visiting my family. It never fails - when I go home I eat more. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so comfortable, I get bored without my usual routine, the food choices found there that aren't here, or what it is but it's a pattern I'm noticing the last few times I've been back to Ohio. I tend to snack there, which I don't do much of here. I notice it even when I'm not in Ohio but just on vacation in general. I suppose that's normal for most people but I don't like it and am determined not to let my inner food brat emerge.
I was eating a third handful of cheese doodles at my friend Paris's house on Saturday when it hit me. What the hell??? I'm not hungry. So why am I eating? And something that's total junk, too. I'd been doing similar stuff all week. A cookie here, some chips there. Just because I wanted it? Not a good enough reason. Grow up, Cindy.
The quest for food maturity. Ah yes. That is the goal that must be reached to maintain weight loss. The ability to recognize the difference between want and need. And making the right choices - the ones that will best fuel my body. There is no taking a vacation from being good to yourself.
I'm not saying become a food NAZI. Just strive to do better. Perfection is overrated. That's my theory, anyway. Who needs the ulcer?
I had a wonderful time in the States. My brother didn't recognize me, which was a total hoot. He came into the family reunion, sat down with his family, and after 20 minutes he turned to his wife and said "Where's Cindy?" She pointed at me at the other end of the table and said "She's right there." My brother was quite embarrassed and I'm sure this will be the stuff of family legend for years to come.
It was a relaxing time. Shopping, catching up with old friends and family. That sort of thing. I bought a size-16 pair of jeans at Old Navy - that's the smallest yet. I took an 18 and 20 into the fitting room, came back out and told Erich "They're both too big." I can't keep up sometimes.
The three of us went to the county fair one day and I rode the 'big' rides they had. It was quite a shock because I haven't been on anything like that for a good 15-20 years. But I wanted to do it because I could fit on them. I ventured onto the last one by myself, even.
At the end of the week, we drove to Niagara Falls, New York for a Bo show at the Seneca Falls Casino. What an amazing show! It was Ericha's first time seeing him and man, it was a good one. She really enjoyed herself. We met with him afterwards and she said to me later "I couldn't talk to him. I felt like I was gonna cry for some reason." I just smiled, nodded and said "Welcome to our world." She had fun hanging with all my Bo friends, too. It was good to share that with her. Bo was his sweet self, telling me I "looked beautiful" and "very healthy." Erich forgot his Bo Bice ballcap at home and jokingly apologized to Bo (who had already complimented his CSI cap...LOL). Bo just grinned and said it was ok, he'd see him again. And he will! LOL! I told him Ericha was my daughter and he said "This is your daughter?" then complimented her pink hair. Actually, everywhere we went all week, she got stopped and complimented on her hair. I love it myself and am thinking of some pink highlights or something. Heh.
After sending Ericha back across the border to her mom, Erich and I headed over to Rochester and the Paris Hilton (NY Division). The next day we traveled to Watkins Glen, NY for yet another Bo concert at a NASCAR event. I'm sure Bo was like a giddy little boy for this venue as he is a huge NASCAR fan. Me, not so much. LOL! Lots of walking for that one, plus standing for the entire show; it would've done me in before. No meet and greet afterwards but I did get a wink and a smile as he went onstage. It was a good weekend with wonderful friends and great music.
Despite being a bit of a food brat over the past week, I managed to lose three pounds. So I'm at 214 - 230 lbs. lost, 20 more to go. It's going too slowly. I'm getting set to work my ass off for these last 20 pounds.
Some pics from my summer vacation - the first one there is me with my mother. As always, click to enlarge.
Pre-op, I had no limits. If I wanted it and it was in front of me, I ate it. I didn't give much thought to the calories, fat, salt, or sugar in anything I ate. I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I liked - whatever I liked. Think about how crazy that is for a minute. There is precious little that it is ok to have in limitless quantities. There's love. Um, that's about it. And even too much of that can make you just as uncomfortable as inhaling an entire pie or pizza.
Now, it has become second nature to me to read food labels and pay attention to what I put in my mouth. I find myself saying things like "I'm not drinking my calories." or "No bread; it fills me up too much and doesn't leave room for protein."
