I'm starting to get into a WTF mood on this journey. First of all, I'm queasy a lot of the time. I have no idea why but I really hope it passes soon. I emailed the nutritionist at Henry Ford about this and she said that might be a symptom of dumping. No. I am not dumping. I'M NOT EATING ANYTHING. So I can't be dumping. Plus there are no other symptoms except nausea. *sigh*
I'm still trying to experiment with one new food daily. I'm scared to death to eat much of anything new, though, because I don't want the nausea to get worse and I really am terrified of dumping.
The water is such a challenge for me. I have always drank a lot of liquids. I always have been a big water drinker. But I'm used to being able to quench my thirst. I'm thirsty now most of the time because I'd love to down a great big glass of water but I can't do that. One or two ounces at a time only. That's not enough. I've made the mistake of drinking too much at one time and it produces and funny, full, odd feeling. I'm not getting in enough liquids but it feels like I'm sipping the damn one or two ounces at a time all freakin' day long - except 30 mins. before and after meals, which is very hard. It doesn't matter if I'm thirsty, doesn't matter if I want a drink with meals - I can't have it when I want it. I have to be on this schedule. It's starting to piss me off.
I'm so tired of walking I could scream. Walk, walk, walk. GAH!! It's so boring. Yes, I listen to music while I walk. Yes, I vary my route. Still boring. I can't wait till I'm allowed to get back in the pool. Holy crap.
I lost 7 lbs. this week. Really? That's it? I guess I'm expecting more. Again, I'M NOT EATING ANYTHING. And walking to the moon and back. Seven lbs.?? Not good enough. Seven lbs. pre-op was awesome; seven lbs. now, to me, is a disappointment.
I had the first feelings over the past several days thinking maybe I made a mistake doing this. I think a lot of gastric bypass patients feel that way at some point in the process but I dunno...I'm just in a bad place right now I guess. Maybe it's the fabled, temporary post-op depression setting in. I really am trying to remain positive but it's a tough battle some days.
I've found a gastric bypass support group here in Kitchener-Waterloo and will go to my first meeting tomorrow. I think it's probably good timing.
Erich and I are going to see the new horror movie 'Orphan' this afternoon. I'm hoping that'll cheer me up! I love, love scary movies. It'll take my mind off things for a couple hours. I know things will get better; I'm stronger than I think I am.
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I love your mantra. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteBig ole hugs to you, Cindy.
ReplyDeleteSending you lost of love and hugs and kisses...I can just imagine what you must be going through...and I feel for you! (((((Cindy))))) ;)
ReplyDeleteI've known a few people who have gone thru this process Cindi, and I don't think what your feeling is unusual. Go to the support group. I think you'll feel better. Bouncing back to normal is the hard part. Hang in there, it will get easier!
ReplyDeletelol that a horror movie will cheer you up!
ReplyDeleteYou've come such a long way, I'm sure this is just a temporary setback. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, is it? Best of luck to you.
I think if you didn't have the exact feelings you're describing it would not be normal. It's a huge and scary thing you just went through. Just hang in and take each day at a time. It has to get better, but it's gonna take it's own sweet time about it. 7 lbs is fantastic, it's just that you were losing so much before. You are stronger than you think.
ReplyDeleteJust another thought. You know how you said you've lost weight before and always gain it back, that's why you did this? Well maybe this is the point when you would have said "Fuck This" and started eating/gaining. This time you can't do that. That was the purpose of having the operation. So it's working. It's just going to take some time to be comfortable with everything.
ReplyDeleteWell, I know you are WAY stronger than me. Hope you are feeling better and that you get to a better place fast.
ReplyDeleteHugs...
GenCi
I've found a gastric bypass support group here in Kitchener-Waterloo and will go to my first meeting tomorrow. I think it's probably good timing.
ReplyDeleteplease please post where these meetings are. I just had my first set of appts . and need to find some ppl to talk to . thanks michele Z