Erich, my stepdaughter Ericha and I spent the past week in Ohio visiting my family. It never fails - when I go home I eat more. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so comfortable, I get bored without my usual routine, the food choices found there that aren't here, or what it is but it's a pattern I'm noticing the last few times I've been back to Ohio. I tend to snack there, which I don't do much of here. I notice it even when I'm not in Ohio but just on vacation in general. I suppose that's normal for most people but I don't like it and am determined not to let my inner food brat emerge.
I was eating a third handful of cheese doodles at my friend Paris's house on Saturday when it hit me. What the hell??? I'm not hungry. So why am I eating? And something that's total junk, too. I'd been doing similar stuff all week. A cookie here, some chips there. Just because I wanted it? Not a good enough reason. Grow up, Cindy.
The quest for food maturity. Ah yes. That is the goal that must be reached to maintain weight loss. The ability to recognize the difference between want and need. And making the right choices - the ones that will best fuel my body. There is no taking a vacation from being good to yourself.
I'm not saying become a food NAZI. Just strive to do better. Perfection is overrated. That's my theory, anyway. Who needs the ulcer?
I had a wonderful time in the States. My brother didn't recognize me, which was a total hoot. He came into the family reunion, sat down with his family, and after 20 minutes he turned to his wife and said "Where's Cindy?" She pointed at me at the other end of the table and said "She's right there." My brother was quite embarrassed and I'm sure this will be the stuff of family legend for years to come.
It was a relaxing time. Shopping, catching up with old friends and family. That sort of thing. I bought a size-16 pair of jeans at Old Navy - that's the smallest yet. I took an 18 and 20 into the fitting room, came back out and told Erich "They're both too big." I can't keep up sometimes.
The three of us went to the county fair one day and I rode the 'big' rides they had. It was quite a shock because I haven't been on anything like that for a good 15-20 years. But I wanted to do it because I could fit on them. I ventured onto the last one by myself, even.
At the end of the week, we drove to Niagara Falls, New York for a Bo show at the Seneca Falls Casino. What an amazing show! It was Ericha's first time seeing him and man, it was a good one. She really enjoyed herself. We met with him afterwards and she said to me later "I couldn't talk to him. I felt like I was gonna cry for some reason." I just smiled, nodded and said "Welcome to our world." She had fun hanging with all my Bo friends, too. It was good to share that with her. Bo was his sweet self, telling me I "looked beautiful" and "very healthy." Erich forgot his Bo Bice ballcap at home and jokingly apologized to Bo (who had already complimented his CSI cap...LOL). Bo just grinned and said it was ok, he'd see him again. And he will! LOL! I told him Ericha was my daughter and he said "This is your daughter?" then complimented her pink hair. Actually, everywhere we went all week, she got stopped and complimented on her hair. I love it myself and am thinking of some pink highlights or something. Heh.
After sending Ericha back across the border to her mom, Erich and I headed over to Rochester and the Paris Hilton (NY Division). The next day we traveled to Watkins Glen, NY for yet another Bo concert at a NASCAR event. I'm sure Bo was like a giddy little boy for this venue as he is a huge NASCAR fan. Me, not so much. LOL! Lots of walking for that one, plus standing for the entire show; it would've done me in before. No meet and greet afterwards but I did get a wink and a smile as he went onstage. It was a good weekend with wonderful friends and great music.
Despite being a bit of a food brat over the past week, I managed to lose three pounds. So I'm at 214 - 230 lbs. lost, 20 more to go. It's going too slowly. I'm getting set to work my ass off for these last 20 pounds.
Some pics from my summer vacation - the first one there is me with my mother. As always, click to enlarge.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Keeping the Faith
Erich bought me a camaro for losing half of myself/my one-year, post-op anniversary. I decided to give myself a present and last week, I collected. My friend Randi and I headed to Toronto to see a Bon Jovi/Kid Rock double bill at the Rogers Centre (previously the Skydome).
When the tickets went on sale, I thought the timing was great. A little gift to myself for all my hard work! Plus, Bon Jovi is my favorite band. Kid Rock is a close second. I kept telling people the only thing that would make the show more perfect is if Bo was the third act!
I have a serious history with Bon Jovi, though. The first concert I ever attended was to see them and Cinderella in Huntington, West Virginia back in 1987. It was a general admission show and I missed two days of school: One to stand in line and one to recover from the experience. LOL! My parents were tolerant, bless 'em. That concert made me fall in love with live music and I've been going to all the shows I can every since. I was never a huge JON Bon Jovi fan, though. The band's lead guitarist, Richie Sambora, was my first love. Oh yeah! GUITAR PLAYERS baby! My Bo before Bo, if you will. And lemme tell ya, when he and Bo teamed up for Vehicle, I was in heaven. Heh.
I had been given the ok to intake caffeine again by my surgeon, so before we left town we went to Starbucks for iced coffees. I'd never had one before but it was pretty damn good! I got sugar-free caramel syrup in mine. I recommend it for sure. However, I have perfected the homemade, sugar-free, caffeine-free (if you so desire) iced cappuccino. I'l put the recipe at the bottom of the blog.
There is a lot of walking in Toronto. LOL! Randi and I drove to a mall on the outskirts of town and took the subway downtown to the Rogers Centre because well, you don't really want to be driving in Toronto if you can help it. Think driving in downtown Manhattan. Not a good idea. As we went through the turnstile to get on, I was reminded of the subway back in Washington, D.C. that I'd been on a few years ago and how that turnstile stopped me cold at the time. I was already quite upset (long story) and when I saw that narrow turnstile, I thought 'my god, what if I can't get through that?' I had to turn sideways and get on my tiptoes so it was my thighs going through it and not my midsection. I made it. But this time, I walked through it normally, no need to even turn sideways.
So we got off at Union Station and hoofed it the rest of the way. We were both kinda giggling at how pre-op, this would've been so hard for both of us. We picked up our super-cool tickets (7th row behind the pit, ya'll!) and hoofed it some more so we could eat before the show. We walked all the way to King Street's entertainment district and got some grub at Dunn's Deli then walked back to the venue. Soooo much walking. Absolutely no problem though. That was pretty awesome.
As soon as we got inside, we headed to the merch table. I have never in my life gone to a concert and been able to buy a t-shirt. I did finally get a Bo shirt at the fan club party last month and that one was my first. But as many times as I've seen Bon Jovi (maybe...7 or 8? not sure), I do not own a Bon Jovi tour t-shirt. Or any other band's tour t-shirt. Well, I do now! I told Erich before I left, "I may spend $100. I want both shirts." One for Bon Jovi and one for Kid Rock. He was fine with that. Unlike Bo's $20 shirts, I knew these would be $40 or $50 each. The women's shirts were those ridiculous babydoll-sized ones where the XL is more like a small or medium. So I got a man's XL Bon Jovi and a large Kid Rock. They didn't have an XL Kid Rock shirt and I was a little worried about that but when I tried them both on later at home....well, I should've got the large Bon Jovi! The XL was a bit too big. Crazy, crazy stuff.
I also bought a Bon Jovi program because I have one from each tour of theirs I've attended since that concert in '87. I always bought programs because I couldn't buy wear the shirts. And since I had such a collection already, I bit the bullet and got another one.
When we got to our seats, they were those little folding chairs tied together, the things of my nightmares pre-op. LOL! But we sat down and had no problems. The funny thing is, the guy beside me apologized for crowding me. Can you even imagine? I've had people ask to move rather than sit beside me at a concert. Actually got up, went to the usher and pointed over to me shaking their head. And now someone is feeling badly for crowding me and spilling over into my area. It really makes my head spin. Of course I told him he was fine. And he was - he was more worried about it than the reality of the problem, I think. Which is typical. I was the same way. I mean, he wasn't huge, he was just a big guy. Those seats in venues like that are ridiculous. But even if he was taking up his seat and half of mine I would've just sucked it up.
The concert was FABULOUS!! From the first note of Kid Rock to the last of Bon Jovi, we were both up pretty much all the time. Dancing, singing and carrying on. We had a complete blast. I've never been able to be up like that for that long. And despite the puddle of beer I had to stand in - with my flip-flops - from the first song on, it was a great night. Seriously, the alcohol always finds me. Even when I used to go to bars to hear my friends' bands play, if there was a drink spilled it went all over ME. ME, who doesn't drink. Never failed. Sigh.
Bobby doing what he does best. Seriously. OMG. *fans self* I know every single word to this song - well, to all his songs. I love him. LOL!
Bo has said before that he would like to work with Kid Rock. I really don't know if I could handle that. Too much!! Of course, I did live through Bo and Richie so maybe it'd be ok. LOL!!
I never realize how much I miss seeing Bon Jovi, and Richie in particular, till they hit the stage. Wow. If only had the money to go see them like I do Bo! Amazing. These are videos I took. I was watching for the video police and strayed a couple times during the first one. And you can tell where my heart lies by who I follow with the camera. LOL!
Jon does a fantastic rendition of Hallelujah. I had to get it. Sorry the sound isn't better. It should've been fine.
I didn't get home till almost 2 a.m. but it was worth it. A fine re-birthday present to myself, I think. Thank you, Randi! For EVERYTHING!!
A few pictures I took.
Kid Rock:
Bon Jovi:
Homemade Sugar-Free, Caffeine-Free Iced Cappuccino
2 oz. boiling water
1 tablespoon instant coffee
3 packets of Splenda
8 ice cubes
1/3 cup skim milk
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free chocolate syrup
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free caramel syrup
Mix first three ingredients together to make a syrup and put into a blender. Add ice cubes and blend till slushy. Add milk and blend till frothy.
I used Maxwell House caffeine-free coffee; you can use more if you want a stronger coffee taste, too. This is pretty damn good. I found a recipe online and tweaked it quite a bit till I got this. This suits my tastes pretty well but you can play around with it till you get what you like.
I'm heading home to Ohio for the week and it will be good to see my family. Most I haven't seen since last summer. Then next weekend, before we come back to Ontario, there are two Bo shows to look forward to. A very busy week ahead of me! The good thing is, I know I have the energy now to do it all and more.
When the tickets went on sale, I thought the timing was great. A little gift to myself for all my hard work! Plus, Bon Jovi is my favorite band. Kid Rock is a close second. I kept telling people the only thing that would make the show more perfect is if Bo was the third act!
I have a serious history with Bon Jovi, though. The first concert I ever attended was to see them and Cinderella in Huntington, West Virginia back in 1987. It was a general admission show and I missed two days of school: One to stand in line and one to recover from the experience. LOL! My parents were tolerant, bless 'em. That concert made me fall in love with live music and I've been going to all the shows I can every since. I was never a huge JON Bon Jovi fan, though. The band's lead guitarist, Richie Sambora, was my first love. Oh yeah! GUITAR PLAYERS baby! My Bo before Bo, if you will. And lemme tell ya, when he and Bo teamed up for Vehicle, I was in heaven. Heh.
I had been given the ok to intake caffeine again by my surgeon, so before we left town we went to Starbucks for iced coffees. I'd never had one before but it was pretty damn good! I got sugar-free caramel syrup in mine. I recommend it for sure. However, I have perfected the homemade, sugar-free, caffeine-free (if you so desire) iced cappuccino. I'l put the recipe at the bottom of the blog.
There is a lot of walking in Toronto. LOL! Randi and I drove to a mall on the outskirts of town and took the subway downtown to the Rogers Centre because well, you don't really want to be driving in Toronto if you can help it. Think driving in downtown Manhattan. Not a good idea. As we went through the turnstile to get on, I was reminded of the subway back in Washington, D.C. that I'd been on a few years ago and how that turnstile stopped me cold at the time. I was already quite upset (long story) and when I saw that narrow turnstile, I thought 'my god, what if I can't get through that?' I had to turn sideways and get on my tiptoes so it was my thighs going through it and not my midsection. I made it. But this time, I walked through it normally, no need to even turn sideways.
So we got off at Union Station and hoofed it the rest of the way. We were both kinda giggling at how pre-op, this would've been so hard for both of us. We picked up our super-cool tickets (7th row behind the pit, ya'll!) and hoofed it some more so we could eat before the show. We walked all the way to King Street's entertainment district and got some grub at Dunn's Deli then walked back to the venue. Soooo much walking. Absolutely no problem though. That was pretty awesome.
As soon as we got inside, we headed to the merch table. I have never in my life gone to a concert and been able to buy a t-shirt. I did finally get a Bo shirt at the fan club party last month and that one was my first. But as many times as I've seen Bon Jovi (maybe...7 or 8? not sure), I do not own a Bon Jovi tour t-shirt. Or any other band's tour t-shirt. Well, I do now! I told Erich before I left, "I may spend $100. I want both shirts." One for Bon Jovi and one for Kid Rock. He was fine with that. Unlike Bo's $20 shirts, I knew these would be $40 or $50 each. The women's shirts were those ridiculous babydoll-sized ones where the XL is more like a small or medium. So I got a man's XL Bon Jovi and a large Kid Rock. They didn't have an XL Kid Rock shirt and I was a little worried about that but when I tried them both on later at home....well, I should've got the large Bon Jovi! The XL was a bit too big. Crazy, crazy stuff.
I also bought a Bon Jovi program because I have one from each tour of theirs I've attended since that concert in '87. I always bought programs because I couldn't buy wear the shirts. And since I had such a collection already, I bit the bullet and got another one.
When we got to our seats, they were those little folding chairs tied together, the things of my nightmares pre-op. LOL! But we sat down and had no problems. The funny thing is, the guy beside me apologized for crowding me. Can you even imagine? I've had people ask to move rather than sit beside me at a concert. Actually got up, went to the usher and pointed over to me shaking their head. And now someone is feeling badly for crowding me and spilling over into my area. It really makes my head spin. Of course I told him he was fine. And he was - he was more worried about it than the reality of the problem, I think. Which is typical. I was the same way. I mean, he wasn't huge, he was just a big guy. Those seats in venues like that are ridiculous. But even if he was taking up his seat and half of mine I would've just sucked it up.
The concert was FABULOUS!! From the first note of Kid Rock to the last of Bon Jovi, we were both up pretty much all the time. Dancing, singing and carrying on. We had a complete blast. I've never been able to be up like that for that long. And despite the puddle of beer I had to stand in - with my flip-flops - from the first song on, it was a great night. Seriously, the alcohol always finds me. Even when I used to go to bars to hear my friends' bands play, if there was a drink spilled it went all over ME. ME, who doesn't drink. Never failed. Sigh.
Bobby doing what he does best. Seriously. OMG. *fans self* I know every single word to this song - well, to all his songs. I love him. LOL!
Bo has said before that he would like to work with Kid Rock. I really don't know if I could handle that. Too much!! Of course, I did live through Bo and Richie so maybe it'd be ok. LOL!!
I never realize how much I miss seeing Bon Jovi, and Richie in particular, till they hit the stage. Wow. If only had the money to go see them like I do Bo! Amazing. These are videos I took. I was watching for the video police and strayed a couple times during the first one. And you can tell where my heart lies by who I follow with the camera. LOL!
Jon does a fantastic rendition of Hallelujah. I had to get it. Sorry the sound isn't better. It should've been fine.
I didn't get home till almost 2 a.m. but it was worth it. A fine re-birthday present to myself, I think. Thank you, Randi! For EVERYTHING!!
A few pictures I took.
Kid Rock:
Bon Jovi:
Homemade Sugar-Free, Caffeine-Free Iced Cappuccino
2 oz. boiling water
1 tablespoon instant coffee
3 packets of Splenda
8 ice cubes
1/3 cup skim milk
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free chocolate syrup
1/2 oz. Toriani sugar-free caramel syrup
Mix first three ingredients together to make a syrup and put into a blender. Add ice cubes and blend till slushy. Add milk and blend till frothy.
I used Maxwell House caffeine-free coffee; you can use more if you want a stronger coffee taste, too. This is pretty damn good. I found a recipe online and tweaked it quite a bit till I got this. This suits my tastes pretty well but you can play around with it till you get what you like.
I'm heading home to Ohio for the week and it will be good to see my family. Most I haven't seen since last summer. Then next weekend, before we come back to Ontario, there are two Bo shows to look forward to. A very busy week ahead of me! The good thing is, I know I have the energy now to do it all and more.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Baby but I are, I'm a star
I didn't sleep very well at all last Tuesday night. I was too busy losing weight. By the time I got to Dr. Genaw's office on Wednesday, the whole three pounds I'd gained last week were gone.
I was up three times during the night to go to the freakin' bathroom. I never do that. Ever. I finally got up for good around 6 a.m. and watched the media discuss the implosion that has become Mel Gibson. Two more trips to the bathroom. Seriously, WTF?
Erich and I had our leftover dinner for breakfast then we took a few pictures before checking out of the room.
My favorite shirt used to be a bohemian-looking, very thin pink thingy my mother-in-law made for me. I absolutely love it. I wore it all the time, and happened to have it on for my first visit to Henry Ford back in Feb. 2009. Erich snapped a picture of me on the balcony of our room that day. I brought the shirt back with me when I came for my surgery in July 2009, and we took another pic. And last week, I brought it again. That shirt has been altered a LOT but I still had to gather it in the back and tuck it into my pants so it wouldn't look quite so baggy. Here are the results of 16 months' worth of hard work (click to enlarge):
I think I look much thinner, but about 15 years older. People keep telling me I look younger. OMG, I don't see that at all. All I see are bags, sags and wrinkles that I never had before. But it's ok. I'm healthy, that's what's important.
I was in a celebratory mood leftover from the previous evening. Ole!
Erich and I had some time to kill before my appointment so we drove around a bit and found a couple clothing stores not far from the hospital. One in particular was totally awesome! CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! I think Erich gets a kick out of seeing me shop. I swear, he encourages me. He looks for things for me, follows me around a store with a smile, holding stuff for me. He waits patiently as I try things on. In case I don't say it enough, my husband rocks. I get an armload of stuff and he tells me he just noticed a sign that their debit and credit was down. WHAT?!?!?! OMG! I almost started to cry. We don't carry much cash, either when we're home or in the States. DAMN! We bought what little we could and left.
When I checked in at Dr. Genaw's office, the lady who pulled up my file must've been able to see my before weight. She gasped. "Oh! You've done well, haven't you?" I told her yes, and showed her my before picture. She, and a guy sitting beside her, were very nice and congratulatory. They kept 'wow-ing' and giving me a thumbs up. It's nice to hear.
Again, Erich and I sat in the waiting room till we saw someone stumbling over a name. A young man came to the entrance with a file, looked at it with a puzzled expression then started to leave...then came back...then left again. "We're up," I told Erich, who laughed. The kid came back and said "Cynthia..." I stood up and said "Schiketantz." Really. No one even needs to say our name anymore. LOL!
I stepped on the scale and BOOM...219. So odd. I don't know what that three pounds was about and why I lost it all in one night of peeing my brains out, but I'll take it. Does stress bring on water weight gain? Maybe. I sure was freaked out by that speech. I guess when it was all over, the stress left me. By Friday, another pound had come off so I'm now at 218.
Dr. Genaw came in and looked over my blood tests. Everything was normal. Still no diabetes or anything. He asked me a bunch of questions about my health, what I was eating, and how I planned to keep the weight off. I told him I was gonna keep on doing what I'm doing. I can't imagine going through all this only to gain it back. However, I'm sure everyone who's gained it back has also said that to themselves at one time. I'm not about to get cocky. I know what a hold food has over me; it will have me forever and my hope is that I can keep it at bay MOST of the time. It's a constant battle, one I can't ever let myself think I've totally won. Dr. Genaw told me the failure rate is 1/3. So 1/3 of people gain it back after surgery. So really, the odds are with me. LOL! A majority are successful. I plan to be in that group.
He told me he couldn't believe I ever weighed 444 pounds. I said "Oh, I did. I have the picture to prove it." He shook his head at that photograph. I also showed him the tattoo on my back and explained the hearts, how there's one for every 50 pounds. He seemed so impressed with me and it makes me want to keep succeeding. Before he left, he told me "You're fantastic. You're a star. Keep it up." It's good to hear that. I thanked him again, for everything.
In the lobby of the hospital, we passed an ATM and Erich stopped to get cash so we could go back to that clothing store and get the stuff we had to put back. "My star needs clothes," he said. Have I mentioned that my husband rocks? After we got all the stuff I wanted, he led me across the street to another clothing store. Then asked if I wanted to go to a shoe store a few doors down. I kissed him and declined. "We've spent enough money," I said. "Let's go home." I'm telling you, he encourages me.
Did I mention my husband rocks?
Oh, and did I mention the freakin' CAMARO he bought for me?
I saw it on one of my wogs (walk/jogs) and fell in love at first sight. Three days later, I came home from work and it was in my parking spot. I couldn't believe he bought it for me! He said I deserved a reward for losing, literally, half of myself. The first thing I did when I started to get into the car was pull the seat all the way back. It looked pretty small in there. Erich said "It's already all the way back." I was like "Oh. Well...we'll see." I could feel him rolling his eyes. "Get in the car," he said. LOL! Of course I had tons of room between me and the steering wheel. My brain isn't caught up yet. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will be!
Speaking of wogs. Man, I don't know about jogging. I can do sprints ok but whenever I try to really train and increase my time, my knees just tear me up. I should be grateful that I'm able to be as mobile as I am and just do what I can do, I guess. I damn near ruined my body for 40 years. There still isn't any cartilage there! It sure feels a lot better than it did but maybe I won't ever be able to run the way I want to. If I can't, then that's ok. I can live with it.
Tomorrow night, I'm going to see Bon Jovi and Kid Rock (yes, together!) in Toronto with my girl Randi! Randi is having one helluva summer herself and well, we are awesomeness. She's lost 100 pounds and I've lost over 200. We totally rock, ya'll. LOL! We're gonna sit in those little seats just 'cause we can, but mostly we'll be dancing and head-bangin' ourselves silly. No pain. No stress. No self-consciousness. I can't wait!
By the way, this blog's title comes from a Prince song. It popped into my head when Dr. Genaw called me a star. LOL! Here it is, in case you're not familiar. I've added it to my cardio tunage.
I was up three times during the night to go to the freakin' bathroom. I never do that. Ever. I finally got up for good around 6 a.m. and watched the media discuss the implosion that has become Mel Gibson. Two more trips to the bathroom. Seriously, WTF?
Erich and I had our leftover dinner for breakfast then we took a few pictures before checking out of the room.
My favorite shirt used to be a bohemian-looking, very thin pink thingy my mother-in-law made for me. I absolutely love it. I wore it all the time, and happened to have it on for my first visit to Henry Ford back in Feb. 2009. Erich snapped a picture of me on the balcony of our room that day. I brought the shirt back with me when I came for my surgery in July 2009, and we took another pic. And last week, I brought it again. That shirt has been altered a LOT but I still had to gather it in the back and tuck it into my pants so it wouldn't look quite so baggy. Here are the results of 16 months' worth of hard work (click to enlarge):
I think I look much thinner, but about 15 years older. People keep telling me I look younger. OMG, I don't see that at all. All I see are bags, sags and wrinkles that I never had before. But it's ok. I'm healthy, that's what's important.
I was in a celebratory mood leftover from the previous evening. Ole!
Erich and I had some time to kill before my appointment so we drove around a bit and found a couple clothing stores not far from the hospital. One in particular was totally awesome! CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! I think Erich gets a kick out of seeing me shop. I swear, he encourages me. He looks for things for me, follows me around a store with a smile, holding stuff for me. He waits patiently as I try things on. In case I don't say it enough, my husband rocks. I get an armload of stuff and he tells me he just noticed a sign that their debit and credit was down. WHAT?!?!?! OMG! I almost started to cry. We don't carry much cash, either when we're home or in the States. DAMN! We bought what little we could and left.
When I checked in at Dr. Genaw's office, the lady who pulled up my file must've been able to see my before weight. She gasped. "Oh! You've done well, haven't you?" I told her yes, and showed her my before picture. She, and a guy sitting beside her, were very nice and congratulatory. They kept 'wow-ing' and giving me a thumbs up. It's nice to hear.
Again, Erich and I sat in the waiting room till we saw someone stumbling over a name. A young man came to the entrance with a file, looked at it with a puzzled expression then started to leave...then came back...then left again. "We're up," I told Erich, who laughed. The kid came back and said "Cynthia..." I stood up and said "Schiketantz." Really. No one even needs to say our name anymore. LOL!
I stepped on the scale and BOOM...219. So odd. I don't know what that three pounds was about and why I lost it all in one night of peeing my brains out, but I'll take it. Does stress bring on water weight gain? Maybe. I sure was freaked out by that speech. I guess when it was all over, the stress left me. By Friday, another pound had come off so I'm now at 218.
Dr. Genaw came in and looked over my blood tests. Everything was normal. Still no diabetes or anything. He asked me a bunch of questions about my health, what I was eating, and how I planned to keep the weight off. I told him I was gonna keep on doing what I'm doing. I can't imagine going through all this only to gain it back. However, I'm sure everyone who's gained it back has also said that to themselves at one time. I'm not about to get cocky. I know what a hold food has over me; it will have me forever and my hope is that I can keep it at bay MOST of the time. It's a constant battle, one I can't ever let myself think I've totally won. Dr. Genaw told me the failure rate is 1/3. So 1/3 of people gain it back after surgery. So really, the odds are with me. LOL! A majority are successful. I plan to be in that group.
He told me he couldn't believe I ever weighed 444 pounds. I said "Oh, I did. I have the picture to prove it." He shook his head at that photograph. I also showed him the tattoo on my back and explained the hearts, how there's one for every 50 pounds. He seemed so impressed with me and it makes me want to keep succeeding. Before he left, he told me "You're fantastic. You're a star. Keep it up." It's good to hear that. I thanked him again, for everything.
In the lobby of the hospital, we passed an ATM and Erich stopped to get cash so we could go back to that clothing store and get the stuff we had to put back. "My star needs clothes," he said. Have I mentioned that my husband rocks? After we got all the stuff I wanted, he led me across the street to another clothing store. Then asked if I wanted to go to a shoe store a few doors down. I kissed him and declined. "We've spent enough money," I said. "Let's go home." I'm telling you, he encourages me.
Did I mention my husband rocks?
Oh, and did I mention the freakin' CAMARO he bought for me?
I saw it on one of my wogs (walk/jogs) and fell in love at first sight. Three days later, I came home from work and it was in my parking spot. I couldn't believe he bought it for me! He said I deserved a reward for losing, literally, half of myself. The first thing I did when I started to get into the car was pull the seat all the way back. It looked pretty small in there. Erich said "It's already all the way back." I was like "Oh. Well...we'll see." I could feel him rolling his eyes. "Get in the car," he said. LOL! Of course I had tons of room between me and the steering wheel. My brain isn't caught up yet. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will be!
Speaking of wogs. Man, I don't know about jogging. I can do sprints ok but whenever I try to really train and increase my time, my knees just tear me up. I should be grateful that I'm able to be as mobile as I am and just do what I can do, I guess. I damn near ruined my body for 40 years. There still isn't any cartilage there! It sure feels a lot better than it did but maybe I won't ever be able to run the way I want to. If I can't, then that's ok. I can live with it.
Tomorrow night, I'm going to see Bon Jovi and Kid Rock (yes, together!) in Toronto with my girl Randi! Randi is having one helluva summer herself and well, we are awesomeness. She's lost 100 pounds and I've lost over 200. We totally rock, ya'll. LOL! We're gonna sit in those little seats just 'cause we can, but mostly we'll be dancing and head-bangin' ourselves silly. No pain. No stress. No self-consciousness. I can't wait!
By the way, this blog's title comes from a Prince song. It popped into my head when Dr. Genaw called me a star. LOL! Here it is, in case you're not familiar. I've added it to my cardio tunage.
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